Do NOT repeat my mistakes-learn from me!

[Eagle6771]

Hi everyone!
I am new to this forum. I just want to tell you that you can have a better life all in all by learning from my mistakes. I have a girl friend and we've been together for 6 years-now, that's a looooong term relationship. To tell you in short, I have come to be a guy who struggles with porn, lust, sinful thoughts and indecency all because I started my relationship too early (I was 16 1/2). I wanted to marry her and still do. But thinking of all that she has done to me, whether knowingly or unkowingly (believe me there is no difference when it happens to you), I find the concept of a successful marriage very hard to bear. We are now at the verge of separation ... I feel tortured emotionally and tantalized by sex ... My life scale has slid down the drain like an avalanche destroying everything in a flash ... I have to worry about accountability when in fact I have no strength to be ... I got myself involved in somebody's life and now it's all messed up ---- all because I started too early with a girl who was not as prepared as I was. I wish I knew about all the things I would lose ... I would have kept my boat at bay ... Learn from me. Wait until the right time (about mid or early twenties) and start it, knowing marriage is right around the corner.

I will say more depending on your requests ... LEARN FROM ME!


Hope this helps at least a soul,


dawith

 

[plum]

it's hard to say no to a relationship at a young age. it works for some, but most of the time (in my observation and life) those relationships fail somwhere down the line.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Hi everyone!
I am new to this forum. I just want to tell you that you can have a better life all in all by learning from my mistakes. I have a girl friend and we've been together for 6 years-now, that's a looooong term relationship. To tell you in short, I have come to be a guy who struggles with porn, lust, sinful thoughts and indecency all because I started my relationship too early (I was 16 1/2). I wanted to marry her and still do. But thinking of all that she has done to me, whether knowingly or unkowingly (believe me there is no difference when it happens to you), I find the concept of a successful marriage very hard to bear. We are now at the verge of separation ... I feel tortured emotionally and tantalized by sex ... My life scale has slid down the drain like an avalanche destroying everything in a flash ... I have to worry about accountability when in fact I have no strength to be ... I got myself involved in somebody's life and now it's all messed up ---- all because I started too early with a girl who was not as prepared as I was. I wish I knew about all the things I would lose ... I would have kept my boat at bay ... Learn from me. Wait until the right time (about mid or early twenties) and start it, knowing marriage is right around the corner.

I will say more depending on your requests ... LEARN FROM ME!


Hope this helps at least a soul,


dawith

People can struggle with porn and lust without being in a relationship. You can receive forgiveness for whatever has gone on in the past, but you'll still need to deal with the addiction (if that's what it is). Going too far or having sex before marriage does not have to ruin your chance for a successful marriage. It's not God's plan, but put it in the past.

 

[hannie]

Well you said that you want to marry her and been with her for 6 years maybe the answer is to get married!! I think anyone who has been together for 6 years would be tormented by sex. My bf and I are and we've only been together for 2 years!I think you come to a point naterally in the relationship where its the next step in your expression of the love that you feel for a person

 

[Hediru]

Well you said that you want to marry her and been with her for 6 years maybe the answer is to get married!! I think anyone who has been together for 6 years would be tormented by sex. My bf and I are and we've only been together for 2 years!I think you come to a point naterally in the relationship where its the next step in your expression of the love that you feel for a person

I agree with you, to an extent. My bf and I have been together for almost 5 years, and we don't really struggle with the sex as much as some people think we would. We know that we are committed to waiting and showing other expressions of love to each other in the meantime.

In regards to the OP, that sounds terrible! I will pray for you and this girl that you seem to care so deeply about. I'm not sure age had as much to do with things as the level of commitment. I had just turned 19 when my bf and I started dating (literally. our first date was on my birthday!), and we were committed to making things work from the very beginning. If either of us were not committed, there's no way it could have worked. If I could be committed at 19, then I don't see how a mature 16 year old could not be as committed, unless it was his/her choice not to be. (Does that make any sense? It's late here and I'm groggy.)

 

[...butterfly...]

Well while I can learn from your experiances I think that everyone is different. My fiance and I started dating when he was 15 and I was 16 and we have been together for almost 4 yrs now...and we're doing just fine.

I'll keep you and your other half in my prayers

 

[...butterfly...]

while we have struggled with sex in the past, it is something that God has helped us put behind us and repent from. We have become stronger than the things that make us sinful with the assistance of God.

 

[-Kyriaki-]

It's not necessarily a problem - Troy and I have been together since I was only just 15 and we've had no issues, or none of the kind you're mentioning. We're hoping to be engaged&married soon so it won't be a 6 year LTR but it's been 3.5 and that's long enough.

I can see how what you've said can be true though.

 

[joelkaziro]

Hi everyone!
I am new to this forum. I just want to tell you that you can have a better life all in all by learning from my mistakes. I have a girl friend and we've been together for 6 years-now, that's a looooong term relationship. To tell you in short, I have come to be a guy who struggles with porn, lust, sinful thoughts and indecency all because I started my relationship too early (I was 16 1/2). I wanted to marry her and still do. But thinking of all that she has done to me, whether knowingly or unkowingly (believe me there is no difference when it happens to you), I find the concept of a successful marriage very hard to bear. We are now at the verge of separation ... I feel tortured emotionally and tantalized by sex ... My life scale has slid down the drain like an avalanche destroying everything in a flash ... I have to worry about accountability when in fact I have no strength to be ... I got myself involved in somebody's life and now it's all messed up ---- all because I started too early with a girl who was not as prepared as I was. I wish I knew about all the things I would lose ... I would have kept my boat at bay ... Learn from me. Wait until the right time (about mid or early twenties) and start it, knowing marriage is right around the corner.

I will say more depending on your requests ... LEARN FROM ME!


Hope this helps at least a soul,


dawith

I think you are very right for saying don't get involved too early but all Christians are different. I too have and am still having a struggle with pornography, lust and the like - I think every Christian male I speak to on a deep level has or is having a problem with it - we just need strength to keep resisting the devil's temptations day by day (James 4:7). However, in terms of your relationship with your girl - I don't know what you may have done but it sounds like you've backslided into sexual immorality and that's a struggle too; just be glad you have the strength to voice your sufferings. Me and my girlfriend talk about how far we go in our sexual dealings and have set a very stern line which we have both adhered to quite well (of course there are times when impulses are stronger than usual so greater discipline is needed) but we get each other through it by communication.

My advice is talk to your girlfriend - seek counselling - no one ever said relationships, especially those you are thinking of investing your life into, were going to be easy.

Talk to your girlfriend on a very personal and deep level - express how you feel, where you see your relationship going, your concerns and vice versa, let her express how she feels to you.

Then pray that God will grant you wisdom and guidance over your relationship - throw God into the mix, in fact just make him the centre of your relationship - he's the One that shall give us wisdom

I hope this helps. In fact, by posting this reply - all temptations I've had today seem to have faded, praise God.

 

[joelkaziro]

But the devil continues to come and tempt those who have abstained from him because he wants what you hold so dearly to your heart, your love for God. He wants to break that...and take that love and incinerate and incarcerate it.

 

[joelkaziro]

It's april now right...on 15th December 2006 i gave up pornography, masturbation and the like and the devil came and found me many times but I did not let him drag me away, I submitted to God: wrote letters to him, cried inside, talked to my pastors/friends/confidants.

It's 4 months down the line, and I'm still sticking to that vow that I promised him and I will continue to do so.

As for my relationship, yeah we've struggled with sexual adventures. The line that me and Sarah set was amongst sexual activity but after one night when we crossed it (we didn't have sex but there was promiscuous activity) - we talked about how we do like each others bodies but that It would be wrong of us to continue the way it is so we said we had two choices: 1.) Either give up our relationship because it was too hard or 2.) Fight for it, set a new line (which is now kissing only) and repent.

I opted for number 2 because Sarah's worth fighting for. That was 5 weeks ago and things between us are good. We've repented. God has forgiven me because that stinging guilt has gone and I finally have his peace in my heart, I have peace in my relationship. Of course should our shortcomings occur again, we may be forced to part because being together causes us to sin but I pray that day does not come. Should it come however, I shall do what God wants me to do. After all, if your right eye sins, cut it out.

Yes, we still struggle but don't let the devil destroy your will to do what is right in the eyes of God. If you have a problem, repent by not only asking for forgiveness but striving harder and harder not to fall into the snare that the devil sets for you.

 

[pebblesflintstone]

Hi everyone!
I am new to this forum. I just want to tell you that you can have a better life all in all by learning from my mistakes. I have a girl friend and we've been together for 6 years-now, that's a looooong term relationship. To tell you in short, I have come to be a guy who struggles with porn, lust, sinful thoughts and indecency all because I started my relationship too early (I was 16 1/2). I wanted to marry her and still do. But thinking of all that she has done to me, whether knowingly or unkowingly (believe me there is no difference when it happens to you), I find the concept of a successful marriage very hard to bear. We are now at the verge of separation ... I feel tortured emotionally and tantalized by sex ... My life scale has slid down the drain like an avalanche destroying everything in a flash ... I have to worry about accountability when in fact I have no strength to be ... I got myself involved in somebody's life and now it's all messed up ---- all because I started too early with a girl who was not as prepared as I was. I wish I knew about all the things I would lose ... I would have kept my boat at bay ... Learn from me. Wait until the right time (about mid or early twenties) and start it, knowing marriage is right around the corner.

I will say more depending on your requests ... LEARN FROM ME!


Hope this helps at least a soul,


dawith

First getting into a relationship you need to make sure the man upstairs approves and that you are mature to make it work.. it takes effort, now I think you need to take three steps backwards and see where everything has lead you, run to God, like the prodigal son, he will ALWAYS take you back no matter the massive amounts of sins, I challenged you also to learn from yourself and begin your change, as long as you have breath in you forgiveness of sins is possible and restoration as well....dont give up!.. i suggest you read the book of proverbs!!
Lord bless you and keep you!
Shalom!

 

[Hediru]

After re-reading this thread, I realize that I was not completely honest in my last post. My bf and I had been struggling with a seemingly harmless act that was not healthy. Because we only lived a block away from each other at the time and we both lived alone, there were several times that we spent the night together. There was nothing sexual about it. We just enjoyed the feeling of falling asleep in each other's arms. We both knew that it was wrong and made several promises not to do it again, but we'd watch a movie together at my place, and it'd be late, and neither one of us wanted him to leave, and he didn't. I admit that it happened less often because he was the stronger one and managed to convince me to let him go home.
But all that has changed now. We both have moved to a new city, and he lives farther away with relatives while I still have my own place. Therefore we're not out together as late and the temptation has weakened significantly. I am proud to say that we have not spent the night together since the move - almost 7 months now. And while we still want to spend the night, we are able to say no easier. Our line is stricter than it ever was before, and yet we're happier than we ever were!

Rule we live by for determining how far is too far: if our future children found out, would we be ashamed? Or if our parents found out, would they be disappointed? These questions have stopped us many times.

 

[joelkaziro]

That's a line that I've often found very very tricky - sleeping together 'non sexually'. See the way you make it sound, simply falling asleep with each other, as if it just happened, sounds quite innocent to me. The reason I find it tricky is because there's a lot of stigma attached to the word 'sleeping together'. Now if I was with someone and we fell 'asleep' together, there'd be more than just sleep going on that night, so i get a kick up the backside by the Holy Spirit deterring me from doing so.

For me, I'd have to say no. But it's an interesting one, if I knew that nothing sexual would happen, then I'd be cool with it because I could and have 'slept' with alot of my girlfriends (girls, who are my friends) in the past and it's just literally been a case of 'falling asleep'.