Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers

[newbeliever02072005]

Hello Everyone,

I was reading a devotion and it took me to the scriptures:

2Corinthians 6:14-18, 7:1
This is a NIV bible I read from:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughers, says the Lord Almighty." Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
​

I think I need to have someone help me understand this. Why would a believer not be allowed to be yolked with an unbeliever? I thought that the Greatest Commandment was this:

Mark 12:30,31: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second is this: "Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."
​

Now, am I supposed to assume by this commandment that "Love your neighbor" would include unbelievers? If that is the case, how would it be possible to love them? Witness to them? Be an example to them? when we are not to be "yolked with unbelievers" as stated in 2Cor???? Just seems like a contradiction to me. Somehow though, I am missing something important in the translation and was hoping that someone could straighten me out.


Thank you for your help and God Bless!,

newbeliever

 

[Tavita]

Hi newbeliever,

Being unequally yoked doesn't mean you can't love family and friends and hang around with them. It means deciding to 'join' yourself to someone who isn't a believer, whether it be in marriage or business, or any other endeavour of life where moral or religious values can clash.

In marriage it can mean not ever being able to truly share your faith with your spouse. You may be able to share to a certain extent but you can't share the Lord deeply with them, and it does have an impact your own spiritual life. You will always feel a separation because one part of your life is closed to them. I know this from first hand experience. I married a non-believer once and in all areas of life we clashed and I could not fully share Jesus with him. Being joined to a non-believer we may find ourselves compromising the gospel to be able to live in peace. God knows that we can't live this way and He tells us not to be joined or unequally yoked for our own benefit as well as for the glory of His name.

His will is for two people to be walking towards Him in the same direction, with the same purpose, and the same mind, whether in marriage or business or whatever, so that He receives the glory and praise due to His Name. And in marriage it becomes the reflection of His relationship with the Church.

(1Co 12:25) so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.

(Phi 2:2) make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I agree with Tavita. It means not to be joined with them. I married just before I accepted Christ and I'm now unequally yoked. I love my husband but being in such a situation is not what God wants. Our relationship with God should be number one in our lives...and it's hard to keep it as such and keep faith growing when joined with someone that doesn't care what God wants and fleeing sin. As Tavita quite rightly says...you can end up compromising to avoid problems. Then there's the issue of not being able to share your faith with them. It's hard not being able to share my relationship with God with my spouse.

So it's not about unbelievers in general. By all means love them, spend time with them, witness to them, set an example to them....but don't be joined to them.

 

[mannysee]

Hi Newbeliever,

Being 'yoked' together implies being joined closely together for the purpose of some type of physical labour or work. You could picture it like being harnessed together. Have a look at the 2 things being mentioned in that scripture that are pictured as being yoked together:-
1. righteousness yoked together with wickedness
2. light yoked together with darkness
3. Christ yoked together with Belial (foolishness)
4. a believer yoked together with an unbeliever
5. the temple of God yoked together with idols

not only would they oppose each other, but they would tend to want to move/pull in opposite directions.

 

[newbeliever02072005]

Hi newbeliever,

His will is for two people to be walking towards Him in the same direction, with the same purpose, and the same mind, whether in marriage or business or whatever, so that He receives the glory and praise due to His Name. And in marriage it becomes the reflection of His relationship with the Church.

(1Co 12:25) so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.

(Phi 2:2) make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

So, if my husband is a non-believer then I should divorce him? If we are to put God first and follow what he wants for us....thats the impression I am getting. I love my husband and he is very supportative of my walk with the Lord. He has his views and I have mine. We mutually respect each other. I would love for him to become a believer by all means, but I truly can't force it down him. Only God can call someone to him. Do I sit back and wait and hope for the best that he is called or do I continue on without him?

newbeliever

 

[Abner Cadaver]

This is one of the reasons I follow the words of Jesus and ignore the Epistles. I've been married to an agnostic for twenty years, and very happily. Personally I don't think he (the writer) knew what he was talking about.

 

[LiberatedChick]

So, if my husband is a non-believer then I should divorce him?

Nope.

If we are to put God first and follow what he wants for us....thats the impression I am getting. I love my husband and he is very supportative of my walk with the Lord. He has his views and I have mine. We mutually respect each other. I would love for him to become a believer by all means, but I truly can't force it down him. Only God can call someone to him. Do I sit back and wait and hope for the best that he is called or do I continue on without him?

newbeliever

You're right that we should put God first. However an unbelieving spouse is not a reason for divorce. As these verses say...

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

The verse on not being unequally yoked that you quoted in the OP is basically saying that if you're not unequally yoked already then don't put yourself in that situation. The above verses speak to those already in an unequally yoked relationship...basically if you're already in that situation then so long as your spouse wants to be with you then you should stay with them.

My husband is also supportive and I love him though you're right in saying that we can't force our beliefs upon our spouses. In my experience, pushing Christianity on someone usually pushes them away. Also it's not fair to marry someone and then try to change them into someone else. So I try to set an example and let my actions speak louder than words.

 

[SumTinWong]

So, if my husband is a non-believer then I should divorce him?

No.

If we are to put God first and follow what he wants for us....thats the impression I am getting. I love my husband and he is very supportative of my walk with the Lord. He has his views and I have mine. We mutually respect each other. I would love for him to become a believer by all means, but I truly can't force it down him. Only God can call someone to him.

Sounds like my marriage

Do I sit back and wait and hope for the best that he is called or do I continue on without him?

Stay and pray, there is no other way. If he was abusive or whatever, that is another story. Just be the best you, you can be and pray that he sees the light.

Imagine what kind of a view he would have on our beliefs if you walked away because of them? Fat chance he would join up andif he did it would probably be for the wrong reason.

I lived with my wife seven years before we got married. I became a Christian and thought we had better make it official. My wife was then and still is not a Christian, but she goes to church with me and is learning. Had I walked away, she may never have gotten this far.

Just my two cents...

 

[Tavita]

I thought I would wait and see if you asked about this newbeliever. These are very ligitimate thoughts you're having, and all of us go through it at some stage. The apostle Paul addresses this issue in Corinthians..

(1Co 7:13) And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.

(1Co 7:14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.

(1Co 7:15) Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

(1Co 7:16) For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

(1Co 7:17) Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches.


In regard to marriage, if you find yourself in this situation when you're saved then God requires that you remain in that situation. It would be good to study that passage of Corinthians. It all comes down to heart attitude. To decide to marry someone when a christian is different to becoming a christian after marriage. He knows what's happened and will give you the faith to believe for your husband's salvation as the above verses show. Your husband is also sanctified because you became a christian after the fact, and are in covenant together already. I'm not going to say it'll be easy for you, in fact it could become hard at times, but it's great and a good start that you both respect and value each others views and opinions.

So, newbeliever, be happy and content that it's God's will for you to remain married to the man you love.

Blessings

 

[newbeliever02072005]

In regard to marriage, if you find yourself in this situation when you're saved then God requires that you remain in that situation. It would be good to study that passage of Corinthians. It all comes down to heart attitude. To decide to marry someone when a christian is different to becoming a christian after marriage. He knows what's happened and will give you the faith to believe for your husband's salvation as the above verses show. Your husband is also sanctified because you became a christian after the fact, and are in covenant together already.

You said that my husband is also sanctified because I became a christian after the fact......What exactly does that mean?

Thanks - God Bless!

 

[WashedClean]

You said that my husband is also sanctified because I became a christian after the fact......What exactly does that mean?

Thanks - God Bless!

I know this was directed at Tavita, but I would like to give you my interpretation if you will allow me .

I'm also unequally yoked. In fact, I sent you a PM a few weeks ago inviting you to the unequally yoked forum here at CF. Here's the link: http://www.christianforums.com/f239-unequally-yoked.html

Maybe you thought I was a stalker. I realize now that you probably didn't know what I was talking about.

Anyway, as a new Christian, there are two words that you should know. One is justification and the other is sanctification. The moment we become born-again through our faith in Christ, we are justified before God. Our sin debt is paid in full--past, present and future. Sanctification is a process where God sets us apart and purifies us gradually, molding us to be more and more like His son. This is a lifelong process and everyone is at a different stage in their walk with Christ.

When the Bible says the unbelieving spouse is sanctified, I believe it has multiple meanings. First of all, your husband is going to benefit from being married to a child of God. The Holy Spirit is living inside you and you will bear fruit. Love is one of those fruits and your husband will be affected by you. I also think it means we can glorify God in our marriages. God sees us as one flesh, so he approves of your marriage, even if your husband isn't saved. He blesses us as if we were in a Christian marriage!

Hope this helps. Please visit us at the Unequally Yoked board. We would love to pray for you.

Love,

WashedClean

 

[lingjanet]

So, if my husband is a non-believer then I should divorce him?
If we are to put God first and follow what he wants for us....thats the impression I am getting. I love my husband and he is very supportative of my walk with the Lord. He has his views and I have mine. We mutually respect each other. I would love for him to become a believer by all means, but I truly can't force it down him. Only God can call someone to him. Do I sit back and wait and hope for the best that he is called or do I continue on without him?

newbeliever

nop you shouldn't divorce him. unless he is not suppotive or understanding for what you have done in god work.

from the view of myself. there is nothing wrong if we choose to walk with unbeliever. God doesn't allow us to do so and it just for the reason that we might run away from god due to unaccepted of Jesus Christ from our the other half.

as long as your the other half are suspotive and didn't disallowed you to believe god is your savior, sure there is nothing wrong for both of you to get together.

as long as your faith are continue growing. But remember put god first.

one things that i could believe is, from your attitude each day in christ will one day make your the other half curious about christ and he/she will automatically will like to know about christ.
no point that we force our spouse to follow christ if they don't want. Even they follow you to church every sunday but how about thier heart? the body is with you in church but where is thiers heart?

can some one tell me am i right according to bibile? this is just my own opinian and i hope some one can tell me am i right or wrong?

 

[WashedClean]

one things that i could believe is, from your attitude each day in christ will one day make your the other half curious about christ and he/she will automatically will like to know about christ.
no point that we force our spouse to follow christ if they don't want. Even they follow you to church every sunday but how about thier heart? the body is with you in church but where is thiers heart?

can some one tell me am i right according to bibile? this is just my own opinian and i hope some one can tell me am i right or wrong?

Yes, you are correct lingjanet, if I'm understanding you correctly. The Bible says one of the reasons we are not to leave our unbelieving spouse is because they may be won over to Christ by our conduct, attitude, behavior, etc. In fact, it says they may be won over without a word! Boy, that's tough lesson to learn and I'm finally understanding it. I'm very talkative and like to communicate. I don't hold back my feelings or opinions, so this has been hard for me. But there is no way to force Christ down our spouses throats. And thankfully, we are not responsible for their salvation. We really need to pray that God changes us, not our spouse. Another hard lesson!

 

[newbeliever02072005]

Yes, you are correct lingjanet, if I'm understanding you correctly. The Bible says one of the reasons we are not to leave our unbelieving spouse is because they may be won over to Christ by our conduct, attitude, behavior, etc. In fact, it says they may be won over without a word! Boy, that's tough lesson to learn and I'm finally understanding it. I'm very talkative and like to communicate. I don't hold back my feelings or opinions, so this has been hard for me. But there is no way to force Christ down our spouses throats. And thankfully, we are not responsible for their salvation. We really need to pray that God changes us, not our spouse. Another hard lesson!

WC - When you are discussing things with your husband about the scriptures and God how do you keep from not letting his opinions seep into your thoughts and break down your faith? I am always anxious and excited about talking about what i read in the bible that I want to discuss it with someone. My husband is the closest one that I can do that with. He doesn't mind listening to me and hearing what I have to say. When he interjects his theories I know right away that it is wrong and it ends with me being frustrated. I try hard not to show that to him, but I know he can sense it at times. I can see where it is important to enter into a marriage together as christians. It would be so much easier.

[/QUOTE=lingjanet] as long as your the other half are suspotive and didn't disallowed you to believe god is your savior, sure there is nothing wrong for both of you to get together.

as long as your faith are continue growing. But remember put god first.



ling - This is where I worry.....how can i be growing fully if he is not a christian and performing the role as the spirtual leader in the home. I know I feel strange doing stuff around him so that I don't offend him. For example - saying a prayer out loud before out meals. I usually just say a quick one to myself before I eat. But I am not setting any examples for the kids or husband by not taking control of something as simple as a prayer before meals. Do you think I am worrying to much about this issue? Sometimes I wonder if i read to much into things and really don't allow things to fall into place as they should. Since becoming a christian I am so conscious of how I am around others and I want to make sure I am a good example of what I christian should be that sometimes I forget to just relax.

Well, thanks again for comments.....they sure got me thinking more

God Bless!
newbeliever

 

[WashedClean]

WC - When you are discussing things with your husband about the scriptures and God how do you keep from not letting his opinions seep into your thoughts and break down your faith? I am always anxious and excited about talking about what i read in the bible that I want to discuss it with someone. My husband is the closest one that I can do that with. He doesn't mind listening to me and hearing what I have to say. When he interjects his theories I know right away that it is wrong and it ends with me being frustrated. I try hard not to show that to him, but I know he can sense it at times. I can see where it is important to enter into a marriage together as christians. It would be so much easier.

I understand where you're coming from here. I know you're excited to share with your hubby. But there are two ways you can approach this. Wait a while until you really know the Word before sharing. I guarantee that once you're more comfortable with God's word, nothing your husband says will stump you. I believe God's word has an answer for just about everything.

The other thing is you can say, "that's a good point. as you know, I'm new at this and God is still teaching me. I'd like to research that and get back to you". That's all. I'm sure he would respect that. But if you're not comfortable, then maybe stick with the first option. Also, ask God to give you the words. When my husband and I are speaking about spiritual matters (which isn't very often lately), I pray during the conversation for wisdom, discernment, guidance. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide.

ling - This is where I worry.....how can i be growing fully if he is not a christian and performing the role as the spirtual leader in the home. I know I feel strange doing stuff around him so that I don't offend him. For example - saying a prayer out loud before out meals. I usually just say a quick one to myself before I eat. But I am not setting any examples for the kids or husband by not taking control of something as simple as a prayer before meals. Do you think I am worrying to much about this issue? Sometimes I wonder if i read to much into things and really don't allow things to fall into place as they should. Since becoming a christian I am so conscious of how I am around others and I want to make sure I am a good example of what I christian should be that sometimes I forget to just relax.

Well, thanks again for comments.....they sure got me thinking more

I know this is directed at ling, but I'd like to give you my humble 2 cents worth. My husband and I don't always eat together, but when we do, one of us says grace. It's strange, but I have a hard time with it. I still have never prayed in a group out loud. Only with my husband. I'm so self conscious. I hate it. But when my hubby does it, he prays to Jesus. Isn't that amazing?? That's one reason why I have so much hope for his salvation.

Anyway, I guess you could ask your hubby if he minds saying grace, or you saying it out loud. You might be surprised by his reaction. Otherwise, until you're feeling stronger, continue giving thanks on your own. I don't have children, but I can see your point about wanting to set an example for them.

Just a word of caution... when I first became a believer, I was on fire for Jesus. Wanted to talk about him all the time. I still do have a deep faith, but the "novelty" has worn off I guess. The newness of the relationship has grown deeper. I've accepted my husband's position right now and leave it in God's hands. My caution is that I found when I pushed too hard, I actually did more harm than good. I'm not saying you are doing this, but wanted to just caution you.

Another thing would be to get a copy of Stormie Omartian's book The Power of a Praying Wife. It's not specifically for unequally yoked wives. But it's very powerful and not overwhelming. You can find it just about anywhere books are sold for under $10. Make sure you thank God for your husband. I don't pray for a different one, just that he will become a believer!

Sorry this was so long... Feel free to ask more or PM me any time.

Love in Christ,

WC

 

[lingjanet]

ling - This is where I worry.....how can i be growing fully if he is not a christian and performing the role as the spirtual leader in the home. I know I feel strange doing stuff around him so that I don't offend him. For example - saying a prayer out loud before out meals. I usually just say a quick one to myself before I eat. But I am not setting any examples for the kids or husband by not taking control of something as simple as a prayer before meals. Do you think I am worrying to much about this issue? Sometimes I wonder if i read to much into things and really don't allow things to fall into place as they should. Since becoming a christian I am so conscious of how I am around others and I want to make sure I am a good example of what I christian should be that sometimes I forget to just relax.

Well, thanks again for comments.....they sure got me thinking more

God Bless!
newbeliever

newbeliever- do not worry about it... actually my mom is not a believer also and i always worried about her. but one thing that praise the lord is, she never disallowed to attend church attivities. she let us do what ever we want to the lord (this is so call suportive).... i never shared any gospel to her because i myself also have doubt with god's word.

but every morning i will read my bible and have my devotion before i went to school. and this was going on for about a year. i did pray that god will soften my mom heart and open her heart to except god.
for what i did every morning, it actually touchmy mom heart. one days, my mom suddenly told me that she want to have her own bible. and i immediately bought her one . then from there on, she started to take up her bible when she is free. now what i can said that, she knew god's word more than me.......

yousee, for what she seen i did every morning in my devotion it actually make a curious in her heart.
that's why what i have said, from your daily attitude it actually can slowly touch thier heart to accept christ...

it doesn't wrong that you pray alone when having meal... although abit of weird but i'm sure, one day they will join you in prayer also.

gift them a bible as a gift.... whether they read or not it doesn't matter bec one day they will touch the bible.
set a prayer to your children when they are siiting for exam or sick. let them know god will take care of them....

friends, keep your family in your prayer daily...god will answer your prayer.

 

[lingjanet]

I know this is directed at ling, but I'd like to give you my humble 2 cents worth.
WC

thanks for your 2 cents token...
god will bless your family.....

 

[WashedClean]

thanks for your 2 cents token...
god will bless your family.....

Thanks ling! And thank you for sharing about your Mother. That's a beautiful testimony. God bless YOU!

 

[lingjanet]

i found this verse, maybe it help. It taken from 1Corinthians

7:12 But to the rest I--not the Lord--say, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is content to live with him, let him not leave her.

7:13 The woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he is content to live with her, let her not leave her husband.

7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

7:15 Yet if the unbeliever departs, let there be separation. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace.

 

[kimmers388]

What if you're just dating an unbeliever? Does the bible say that that is a sin?