Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?

Messy said:

Lol and he's good looking himself.


If you date only cheaters and guys that treat you bad it's just because something's wrong with you or your standards or you're very naive or shallow or you just (believe you) can't get anyone decent or you're so desperate you take one with red flags and are so stupid to believe he will change.

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Haha, I know. I saw his pictures from his OK Cupid profile, and I don't see how looks would be a big issue for him

the problem I have is that if cheating leverage is real, then why have I . . . oh, shoot, my life is proof. Just nevermind; forget I wrote.

lol at redblue ... that was good.

"Cheating leverage" = cynical synonym for "attractive."

CCHIPSS said:

The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.

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Of which statistics do you speak? (Lol... sorry, I like statistics so I had to go there. )

YankeeGirl said:

There is a tendency to equate good looks to shallowness/womanizing etc. This isn't factual.

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I agree with the above.

Also, I'd add... I didn't read the entire OP - but what about girls? It seemed like the OP focused on men who cheat, but are good looking women also more likely to cheat?

MarkSB said:

Also, I'd add... I didn't read the entire OP - but what about girls? It seemed like the OP focused on men who cheat, but are good looking women also more likely to cheat?

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The ugly ones cheat with blind men.

It almost seems like you think people get divorced and cheat just because they can. This is really further from the truth, maybe except for like nymphomaniacs or sex addicts, but even then it's matter of something wrong with the brain instead of "I just want to do it." Affairs do not just happen because of attractiveness, they stem from a much deeper issue either in the relationship, with the individual, or both. The boss is not going to sleep with the young intern the first time she makes a pass at him, just like if someone comes up to you and says "Let's rob a bank!, you're probably not going to go off robbing the bank. It starts out as something small and then continues to grow.

CCHIPSS said:

Ok guys grab a coffee and settle in. This will be slightly long.

We have all heard this story many many times. The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.

I do not want to offend anyone here. But I am putting forward a thesis that these ladies bring it upon themselves. Now I know this sounds very bad and very biased. But please listen for a second. =)

The problem is that most attractive ladies are only attracted to a certain type of guys. And those guys have the leverage to cheat, or cheating leverage. Those leverage includes womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active. Basically any positive yet secular traits that the ladies sees in a guy. (Remember the word "secular". This is very important.)

The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.

The pretty lady might think that she is special. The ladies might think that this guy (with cheating leverage) is special. However thinking that this relationship is special does not mean it is actually special. Usually it all end up being a statistic median somewhere. An apples doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak.

Of course there are plenty of guys with huge cheating leverage but yet will stay faithful to their wife. But I am sorry to say that it is more difficult (not sure how much more exactly, but it is harder) to find one such person.

The problem is once the ladies dated a guy with cheating leverage, they want their next BF to have at least the same level of cheating leverage. Some might even want their next BF to have even more cheating leverage, just to prove a point (this is important). And they refuse to date any guy who are more honest/Godly/serious but has less cheating leverage. To these ladies those honest guys just doesn't bring them excitement. These honest guys simply aren't as good as those guys with huge cheating leverage. They don't want to settle for less.

So they end up chain-dating guys with huge cheating leverage. And so they date players, liars and cheaters one after another.

And eventually these ladies will grow older and will be forced to settle for less. And these ladies are never happy with their marriage because they keep remembering all of their "better" EXs with "better" cheating leverage. I feel very sorry for those guys who marry one such ladies.

And this is the biggest harm that our "dating culture" is bringing to our sociality.

Guys with more cheating leverage are better boyfriends, yet not better husbands. However our sociality have taught the ladies that a relationship is all about cheating leverage. Meanwhile Godly traits like honesty, patiences, kindness, integrity and character are often overlooked.

Conclusion:

Some attractive ladies keep on dating one cheater after another simply because they keep on dating guys with huge cheating leverage.

Thoughts? =)

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I think you are bitter about being single, and have come to hate women. You justify this by saying it's our fault since most women are shallow, lascivious, gold-diggers, and then find stats to back up your claim.

TX_Matt said:

Affairs do not just happen because of attractiveness

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No unless someone is really ugly I think it's the same and even ugly guys can cheat on you with porn. Someone said they can be even worse. Her good looking husband cheated on her so she took a real ugly one and he was even worse. She said because he's ugly he knew how to spot the weak ones with a bad marriage or something and then he came, being slimy and telling them how great they looked.

Messy said:

Oh thanks for the summary.

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LOL. Reminds me of myself.

Women never cared a blip for me so I remained single all my life. Funny thing is, while some rejected me in favor of macho men types, eventually those guys grew tired of them and ran off with some other gal.

As we always say, GOD PUNISHES.

The whole point of the OP is that women drift towards douchebags which is a fact. Furthermore some men have qualities which gives them leverage to be so, they can get away with more. In general the average christian man is at a disadvantage since we are dinosaurs and relics, old fashioned (unless you belong to a liberal sect where morals equates to planting a tree)we are not exactly the flavor of the month.
You want to be avoided like the plague by a christian woman? Tell her your a virgin and saving yourself.

buzuxi02 said:

The whole point of the OP is that women drift towards douchebags which is a fact. Furthermore some men have qualities which gives them leverage to be so, they can get away with more. In general the avergae christian man is at a disadvantage since we are dinosaurs and relics, old fashioned (unless you belong to a liberal sect where morals equates to planting a tree) not exactly the flavor of the month.

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It is the flavor of the month for a christian woman, but they won't ask you out and the douchebag will and you can always convert him into a relic lol.

I think, as a theory, it's perfectly valid. From a very simplistic view, and ignoring all other factors, the fact someone is attractive to the majority of people and capable of holding down a vaguely flirtatious/overtly flirtatious conversation with ease is going to have a few admirers hanging in the wings. Which with any number of individuals could lead into situations where they get to eat as many cakes as they want.

It's also true that most people do tend to gravitate to a particular type of person. Many people do so towards individuals of a similar aesthetic appeal. No, scratch that: many people gravitate to those who are aesthetically pleasing, which results in lots of people wondering why these attractive individuals are with other attractive individuals who are perhaps prone to being a little bit naughty while in a supposedly monogamous relationship.

You also have to watch out for individuals living out self fulfilling prophecies. If you go out with the mindset, however hidden, that all men are going to cheat and such, then you're more likely to create an environment which breeds frustration. Frustration can, sometimes, spur on undesirable behaviours. So I will partially agree with you, repeatedly finding yourself with the same type of person can perhaps indicate that you need to spend a good portion of time trying to break out of that habit.

Where I disagree is perhaps in painting a picture of men with cheating leverage. Looks and money rarely matter if you have flirting skills, otherwise many a poor romantic conman would have an empty bed rather than streams of women willing to financially support them. Similarly insecure individuals can end up cheating to prove to themselves that people do find them attractive, people other than their partner; I have seen this happen with a friend who felt they'd "settled" for their perfectly lovely partner. Instant regret, but the damage was done. One shot at a very attractive person, and their whole comfy life fell apart. There are so many variables at play, so many things to consider.

All that said life is too short to worry about cheating leverage. It's also too short to worry about all those people we are attracted to who are attracted to other people, perhaps even people we think are poor choices for their affections. Rarely will anyone actually see that they're making a poor choice from the start, and often it never is a poor choice then.

buzuxi02 said:

The whole point of the OP is that women drift towards douchebags which is a fact. Furthermore some men have qualities which gives them leverage to be so, they can get away with more. In general the average christian man is at a disadvantage since we are dinosaurs and relics, old fashioned (unless you belong to a liberal sect where morals equates to planting a tree)we are not exactly the flavor of the month.
You want to be avoided like the plague by a christian woman? Tell her your a virgin and saving yourself.

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The unfortunate thing is there are many women who think just as you do (that an average Christian woman is at a disadvantage compared to whatever particular group of people they're comparing themselves to). Though I am not sure women do naturally drift towards douchebags, maybe men notice it more because they pay attention, but I see more women gravitate towards ... well, nice men. Or maybe that is because I am a woman and cannot see the wood for the trees .

But then many women say the best way for Christian men to avoid you, is to mention that you have had a sexual history. Whichever side of the coin you are on, there are enough people who will happily confirm whichever bias you hold regarding a particular group.

''women drift towards douchebags which is a fact''


A sad but true fact that likely tells us more about the nature of women than it does about men.


As I have mentioned before on this site, I had a VERY bad childhood (my adult life was only partly better). This because my mother was an alcoholic and a very abusive parent.

One day when I was a teen she was sobered and could readily see that I had a very troubled expression on my face. She knew what the problem was - my inability to attract girls. This because of a severe case of acne. She told me that this is no big deal - that teen girls were just too immature to tell that acne is just a medical condition, not a sign of bad character. That when I became an adult I would have absolutely no trouble attracting women because I was a "nice guy". Women, she said, were naturally attracted to "nice guys" - that it was utterly impossible for women to resist men like that.

She was correct in that women often called me "nice guy" but that instead of liking me for it, they found it repugnant. This is why I remained single all my life. In this I am hardly alone as many men complain of this but do so in private for fear of being criticized.

Thus, when people say women drift towards "douchebags" they are correct. But that's their fault for doing so as there are more than enough "nice guys" out there who would be loyal and great companions if they were given the same chance given by those women to the macho types.

buzuxi02 said:

The whole point of the OP is that women drift towards douchebags which is a fact. Furthermore some men have qualities which gives them leverage to be so, they can get away with more. In general the average christian man is at a disadvantage since we are dinosaurs and relics, old fashioned (unless you belong to a liberal sect where morals equates to planting a tree)we are not exactly the flavor of the month.
You want to be avoided like the plague by a christian woman? Tell her your a virgin and saving yourself.

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Women are attracted to CONFIDENCE. I'm 5'7", have an average build, and probably a 6.5 out of 10 on the looks. I can name plenty of reasons why women wouldn't date me, but I don't, I focus on the things that I have going for me: humor, intelligence, CONFIDENCE. Douchebags are great at showing confidence.

Messy said:

It is the flavor of the month for a christian woman, but they won't ask you out and the douchebag will and you can always convert him into a relic lol.

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Exactly, thats why there is no earthly virtue in being a devout christian because the nice christan guy finishes last. Men are better off doing the exact opposite and being crypto christian than outwardly following the tenets of the gospel. Sad but true.
In my case I know im the last of the mohicans, a dinosaur in contemporary society, so I know the drawbacks of being an obselete relic.

Confidence?

Hmmm ~ I was an award winning IRS agent, was a good athlete (same height as you, BTW), above average IQ, very humorous (tried to be a Hollywood comedy writer at one time), and highly articulate.

Sorry to say, all this did not help me one bit. Women always (and still) found me reprehensible. But, of course, as it says in the Bible, a man can have nothing unless God gives it to him meaning that this is the real explanation for the above.

TX_Matt said:

Women are attracted to CONFIDENCE. I'm 5'7", have an average build, and probably a 6.5 out of 10 on the looks. I can name plenty of reasons why women wouldn't date me, but I don't, I focus on the things that I have going for me: humor, intelligence, CONFIDENCE. Douchebags are great at showing confidence.

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I agree. But I think it goes further. For example two identical twins courting a woman, all things are the same but one guy doesnt date as much and stays away from certain social spots due to his beliefs. The other has been seen by the woman being courted in the constant company of females. 9 of 10 times who will that woman choose? I put my money on the cassanova.

HonestTruth said:

Confidence?

Hmmm ~ I was an award winning IRS agent, was a good athlete (same height as you, BTW), above average IQ, very humorous (tried to be a Hollywood comedy writer at one time), and highly articulate.

Sorry to say, all this did not help me one bit. Women always (and still) found me reprehensible. But, of course, as it says in the Bible, a man can have nothing unless God gives it to him meaning that this is the real explanation for the above.

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Confidence was my problem at least.

HonestTruth said:

''women drift towards douchebags which is a fact''


A sad but true fact that likely tells us more about the nature of women than it does about men.


As I have mentioned before on this site, I had a VERY bad childhood (my adult life was only partly better). This because my mother was an alcoholic and a very abusive parent.

One day when I was a teen she was sobered and could readily see that I had a very troubled expression on my face. She knew what the problem was - my inability to attract girls. This because of a severe case of acne. She told me that this is no big deal - that teen girls were just too immature to tell that acne is just a medical condition, not a sign of bad character. That when I became an adult I would have absolutely no trouble attracting women because I was a "nice guy". Women, she said, were naturally attracted to "nice guys" - that it was utterly impossible for women to resist men like that.

She was correct in that women often called me "nice guy" but that instead of liking me for it, they found it repugnant. This is why I remained single all my life. In this I am hardly alone as many men complain of this but do so in private for fear of being criticized.

Thus, when people say women drift towards "douchebags" they are correct. But that's their fault for doing so as there are more than enough "nice guys" out there who would be loyal and great companions if they were given the same chance given by those women to the macho types.

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My sister married a nice guy with severe acne because he was so nice. He's still nice and he was very good in talking to girls. He helped his good looking friends who were too shy.
I think there's a lot of nice girls who want nice guys, but nice guys aren't attracted to nice girls. I see nice guys that are attracted to bossy women. I visited a real nice collegue who had something to say at the office, but not at home. You see that a lot in Holland. Most men want someone that's not too nice. I read that one guy wanted to dump his nice girlfriend because he didn't have to fight for it, she did everything for him and was just too nice.