Hi, everyone, I'm new here. What I have to say might be a little strange, so please keep in mind that it's not my intention to offend anyone. I'm kind of in a bad place right now, and I don't really know where to turn for advice or answers. Hope this is the right forum; it seemed the most appropriate.
I'm 24, and almost all of my family (close family and extended) are devout Christians. Many of my family members are actually pastors, and I've loved growing up with them and attending their churches. They are amazing people, and I had come to make lots of friends in their churches. That was a few years ago, though. Now most of my family has disowned me. I talk to my parents sometimes, but they're very cold toward me and I feel as though they would rather not see me. For many years I practiced the Christian faith, because it seemed to be the truth. There is too much beauty and wonder in this universe for there not to be a God.
But I don't know why God would have made me the way He did. A few years ago, after a lifetime of self-denial and confusion, I finally decided to listen to my heart and accept myself for who I am. Then I came out to my family. I am a woman, though I was born a boy. I started hormone replacement therapy, and started dressing in the clothes I've always liked. A bit later and I had a couple surgeries (on my face, and chest). For me, it was liberating, right, and real. For my family, it was abominable.
They told me that God had made me a boy for a reason, and to go against His will would be giving my soul to satan. They tried to talk me out of it, and sent me to a Christian therapist that told me I just had to try to be a boy, and work through it. I really am afraid that I will go to Hell because of this, but I did not feel I had a choice. It was either this, which seems so right, or a life of misery that would likely be cut short by suicide.
I miss my family, though. I have a boyfriend, and he's really my only friend at the moment. I'm afraid to even tell my parents about him. My grandma, and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins that I used to be so close to, refuse to speak to me. The churches I attended, that they run, do not want me as a member the way I am. I have breasts and a feminine figure, and I wear makeup, but inside I am the same person that I have always been. They don't seem to understand that.
I live in a very, very conservative area, and I'm afraid to even seek out a new church to help me in what is basically a spiritual crisis. I seriously doubt that any church near here would accept me for who I am, and that in itself is scary. It makes me wonder if something might really be wrong with me. I don't want to spend an eternity in Hell, and I want to spend Christmas with my parents together again, someday. This is terrible of me, and I feel guilty about it, but sometimes I am very angry with God for making me a boy. I should have been born a girl, so that I could be the woman I am without all of these horrible experiences. I love my family with all of my heart, but I feel as though they hate me. I've never heard of another Christian transsexual, and I sometimes wonder if I am truly all alone.
Sorry, I don't even know what it is that I am asking here. I'm lost.
I'm 24, and almost all of my family (close family and extended) are devout Christians. Many of my family members are actually pastors, and I've loved growing up with them and attending their churches. They are amazing people, and I had come to make lots of friends in their churches. That was a few years ago, though. Now most of my family has disowned me. I talk to my parents sometimes, but they're very cold toward me and I feel as though they would rather not see me. For many years I practiced the Christian faith, because it seemed to be the truth. There is too much beauty and wonder in this universe for there not to be a God.
But I don't know why God would have made me the way He did. A few years ago, after a lifetime of self-denial and confusion, I finally decided to listen to my heart and accept myself for who I am. Then I came out to my family. I am a woman, though I was born a boy. I started hormone replacement therapy, and started dressing in the clothes I've always liked. A bit later and I had a couple surgeries (on my face, and chest). For me, it was liberating, right, and real. For my family, it was abominable.
They told me that God had made me a boy for a reason, and to go against His will would be giving my soul to satan. They tried to talk me out of it, and sent me to a Christian therapist that told me I just had to try to be a boy, and work through it. I really am afraid that I will go to Hell because of this, but I did not feel I had a choice. It was either this, which seems so right, or a life of misery that would likely be cut short by suicide.
I miss my family, though. I have a boyfriend, and he's really my only friend at the moment. I'm afraid to even tell my parents about him. My grandma, and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins that I used to be so close to, refuse to speak to me. The churches I attended, that they run, do not want me as a member the way I am. I have breasts and a feminine figure, and I wear makeup, but inside I am the same person that I have always been. They don't seem to understand that.
I live in a very, very conservative area, and I'm afraid to even seek out a new church to help me in what is basically a spiritual crisis. I seriously doubt that any church near here would accept me for who I am, and that in itself is scary. It makes me wonder if something might really be wrong with me. I don't want to spend an eternity in Hell, and I want to spend Christmas with my parents together again, someday. This is terrible of me, and I feel guilty about it, but sometimes I am very angry with God for making me a boy. I should have been born a girl, so that I could be the woman I am without all of these horrible experiences. I love my family with all of my heart, but I feel as though they hate me. I've never heard of another Christian transsexual, and I sometimes wonder if I am truly all alone.
Sorry, I don't even know what it is that I am asking here. I'm lost.
