Do I actually want a relationship?

[step_by_step]

I've recognized a pattern in myself. I really like flirting and the butterflies that come with having a crush. I like the chase and the game, but when a man finally admits feelings for me, I'm turned off to him instantly. Does anyone else have this issue? It's getting really frustrating because I'm now actively seeking a relationship but I'm starting to wonder if somewhere in my subconscious, I won't let myself have one. If that makes sense.
It's currently happening now with a very sweet and wonderful guy at my church. I like him a lot but I'm so not ready for him to admit that he likes me...

 

[timewerx]

It's probably not your time yet. It also happened to me but a different way. It was all for the best.

 

[Richard T]

Having those kind of relationships does not sound healthy, even if it does not hurt you the guys who flirt back might have some lasting consequences. You also might find yourself in a situation where you really "love" someone but they are "unattainable," and thus make you all the more attracted to someone that will not commit. Also, butterflies and crushes happen, but they are not generally agape love. A Christian book that helped me years ago is called Sex, Love or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know? Anyway, if you seek God first, you should work through all easily.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

You need a man whos able to keep you guessing, keep those butterflies rolling. Seems you met a bunch of guys who give you certainty, and once you get that certainty you are turned off. You lose interest because the game is over. Look for someone whos unpredictable. You'll never know where you stand with that person and will have a great time I think, given predictable men aren't working for you and generally turn most women off.

 

[kittysbecute]

If you don’t think you are ready for a relationship, why are you seeking one?

 

[Bass4Jesus]

There can be a huge difference between "wanting a relationship" and looking for a partner to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe you want casual relationships because you're not ready (or willing to have) something long-term. The possible reasons for that, if it's true, are many and varied.

 

[Swan7]

How is your relationship with God?
I ask this very genuinely because I was where you are in similar situations throughout my life. I was ready for a relationship for the wrong reasons until I went to God fully and not half-heartedly (not judging you just telling you a bit of my testimony). Then God allowed me to have more understanding in His Word - and a year later I was ready in God's eyes for a real Christian relationship with someone.

And I'm actually going to marry him soon! Just trust and have faith in God and let Him guide you and reward you.

 

[MehGuy]

You need a man whos able to keep you guessing, keep those butterflies rolling. Seems you met a bunch of guys who give you certainty, and once you get that certainty you are turned off. You lose interest because the game is over. Look for someone whos unpredictable. You'll never know where you stand with that person and will have a great time I think, given predictable men aren't working for you and generally turn most women off.

Hey Mr. Red Pillman.. slow down there..

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Hey Mr. Red Pillman.. slow down there..

Am I wrong though? And if so what do you suggest?

 

[MehGuy]

Am I wrong though? And if so what do you suggest?

I don't know if you're wrong.. just weird seeing another poster besides me post like that.. lol.

 

[blackribbon]

Since Christianity is about Christ-like relationships, I think you are focused on the wrong kind of relationships. A relationship is about building something with someone and as a Christian, it should include a willingness to serve that person and to support that person on a very real level. Flirting is a game but when you encourage someone to build feelings for you that you don't feel for them, it is a cruel and mean game. It is the opposite of being Christ-like. It can actually hurt someone and cause issues in their romantic relationships in the future. I think you need to use less time flirting and maybe more building solid same sex friendships and save the romantic relationships for a time when you actually meet someone you want to spend your life with. Flirting can damage people and be no less hurtful than if you physically assaulted them. You don't flirt until you find the guy you want to spend your life with. That isn't how it is done. And you may be passed over by a quality man because you have the reputation for being "a flirt".

 

[Applekrate]

I've recognized a pattern in myself. I really like flirting and the butterflies that come with having a crush. I like the chase and the game, but when a man finally admits feelings for me, I'm turned off to him instantly. Does anyone else have this issue? It's getting really frustrating because I'm now actively seeking a relationship but I'm starting to wonder if somewhere in my subconscious, I won't let myself have one. If that makes sense.
It's currently happening now with a very sweet and wonderful guy at my church. I like him a lot but I'm so not ready for him to admit that he likes me...

Based on your post, it appears you are primarily concerned with being a tease or a flirt. That is OK- to an extent. No one likes to be led on thinking you are liked only to learn you were teased.
The time may come when someone plays that game to you. I promise, you will not like it.
Christians, by definition, are followers of Christ. How do we know what Christ is telling us? Of course, by reading/studying in his Word, Holy Scripture.
So, to quote Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

Blessings to you

 

[Niels]

Hmm. Others are reading your post as if maybe you're playing games, and I suppose it's possible that you are, but it sounds to me like the guys might just be scaring you off.

Flirting can be good, bad, or anywhere in between depending on how you do it. Are the guys getting too serious too quickly when you would rather take it slow? If that's the case, you might mention early on that you don't rush into relationships. Clues like that could be helpful for them.

I suspect that this pattern will change when you find a guy that you really like. He'll confess his feelings to you, and you'll find that the feelings are mutual. Maybe not now, but someday.

 

[blackribbon]

She likes the feelings that go with having a crush. Her interest stops the minute he likes her. She likes the chase, not the man. Who is supporting the man who now has feelings and is now rejected. Who is going to explain to him that she really was using him to make herself feel happy? The next girl who genuinely is interested will get to struggle with his fear the she will do the same.

 

[Mark_CB]

The reason you're like this is you immediately assume, once a guy is into you that you can do better. Because of course, there's a harder guy to impress out there that is a better date potentially and the guy in front of you admitted his weakness for you.

Your mind is in a way playing tricks with you.

 

[step_by_step]

never in my post did I say I was leading anyone on.

 

[step_by_step]

She likes the feelings that go with having a crush. Her interest stops the minute he likes her. She likes the chase, not the man. Who is supporting the man who now has feelings and is now rejected. Who is going to explain to him that she really was using him to make herself feel happy? The next girl who genuinely is interested will get to struggle with his fear the she will do the same.

He'll be fine. I'm not running around stringing along guys left and right

 

[step_by_step]

Based on your post, it appears you are primarily concerned with being a tease or a flirt. That is OK- to an extent. No one likes to be led on thinking you are liked only to learn you were teased.
The time may come when someone plays that game to you. I promise, you will not like it.
Christians, by definition, are followers of Christ. How do we know what Christ is telling us? Of course, by reading/studying in his Word, Holy Scripture.
So, to quote Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

Blessings to you

Where did I say that my primary concern is being a tease and a flirt? Never. I don't run around seducing men and getting them to fall for me and then I rip the rug out from under them. I genuinely believe I'm interested in them when we start talking.

 

[step_by_step]

The reason you're like this is you immediately assume, once a guy is into you that you can do better. Because of course, there's a harder guy to impress out there that is a better date potentially and the guy in front of you admitted his weakness for you.

Your mind is in a way playing tricks with you.

Thank you for telling me how I'm feeling. You are, however, wrong.

 

[blackribbon]

He'll be fine. I'm not running around stringing along guys left and right

You said you recognized a pattern... this is not a normal pattern. Having the other person like you back is normally a good and happy moment.

And how do you know that this guy or any of the others will be fine? Sometimes, having a girl notice them is a truly huge thing even if they don't express it. What are you going to do if you start this flirting relationship with a guy who really takes it seriously?