I have been married for 12.5 years. My husband has always had major issues with inappropriate content and not being capable of telling the truth about most anything. Last year I forced a polygraph to get to the truth our marriage. He "confessed" right before the poly that he had been with a prostitute in LV and had been attending strip club throughout the marriage. He had also take a few numbers of the strippers with the intent to hook up but had backed out. He recently confessed to reading all of my personal journals throughout our marriage. He has placed us in some serious debt. Within the last 2.5 months he has spent 4k on fishing supplies/boat while not allowing me to pay the bills.
Anyhow. I am planning on filing for divorce in the middle of August (when I have a break from nursing school). He refuses to help me explain to our son that we are divorcing. He says he has changed but I still see the very dysfunction and untrustworthy man that I have known for 14 years. He says that the divorce is basically my fault because I am not a strong enough Christian to forgive him and make the marriage better. I am working on forgiving him. I have been praying for him throughout our entire marriage. I can't stand the thought of him touching me. I have no desire for continuing the marriage. I don't believe that he has truly worked through his issues and neither does the psychologist that he was seeing. I need to save my mental health and physical health by getting him out of my life (besides as a father to my son). I encourage his relationship with our son but don't want to be in a marriage with him. I encourage him to continue to strengthen his relationship with God while I continue to strenghthen mine.
I need support. I am so beaten down by the relationship. I know that God still loves me even though I am getting a divorce. Maybe my husband has changed. I can't take the chance that he hasn't.
Because of all the stress of the marriage for the last 12 years I now have fibromyalgia, myofascial pain disorder, and adrenal insufficiency. My doctors have been telling me for years that if I leave this toxic relationship I may be able to regain my health.
How can my husband continue to be so selfish as to harass me to stay with him even though God allows divorce in adultery.
I need prayers to not be so angry at his treatment of me now. I am working on forgiveness for the cheating, can't say that I feel angry about that now. I am healing from that. His not releasing me with grace is what is making my blood boil.
Help
Anyhow. I am planning on filing for divorce in the middle of August (when I have a break from nursing school). He refuses to help me explain to our son that we are divorcing. He says he has changed but I still see the very dysfunction and untrustworthy man that I have known for 14 years. He says that the divorce is basically my fault because I am not a strong enough Christian to forgive him and make the marriage better. I am working on forgiving him. I have been praying for him throughout our entire marriage. I can't stand the thought of him touching me. I have no desire for continuing the marriage. I don't believe that he has truly worked through his issues and neither does the psychologist that he was seeing. I need to save my mental health and physical health by getting him out of my life (besides as a father to my son). I encourage his relationship with our son but don't want to be in a marriage with him. I encourage him to continue to strengthen his relationship with God while I continue to strenghthen mine.
I need support. I am so beaten down by the relationship. I know that God still loves me even though I am getting a divorce. Maybe my husband has changed. I can't take the chance that he hasn't.
Because of all the stress of the marriage for the last 12 years I now have fibromyalgia, myofascial pain disorder, and adrenal insufficiency. My doctors have been telling me for years that if I leave this toxic relationship I may be able to regain my health.
How can my husband continue to be so selfish as to harass me to stay with him even though God allows divorce in adultery.
I need prayers to not be so angry at his treatment of me now. I am working on forgiveness for the cheating, can't say that I feel angry about that now. I am healing from that. His not releasing me with grace is what is making my blood boil.
Help