Divorcing because "Irreconcilable Differences"

[Barzel]

My post above was made in anger. I've edited it, and apologize for getting snappy. I get upset easily with certain issues, and abuse is one of them.

I don't mind talking about my history. I do so with the aim of helping others see hope. But I don't want somebody crawling around in my past without an invite. I think it's important for my significant other to know some of the specifics in my past, but she can ask me, and receive an honest answer.

In my past, I was far from a saint. I'm not proud of it, but it did make me who I am today, just as today is shaping tomorrow. I firmly hold to the promises that His mercies are new every morning, and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. All things do work together for the good of us who love God and are called according to His purpose.

Again, I apologize if I communicated my point like a butthead.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Sorry, but you just aren't getting it. If you are dating a woman who was abused by her ex-husband and you tell her that you would like to meet her ex-husband to "confirm" her story, then you will effectively end that relationship and seriously hurt someone who was already hurting from the abuse.

And if you are doubting the veracity of the abuse allegations of the woman you are dating, then you shouldn't be dating her.

I don't care what my ex has told her new husband about me. He got involved with a married woman and committed adultery with her and will be held accountable for that by God.

I work with a guy that is going through the courts to get visitation with his 4yr old son after his ex-wife claimed abuse.

I know this guy and he is completely innocent of those charges. He's provided physical evidence that his ex-wife is actually the abuser. But her new husband thinks my buddy is a monster despite my buddy having talked to him and provided his side of the story. And despite the new husband sitting in court and seeing his new bride be proven to be a bipolar liar by documentation and psychiatrist testimony.

Going to the former spouse to get intel on the person you're currently dating is never a good idea. Period.

After some more consideration I agree with you. It is a bad idea to dig into the Ex's past too much.

I will clarify by saying that I know a friend who is dating a guy who was married and then divorced. The only reason he gave was very vague. And that back then he wasn't even a Christian. Now that he is a Christian everything will be ok.

I of course would like to dig deeper to find out more about him. The reason he gave wasn't a sound enough reason to me. And just by calling himself a Christian doesn't automatically solve everything. I am a natural skeptic so I have my doubts. But honestly it isn't my place. I am not dating him, my friend is. It is actually her job to dig deeper. But I feel that she wasn't digging enough, because she likes him so much and don't want to lose him. (As you have said.)

Sometimes I think maybe I should step in and be that "terrible" friend and ask those tough questions on her behalf.

But yes like Waddler said we are dating the person today, not how he/she was in the past. And perhaps I am being overprotective of my friend. It is kind of pointless to talk to the other person. Because if the other person is the abuser, of course he/she will claim that your partner is actually the abusive one. Every abuser will lie.

 

[Servant68]

My sister's best friend just got engaged to a man who is divorced. He has three kids from his previous marriage and she has four from hers. I've known her since she was 12yrs old and she is a great person. She and her ex were in ministry when he went off the deep end and became addicted to pornography. Left her and moved in with a pair of 21yr olds. Weird and sad.

My sister had never met her friend's new fiance and finally got to meet him this week. She liked him but desperately wanted to do more digging on why his marriage failed. She admitted it was not up to her and that it was her friend's responsibility to make the right decision about marrying a divorcee.