Divorce

[Cromwe11]

I thought about making this a poll, but I didn't think I could condense the responses into reasonable poll options.

Anyway, its been known for quite a while that the divorce rate among Christians is as high as it is among the world. Recently I've heard that the divorce rate among Christians has gone up, so that now we are actually slightly ahead of the world.

Why do you think this is? How should the church teach on divorce, and react to divorce?

I've seen evangelical churches locally that have divorced singles groups and one of my best friends married a divorced woman who his pastor literally hooked him up with. Is this a biblically correct practice? If not, why are even conservatives accepting it and promoting it?

 

[BelindaP]

The single best way to prevent a divorce (this based on what my pastor told me in my premarital counseling) is to pray together daily. I think we have gotten away from that practice, whereas it used to be routine in a Christian family.
Praying together solidifies the marital bond in a way that nothing else can do. When it isn't done on a regular basis, then Satan will do his level best to create discord within the marriage.

I would say that a church should focus on building up the marriages of the people in the congregation. Rather than wait until marriages are broken beyond repair and having to teach or deal with divorce, it is better to be proactive. Prevention is the best cure.

 

[Cromwe11]

The single best way to prevent a divorce (this based on what my pastor told me in my premarital counseling) is to pray together daily. I think we have gotten away from that practice, whereas it used to be routine in a Christian family.
Praying together solidifies the marital bond in a way that nothing else can do. When it isn't done on a regular basis, then Satan will do his level best to create discord within the marriage.

I would say that a church should focus on building up the marriages of the people in the congregation. Rather than wait until marriages are broken beyond repair and having to teach or deal with divorce, it is better to be proactive. Prevention is the best cure.

good points. I would add that I think a huge problem is that the world has redefined love, and that we, by and large, have bought into their definition.

 

[BelindaP]

I think you are right about that. Making a marriage successful takes a lot of hard work and stubborness. I know I haven't been 'in love' with my husband many times over the years. Sometimes love is a decision you make based upon committment. In the end, most marriages will work out if a couple are committed to their vows and make Christ the center of their marriage.

 

[Cromwe11]

I think you are right about that. Making a marriage successful takes a lot of hard work and stubborness. I know I haven't been 'in love' with my husband many times over the years. Sometimes love is a decision you make based upon committment. In the end, most marriages will work out if a couple are committed to their vows and make Christ the center of their marriage.

exactly, love involves decision as much as feeling, and in the end, true love is defined by self sacrifice.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

The problem is, we're all brought up on the notion that unless you've got a fizzy tummy and you're in the lovely "honeymoon period", your relationship is as good as dead. Hollywood, books: all support and propagate that idea.

It's the idea that we all have a soul mate who will complete us, and it's ok to try people on until you find that person. But I think our "soul mate" is the person we marry. A Christian marriage is a covenant between the man, the woman and the Lord, and the only way to survive it is to put the focus on Him.

You hear about married couples whose kids go off to college, and they realise they have nothing to talk about, and nothing in common. But having God in comon is the ultimate tie that binds. People forget that, I think.

Similarly, in the UK, when I went to my first church, I was astonished at how young some of the marrieds were. I mean like, 19 and 20. Christians seem to marry so much younger than those in the secular world, and maybe they're not ready. You reach 22, 23 and realise you're not in love with your partner; you look around you and see people walking on air in love, and realise you want that feeling so you simply get a divorce.

It's literally easier than choosing to love your spouse, because being in a loveless relationship is the loneliest feeling there is, so believing you can just do a Beta test is easier

Ultimately, if God is at the centre, He'll be the glue.

 

[BelindaP]

So very true.

 

[Hentenza]

I have been married 29 years and the work continues.

 

[Tenebrae]

Before I came to faith, I worked as a Professional Mistress, not a sex worker, fantasy, S&M that sort of thing


I used to see so many mainly men, who would come to a professional Mistress, but could not communicate this need with their wives, because they thought that there was no way the wife would understand or be interested, so instead they took the way that could be alot more harmful to their marriage if their wife ever found out... There were the occasional few who had communicated their need to their wives and had resolved the situation to some extent.

However it was really sad to see so many marriages that had been built on lies and deceit, some would end in divorce, however alot more of the times, it was one of those shell marriages where Hubby and Wife go through the motions, but neither s heart was in it any more

I would have to say one of the basic foundations that should form the foundation for marriage is communication. To foster an environment where the husband and wife can be completely open and truthful about where things are at for them.


Husbands, be real and truthful with your wives about where things are at for you, and Wifes, vice versa. Communication and authenticity wont solve all the problems faced by a married couple, however from my experience, it is the one thing that is lacking in many marriages and the result is really sad

 

[SwirlingEd]

Similarly, in the UK, when I went to my first church, I was astonished at how young some of the marrieds were. I mean like, 19 and 20. Christians seem to marry so much younger than those in the secular world, and maybe they're not ready. You reach 22, 23 and realise you're not in love with your partner; you look around you and see people walking on air in love, and realise you want that feeling so you simply get a divorce.

My theory on that is that Christian young people are more inclined to get married early to avoid pre-marital sex.

 

[BelindaP]

That's a good point.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

My theory on that is that Christian young people are more inclined to get married early to avoid pre-marital sex.

Do you know, I always wondered if that was a part of it. But I didn't really know who to ask...

That in itself is a big problem, then. If people are getting married in order to avoid pre-marital sex, they're not getting married for the right reason. When the initial sexy-yumminess of the other has worn out, what are they left with if that was the primary reason for entering the covenant?

Not to say that all marry for that reason, of course, but I do think many possibly do, and it would go a long way to explaining the divorce rate.