Divorce (why You Should, Or Shouldn't)

angelsword · Oct 9, 2006

It is important first to understand the concept of marriage an the spiritual and moral ramifications of this collaboration. Marriage is a spiritual and physical bond shared between a man and woman. This union marks the completion of spiritual connection that should enable the Christian couple to draw closer to and accomplish more in the name of God. Acts 18: 2,3

The Christian couple, under the bond of marriage is able to unlock some of the mysteries of God. As the interpreter accompanies the speaker in tongues, they are able, through harmony, to seek and find many answers for themselves as well as others in the Christian community. Their spiritual, physical and intellectual intimacy creates and atmosphere allowing divine intervention. For example, a husband may be in a country far from his wife, but is still able to communicate with her by visitation in the spirit or in a dream in the event of an emergency. (This has happened to a Christian couple I know in real life!) Marriage allows this kind of communication. Matthew 18: 19-20

The Bible states that except for fornication, couples should not divorce. Fornication/Adultery breaks a bond that was first formed with the body of Christ. It severs the ties of intimacy with the righteousness of God creating a gap that takes a tremendous amount of time to bridge. This puts the spouse of the adulterer/adulteress in a state of spiritual isolation from them, but not God. It takes away from the effectiveness of spiritual answers sought from God by the couple. This is why divorce is recommended in this case. Proverbs 6: 24-35

Divorce and remarriage are mentioned in Deuteronomy under the extreme case of the husband finding some fault or discrepancy in the wife. Deuteronomy 24: 1-4. One must bear in mind that receiving the spiritual power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Jesus Christ, our forerunner and days man, was not present in those days. Even though the bond of spirit is broken after adultery, the bond of flesh remains until either spouse dies, rendering remarriage to a different person as a perpetual state of spiritual incompletion and sin in the sight of God. Matthew 19: 8 and 9. Divorce (or temporary separation) gives you time out to regroup, pray and seek assistance from God, or a pastor as to why your marriage is falling apart, or what led your spouse to be unfaithful. After this, there may be a possibility for God to heal your marriage!

Divorce should only be recommended in the case where one is certain that the offending spouse has not been afflicted with demonic attacks leading to the act of adultery (or in a case of physical abuse!). (SEE MY BLOG FOR MORE DETAILS ABOUT THIS!) Also bear in mind that God does not sanction, or agree to some marriages because of the same demonic force instituting a false marriage. No one should marry an intoxicated, drugged or hypnotized or person, or a person under demonic memorization. It simply means this person married under influences while they were not aware of what they were doing. I have seen it happen before! Proverbs 5:18-21

I did my own poll and from a few cases I have seen of married couples, I have found that in cases where spouses committed adultery, most of the unoffending spouses eventually died from A.I.D.S., heart failure, or stress related maladies if they did not separate from the offending spouse. In most of these cases, it was the woman who stayed with her husband.
PLEASE NOTE! No matter how hurt you are it would be a sin against God and yourself if you retaliate against you spouse by cheating back! The wages of sin is still death! Stoning may no longer be in effect, but the law of God still is. John 8:7

Cheating Husband/ couple divorce
24%
C.H./couple stay together/wife dies
21%
C.H./couple stay together
15%
Man marries under influence of drugs/witchcraft
10%
C.H./couple die from A.I.D.S.
6%
C.H./couple divorce/wife gets new partner
6%
C.H./couple stay together/husband dies
6%
C.H./couple sleep separate/husband dying
3%
Cheating wife/couple stay together
3%
Cheating wife/wife dies
3%
All information for this report came from the Bible and my personal interviewing and polling. The age range of the couples are 18 - 76

Paladin21 · Oct 9, 2006

Well said on the topic, although I think people convince themselves that Divorce is an option and its ok I think it is VERY wrong.

With my marriage divorce is not an option EVER.

angelsword · Oct 9, 2006

Paladin21 said:
Well said on the topic, although I think people convince themselves that Divorce is an option and its ok I think it is VERY wrong.

With my marriage divorce is not an option EVER.

My sentiments exactly! I feel one must be so careful and ask God's guidance as to whom to marry! You just can't be to careful. It is better to wait and be sure than to rush and be sorry!

jessesgirl · Oct 9, 2006

You're right. We should seek God's guidance and wait on Him, but we as humans aren't very good at waiting on God. Some of us may not wait on him in the area of who to marry, others don't wait on him in other areas. That is something we are all (not just those of us who are married and divorced) guilty of though, because we are human.

That being said, I met and married my first husband only to find out after we were married that he was a horrible, abusive person. I stayed in that marriage for two years, but the only reason I did is because I thought that God would never forgive me for leaving. The thing is, I sinned when I married him to begin with because I knew that I was outside of his will. The only way for me to keep my sanity and not end up dead by his hand or worse, by the gun that he shoved in my face on several ocassions...was to walk away.

I finally realized (after much prayer and counsel) when I walked away that God didn't want me in the situation I was in and he wasn't going to condemn me for walking away (because he wasn't finished with me yet!). I did walk away, I didn't date until God was ready this time. I met my husband at church while we were both working with the youth group and the rest is history. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has blessed our marriage in spite of the fact that I have been married before.

The way I see it is, yes, God hates divorce. God also hates lying, stealing, cheating, disrespect and every other sin. God hates sin. So many people are quick to use divorce as the focal point of what God hates, forgetting that they too are guilty of doing the things He hates. We are all guilty of sin and we all fall short of his Glory (Romans 3:23). The wages of SIN (not just adultery) is death BUT the gift of GOD is eternal life (Romans 6:23). So when we repent and turn away from that sin, when we ask forgiveness for that sin (be it the divorce or the marriage...or both), God forgives it and God forgets it. So in my eyes and I truly believe in God's eyes, this is my only marriage. My divorce and remarriage aren't something that God continues to hold over my head, reminding me of my sins. That isn't my God.

It is so easy, especially if we are in a God ordained marriage that God is ever present in to say that we would never get a divorce and we would work ANYTHING out. I always said I would never get a divorce. I say now that divorce is not an option and my husband and I will be together forever.

With my first marriage, though, it isn't fair for anyone who isn't or hasn't been there to tell me I was wrong for walking away. Yes, I was wrong in marrying him, but aren't we all wrong at some point in our lives? Does that mean God doesn't love us and he no longer calls us his children? Not the God I serve. That just means that when we come to Him broken and seeking his forgiveness, he gives it to us no questions asked. Then when we work to get back in His will, He BLESSES us and he continues to bless us while we are in his will. God forgives and forgets these divorces, so who are we to continue to hold them over a divorcee's head?

Sorry, I guess I said all that to say this. I do believe that the verses mentioned in the first post have been lost in translation...not YOUR translation but the translations of the bible over the years. I don't think that in Deuteronomy there were any extenuating circumstances of dislike that God just said, go ahead, divorce em if you don't like em. I dont think that God was EVER that laxadasy about divorce. The problem was, that in that time, men were marrying women and then "putting them away" and putting them in exile (while still married to them) and marrying someone else to suit their fancy. God said that this was wrong. He then told them that if they were going to leave these women stranded to marry someone else, at least give them a bill of divorcement so that they can go remarry and live a life for themselves. In the new testament, the original documents stated that one who "puts away" his wife and marries another commits adultery, not one who divorces his wife. God acknowledged a bill of divorcement for what it is, as legal means of terminating a marriage. Jesus also said that It is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the law (Luke 16:17). The law said write a bill of divorcement.

I know way too many Christian couples where, in most cases, the wife was in an abusive marriage at a young age. These women, by nothing short of the grace of God, got out of the abusive marriages and did it right the next time. Now they are happily REmarried, serving God and living in His light.

I don't think that marriage and divorce are things to be toyed with. People are way to lax about marrying and remarrying and marrying again BUT I do think that in certain cases, divorce is necessary in order for one to maintain their sanity, get back in God's will, and carry on living. I believe God forgives us in those cases. I also believe that if we remarry, God still continues to bless us. He doesn't turn His back on us and never look at us again. I know he has forgiven me and I know that I am now in a God-ordained marriage where His presence grows stronger by the day. I also know that there is NOTHING that we won't get through, and nothing that we can't fix with God's help.

angelsword · Oct 10, 2006

Well Jesse girl, we have a saying here in the Bahamas, 'Don't get in God business!' We don't know the inside circumstances that lead people to do what they do, but God knows and loves every one!

I had a co-worker (I say had because I work someplace else now) That was married for 10 years and the couple had no children. Her husband went out and had a child with another woman. She almost lost her mind and had to leave him.

After a while, she met someone else and got pregnant for him, then left him because it didn't work. From what I know, she is still a non-dating, single mother. Her husband told her she should come back into the marriage because they were now 'even'. She forgave him and his mother for covering for him, but told him they were not 'even' because she didn't have the baby to get back at him. It was just one of those things that only God understands! Don't get in God business!

jessesgirl · Oct 10, 2006

If you are saying it like I think you are, then you are absolutely right...we have no place in God's business unless it is in our own lives, in that case he makes his business our business.
HOWEVER so many practicing Christians think that they do have a place in God's business in the lives of others and that just kills me. It kills me how many times I have been told that I can't possibly be a christian because I am remarried and I am nothing shy of an adulterer. What you said applies so perfectly here; don't mind God's business, mind your own. So, well said sis. Y'all say it just right in the Bahamas!

JaneFW · Oct 10, 2006

Jesse's Girl, your story sounds just like mine. I also married the wrong man, and we weren't Christians, so I suffered along in an abusive marriage for many years, until I had to leave for my own safety.

In my second marriage - my LAST EVER marriage - we are now Christians, and we believe that God brought us together. He is also divorced, having suffered through a first marriage very similar to mine, complete with a faithless wife who neglected and ultimately abandoned him and his two sons (who live with us). There is a huge difference in our marriage than in either of our first marriages. After 7 years, we know each other very well, and we work on our marriage, and we put God first. Yes, we still make mistakes and we have had some rough times, but we know that the "d" word is not a word that we will ever say.

Staying out of God's business ... well, I didn't, and I regretted it. Now, I am part of God's business, and it's a whole different world.

jessesgirl · Oct 10, 2006

Yes indeed, it is amazing what God can do when you are on the same page as He is! Thanks for sharing Laurentia!!!

angelsword · Oct 20, 2006

To get an even better understanding of what I am trying to say, please read my post entitled 'I think I have your answer ' In response to the thread 'Does God Make Exceptions'. It is under the forum Mentioned above.

jessesgirl · Oct 30, 2006

angelsword · Apr 20, 2007

jessesgirl said:
Ok

Is it a boy or girl ?

FatBurger · Apr 20, 2007

angelsword said:
...I have found that in cases where spouses committed adultery, most of the unoffending spouses eventually died from A.I.D.S., heart failure, or stress related maladies if they did not separate from the offending spouse.

Can you please give some more details on this?

angelsword · Apr 20, 2007

FatBurger said:
Can you please give some more details on this?

..of people in my area of various ages. I did this study over a period of ten or more years and collected data and info. That is how I got my results.

FatBurger · Apr 20, 2007

Do you have the full data? I'm interested in how many people, what the spread of age ranges was, how restricted the questions were (i.e. was it only personal experience, or "I know someone who...").

angelsword · Apr 23, 2007

FatBurger said:
Do you have the full data? I'm interested in how many people, what the spread of age ranges was, how restricted the questions were (i.e. was it only personal experience, or "I know someone who...").

I took a poll which included a total of 100 people. The age range is on the poll where I first submitted the thread. It was a matter of questions as well as in-depth conversation with family, friends, co-workers etc.

Sascha Fitzpatrick · Apr 23, 2007

deleted

angelsword · May 15, 2007

I guess I should submit this in the whole as well!

Divorce (why you should, or shouldn’t break up!)

It is important first to understand the concept of marriage an the spiritual and moral ramifications of this collaboration. Marriage is a spiritual and physical bond shared between a man and woman. This union marks the completion of spiritual connection that should enable the Christian couple to draw closer to and accomplish more in the name of God. Acts 18: 2,3

The Christian couple, under the bond of marriage is able to unlock some of the mysteries of God. As the interpreter accompanies the speaker in tongues, they are able, through harmony, to seek and find many answers for themselves as well as others in the Christian community. Their spiritual, physical and intellectual intimacy creates and atmosphere allowing divine intervention. For example, a husband may be in a country far from his wife, but is still able to communicate with her by visitation in the spirit or in a dream in the event of an emergency. (This has happened to a Christian couple I know in real life!) Marriage allows this kind of communication. Matthew 18: 19-20

The Bible states that except for fornication, couples should not divorce. Fornication/Adultery breaks a bond that was first formed with the body of Christ. It severs the ties of intimacy with the righteousness of God creating a gap that takes a tremendous amount of time to bridge. This puts the spouse of the adulterer/adulteress in a state of spiritual isolation from them, but not God. It takes away from the effectiveness of spiritual answers sought from God by the couple. This is why divorce is recommended in this case. Proverbs 6: 24-35

Divorce and remarriage are mentioned in Deuteronomy under the extreme case of the husband finding some fault or discrepancy in the wife. Deuteronomy 24: 1-4. One must bear in mind that receiving the spiritual power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Jesus Christ, our forerunner and days man, was not present in those days. Even though the bond of spirit is broken after adultery, the bond of flesh remains until either spouse dies, rendering remarriage to a different person as a perpetual state of spiritual incompletion and sin in the sight of God. Matthew 19: 8 and 9. Divorce (or temporary separation) gives you ‘time out’ to regroup, pray and seek assistance from God, or a pastor as to why your marriage is falling apart, or what led your spouse to be unfaithful. After this, there may be a possibility for God to heal your marriage!
I would also like to add to this the evidence I found in Ester chapters 1and 2. The king put Vashti away and married Ester. A clear case of Divorce! But who sanctioned it and why? God did! It was His divine will and his purpose to save the lives of His people.

Divorce should only be recommended in the case where one is certain that the offending spouse has not been afflicted with demonic attacks leading to the act of adultery (or in a case of physical abuse. Also bear in mind that God does not sanction, or agree to some marriages because of the same demonic force instituting a ‘false’ marriage. No one should marry an intoxicated, drugged or hypnotized or person, or a person under ‘demonic memorization’. It simply means this person married under influences while they were not ‘aware’ of what they were doing. I have seen it happen before! Proverbs 5:18-21

Besides infidelity, one of the most subtle, but destructive forces in destroying marriages stems from the spirit of hate. In several instances that I have witnessed, I noticed a spirit of extreme antagonism and hatred directed toward the wife which stems from the husband. It is a deep rooted hatred which is sometimes a result of bad experiences from childhood, or an hereditary trait. The irony is that wives claimed, “My husband was very loving and attentive before we became married. I never suspected what was going on. He laid ‘ground rules’ about what I should and shouldn’t do after we were married.“ A very calm and quiet and almost, at times shy deportment follows this. With these men, verbal abuse is the characteristic trait, and goes unwarranted because it is conveniently a non-chargeable offense.

These men cannot do with out women, but rather secure one in marriage as a way to vent out hatred and spite for imaginary misdemeanors. This is a serious situation which can lead to an eventual violent breakout on the part of the male spouse after years of pent-up emotions.

Very often women find out ‘too late’ about the mental or psychological dilemma that the male spouse is in especially as it is virtually imperceptible. Oddly enough, these men are master minds at subtly and hiding as most of their mental energy is gear toward subterfuge in keeping the public ignorant as desperately trying to appear normal. Tragically, the cover up works and is not discovered until the worst happens. For the most part it is nearly impossible to get them to admit their part in this kind of behavior, much less get them to seek counseling, or pray with their wives to terminate the situation.

Satan is at the head of every form of destruction in marriage. One demon mainly responsible for failure in marriages is Lepersore. A demon that, in relation to the disease it is named after, slowly eats at marriages. On more than one occasion I have interviewed a married man or woman who mentioned that, ‘ There was a pressure on the bed beside me. I turned around thinking it was my spouse, but there was no one there.’ Shortly after this the couple would experience complications in their marriage.

The issues I mentioned above follow under the category of demonic attack. It is more dead than physical abuse in marriage because very often it goes undetected and unresolved. It takes a spouse that is patient and rooted in God to remain in a marriage such as this. Getting involved in a trust worthy prayer group with family, friends, or the children is a good start toward deliverance.

Marrying someone else before this spiritual predicament is cleared up with the offending spouse, be they male or female will more, or less leave matters unfinished in the sight of God. Please remember that you did join with this person for better, or worse. Think carefully and ask God’s council before thinking of marrying again and as I said, get help and support!

Temporary, or permanent separation should definitely be recommended for partners encountering physical abuse.

Here are some U.S. and international statistics on divorce rates.
An outbreak of "matrimonial millennium madness" has led one of Britain's
leading divorce lawyers to refuse to take on any new clients. The number
of
couples splitting up has reached such huge proportions that matrimonial
law
specialists Lloyd Platts & Co has had to turn people away.

http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/rmillendivbritain02.html

Using a quasi-experimental pre-post intervention design and archival
data from the National Center for Health Statistics, a team of
researchers at the University of Oklahoma examined the effect adoption
of no-fault divorce law had on the divorce rate across the 50 states.
Among the other variables median family income was the only
significant predictor of the change in divorce rate; the adjusted no-
fault divorce rate increased as median family income increased.

http://patriot.net/~crouch/adr/nakonezny.html

I did a poll in the Bahamas and from a few cases I have seen of married couples, I have found that in cases where spouses committed adultery, most of the unoffending spouses eventually died from A.I.D.S., heart failure, or stress related maladies if they did not separate from the offending spouse. In most of these cases, it was the woman who stayed with her husband.

Cheating Husband/ couple divorce
24%
C.H./couple stay together/wife dies
21%
C.H./couple stay together
15%
Man marries under influence of drugs/witchcraft
10%
C.H./couple die from A.I.D.S.
6%
C.H./couple divorce/wife gets new partner
6%
C.H./couple stay together/husband dies
6%
C.H./couple sleep separate/husband dying
3%
Cheating wife/couple stay together
3%
Cheating wife/wife dies
3%
All information for this report came from the Bible and my personal interviewing and polling n my area. The age range of the couples are 18 - 76

PLEASE NOTE! No matter how hurt you are it would be a sin against God and yourself if you retaliate against you spouse by cheating back! The wages of sin is still death! Stoning may no longer be in effect, but the law of God still is. John 8:7
Adultery is not just a sin of the flesh, but the spirit. If you are the victim of infidelity, this is the time to pour out your heart to God, a friend, or a family member. Don’t allow Satan to use you in that way. The repercussions that result in this are manifold.

A woman sought revenge on her husband for his infidelity. Shortly after that, tragedy struck. One of their children were in intensive care after an accident and none of them felt close enough to the Lord to pray, since one of them were in sin at the time they were informed of the accident. Unfortunately the child died.

Be careful in choosing a marriage partner. Ask God’s guidance before you take your vows. Marriage is a event to sacred to be scarred!

Svt4Him · May 20, 2007

Divorce and remarriage are mentioned in Deuteronomy under the extreme case of the husband finding some fault or discrepancy in the wife. Deuteronomy 24: 1-4.

Can you explain how you read that this is only in "extreme" cases? I'll just start with this...

angelsword · May 23, 2007

Svt4Him said:
Can you explain how you read that this is only in "extreme" cases? I'll just start with this...

I say extreme because, according to the Bible, if the man found fault (some uncleaness he suspected) with his wife, her father or, brothers would bring the 'cloth of her virginity' for proof of her purity. the husband would then be severly beaten by the brothers or father or all of them. the divorce still held if a man was determined to divorce his wife, but could never remarry her.

GrannieAnnie · May 24, 2007

Paladin21 said:
Well said on the topic, although I think people convince themselves that Divorce is an option and its ok I think it is VERY wrong.

With my marriage divorce is not an option EVER.

I hope you'll still be able to say that in 30 years......

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