divorce trial soon

[Lyndie]

July 7th is my divorce trial. It is uncontested so I am thinking it will be a quick in and out sort of thing. (Unless the judge brings up the contempt order I have because he isn't paying the support he is supposed too.) I'm having trouble though because I know I am feeling stuff, just not sure what or why I guess. I do know I am nervous because we haven't spoken since he got the papers for the contempt issue. I am finally starting to get over him and get my life moving again, but I am afraid if I see him all the feelings will come rushing back. I continue to find things out about him (like he had been smoking weed for almost two years before I left, and I didn't know, duh me). I don't know, I guess I'm afraid to feel all that again, the hurt, betrayal (he had an emotional affair at work, don't ask how I found out, its really sick). I don't know what else to say really, I was never good with trying to pinpoint my feelings...just wondering if anyone else felt this way and how you dealt with it. Please pray for my strength and peace also, thanks.

 

[Sandradee0303]

Lyndi, I am sorry that you are having to get a divorce. I haven't file yet but am planning on it very soon. I still live in the same house with my husband. Because he is always trying to charm me into staying I sometimes feel guilty or slightly confused. But then I remember all of the crappy things he has done like; many lies, deceptions, cheating, stashing money, etc. and the feelings that those things brought then I remember the reason I am filing. People can change but sometimes the risk of a continued heartbreak (or worse) isn't worth taking that chance.

I pray that you will of the strength of our Savior with you during your court time and at any time that you are in the presence of your soon-to-be ex husband. I also pray that you find peace in your decision or that if there is much doubt that you will hear our Lord leading you where He wants you to be.

Bless you sister,
Sandra Dee

 

[Autumnleaf]

Forgive the man and let the judge sort things out.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I would think that the child support issue should certainly be addressed. My understanding is that any contempt issue has to be addressed first. You shouldn't have to argue about it though unless he is working under the table. I never had to go to court for my divorce; my ex signed and I mailed the papers in. I wrote it up myself and prayed I had done it right. I was so happy to get the decree in the mail.

 

[Lyndie]

Thanks for the replies. Sandra, that's basically how I feel. Autumnleaf, I have forgiven him, but the pain just doesn't disappear with forgiveness. EBL, we do have a court date for the contempt order which is the 22nd. In my state I don't think we can do divorces that way, it prob would have been much easier though.
People sometimes don't understand that we lose so much in a divorce, not just a spouse. For me, I lost an entire extended family, which is sad cause I don't have many people left in mine. I have a brother, an uncle and a few cousins. His family was huge, and now that's gone. I lost my dreams and hope for the future with him. Some people have also told me, well we'll go out and celebrate when its over. I'm of the mindset that the destruction of a marriage isn't something I want to celebrate. Its been a hard year, and I'm so glad I have a church family and God to help me.

 

[janman345]

I am surprised that they wont grant the divorce with a contempt order in place, that contempt order could go on until the kid is 18 and beyond that would be awful if the court did not let you divorce until the contempt order was delt with. Unless dealing with it just means that it exists, you cant get blood out of a turnip.

 

[Lyndie]

Yesterday I went back to court to deal with the contempt order (nonpayment of spousal support) and the divorce trial. Again, he didn't show up. (Didn't show the first time either). The judge asked me what I wanted to do about the support and I told him I'd like a warrant issued because my husband is the type that thinks "if I ignore it, it will go away." The judge said they will send him a letter to appear, but if he doesn't respond in 7 days a warrant will be issued. Again, he wouldn't do anything in regards to the divorce so now he wants me to speak to the 'lawyer of the the day' to get advice. I have to back next week to talk to her. I'm so frustrated. I don't get why he isn't showing up. He has given no indication he doesn't want to get divorced. I haven't spoken to him in over a month. I cannot afford a lawyer either, so I don't understand why the judge wants me to see one.
Has anyone gone through this? What do I do next?

 

[faithinmyself]

Oh man, I am so sorry you have to go through so much. I am from Canada and our laws are just so different. We have to be legally NOT living together for an entire year before we can apply for a divorce. So crazy. It also appears within the USA the law differs from state to state. My thinking is this child support issue and this divorce should be handled as two different issues. For some reason its not. I know here in Canada they are. Its called "maintance" or something like that. I am not entirely sure of everything because I don't have children but my sister who was separated from her husband for a few years went through all of that. (Her husband cheated, lived with his new girlfriend..all of that crappy stuff) but they are back together which I am sure won't last and I don't want it to last either..I cannot stand him, lol) but its not my decison or life.
I hope someone comes along with better advice. But I do want you to know that I understand and here to support or even just to listen. I hope you get things settled soon!!!

 

[jham123]

Why not speak to your Hubby. Maybe the reason he doesn't show is due to him not wanting a divorce to begin with

A lot can change in a few months. Possibly he has had a change of heart, and your feelings are obviously "not gone" all together.

Is there a chance for reconciliation? Are there kids involved?

 

[Lyndie]

We haven't spoken recently. I have tried to contact him but he never replies. We do have a son wh is 19, but he doesn't make any effort to see/talk to our son either.

 

[jham123]

He is hiding/hurting as well.

Go see him.

I work in Sales, we call it "The last three feet"........a lot is revealed over the last three feet. Answers are found out over the last three feet.

If the divorce is not final, there is hope to avoid it.....even if it is final..there is always hope.

at ~40 ( me too) it is strange to be "out there"....it is all different and complicated. He is feeling that...but he is also being stoic......but a cute smile melts a man's heart every time. Men/We are simple creatures, and seduction belongs to women.

A simple olive branch may change lives.