Divorce/Remarriage?

[ninjatoth]

I saying

You just admitted that people were looking for loopholes and excuses to get out when really there wasn't a good reason for it. It kind of sounds like you are saying that be true of everyone. I highly doubt the woman in the woman's shelter battered and bruised decided to loophole her way out by bringing on a beating. And I highly doubt the person with a gun in their mouth about to pull the trigger because the love of their life just completely ripped their heart apart with an affair is chuckling at their very fun loophole they just found. I mean I do agree that people should not divorce for stupid reasons but there is a line that can be crossed, and after the healing ends than these people, even the victims are also cursed to a life of unmet needs, loneliness or even despair because they never had a child yet, so they never can because their spouse destroyed them? I'm sorry but none of all of that sounds like the work of God and what he would want for anyone.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Oh the issue of abused wives and so one is a hard one. Because it does feel like your saying "Deal with it!". Even if you marry someone whos perfect, later on they may abuse you and then your stuck. But I say in those cases you can still remain married. Just leave that person and live elsewhere. Tell them to get help. If they are abusive, don't want to change and can't stand still being married to you since your not there... then eventually they will divorce you just to get rid of you. It leaves you without having to sin and divorce them (as in file against them first). Again your still stuck being single then but life goes on really.

I agree it sounds like a curse to be stuck because of your spouse divorcing you. But at the end of what your saying is why I restate my point that we see it as "What about me? What I want?". We see it as terrible because there is something we wanted in life and we can't have it. Its unfair to us. But God never said we would always get what we want. If anything we get what God wants and has planned. Doesn't mean we won't get what we won't sometimes of course. But whatever happens, it does for a reason. We must learn to accept our fleshy desires are not important in the end of it all. My nice sun glasses, my computer, my wife, my future kids... I can't take them with me when I die anyways. And in heaven my wife will no longer be my wife, my kids no longer mine. Just friends from when I was in this vessel on earth. We become the bride of Christ.

I struggled with that for a long time because it does sound hopeless and depressing almost. I even hated God and everyone around me. I was sick, disabled, couldn't work, moneyless, not even a gf...etc. My hate was from fleshy desires and perfection I wanted. A great life. But I realize now life is temporary and the true life and goal is where we go after this. Our goal while on earth is to love others and most importantly try to bring others to salvation.

I want to add not all hope is lost if you really wanted kids. Adoption is always an option. And you can always have good friends of the opposite sex. What are you really missing from marriage if you are single? Just sex really. Granted marriage is deeper then that of course. Again maybe I am just wrong about it all then. I feel bad that you feel like what I am saying is depressing. I don't want you to feel like that. I know how much it hurt when people told me the same words. If you would like I won't respond anymore because my message is not meant to hurt you at all. I apologize if it did. I can't imagine being in your situation or any situation where your stuck single. I pray it doens't happen to me. And I pray for you that whatever you decide is right or wrong that you find happiness in the Lord and carry on. God is good, even when we think Hes not hearing us or Hes not fair. Maybe talk to a pastor about all this or see what else people say on here. I'm not God so like I said I could be wrong too. I was just giving my view.

 

[Johnnz]

One thing to keep in mind in asking for input is that the sub-form here will be fraught with varied opinions. Many will have the opinion that remarriage will not be allowed, and that it is near adultery to do so. I am not of that opinion. I am of the opinion that "unbelieving spouse" can be included to mean an abuser. If one is in blatant, intentional, unrepentant sin, can we call them a brother or sister in Christ any longer? Hebrews is clear on that - they have left the faith. That's a harsh truth in the face of "no divorce or remarriage for any reason", but I believe that's the deeper truth.
Although I'm not Catholic, I posted a thread a week or so ago on an article where Pope Francis made some interesting statements about marriage and the family. I'll bump it up if you'd like to read it. It's well worth it.

A very sensible post.


John
NZ

 

[mikesayen]

I just can't seem to find good answers for my questions anywhere because what happened in my case is not cut and dry and black and white. I have been divorced twice but want to remarry and am not sure if it's permitted. The first divorce i'm not even going to get into, it is as simple as she left me and was sleeping around, admittedly. The second marriage however, was really bad. She was very very abusive, I mean very abusive and violent, physically, mentally. I was on the edge of suicide because of her so many times. After 4 and a half years of marriage she all the sudden threatened to leave me, so I decided to leave on my own with our child so I wasn't blindsided. Anyways, 2 months later or so with no desire to go back to her, I slept with another woman. My wife at the time did not know this, yet later I found out, within 1-2 days of what I did, she was sleeping with another man, she did this before she knew what I had done so it wasn't revenge or anything like that, we both thought we would never reconcile, well, we did reconcile, but only for 2 months - that's when she shoved my 61 year old mother that just got back from the hospital against the wall, then later threatened to stab my mom and I in our sleep. After that I immediately asked her to leave, so she did and within a few days she had divorce papers drawn up and I was served. My big question is, that no matter where I look for advice I never find real answers. I keep reading that the "innocent" party may remarry. First of all, I can't find anywhere in the bible where it refers to an "innocent party", it just says that for adultery or desertion that divorce is permitted. Clearly there was desertion, and there was also adultery but am I more guilty than her because I did it a day sooner? Am I less guilty because she already deserted me by the abuse? I just don't know the answers. I do know this, I have met and been with the most wonderful Christian woman I have known and my heart tells me she is the one, the one to make it all right. I feel in my heart that if I married this woman, it is far better than wondering life alone and being tempted and constantly losing control and possibly leading a life of fornication. But then again there is this biblical technicality that is so overwhelming. One thing I do know though, reconciliation with my second wife is in no way shape or form an option. She would probably murder me. What to do? Thanks.

What do "we" think? Well, first is your life with Christ. As you know, it says "fornicators" and "adulterers" will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6, Gal. 5). It says, God will judge fornicators and adulterers Heb. 13:4. So, first I need to talk to you about your relation with Christ. And secondly, if your relation with Christ is off (which it was) then your actions to your wife would not be pure and holy as well. If you don't know how to love God, then you will not know how to love your wife. These are biblical facts supported by the word of God. So, if you are still married you need to focus on your current wife and not think about your freedom to marry after this divorce is over.

your brother in Christ,