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Divorce due to Abuse Part deux - Need Advice..

Lotuspetal_uk

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Hi everyone!

I've posted this in another forum area but having read through most the the other 'divorce due to abuse thread' I just needed a more specific collection of opinions to my circumstances. Apologies for covering old ground again :)

Right now I am separated from my Muslim husband (in different countries). In accordance with 1 Cor 7 I have tried to reconcile our differences whilst at the same time letting him know that he needs help and that I am not prepared to return to an environment of abuse. He recently received a copy of my police report and is now unrepentant of his actions to the point of placing the blame completely at my door. He believes that all that he did (I experienced) is in line with his religion and so does not feel he needs to change to harmonise the marriage.

I need some scriptural guidance for this 'stale-mate'. I'm reluctant to divorce and will arrange for a legal separation. However I realise that it is very unlikely that we will see each other again while he is still a Muslim and/or holds onto his views because it will harm both myself and our baby.

In terms of the Christian view, where does the believer stand when a spouse does not upheld their obligation from G-d (in terms of taking care of their spouse) to the point of mentally torturing their spouse. In such circumstances are we okay to divorce an unbeliever or do we still (whilst protecting ourselves and children) go for a legal separation and endeavour to still salvage the marriage? What happens when the unbeliever doesn't want to compromise and has the rhetoric "my way or the highway" - can such behaviour on their part be contrued as the unbeliever destroying the marriage, thus releasing the believer from the marriage contract?

Is the point of the guidance written by Paul in 1 Cor 7 purely to do with the issue of remarriage after such a divorce or does it also include those like myself who have no real plans to seek another partner?

So many questions and again I apologise :)

I may not be able to chip in here as often as I use to with the exception of reading so I haven't gone away completely - just got an old machine to work from now.

G-d bless and thanks for any thoughts on this.

LP
 

JillLars

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Your best bet would be to talk to a pastor, or other spiritual leader to get the most sound spiritual advice. My advice would be to get out of there. Some may disagree, but your husband has clearly broken your marriage covenant, and has made it clear that he has no intentions of restoring it. There is no reason for you to keep yourself in a dangerous situation. God knows our hearts, and that is what he judges us on, so what you need to do is make sure that your motives for getting out of the relationship are pure. It sounds to me like your motives are pure, you want only to protect yourself and your child, and God understand that. You have tried to fix things, and your husband will not budge, God knows that you have tried, and he will know why you leave.
 
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Lotuspetal_uk

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charligirl said:
The bible allows for us to divorce if our unbelieving spouse cannot accept our faith. Can I ask were you a christian when you married?
Hi CG,

Do you mind providing the scriptural verses to what you said. I feel that this is also the answer given the 'stale-mate' I'm in but I just wanted to make sure. Oh, and I got saved during the marriage.

:hug: to JillLars - :hug: Thanks sis. I just wanted to let you know that for certain I will not be going back. I will either instigate a separation or I will go ahead with a divorce given that he is so unrepentant. I guess the real motive for my question was being certain that my next actions are in line with scripture. As an unbeliever, he refuses to do anything in terms of a separation or divorce so technically he is not choosing to leave the marriage and yet he also refuses to change his ways in order for the marriage to work.

G-d bless
LP
 
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seebs

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Don't look for formalized, rigid, boundaries; that's not always how these things work. There's not going to be a checklist of twenty items, and if you have fourteen or more of them you can get a divorce, but if it's only twelve, you have to stay married even if you're separated. Do you think a divorce or a separation will provide a better environment for you or your children? Do you think either might give your husband cause to reconsider his treatment of you? Ask questions like this to see whether you can find the right thing to do. Seeing a pastor for advice is a good bet.
 
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E-beth

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LUK, I have been really worrying and praying over you!!!!

I believe that you are unequally yoked, for one thing, and abused for another. I would like to see you far away and protected from that man. Whether you divorce or stay separated forever, do not go back to an abusive man, especially in regard to your daughter's safety.

Remember that your reasons for leaving are not simple "We can't see eye to eye"...your life was threatened, your emotional state was in ruins, and you had to sneak around in your own house to do fun things with your child. That is a bit more important than "I just don't love him anymore."

Seek out help from a clergy person and a lawyer. Maybe even a Christian lawyer. And pray pray PRAY that God will reveal His will for you. It would be totally like God to reach the man's heart for Him and restore your family. It would also be like God to keep you under his Wing of Protection and help you heal and live a life on your own. He has it under control, no matter what.
 
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