Divorce and Remarriage

[Broncos1982]

So lately i've been struggling with the thought of remarriage due to some scriptures i've been reading.

I was married 8 months to a christian youth sponsor who after we married I only saw her twice a week and she spent more time with her friends than me, and was out at the bars, even though we attended church regularly.

Out of the blue one day she told me she didnt love me and wanted a divorce. We tried marriage counseling and I conviced her to get one on one counseling but she stll wanted a divorce so I signed a decree and let her be on her way, even after telling her how serious a divorce was, and all she said was "God will judge me for this and for everything else I've done" and that was basically our last conversation before our divorce was finalized.

I'm now dating a woman who is going through a divorce because her husband cheated on her multiple times. Is it adultery for me to remarry even though it wasn't my choice to divorce and I fought to save our marriage but she hardened her heart towards me?

 

[1watchman]

By Scripture, it appears you could remarry if your wife first remarries or is living with a man or should die; otherwise, you need to wait. The above condition is binding on you, and also you need to be very sure your new friend is free to marry, not just some vague idea. Don't get impatient and go contrary to God or you will live to regret it. Write me if you wish to discuss this privately.

- 1 Watchman

 

[Johnnz]

You are both free to remarry once the divorce process is complete.

John
NZ

 

[Broncos1982]

By Scripture, it appears you could remarry if your wife first remarries or is living with a man or should die; otherwise, you need to wait. The above condition is binding on you, and also you need to be very sure your new friend is free to marry, not just some vague idea. Don't get impatient and go contrary to God or you will live to regret it. Write me if you wish to discuss this privately.

- 1 Watchman

I made the mistake of having sex with this woman a couple of times, but broke up with her and have been baptized (after) for the first time. It's exciting time for my life. So do I still have to wait for her to live with a man? it seems like it would be contridictory to what Jesus would be teaching, but maybe I am wrong.

 

[wayfaring man]

Jesus took a stricter stand on the subject of marriage than did Moses, which may seem a bit unusual, because in other matters, like the sabbath and dietary laws, Jesus appears to be more liberal than was the law given through Moses.

What is heard from Jesus' words is that husband and wife are bound for life. Separation is allowed for, in cases of unfaithfulness; but remarriage is not specifically allowed for, (especially for the one guilty of being unfaithful), unless one's former spouse is deceased.

The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery.
His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. <-----> Matthew 19:3-11

Paul also counsels -

Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. <-----> 1st Corinthians 7:27

An exception to the above may be found in a case of an "unlawful marriage".

For Herod himself had sent forth and laid hold upon John, and bound him in prison for Herodias' sake, his brother Philip's wife: for he had married her.
For John had said unto Herod, It is not lawful for thee to have thy brother's wife. <-----> Mark 6:17+18

And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel.
Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives. <-----> Ezra 10:10+11

Some contend that if a spouse was not the one to defile the marriage, that they are free to remarry, even though the other is yet alive...but this isn't clearly so...especially because fault rarely lies exclusively with one and not the other, and such allowance also opens a door which threatens the very sanctity of the marriage vow. As it is evidenced today, with roughly half of all marriages ending in divorce, one may begin to question what does marrying do more than simply "living together" for as long as both find they can get along ?
Seems like marriage is often being used to cover the stigma of "sleeping together", even when such unions are of questionable/ non-binding nature.

It's better not to make a vow, than to make one and break it. ( See Ecclesiastes 5:5 )

In this respect, to marry divorce, and remarry may be worse than the very stigma which marriage is called upon to avoid.

Surely, it's a narrow way that leads to a holy life !

May The Lord Be Pleased to Grant Mercy, Grace & Truth unto us. Amen.

wm

 

[Broncos1982]

Well she was previously divorced. So wad not our marriage valid while her previous husband alive.

 

[1watchman]

Broncos, don't try to reason your way out of this. You are responsible for the present time, and you need to wait, friend, for the Bible is our guide for the mind of God, not what some religious friends may say. What I said about remarriage above is true to the Word, and after 50+ years of Bible study I am sure of it. Any additional sins or conditions will not alter it. God is good and will bless you if you honor Him --"...them that honor Me, I will honor, and they that despise Me shall be lightly esteemed" (I Sam. 2:30). Trust God!

- 1 Watchman

 

[Johnnz]

Context is the first rule of interpretation. Jesus' words on divorce and remarriage address a specific situation. Without that understanding his words can become far harsher than they were ever meant to be.

John
NZ

 

[foodiepeep]

Pardon me for intruding, but wasn't Broncos' divorce an unbiblical one, as, like in my case, he and his wife were both believers AND because there was no physical infidelity as grounds? If so, I don't see how he is permitted to remarry freely here...

 

[If Not For Grace]

divorce an unbiblical one

Divorce is never "biblical" even in cases of adultry (Jesus said Moses allowed it) however is sin forgivable? Are you held accountable for what you did before you were "saved"? Or if your sins are Forgiven at any point (and remembered no more).

Did David go to Heaven (how many wives/"concubines" was that?)

How about Abraham? (can you spell Hagar, was that adultry?)

How about Jacob? (Poor Leah)

What about Paul (who said "its better if you don't get married AT ALL).

Was Mary Magdalene forbidden to Marry?

How about the Women at the Well?


Why is the "sin" (which is not measured) so much worse than being fat? Gossiping? or any other? Is there anyone here who has not lusted?(Well if you have you have committed adultry) So Forgive me-I'm guilty-& Brad Pitt does not even know I did it

 

[Broncos1982]

Pardon me for intruding, but wasn't Broncos' divorce an unbiblical one, as, like in my case, he and his wife were both believers AND because there was no physical infidelity as grounds? If so, I don't see how he is permitted to remarry freely here...

I had written this huge thing and I accidentily exited the page lol. Anyway long story short, I felt like jesus was saying "Don't be a pharisee looking for a legal loophole, look at the meaning, and stop trying to justify yourself before men, I alone am the way, I alone can undo your mess."

My divorce was necessary for me to actually follow Christ, because before, neither my wife nor I were living Godly lives, we went to church, said our prayer, and returned to our lifestyles.

I was dating that girl right after my divorce without seeking God, and I remember praying a couple weeks ago, "Jesus, if this isn't the girl for me, then keep her away." and that next day she called and said that we were headed in two different directions and then we broke up. Right after that, I was baptized, and met a single, never married, virgin, which is rare at my age (28). So far, I choose to remain single and God has granted me the ability to do so. I pray to Jesus that if He will allow it, to give me a Godly wife who seeks him first.

It's not easy to be single, but for now I am able to because I absolutely trust Jesus to lead me wherever he wants me to go, and if in the process he leads me to a Godly woman, then so be it, if not, i'll be fine honoring His will.

Foodiepeep, I don't know your previous situation, but turn to Jesus, he will tell you what you need to do. To be honest, all the people saying not to get married are people in perfect marriages lol. I'm new to following Christ, and so it's only my opinion. I find about every other week the Holy Spirit is giving me more and more wisdom, its amazing. Just the other day, I was taught how not to be angry with people in this world. After my baptism, everything has changed, my thoughts, my outlook, my spirit, everyting, it's great.

 

[If Not For Grace]

My divorce was necessary for me to actually follow Christ

Great Point, If we all just let God lead us then we don't have to get all wrapped up in dogma, or legalism. We all make mistakes! Period! Thank God for HIS mercy & for allowing us to correct em.

Congrats Bronco-you got the big picture & now are God's vessel. AMEN!

 

[nikkey76]

I can sympathize with Bronco. My own situation was one where my husband and I were not Christians when we were married at 25 ( we'd been together since we were 17 and 18 and had a 5 year old son) . Over the next five years I became a believing christian and so did my husband ( well he tried ) my husband enjoyed going out to strip clubs and going on vacations with out me or our son. Through his neglect to contribute in our home, family life of finances and me) I asked him to leave. We did go to marriage consoling but he decided that he needed to go on a Caribbean cruise with his friends in the middle of it.
I understand that me asking him to leave was against God and I am ok without dating or getting remarried. I am sure God will take care of me.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I were not Christians when we were married

Then why would you be held accountable for a marriage before your life with Jesus, that would intimate we are still accountable for all actions - Your new life starts when you are re-born, and even then if you sin, you can still be forgiven JMHO

 

[murphy12]

keep it up to share this type of information in future also.

 

[peepalala]

hey i think remarriage is best option for you .i wish you a very happy future life .

 

[Broncos1982]

Actually we are divorced now and I found out she either was cheating on me or had it planned because she went on a cruise with a man a couple months after our divorce

 

[gerardeflow]

By Scripture, it appears you could remarry if your wife first remarries or is living with a man or should die; otherwise, you need to wait. The above condition is binding on you, and also you need to be very sure your new friend is free to marry, not just some vague idea. Don't get impatient and go contrary to God or you will live to regret it. Write me if you wish to discuss this privately.

- 1 Watchman

Watchman,

Scripturally, there is only 1 way he/she can remarry, that is if the other husband/wife Dies then they are released from the marriage Romans 7:2. The divorce clause only permits divorce and not remarriage. Overall, remarriage is adultery.

Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:12, Luke 16:18, 1 Corinthians 7:10-12, Romans 7:2-4

 

[1watchman]

No, friend! I am sure of what I said about remarriage. Read your Bible. If the spouse remarries he/she has committed adultery/fornication, so the other is free to remarry --only in the Lord.