Divorce and Remarriage

[JimfromOhio]

I am divorced and remarried to a different woman. I won't go into details how and why I got divorced however I can say this, I was a "prodigal" Christian during my first marriage and God woke me up when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. My ex-wife and I went seperate ways, then finally divorced. Since then, I am married again and my ex-wife is living with a man.

I am not a prodigal Christian any longer and I am back with Christ with all of my heart, mind and soul. My wife and I are considering joining a local church that is connected to PCA. I want to serve God but I am confused and not sure where everyone's view regarding a divorced man that is married to another woman to serve God in a local Church. In John Piper's church, it was stated that "Persons remarried after divorce will forego positions of official leadership at Bethlehem which correspond to the role of elders or deacons (1 Tim. 3:2, 12)." I know the Scriptures clearly says "Husband of one wife".

So, when I join a local church, as a Christian, what can I do? My wife and I will be attending this local church's membership classes and this question will be on the agenda. Thanks.

 

[5solas]

.... In John Piper's church, it was stated that "Persons remarried after divorce will forego positions of official leadership at Bethlehem which correspond to the role of elders or deacons (1 Tim. 3:2, 12)." I know the Scriptures clearly says "Husband of one wife".

So, when I join a local church, as a Christian, what can I do? My wife and I will be attending this local church's membership classes and this question will be on the agenda. Thanks.

1) I am convinced that John Piper's church is correct
2) You cannot change your position any more, you will have to live with it
3) If you have confessed your divorce and remarriage as a sin and if you deeply regret this action of yours then I think that God will forgive you / has forgiven you because every sin can be forgiven excluding the blasphemy of the Holy Ghost
4) You can still serve God but not in certain positions
5) Serve Him with praying, giving, witnessing, counseling others ....

His grace is much bigger than our sins and failures - but we will have to live with the consequences of our misbehaviour in this time..

 

[Jesusfreak1225]

Well the first thing is that i agree with you. You can get remarried if you are divorce there is nothing wrong with that. Now i really think that you should just go see the church and if you and your wife agree and like it then go join them. Just trust in god he will guide u and follow your heart it will guide you too. God Bless you

 

[5solas]

You can get remarried if you are divorce there is nothing wrong with that.

I do not agree with this statement, except if you mean that you can get remarried with your first wife of course; but I agree that sin can be forgiven

 

[leaningonherbeloved]

I agree with 5solas...

 

[Feder]

3) If you have confessed your divorce and remarriage as a sin and if you deeply regret this action of yours then I think that God will forgive you / has forgiven you because every sin can be forgiven excluding the blasphemy of the Holy Ghost

I definitely agree with that. You've made mistakes, yes, but we all do. If you're willing to repent of your mistakes and begin life anew, God will most certainly forgive you. As should the Church.

 

[Paleoconservatarian]

Being unmarried, and having a father who has divorced and married a second woman (my mother), I am very interested in hearing what everyone (and especially the Bible) has to say about this. Not that I plan on following in my father's footsteps in this area, of course. I do agree with the position of Piper's church on this issue, and my CMA church does the same thing.

 

[JimfromOhio]

After reading and praying, I have decided not to pursue the issue. I am going to walk in the Spirit, let the Holy Spirit do what He will through me. I will see what He does with me. I am going to desire to do when the Spirit directs me, and see people affirm my spritual gifts are going to be something that causes people (the local church) to respond, because it is for them. The idea of the spiritual gifts is simply that the Lord uses that gift in a unity, in a unifying way. God uses my spiritual gifts by His Spirit as He wills.

 

[Jon_]

Well, since it is a PCA congregation, the Westminster Confession of Faith comes into play on this issue:

Although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage: yet nothing but adultery, or such willful desertion as can no way be remedied by the Church or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage (Mt. 19:6, 8, 9; 1 Co. 7:15): wherein, a public and orderly course of proceeding is to be observed; and the persons concerned in it not left to their own wills and discretion, in their own case (Dt. 24:1-4). (Westminster Confession of Faith, 24:6)]

(Edit note: What I originally said here was probably better left unsaid.)

Soli Deo Gloria

Jon

 

[akolouthein]

Are there not exceptions to divorce? I've known women whose husbands battered them daily and finally had the courage to leave. These men for a length of time portray themselves as loving, caring, and THE ONE. No sooner than a month into the union do they begin to beat and degrade the woman. It seems appropriate to say that our omnipotent Lord knew this would happen to this poor womand and I would not think God would ever bless such a union to begin with. I take interest in this topic because I've started to develop a thirst for reading Calvin's works and have not yet read about his poition on divorce.

 

[CoffeeSwirls]

Just to stir the pot, what about his being a new creation? Doesn't his death to sin and his life in Christ allow for some form of ministry?

 

[JimfromOhio]

Just to stir the pot, what about his being a new creation? Doesn't his death to sin and his life in Christ allow for some form of ministry?

That what I was wondering for a long time. He is the husband of one wife (elders and deacons--1 Tim. 3:2,12; Titus 1:6).

1. Some say an elder or deacon can be married only once during his entire life. Others say it means only that a leader must be married to one woman at a time.

2. Some view is that an elder or deacon must be faithful to his wife, "a one-woman kind of man." And still others say that this implies a church leader must be married.

3. Some view this qualification requires that if a church leader is married he must be faithfully devoted to his wife. Is the candidate a man who is dedicated to only one woman? An adulterer, a man who keeps a mistress, or a flirtatious person clearly would not be qualified as a leader.

I have read that men who have sinned in the past will be forgiven and forgotten when they became Christians. Before they were Christians, some were murderer, rapists and child molestors. Can a murderer be an elder? Cam a rapist be an elder? Can a child molester be an elder? Prior to someone being a Christian, they were sinners and now they are Christians. Can wife abuser be an elder or deacon?

I have been studying 1 Timothy 3:1-13 and Titus 1:5-9. The lists are:

1. Blameless (elders and deacons--1 Tim. 3:2, 10; Titus 1:6,7). Men must be found "blameless" in the sight of the people they will be ministering to.

2. A good testimony among those outside (elders--1 Tim. 3:7).

3. Of good behavior (elders--1 Tim. 3:2). The word translated "of good behavior" can also be translated "respectable" or "honorable."

4. Reverent (deacons--1 Tim. 3:8). Such an individual is to take his role seriously.

5. Self-controlled (elders--Titus 1:8). A leader is to exhibit a disciplined life. He must demonstrate a growing Christlikeness and be in control of his passions and appetites (Gal. 5:16-26).

6. Not given to wine (elders and deacons--1 Tim. 3:3,8; Titus 1:7). The Greek word used in 1 Timothy 3:3 and Titus 1:7 refers to a habit of overdrinking. The Greek word used in 1 Timothy 3:8 meant "to be attached to" or "addicted to" wine.

7. Not quarrelsome (elders--1 Tim. 3:3). An elder should not be a person commonly given to argument, disputation, controversy, and rivalry.

8. Not self-willed (elders--Titus 1:7). A person who is overbearing and inconsiderate is not qualified for leadership. Neither is someone who consistently displays an insensitive desire to have his way regardless of facts, circumstances, and the needs or feelings of people (1 Cor. 13:5).

9. Not quick-tempered (elders--Titus 1:7) A quick-tempered man becomes angry and belligerent very easily. The Bible commands us, "Be angry, and do not sin" (Eph. 4:26). Proper anger is controlled and directed at what God is angry about.

10. Not double-tongued (deacons--1 Tim. 3:8). He cannot say one thing to one person and something contradictory to another. His yes means yes and his no means no.

11. Not greedy for money (elders and deacons--1 Tim. 3:3,8; Titus 1:7). He must be a good illustration of one who, though he may be wealthy, places his greatest priority on laying up treasures in heaven (Matt. 6:19-24). No one should be able to accuse a leader of using his position for personal financial gain (1 Thess. 2:5). In his financial dealings, whether personal or business, he cannot be one who uses unethical or questionable tactics to make money.

12. Not covetous (elders--1 Tim. 3:3). This characteristic is closely related to "not greedy for money." A leader cannot be preoccupied with material wealth. The love of money leads a person away from the faith (1 Tim. 6:10).

13. A lover of what is good (elders--Titus 1:8). A lover of what is good means, loving goodness, virtuous, ready to do what is beneficial to others. A person who desires to do good, not evil. In Galatians 6:10 the apostle Paul stated, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith."

14. Holy (elders--Titus 1:8). A leader must have an earnest desire to be pleasing to God. His attitude and actions must reflect a devoutness--a devotion to God.

15. Gentle (elders--1 Tim. 3:3). All of the following terms approximate the meaning of the original Greek word: gracious, kind, forbearing, considerate, magnanimous, and genial.

16. Not violent (elders--1 Tim. 3:3). Literally the Greek word means "not a striker." An elder cannot be one who resorts to displays of temper or intimidation in order to control others. In examining the qualifications of a man for leadership, a careful look must be taken at how he settles his differences with others.

17. Hospitable (elders--1 Tim. 3:2; Titus 1:8). This term literally means "loving strangers." In New Testament times this quality referred to the action of befriending and giving lodging to fellow believers who were traveling or were fleeing persecution because of their faith in Christ. In a broader sense, to be hospitable refers to friendliness and a willingness to help others who need assistance.

18. He is the husband of one wife (elders and deacons--1 Tim. 3:2,12; Titus 1:6).

19. He manages his house well (elders and deacons--1 Tim. 3:4,12). Paul made the observation that a man who cannot govern his own household can hardly be trusted to govern the church. This qualification may also include financial management.

20. His children are obedient and respectful (elders--1 Tim. 3:4; Titus 1:6). This is a more specific statement of how a church leader is supposed to manage his own house. His children are to show evidence that their father is a respected leader at home and that he knows how to instruct and discipline them. As Titus 1:6 states, the children should behave in such a way that no one can accuse them of being wild or insubordinate.

21. His children are believers (elders--Titus 1:6). This qualification (lit. "children having faith") is specifically required of elders because of their responsibility for the spiritual welfare of their congregation. It may well be argued that if a father cannot disciple his own children, can he be expected to be effective in leading others to faith and maturity in Christ?

22. Not a novice (elders--1 Tim. 3:6). A candidate for a position of church leadership is not to be a new convert. He is not known well enough in the Christian community.

23. Tested (deacons--1 Tim. 3:10). Just as an elder should not be a novice, so a deacon must be a person of maturity in faith and character.

24. Hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience (deacons--1 Tim. 3:9). A deacon cannot be a hypocrite. His faith cannot be merely intellectual, contradicting his day-to-day pattern of living. He must display a sincerity of faith and a firm conviction of the truth of God's Word.

25. Holding fast the faithful word (elders-- Titus 1:9). Like the preceding qualification for deacons, elders are likewise required to be men who have a firm grounding in sound doctrine. They must be convinced of its truthfulness and be willing and able to defend it.

26. Able to exhort and convict (elders--Titus 1:9). As stated in the qualification that an elder be "able to teach" (1 Tim. 3:2), he should be a man who knows the Bible well. He should have a firm handle on the truth and be able to explain convincingly the demands of Scripture on our lives.

27. Able to teach (elders--1 Tim. 3:2). This is a key qualification with two shades of meaning. First, it may mean that a leader must be able to instruct others regarding biblical truth. But the Greek word can also mean "teachable." Most likely, there is more implied here than just the ability to teach. In the context, therefore, this quality seems to refer to an ability to communicate the truth without arrogance. A leader should be willing to be corrected. The best teachers are those who see themselves as communicators of truth, not the originators of it. An openminded, reasonable spirit is an essential quality of leadership, as is a recognition of the importance of dialogue.

28. Temperate (elders--1 Tim. 3:2). This word means more than just moderation in eating or drinking. Gene Getz states that "a man who is temperate does not lose his physical, psychological, and spiritual orientation. He remains stable and steadfast, and his thinking is clear." He is balanced in his living, not prone to destructive extremes.

29. Soberminded (elders--1 Tim. 3:2; Titus 1:8). The meaning of this word is very closely related to the previous term, temperate. A church leader must be sensible in his thinking and actions. He cannot be someone who is prone to act on impulse or make rash and irrational decisions. He must be self-controlled and prudent in his actions.

30. Just (elders--Titus 1:8). A person who exercises authority in the church must be concerned with justice in all his dealings. He must do what is right and be fair in all situations.

Of all sins men may have sinned, "husband of one wife" is the only specific mentioned sin listed.

 

[Evee]

I do not agree with this statement, except if you mean that you can get remarried with your first wife of course; but I agree that sin can be forgiven

Of course it wouldn't be right to divorce someone you are married to and go back to the first husband or wife would it?
I agree with you there are some mistakes or sins that we are forgiven. However divorced people,
should not able to serve in the highest positions of the church.
Should they?
I know there are scriptures to back this but haven't found them yet.

 

[5solas]

Of course it wouldn't be right to divorce someone you are married to and go back to the first husband or wife would it?

Of course not; I didn't mean that - if you are married to a second wife it is not possible to get divorced to remarry the first one. But if you are not yet remarried after your first divorce to another one or if your second one dies, then you can remarry your first one.

 

[Evee]

Of course not; I didn't mean that - if you are married to a second wife it is not possible to get divorced to remarry the first one. But if you are not yet remarried after your first divorce to another one or if your second one dies, then you can remarry your first one.

Ok Great thank you for your reply.
I usually get ignored.

 

[5solas]

Well, since it is a PCA congregation, the Westminster Confession of Faith comes into play on this issue:

With all due respect for the Westminster Confession - I still think only the Bible is inerrant. This article (24:6) is one of the articles I do not agree with.

My own personal position and conviction is that I will have one wife or no wife and naught but death will change that. I do not think even adultery is just grounds for a divorce, but neither would I find my wife touchable after such a deed. Many people think this sounds harsh, but I believe this is precisely what Jesus meant when he said that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of the Israelites' hearts. One flesh is one flesh.

I can perfectly understand you but don't you think you narrow what Jesus said?

Mt 19,9 (AV) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

He hates divorce - but He allows it in one case. Anyway, it is very clear from Scripture that one must not remarry after a divorce, except his first wife and if she is still a divorcee.

 

[Jon_]

I can perfectly understand you but don't you think you narrow what Jesus said?

It is more narrow, yes. But like I said, this is just my own personal view. I would not argue that other people do not have the biblical right to do this. I just cannot ever imagine being divorced willingly. Though the Scriptures permit divorcement after adultery, it is not a requirement, and I would not sue for a severance of the marital vows.

Soli Deo Gloria

Jon

 

[calmcoolandelected]

I am not a prodigal Christian any longer and I am back with Christ with all of my heart, mind and soul. My wife and I are considering joining a local church that is connected to PCA. I want to serve God but I am confused and not sure where everyone's view regarding a divorced man that is married to another woman to serve God in a local Church. In John Piper's church, it was stated that "Persons remarried after divorce will forego positions of official leadership at Bethlehem which correspond to the role of elders or deacons (1 Tim. 3:2, 12)." I know the Scriptures clearly says "Husband of one wife".

I'm no PCA expert, but I do know that there have been ordained men who have been divorced. I think as a rule, the PCA holds to the "Husband of one wife" Scripture, but in the incident I am remembering, the man was examined by Presbytery and deemed OK. I'm sure the elders of your local church will be of more help and they can explain their position.

CC&E

 

[Augustine_Was_Calvinist]

I do not agree with this statement, except if you mean that you can get remarried with your first wife of course; but I agree that sin can be forgiven

I think Scripture teaches that divorce is allowed under very specific circumstances.

If a couple who is not Christian is married and one spouse becomes a believer, yet the other doesn't, and the non-believing spouse decides to vacate the marriage, Paul says the believing spouse is not bound in that situation.

1 Corinthians 7;

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.

 

[Augustine_Was_Calvinist]

Are there not exceptions to divorce? I've known women whose husbands battered them daily and finally had the courage to leave. These men for a length of time portray themselves as loving, caring, and THE ONE. No sooner than a month into the union do they begin to beat and degrade the woman. It seems appropriate to say that our omnipotent Lord knew this would happen to this poor womand and I would not think God would ever bless such a union to begin with. I take interest in this topic because I've started to develop a thirst for reading Calvin's works and have not yet read about his poition on divorce.

That circumstance would fall under the "desertion" clause. The abusive party has deserted the marriage.