Divided family

[upamountain]

My sister and I are not close. Sometimes I feel like giving up on the relationship because it's always me that has to initiate any communication. However, it is my mum who is more often hurt by my sister's apparent desire to cut herself off from us. My mum has always been there for both of us, but my sister seems to just throw everything back at her.
I'm finding it really hard right now as I don't know what to do. Things seem to have come to yet another crisis point.
As mum and I are believers and my sister isn't, we should be showing love and forgiveness, but it's getting harder and harder. I feel caught up in the middle and don't know how much more I can do.

 

[Buzzy]

I have nothing to do with my sister anymore so I can understand. I tried love and forgiveness for years and years and finally I just consider myself an only child and she is like a stranger to me. It's better because I had come to hate her along with what she was doing to the family and now I'm free from that hate.

 

[Pal Handy]

My sister and I are not close. Sometimes I feel like giving up on the relationship because it's always me that has to initiate any communication. However, it is my mum who is more often hurt by my sister's apparent desire to cut herself off from us. My mum has always been there for both of us, but my sister seems to just throw everything back at her.
I'm finding it really hard right now as I don't know what to do. Things seem to have come to yet another crisis point.
As mum and I are believers and my sister isn't, we should be showing love and forgiveness, but it's getting harder and harder. I feel caught up in the middle and don't know how much more I can do.

I find that when face to face communication fails, a letter may be helpful.
In a letter there is no room for your sister to throw up the smoke screens
or fill your ears with her distain or ire.

You can craft the letter in love and make it clear that that
you love her as Christ has loved you and that you will be
praying for her and asking God to protect and keep her as
you ask that God reveal His love to her.

Why tell her that you will be praying?

So that as God deals with her as you actually do pray for her,
she will know that it is God at work in her life through the love and
prayers of those who love her enough to lift her up to God.

God will answer your prayers and bring your sister into the kingdom if you will have faith
enough to trust her to God and trust that God is ready,
willing and able to do what you cannot do, bring the truth, love and peace
of God into your family and your sister's life.

There are two of you, where two or more gather in my name I am in the midst)
so the two of you get together (with Christ as the third to agree) and pray for
your sister at least once a week and allow God to direct your prayers in such a way
that He will be freed to act in your sister's best interest.

Don't be discouraged.

Know that if God could changed the hardened heart of Pharoh,
God can change your sister's heart and bring her back to Himself.

With us it is impossible but with God all things are possible.

I have seen God's hand move in my family and strangers lives.

God is no respector of persons so what He has done
for others, He will do for you and your sister.

Prayer is the power of God released, when we care enough to ask God for His best...

 

[tulipbee]

My sister and I are growing further apart. First it started off with my sister disagreeing with how my wife and my mother was getting along. My wife and my mother are both equably responsible for their actions and they both know it. My sister kept up with the pressure so my wife suggested that her abortion isn't so great either and can't be compared. My sister cut her off and over the years, the distance grew. It grew so big that my sister and my wife hardly know each other. The distance has spread over to me and now I don't have much to do with her. Nothing we can do. Even the children are told lies about us. My father told me my sister had an abortion and that info was a big burden. Since my wife and I know about it, my sister decides to run like a fugitive to keep the secret in her own family. If it was me that did that, I would have nightmares for years. This behavior is like witnessing a crime and you become the victim for knowing about it. It's almost like we put ourselves in witness protection plan. My sister befriended me on facebook meaning "mind your own business" and we don't even talk about it and have forgotten it. All that due to knowing a simple info we had nothing to do with. It's almost like we're responsible for the abortion we had nothing to do with. This kind of distance only makes the Burdens grow bigger and I worry that my sister might one day lose her mind for some many denials. If one deny s enough, they might fall into an alternate reality. Almost like a self producing Alzheimers

 

[Avniel]

My sister and I are growing further apart. First it started off with my sister disagreeing with how my wife and my mother was getting along. My wife and my mother are both equably responsible for their actions and they both know it. My sister kept up with the pressure so my wife suggested that her abortion isn't so great either and can't be compared. My sister cut her off and over the years, the distance grew. It grew so big that my sister and my wife hardly know each other. The distance has spread over to me and now I don't have much to do with her. Nothing we can do. Even the children are told lies about us. My father told me my sister had an abortion and that info was a big burden. Since my wife and I know about it, my sister decides to run like a fugitive to keep the secret in her own family. If it was me that did that, I would have nightmares for years. This behavior is like witnessing a crime and you become the victim for knowing about it. It's almost like we put ourselves in witness protection plan. My sister befriended me on facebook meaning "mind your own business" and we don't even talk about it and have forgotten it. All that due to knowing a simple info we had nothing to do with. It's almost like we're responsible for the abortion we had nothing to do with. This kind of distance only makes the Burdens grow bigger and I worry that my sister might one day lose her mind for some many denials. If one deny s enough, they might fall into an alternate reality. Almost like a self producing Alzheimers

Honestly thats not your business that your sister had an abortion. Also your wife is out of order for what she said to your sister. Making that big of a mistake like you said must haunt a woman and to throw it in her face is sinful.

Do you think that she might not be running like a fugative maybe she is running like a person who's brother's wife brought up the biggest mistake she has made in her life. I have met women that state they believed they did the right thing in aborting a child, I have met women that stated they have done the wrong thing......but one thing most women that have abortion feel is pain for the choice they made. Why would your sister have contact with someone that throw something so painful in her face?

Maybe your sister added you on facebook because she wanted to forgive you for allowing your wife to address her in such a manner. And also why should she have to conversate with you on the topic of her abortion? It has nothing to do with you.

Honestly I don't see a woman in denial I see a woman that doesn't want someone to have her mistakes thrown in her face. I don't see one party that is wrong I see two parties that have sinned in the situation. I can honestly say in your situation you just posted I am honestly disappointed.

 

[BFine]

Sometimes the only way to deal with such relationships are to
keep them supported through prayer and fire off a greeting card
or email keeping that person "up to date" with stuff.

You can't make your sister have a relationship with you
if she isn't putting forth any effort to keep it going.

Don't stress yourself out over it, when she's around show her
the love, when she's not around pray for her and touch base
by email or greeting card.

 

[Avniel]

My sister and I are not close. Sometimes I feel like giving up on the relationship because it's always me that has to initiate any communication. However, it is my mum who is more often hurt by my sister's apparent desire to cut herself off from us. My mum has always been there for both of us, but my sister seems to just throw everything back at her.
I'm finding it really hard right now as I don't know what to do. Things seem to have come to yet another crisis point.
As mum and I are believers and my sister isn't, we should be showing love and forgiveness, but it's getting harder and harder. I feel caught up in the middle and don't know how much more I can do.

I would recommend that you do not get in the middle of your mother's and sister's issues that will just take away your peace. Also it never feels good to be in a family setting and feel teamed up on, that just pushes you further away.

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.


Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.
But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

Dont be troubled by the worldly thing thats our finite mind that causes us to do that our fleshly mind but when we think of thing infinitely we are at peace with those that spitefully use us.


Just my thoughts I've been told I give bad advice on here

 

[s_s]

My sister and I are not close. Sometimes I feel like giving up on the relationship because it's always me that has to initiate any communication. However, it is my mum who is more often hurt by my sister's apparent desire to cut herself off from us. My mum has always been there for both of us, but my sister seems to just throw everything back at her.
I'm finding it really hard right now as I don't know what to do. Things seem to have come to yet another crisis point.
As mum and I are believers and my sister isn't, we should be showing love and forgiveness, but it's getting harder and harder. I feel caught up in the middle and don't know how much more I can do.

The same happened between my brother and I. My mother got so hurt by it, she left. I know how hard it is. But sometimes showing love at a reserved distance is all you can do. You don't have to initiate if it always leads to pain - you are not required to like someone, only to love them. Withdraw if you need to, and love from afar.

 

[tulipbee]

Honestly thats not your business that your sister had an abortion. Also your wife is out of order for what she said to your sister. Making that big of a mistake like you said must haunt a woman and to throw it in her face is sinful.

Do you think that she might not be running like a fugative maybe she is running like a person who's brother's wife brought up the biggest mistake she has made in her life. I have met women that state they believed they did the right thing in aborting a child, I have met women that stated they have done the wrong thing......but one thing most women that have abortion feel is pain for the choice they made. Why would your sister have contact with someone that throw something so painful in her face?

Maybe your sister added you on facebook because she wanted to forgive you for allowing your wife to address her in such a manner. And also why should she have to conversate with you on the topic of her abortion? It has nothing to do with you.

Honestly I don't see a woman in denial I see a woman that doesn't want someone to have her mistakes thrown in her face. I don't see one party that is wrong I see two parties that have sinned in the situation. I can honestly say in your situation you just posted I am honestly disappointed.

True it's not our business nor it's my sister's business to back my wife in the corner and say equivalent things. Like poking a scorpion on your hand. The bug is going to get tired of being poked and backed into the corner, soon they will sting you. Thats what happened here. This happen 30 years ago and should have been long forgotten but she that carries the past event still thinks of it and dwell many imaginations and surprise up with new hints.
My sister unfriended me cause I suggested that I can get along with homosexuals and no need to worry about me pushing on it. I had to learn that in large corporate workforce world. She took it her own way and unfriended me on facebook probably cause her son being gay might be too much for her to handle. I was hoping to suggest to my sister that she might want to lax a little of homosexuality but I believe her church and her own family members disagrees with their son or brother's lifestyle. My nephew is glad I accept him. No problem, here. My guess is that I unconsciously knew where my sister's buttons were and pushed it. Now, I know she really doesn't love me. I just wanted to let her know that I'm ok with her son being gay and BINGO, Got unfriended. All I can do now is to shake the dust off my shoes. I personally believe I have been fair and honest. It would only make her nightmares worst and self produced and I don't think we need to be responsible for that. We've done the best we could.

 

[RisingSpirit]

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

I wish I could know who is ungodly and who 's not. Do you have any more quotes like this?

 

[ezeric]

Your Mom's role and your role are 2 different roles.
Ask the LORD, to show you (be patient when you do), what your
role is and how HE will play it through you (not how you will play it).

-eric

The Exchanged Lifehttp://the-exchanged-life.blogspot.com/