ditching a friend a sin?

[KUME06]

In a particular circumstance...would this be a sin?

Suppose you are part of a small church group, 5-10 people. Suppose all in the group consider one another as friends. Some would be better friends or closer than others, of course. Would it be ok if one person in this group decided to cut-off their friendship with another? Essentially, they decide to go from a friendship relationship to no relationship at all, to the one who is doing the cutting off...they only regard this person as someone who happens to be involved in the same community as them. They also inform their former friend of their relational status change from friends to no longer friends.

For the sake of the hypothetical, there is no real reason to end the friendship other than the person just doesnt want to be friends anymore. Nothing in particular happened. They just want to be free of the responsibilities and burdens of being a friend. Also assume they were at least good friends and had spent time together regularly.

Would that be a sin? Is the person that is ending the relationship sinning against the other in this particular situation? Would that be damaging to the group? Long term should both persons be expected to continue on being part of the community, co-existing as non-friends?

This really is hypothetical. Ending a friendship arbitrarily and without real cause is not normal. Let alone someone whom you would have regular contact with.

 

[weRwho]

It all really depends on "why" the person wants to cut off or dissolve the relationship. I have in the past moved away from certain friendships and associations where they were not beneficial to my relationship with God. Now, we should walk in love with EVERYONE; friend or enemy. That being said you need to be careful who you associated with, because that association will either build you up or tear you down.

I would say that it is a "sin" if that person is severing the friendship out of anger, hate, or just to be spiteful. Doing this is not walking in love.

 

[KUME06]

Why they want to end the friendship...assume not exactly anger, hate, or spite. The person just see's being friends as being in the way of other things they would like. Maybe they want more free time, maybe they want to develop different friendships, (more likely) they want to do something that will hurt or bother their friend and just decide its easiet to terminate the friendship. Also assume the friendship was beneficial or at least neutral for each other and their respective relationships with God. It wasnt a great friendship, but it was certainly not bad and probably had potential to be great.

Is there a difference between ending a friendship with a person whom you will not be around if you arent friends, and a person who is involved in the same circle as you, small group of friends, church, workplace, small church group, etc?

 

[wonderwaleye]

Why they want to end the friendship...assume not exactly anger, hate, or spite. The person just see's being friends as being in the way of other things they would like. Maybe they want more free time, maybe they want to develop different friendships, (more likely) they want to do something that will hurt or bother their friend and just decide its easiet to terminate the friendship. Also assume the friendship was beneficial or at least neutral for each other and their respective relationships with God. It wasnt a great friendship, but it was certainly not bad and probably had potential to be great.

Is there a difference between ending a friendship with a person whom you will not be around if you arent friends, and a person who is involved in the same circle as you, small group of friends, church, workplace, small church group, etc?

It might help you to know what GOD'S WORD says about friends:






Sirach
Chapter 6



5 A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.



6 Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.



7 When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him



8 For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress.



9 Another is a friend who becomes an enemy, and tells of the quarrel to your shame.



10 Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes.



11 When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants;



12 But if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you.



13 Keep away from your enemies; be on your guard with your friends.



14 A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.



15 A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.



16 A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;



17 For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.



Sirach
Chapter 9



9:14. Forsake not an old friend, for the new will not be like to him.



9:15. A new friend is as new wine: it shall grow old, and thou shalt drink it with pleasure.



Sirach
Chapter 12



12:8. A friend shall not be known in prosperity, and an enemy shall not be hidden in adversity.



12:9. In the prosperity of a man, his enemies are grieved: and a friend is known in his adversity.



Sirach
Chapter 22



22:24. He that pricketh the eye, bringeth out tears: and he that pricketh the heart, bringeth forth resentment.



22:25. He that flingeth a stone at birds, shall drive them away: so he that upbraideth his friend, breaketh friendship.



22:26. Although thou hast drawn a sword at a friend, despair not: for there may be a returning. To a friend,



22:27. If thou hast opened a sad mouth, fear not, for there may be a reconciliation: except upbraiding, and reproach, and pride, and disclosing of secrets, or a treacherous wound: for in all these cases a friend will flee away.



22:28. Keep fidelity with a friend in his poverty, that in his prosperity also thou mayst rejoice.



22:29. In the time of his trouble continue faithful to him, that thou mayst also be heir with him in his inheritance.



22:30. As the vapour of a chimney, and the smoke of the fire goeth up before the fire: so also injurious words, and reproaches, and threats, before blood.



22:31. I will not be ashamed to salute a friend, neither will I hide myself from his face: and if any evil happen to me by him, I will bear it.



22:32. But every one that shall hear it, will beware of him.



Sirach
Chapter 37



37:1. Every friend will say: I also am his friend: but there is a friend, that is only a friend in name. Is not this a grief even to death?



37:2. But a companion and a friend shall be turned to an enemy.



37:3. O wicked presumption, whence camest thou to cover the earth with thy malice, and deceitfulness?



37:4. There is a companion who rejoiceth with his friend in his joys, but in the time of trouble, he will be against him.
37:5. There is a companion who condoleth with his friend for his belly's sake, and he will take up a shield against the enemy.



37:6. Forget not thy friend in thy mind, and be not unmindful of him in thy riches.




This might be something you did not want to see after reading your post. But I could be wrong and you be the judge of that.



LOVE


steven

 

[DreamsAreFree]

Ending a friendship is not of itself sinful but I'd venture to say the method could be. In the situation you describe, it is unlikely that it is necessary to inform the other person that you are not going to be in a friendship with them. I would just let it die a natural death. Since you have nothing against them and are going to have to associate with them at church, it is better to avoid an uncomfortable relationship and keep things friendly.

 

[Winter]

I agree with everything in this above post - I was going to say exactly the same thing.

 

[KUME06]

If you keep things friendly, youre still kind of friends, right? Maybe just not as good of friends as before. Maybe one would call that a church friend. Friends within your small church group, but dont associate outside of it basically.

It seems like its one thing to terminate a relationship with a person, and both of you to go on your separate ways in lives and a whole different situation when a relationship is terminated...and both parties continue to travel down the same path in life together (i.e. work together, live together, part of the same church, etc). The first seems like a necessary evil, not ideal, but not really wrong. The other just seems very wrong to me, but Im unable to really explain why. Just seems really selfish, like 'eh...I dont want to be bothered to actually have to care about or respect this person anymore.'

More clarification of what the situation Im trying to convey: Imagine you have two close friends, and you three hang out alot. Now imagine you simply to decide to terminate your friendship with one of those friends, yet plan to hang out with both (because your 1 remaining friend will always include your now ex-friend). It just seems crazy, right? Sure you could go on and be friendly, treat them well and considerately...but if so youre still friends by any reasonable definition. If not and you treat them without regard, youre holding up to your non-friends deal, but also being a huge jerk. This is an extreme example, I was really thinking of the same scenario but involving 5-15 people. I think the same rules apply, but more people would tend to equate to less jerkiness. Hope that makes more sense.

This is again hypothetical, I have experienced something vaguely similar, but dont want to get into it. Prefer to discuss a vague hypothetical situation .

 

[DreamsAreFree]

I think, in the clarified situation, if you ditch one of the two friends you will likely lose them both. And does it really matter if you are friends in that situation or not? Why so hung up on a term? Friends that we have social contact with but aren't close friends are called 'acquaintances'. Why the need to define people as 'friends' or 'not friends' so sharply and have them know about it?

In this situation I would say have more affection for one friend but be friendly with both. Don't 'ditch' a friend unless you want to lose both. You put the friend you want to keep in the middle and that's not something a friend does. Also, how much respect can you have for someone who is divisive like that and hurts someone by telling them they can't be a friend? Have them as a friendly acquaintance and let it be. If not, things will get awkward and the consequences may go wider than just this little circle.

 

[SilverFire]

Bro, why do you use large fonts and screaming red as a color? It makes you look obnoxious and it virtually guarantees that no-one will read what you wrote.

It might help you to know what GOD'S WORD says about friends:






Sirach
Chapter 6



5 A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.



6 Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.



7 When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him



8 For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress.



9 Another is a friend who becomes an enemy, and tells of the quarrel to your shame.



10 Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes.



11 When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants;



12 But if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you.



13 Keep away from your enemies; be on your guard with your friends.



14 A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.



15 A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.



16 A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;



17 For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.



Sirach
Chapter 9



9:14. Forsake not an old friend, for the new will not be like to him.



9:15. A new friend is as new wine: it shall grow old, and thou shalt drink it with pleasure.



Sirach
Chapter 12



12:8. A friend shall not be known in prosperity, and an enemy shall not be hidden in adversity.



12:9. In the prosperity of a man, his enemies are grieved: and a friend is known in his adversity.



Sirach
Chapter 22



22:24. He that pricketh the eye, bringeth out tears: and he that pricketh the heart, bringeth forth resentment.



22:25. He that flingeth a stone at birds, shall drive them away: so he that upbraideth his friend, breaketh friendship.



22:26. Although thou hast drawn a sword at a friend, despair not: for there may be a returning. To a friend,



22:27. If thou hast opened a sad mouth, fear not, for there may be a reconciliation: except upbraiding, and reproach, and pride, and disclosing of secrets, or a treacherous wound: for in all these cases a friend will flee away.



22:28. Keep fidelity with a friend in his poverty, that in his prosperity also thou mayst rejoice.



22:29. In the time of his trouble continue faithful to him, that thou mayst also be heir with him in his inheritance.



22:30. As the vapour of a chimney, and the smoke of the fire goeth up before the fire: so also injurious words, and reproaches, and threats, before blood.



22:31. I will not be ashamed to salute a friend, neither will I hide myself from his face: and if any evil happen to me by him, I will bear it.



22:32. But every one that shall hear it, will beware of him.



Sirach
Chapter 37



37:1. Every friend will say: I also am his friend: but there is a friend, that is only a friend in name. Is not this a grief even to death?



37:2. But a companion and a friend shall be turned to an enemy.



37:3. O wicked presumption, whence camest thou to cover the earth with thy malice, and deceitfulness?



37:4. There is a companion who rejoiceth with his friend in his joys, but in the time of trouble, he will be against him.
37:5. There is a companion who condoleth with his friend for his belly's sake, and he will take up a shield against the enemy.



37:6. Forget not thy friend in thy mind, and be not unmindful of him in thy riches.




This might be something you did not want to see after reading your post. But I could be wrong and you be the judge of that.



LOVE


steven

 

[BigNorsk]

Friendship grow and wane but I really can't imagine going to a friend, if he or she really is a friend and saying you aren't going to be a friend anymore.

I mean really what does that mean? You will leave the room if you see them? You won't come to a benefit dinner if they have cancer? What?

I think you must be speaking of a situation where the two are not really friends, more they are acquaintances, people who have done some things together but there is no real bond of friendship, at least on one's part.

I would say there is no real need of a formal breaking of the relationship, that is only likely to cause tough situations. Simply continue to be acqaintances and do things together when it happens.

Marv

 

[wonderwaleye]

Maybe just speaking the TRUTH between you and your friend will resolve your problem. Some friends are real needy.



LOVE


steven

 

[JCFantasy23]

There's nothing sinful (I dont think) about ending a friendship, as long as you continue to be polite. I think it would be rude though. Not to end the friendship, but to take the person to the side and tell them you dont want to be their friend but want to be friends with the others. Whether you consider yourself their friend or not, when you all hang out in a group, you would not ignore the other person outright, correct? Just be friendly, and don't do personal one on one time anymore.

 

[Nobody1]

In a particular circumstance...would this be a sin?

Suppose you are part of a small church group, 5-10 people. Suppose all in the group consider one another as friends. Some would be better friends or closer than others, of course. Would it be ok if one person in this group decided to cut-off their friendship with another? Essentially, they decide to go from a friendship relationship to no relationship at all, to the one who is doing the cutting off...they only regard this person as someone who happens to be involved in the same community as them. They also inform their former friend of their relational status change from friends to no longer friends.

For the sake of the hypothetical, there is no real reason to end the friendship other than the person just doesnt want to be friends anymore. Nothing in particular happened. They just want to be free of the responsibilities and burdens of being a friend. Also assume they were at least good friends and had spent time together regularly.

Would that be a sin? Is the person that is ending the relationship sinning against the other in this particular situation? Would that be damaging to the group? Long term should both persons be expected to continue on being part of the community, co-existing as non-friends?

This really is hypothetical. Ending a friendship arbitrarily and without real cause is not normal. Let alone someone whom you would have regular contact with.

Never, ever ditch a friend.

Those of sour hearts and minds that do this are born to endless night. They are altogether sick and dogs. They deserve nothing.

If you were the devil himself, I would welcome you in. But of these self-imposed saints, the so-called "righteous", lifted in their own hearts -- they want honor and power and glory in a world that does not support it.

They are would be saints, sick for drinking blood that has made them mad.

We say, "love your enemies", and they turn to Mosaic Lie.

I mean, "Law".

The Law of today is that very Word Jesus spoke to us. Not their pretensions, not their lies. (As both well know.)