Hi Friends,
I'm not totally sure how to start so I'll just go for it. I'm having difficulty figuring out what God wants me to do here. I really like to write, I've been writing since high school, and I've recently completed the first draft of my first original novel (most of what I've written before has been fanfiction). My brother and my mom have encouraged me, and recently my brother texted me all excited after reading some of my other work: "you have to keep doing this, this is totally your calling!" I feel like I'm pretty good at it, sometimes I use it for therapy when I'm not feeling well emotionally, and overall I enjoy it.
But, in the back of my mind, there's always been this feeling of "I shouldn't be doing this." It's been there for years. This feeling sometimes coincides with some obsessive thoughts (such as "are my ideas truly mine?? is there something 'evil' around me influencing my thoughts?" and having to pray a certain prayer before I write so God will help my ideas--I often get hung up on saying this prayer just right, too). But sometimes, the feeling doesn't seem illogical. Especially when I look at it objectively: yes, writing does admittedly distract me from God, and there is pride there, too.
But if I continue to look at it objectively, I remind myself about the verses about not hiding your light under a bushel, taking every thought captive, and being wise, and just thinking to myself "God gave us brains to make decisions and to think things through." My stories are clean, and I try to write them with the filter of "is this something contrary to my faith or not" and try to be mindful of that.
And yet, the feeling that I shouldn't be doing this is still there.
I don't have severe OCD, but I know I do tend to get obsessive about things. My concern is that this is working in two ways: 1) God is telling me to stop writing my story (the novel I finished and need to revise) and 2) my obsessive tendencies are ALSO latching onto writing, creating their own separate set of problems (ie the praying thing and the ideas obsession).
So, yeah.
I'm not totally sure how to start so I'll just go for it. I'm having difficulty figuring out what God wants me to do here. I really like to write, I've been writing since high school, and I've recently completed the first draft of my first original novel (most of what I've written before has been fanfiction). My brother and my mom have encouraged me, and recently my brother texted me all excited after reading some of my other work: "you have to keep doing this, this is totally your calling!" I feel like I'm pretty good at it, sometimes I use it for therapy when I'm not feeling well emotionally, and overall I enjoy it.
But, in the back of my mind, there's always been this feeling of "I shouldn't be doing this." It's been there for years. This feeling sometimes coincides with some obsessive thoughts (such as "are my ideas truly mine?? is there something 'evil' around me influencing my thoughts?" and having to pray a certain prayer before I write so God will help my ideas--I often get hung up on saying this prayer just right, too). But sometimes, the feeling doesn't seem illogical. Especially when I look at it objectively: yes, writing does admittedly distract me from God, and there is pride there, too.
But if I continue to look at it objectively, I remind myself about the verses about not hiding your light under a bushel, taking every thought captive, and being wise, and just thinking to myself "God gave us brains to make decisions and to think things through." My stories are clean, and I try to write them with the filter of "is this something contrary to my faith or not" and try to be mindful of that.
And yet, the feeling that I shouldn't be doing this is still there.
I don't have severe OCD, but I know I do tend to get obsessive about things. My concern is that this is working in two ways: 1) God is telling me to stop writing my story (the novel I finished and need to revise) and 2) my obsessive tendencies are ALSO latching onto writing, creating their own separate set of problems (ie the praying thing and the ideas obsession).
So, yeah.
)
