Discerning between youre thoughts

[picassoui]

Usualy for me at least it is easy to discern between what are intrusive thoughts and what are my own, but there are times when i have had blamphemous thoughts and im not certain whether i thought them myself or whether it was a product of mental illness ..Dealng with these thoughts are different when you know they are not yours so to speak , but when you are not sure it is alwful.

This morning it happened , I was in bed and a blasphemous thought or thoughts came up about the Holy Ghost and i cannot be sure if i thought it myself as in a FREE thought or if it was my condition the uncertainty is killing me and while i know that that terror is probably ocd becaue of runimrating still i cannot be sure if it was my thought as in from my heart or whether it was not So im terrified .. I dont want to think these things concsiously about the Holy Ghost i want to believe there is still hope for me but one of the fears isthat the thoughts came from my heart into my mind and that because i was relaxed it emerged .The way a person who is drunk often reveals what is in his heart . Im sure someone can relate to this fear and to the question:" How do i know it was not realy from me ?"

Thanks Andy

 

[kaykay537]

This is totally the way OCD works. If those were thoughts you truly wanted or felt, you would not be concerned about them in any way, form or fashion. All of it, is a product of OCD. That's my take on it anyway.

This particular bent of OCD is not one I struggle with, but if you will read back some of the threads on here, you will see that you aren't alone in this. Several posters have expressed these kind of thoughts of wondering if it were really them or the OCD etc.

Rule of thumb regarding this and other expressions of OCD: "If you think it could OCD, it probably IS OCD."

 

[babegirl111]

Hey, I am kind of dealing with this problem now too. Trying to figure out which thoughts are mine and which ones come from the OCD! IT'S ALL OCD! You just have to keep praying about it because the more you think about it the more your feeding your OCD!

GOD BLESS!!

 

[PARCmd]

Usualy for me at least it is easy to discern between what are intrusive thoughts and what are my own, but there are times when i have had blamphemous thoughts and im not certain whether i thought them myself or whether it was a product of mental illness ..Dealng with these thoughts are different when you know they are not yours so to speak , but when you are not sure it is alwful.

This morning it happened , I was in bed and a blasphemous thought or thoughts came up about the Holy Ghost and i cannot be sure if i thought it myself as in a FREE thought or if it was my condition the uncertainty is killing me and while i know that that terror is probably ocd becaue of runimrating still i cannot be sure if it was my thought as in from my heart or whether it was not So im terrified .. I dont want to think these things concsiously about the Holy Ghost i want to believe there is still hope for me but one of the fears isthat the thoughts came from my heart into my mind and that because i was relaxed it emerged .The way a person who is drunk often reveals what is in his heart . Im sure someone can relate to this fear and to the question:" How do i know it was not realy from me ?"

Thanks Andy

The best way is not to think about it and dismiss it as if it did not happened. That exactly happened to me a lot of times last year and I didn't stopped ruminating about it - the next thing that happened - I started accidentally saying those blasphemous thoughts frequently - so, honestly, if you don't wanna go like that (and mind you, it's terribly horrifying, as it is exactly what the Bible warns about the unpardonable sin - not thoughts, but speech), better stop ruminating. I didn't stopped ruminating and eventually, the accidental speaking blasphemies happened, and truth is, when you have spoken the blasphemy a lot of times, even though it is accidental, there's a feeling of being doomed forever. So I suggest you stop ruminating now coz you're still fine, before developing a more severe OCD and start spewing out blasphemies out of your mouth.

 

[BeccaLynn]

Andy,

I do understand what you are talking about. I have worried so many times in the past of if the thoughts were my own or not. I even struggled believing I had ocd and was determined that it was a spiritual problem because it just seemed so much like it was. How could someone think such things about God/Jesus/His Holy Spirit if it wasn't a spiritual problem? I definitely felt I had a heart problem. And what made it worse was that I would worry that I didn't feel sorry enough about it, that it didn't bother me like it should. Then I would spiral down because I didn't think that I felt as if someone should who was truly repentant for such thoughts. I had to finally accept that it was ocd. Something that I've come to realize is that God has been such a loving Father to me, even in the midst of the horrible thoughts. I felt for so long as if He was just fed up with me and angry, that He knew I would never get it together, etc. The fact is that God's ways are so above our ways, and He does not respond as a human would. He so well understands. Remember that the Bible says that Jesus was tempted in every way we were, but was without sin. He understands every single thing we go through. When I felt so rejected by God, and would go through compulsive praying rituals and such, I kept trying to earn His approval. God revealed to me before that He is my El Shaddai, meaning My God who is More than Enough. I can't be in myself, but He can and is. He holds us gently, disciplines out of love, but doesn't reject us. People reject God, He doesn't reject people. Our ocd will tell us that we're rejecting Him with our thoughts, but those thoughts will feed off of those feelings. I've learned to just sit back and tell God that He understands, and I'm understanding more and more that He really does. I used to tell God that if He would just heal me of this, that I would tell of his saving and healing power to others who are bound. I'm realizing that in the midst of it all though is when I can tell of His saving and healing power. It may not be as I'd hoped, but God is using me even though I felt unusable by Him. He is healing me, a day at a time. Please don't get caught up in what's me and what's the ocd. It will absorb your thoughts. Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you and go on. I've told God before, and I probably will again . . . "anything that's in me that is unpleasing, help to change me", then I try to just let Him do that instead of tearing it all apart myself. That gets me into a mess every time. Please remember that God loves you and so do we on this website. He is clearly operating in our lives to even make a way for us to encourage on another.

Praying for You,
Rebecca

 

[BeccaLynn]

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I should've put this is my previous reply, but I wanted to say that it's bothering me that you seem to think that God is rejecting you, as if you're hopeless. Please don't believe that lie. We may feel that way, but remember that feelings so easily lie. That's exactly what it is, a lie that the devil relishes in when we believe it. When we believe it, then it causes us to act like one who is rejected as well. A minister friend of mine told me that another minister, after reaching his elderly years, was placed in a nursing home. This man began speaking curse words aloud, not likely because it was coming from his heart, but because his mind was not functioning properly. In his old age, his brain wasn't functioning correctly. That's why ocd is under mental health. It has to do with a malfunction in the brain, not necessarily a condition of the heart. We all have heart conditions, but that's why Jesus came. I've read your posts before and know how hopeless it can all seem. I am absolute proof that it's not hopeless. God didn't create us and then leave us to a miserable existence. I really hope that you will seek godly counsel. Counsel from someone who is compassionate and understands the nature of ocd. Ocd becomes bigger the more we try to fight it on our own. It also becomes more overwhelming to us. I wish so much that I had sought counsel years ago, especially before having my son. I could've spared my family and myself much heartache. Ocd, as you've read before, attacks in areas that we're concerned the most about. If you fear you'll speak blasphemies aloud, then ocd will zero in on that. Whatever spikes a response gets ocd's attention. Please listen to what I'm saying. With ocd, it's so easy to go by what we feel than what God and people are actually telling us is true. We think we know better than what others do who are advising us because they don't feel the way we do. I pretty much have felt the way you do, and I know how scary it is to trust when someone tells us it's ocd and not because we are hopelessly doomed. I do pray for you.

Rebecca