dilemma

[Dalia24]

I've become aware of a situation which I don't know what to think of...

A woman, we'll call her Gloria, has been emotionally neglected and financially misused by her husband. She then sees rather strong evidence that he has had at least one affair, though she's not totally sure. She stands up to him and he physically abuses her more that once. Both are Christians. He was poorly raised, and may have mental problems. She divorces him, and after a time, he wants her back. They have school-aged kids.

Should she go back to him, if he gets serious counseling and proves to be repentant? If not, is she biblically free to remarry?

I really feel for this gal, but I'm really conflicted over her situation because the adultery is not proven. Not that she should live with the ex if he hasn't changed. But should she remarry another?

 

[JaneFW]

I've become aware of a situation which I don't know what to think of...

A woman, we'll call her Gloria, has been emotionally neglected and financially misused by her husband. She then sees rather strong evidence that he has had at least one affair, though she's not totally sure. She stands up to him and he physically abuses her more that once. Both are Christians. He was poorly raised, and may have mental problems. She divorces him, and after a time, he wants her back. They have school-aged kids.

Should she go back to him, if he gets serious counseling and proves to be repentant? If not, is she biblically free to remarry?

I really feel for this gal, but I'm really conflicted over her situation because the adultery is not proven. Not that she should live with the ex if he hasn't changed. But should she remarry another?

If he does change - and he would need to prove wholeheartedly that he has changed and it would take a long period to trust him on that - then she can go back to him, if that's her preference. As he has "mental problems", imo, she should keep her distance, because "mental problems" won't get fixed in short term counseling, if at all. Or she could stay single or she could remarry. I don't know how you "prove" adultery. If she has "strong evidence" and is convinced he committed adultery, then she is free.

But either way, why does it matter if you are conflicted? It's up to the lady in question whether or not she is conflicted.

 

[Puptart]

It is entirely her choice. Personally if it were me (and it has been me at one point in the past), I would just move on.

 

[iambren]

She seems to have legitimate scriptural leeway to go either way. It is always assumed that children wish to have mommy and daddy together again. That's not always the case, especially if the marriage is stormy.

Two words about remarrying:

1 The same problems will be there so re-divorce is likely.

2 In this case the scenario of "I'll reform, won't drink anymore, won't be unfaithful" are spoken then broken in a cycle. Not healthy.

 

[Dalia24]

Thank you all for these thoughtful replies.

Jane, I am conflicted because I may be invited to her wedding if she remarries, and I want to know that I should support such a new union or not. I do agree with you about her ex's mental issues. That's likely going to be in the picture for the long run. Also, it's true that it may be nearly impossible to prove adultery, but is strong suspicion enough? Is there a godly purpose in singleness that she's going to miss by assuming adultery and remarrying? It's just not as "clean" as I'd like it to be if it was me...

Iambren, could you elaborate on 2.? I'm not quite sure what you're saying.

 

[iambren]

You had written "She divorces him, and after a time, he wants her back. "

Sometimes a wayward spouse will "repent" and promise reform only to lapse back into the old behaviors. Like the wife beater tearfully promising he'll never lay a hand on her again but it repeats, he says sorry, forgiven, beats on and on.

 

[Dalia24]

Yes, I see. I figured it out after re-reading it. I agree that is often the pattern. So sad...