Difficult time controlling sexual arousal (little TMI)

[bugkiller]

I think the problem is our ideas about sex and love. Both are generally way out of balance in our society.

bugkiller

 

[SheldonCooper]

I'm a firm believer. My boyfriend is, too. We are waiting for marriage (should we decide we are meant to be married) before sexual contact.

We've officially only been a couple since Valentine's Day (9 days ago).

I had a total hysterectomy and both ovaries removed due to problems with them in November. So, I am in menopause and seemed to have gone through the hot flashes and other issues already, which included rather uncomfortable dryness in that region. But suddenly since spending time with him my arousal is ridiculously heightened. I'm need to start using panty liners.

I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to do, how to address the problem. I consider it a problem because we aren't doing anything more than an occasional hug, hand-holding, and the like. But after he leaves my home I still can't calm down my urges. I don't know if this is a temporary thing as my nerves in the area have been "activated" and since they were possibly damaged mildly from the surgery maybe this resurgence is temporary - or maybe I just haven't been in a relationship for so long (let alone one which is as pure as it is) that I no longer have the ability to manage this like most others do?

I am continuing to pray that God calms this part of me down, because I won't have sex until I marry. I've been down that path a few times before and it always felt wrong - this - this relationship feels perfectly God-sent. I'm in awe with this man, that God sent to me. I won't mess it up by getting physical before marriage. But my dilemma lies in the self-gratification area.

We all know that lust is sin. Until tonight I've not had fantasies pop into my head, or flashes of sexual acts with him, but this continued arousal issue started well before tonight. So it has now mildly progressed into a few brief flashes in my mind as I sat down to my computer after he left. I certainly don't want to perpetuate the lust that is starting to form, because I firmly believe he was meant to be my husband. I have self-gratified all my post-pubescent life. I didn't come to Christ until 2007 or 2008 but it continued past that date. But this is the first relationship I've had in 10 years. I'm 33 years old, and now in menopause.

I guess I'm just asking for guidance and discussion on the moral dilemma I'm now facing.

Not that it matters - but I've grown in my ability to NOT lust while self-gratifying. So, my question is - does God see that as sin even though no lust is involved? If so, how we we know? Which scripture reveals that?

Honestly, I'm trying to get a handle on the arousal issue because I can't spend time every night trying to resolve it, that itself seems unhealthy.

I'd take care of yourself if I were you. In the Christian manifesto it clearly shows a teaching style by Jesus that illustrates how even if you think it you did it. I wouldn't categorize you thinking of your boyfriend as lust either. It's more in the area of love in the context of heterosexuality. Your body is simply functioning in the way it was design to function in the area of procreation. You are supposed to feel all those feelings of emotions, comfort, elation and assurance that this man is the one for you that ultimately arouses you to copulate with him. All is normal in the human body.

I would suggest that maybe you do some reading and study more on your body and not so much on what the Bible says simply because the Bible doesn't give aid to a hermaphrodite who goes through the same thing, only on a larger scale.

 

[Dave-W]

I'd take care of yourself if I were you. In the Christian manifesto it clearly shows a teaching style by Jesus that illustrates how even if you think it you did it. I wouldn't categorize you thinking of your boyfriend as lust either. It's more in the area of love in the context of heterosexuality. Your body is simply functioning in the way it was design to function in the area of procreation. You are supposed to feel all those feelings of emotions, comfort, elation and assurance that this man is the one for you that ultimately arouses you to copulate with him. All is normal in the human body.

But that is not allowed by many christian theologies. You are not supposed to have any kind of sexual feelings thoughts or desires until AFTER you say "I do." Anything before that is sinful lust and probably demonic possession.

That was the message I got growing up. I rejected it about 30 years ago.

 

[SheldonCooper]

But that is not allowed by many christian theologies. You are not supposed to have any kind of sexual feelings thoughts or desires until AFTER you say "I do." Anything before that is sinful lust and probably demonic possession.

That was the message I got growing up. I rejected it about 30 years ago.

Yes, I'm glad you did. It's a shame many believe they will go to Hell because they were created to be human.

 

[Dave-W]

's a shame many believe they will go to Hell because they were created to be human.

In their 1980s book "A Gift for All Ages," christian author (and clinical psychologist) Dr Cliff Penner and his wife RN Joyce Penner wrote about a 12 year old girl they knew that committed suicide because she could not overcome masturbating. In her note she said she could not understand why God would give her such strong urges and then condemn her for responding to them.

Our Lord taught that "You shall know them by their fruits."
Suicide is not good fruit.

 

[SheldonCooper]

Our Lord taught that "You shall know them by their fruits."
Suicide is not good fruit.

It's the very reason why I left the christian belief system. Bad fruit.

 

[Dave-W]

It's the very reason why I left the christian belief system. Bad fruit.

Indeed. And the fact that you felt compelled to leave christianity is bad fruit as well.

I do wish you would reconsider. All believers and theologies are not that bad.

 

[bugkiller]

But that is not allowed by many christian theologies. You are not supposed to have any kind of sexual feelings thoughts or desires until AFTER you say "I do." Anything before that is sinful lust and probably demonic possession.

That was the message I got growing up. I rejected it about 30 years ago.

Wish that was the only thing they are wrong about.

bugkiller

 

[bugkiller]

It's the very reason why I left the christian belief system. Bad fruit.

Left the Christian belief system or the religious system. I left the religious system in part for the same reason.

bugkiller