Different tactics

[Linnis]

My nephew always listens to my husband, the first time. He never talks back and always answers "Yes, Uncle Ronnie." and marryly goes on his way doing whatever he's been asked to do or whatever.

On the other hand, he always questions me. I've tried to be polite and say "Please get your shoes off the carpeting" instead of demanding it because I'm like if I was polite I have to give it right? Lately I've been ignoring him when he demands something until it dawns on him to ask and not demand but why should I have to wait?

I mean my nephew doesn't listen to his own dad much better either but what does my husband do, to make my nephew respect him enough to do everything the first time?

My husband says it's because he doesn't ask twice, he doesn't repeat himself. He never has even before I came into the picture and he never will. And it's not like my nephew is scared of my husband because they look playing with hot wheels or video games.

I don't ask twice. Is it because my husband is the constint male figure? I mean when I was a kid mum could yell but if dad had to talk to me when he got home from work...that was BIG trouble..is this the same thing?

 

[LynnMcG]

It's the same for one of our nephews. He shows me very little respect but drops everything for my husband. Our problem, is that he's with me every day, all day, all summer! So I know how frustrating this can be. I agree with ignoring his demands until he asks politely, don't back down. He'll get it, in time.

You didn't say how old he is. Is it possible to talk about this with him? What is his relationship like with his mom? I know part of our problem is that my nephew and my SIL are buddies. He shows her very little respect and just passes that on to me. I disagree with many issues in how she's raising him but it's none of my business. Unfortunately, it doesn't change the fact that he's disrespectful to me. We had to lay down some rules. I don't care what happens in his house, in our house this is how it is. And it made a difference when I had my husband explain the rules. Somehow it's like he can't hear me or doesn't care what I have to say but when my husband speaks it's like the sky opens up or something.

Hope that helps.

 

[Linnis]

Thanks.

My nephew's mother isn't in the picture at all, he's lucky if he sees her once a year. My BIL has a GF who lives with him and we're both getting on this issue of him having no respect. He's seven and in the second grade but besides the fact he doesn't listen it just seems no matter what I tell him, he will go and do it five minutes later.

My BIL's GF thinks it's because he's an only child and she was an only child and he thinks the whole world revolves around him, so he thinks if he runs into the street everyone will stop and protect him. I mean yesterday he even ran with sciccors and I explained the dangers of that and it but then he went right ahead and did it again anyway. Time outs don't work anymore and I'm thinking am I going to have to resort to hitting him? I don't like the thought of hitting him, he's only been spanked by me twice and I didn't like too much that's how I reacted but what else can I do?

I'm thinking all the dangerous stuff he does, he's going to have to get seriously hurt, need a few stitches or to have a broken arm set in the ER before he actually understands. I mean I didn't understand about jumping off the slide until I got six stitches in my forehead for it. Not that I want that to happen.

His school thinks he has ADD, and that's why he doesn't pay attention but I know when it's something he likes, like superman, or gamecube he can pay attention for hours.

I'm just out of ideas.

Yes, when my husband's here he's magically not deaf and if he forgets all my husband has to do is say his name and he falls in line....I wish I had that kind of power.

 

[Beth1231]

My Dad spanked my brother and I if we didn't obey the first time (unless we were so far away we didn't hear him clearly). I'm sure he hated it, but we respected him more than our mother right up into our teens! Actually, it's only been the past few years that my brother and I have given our mom the respect she absolutely deserves.
Mom, on the other hand, yelled way too much and was inconsistent with spanking and other forms of discipline. I'm not a parent yet and I'm not looking forward to being the tough guy (girl?, lol) but there is just no way my children are going to respect my husband more than me. I saw what that did to my mother and if it means I have to spank way more than I want to, then I will.
If you don't want to spank, Linnis then you have to find something else unpleasant and start being super consistent (he's old enough that you could give him fair warning that you are changing your habits). I know from all your posts that you are a super Aunt and I'm sure you will get through this

 

[Linnis]

I think it's differant because he's not my child and it also doesn't help his dad will overturn my punishment because he doesn't want him "not to have fun".

After more talking with my BIL's GF (who's the main caregiver besides me) we've decided on keep putting him back in time out and if he wants to spend his entire day looking at a wall that's what he'll do.

 

[LynnMcG]

You're in a tough spot. He's not you child, and if what you do isn't being reinforced at home then it's almost pointless. We're in the exact same position, so I understand how frustrating it is. I would still have your husband speak to him about how he needs to behave in YOUR house. His father is teaching him nothing but disrespect for the women in his life by allowing this behavior and not following through with your punishments. And I'm sure he's thinking, well he's only 7. But that's not true. He's laying the groundwork for his son's belief's and behaviors as a man NOW.

Dr. James Dobson wrote a great book called "Bringing Up Boys." This would probably make a great gift for your BIL.

Oh, and keep praying for your nephew. It's your most powerful tool right now.

 

[Linnis]

Yes, I'm worried about him thinking he doesn't have to respect women because of his Dad's lack of respect for my word or his own GF's!

If I have to be the tough guy then so be it. It's funny because my nephew does say he likes hanging out with me because I teach him new stuff.