Difference in Validation and Being Flattered

[memoriesbymichelle]

It is really hard to overcome those voices in your head that stem from people you love and care about like your parents, or an old boyfriend, husband etc. Every time you try to rise above it, the enemy is right there to tell you "see? they were right, you're no good" especially when it's not true. That's why we have to keep reminding ourselves what GOD says about who we are. We are children of the living God! (if we are believers). And every time we are accused by satan in Heaven, Jesus is right there to say "I paid for that".
But until we can get to that point that we can at least most of the time remind ourselves how God feels about us, we can never accept it from others.

 

[razeontherock]

What about validation that you have no worth? I have a friend who is the most lovely caring Christian woman. Her parents taught her that she had no worth. In her heart of heart, she really believes what her parents taught her. She cries when I sing her praises because although she really is an amazing person but she can't see it or believe it.

There is no amount of flattery or positive "validation" that can convince her otherwise. Her validation has nothing to do with her worth...it is a feeling that cripples her daily. Validation is extraneous. It is like it is nice to BE loved, but it is more important TO love. God never sent us out to be "loved" or be "validated". Good validation is nice but not something to seek or even focus on.

Wow - that friend certainly puts you in the position to be a good friend, huh?

Anyway, addressing your line I bolded, Jesus must not have been too concerned with being validated during His Passion. That's our example. I like the OT picture of wood overlayed with gold, Exodus 25 ... it speaks to this very thing.

 

[razeontherock]

It is really hard to overcome those voices in your head that stem from people you love and care about like your parents, or an old boyfriend, husband etc. Every time you try to rise above it, the enemy is right there to tell you "see? they were right, you're no good"

I wish a song were on youtube, Phoebe Snow's version of "Can't Believe In Something So Right." A lot of women could use to hear it, at least once in a while. It's not often a secular song preaches truth, but it sure helps that it was written by Paul Simon. (His version is on youtube, but makes the song... meh. It's just not "his to sing.")

That's why we have to keep reminding ourselves what GOD says about who we are. We are children of the living God! (if we are believers). And every time we are accused by satan in Heaven, Jesus is right there to say "I paid for that". But until we can get to that point that we can at least most of the time remind ourselves how God feels about us, we can never accept it from others.

This is what I would call a "ministry opportunity." Or just a chance to be a good friend. There sure are a lot of Scriptural word pictures for the process, but here's a favorite of mine:

"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him." (Isaiah 59:19)

That "standard" is literally a flag, or a banner. As in "His banner over me is love." (SOS 2:4) Also as in Jehovah-Nissi, which seems to carry the connotation of Psalm 3:3: "But thou, O LORD, [art] a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head."

When we do that for the least of these His children, we do it unto the Lord Himself ...

 

[blackribbon]

Oy, I have known women like this. They look for rejection from men and find it even where it doesn't exist. Until they can accept the truth, what God thinks about them, there is nothing that can be done. It's sad.

Sad extension is that her husband died of cancer ... so because of the deeply ingrained feeling of worthlessness, she often has a hard time believe that God sees her of having value.

 

[razeontherock]

Wow, that would be incredibly difficult. Does this have anything to do with your avatar / username, perchance?

 

[blackribbon]

The cancer ribbon for melanoma is black. My husband died of melanoma. I believe her husband died of stomach cancer. She says she waited a long time to find him (she got married in her late twenties). He died 3 years later...the last three months, he lived in their bed and just wasted away. She had a 2 year old at the time.

She loves God and knows He love her...but she has had more than her share of hard times and sometimes the evidence of her life makes her feel that God is punishing her for some reason that she can't figure out...so it must mean that her parents were right and it is just because she doesn't have any value.

That is a hard life to live. Especially since she is so much fun and gives until it hurts. Most people don't bother to look past the jokes and see that she lives just one step away from tears almost every moment of her life.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

We are too busy alot of times to notice much, and we all have our own problems too to compound that. I understand what you said about having tears behind the smiles.
Tracks of my tears by Smokey Robinson is one of my favorite songs that I want played at my funeral. My husband never understood but it is what it is.

 

[razeontherock]

The cancer ribbon for melanoma is black. My husband died of melanoma. I believe her husband died of stomach cancer. She says she waited a long time to find him (she got married in her late twenties). He died 3 years later...the last three months, he lived in their bed and just wasted away. She had a 2 year old at the time.

She loves God and knows He love her...but she has had more than her share of hard times and sometimes the evidence of her life makes her feel that God is punishing her for some reason that she can't figure out...so it must mean that her parents were right and it is just because she doesn't have any value.

That is a hard life to live. Especially since she is so much fun and gives until it hurts. Most people don't bother to look past the jokes and see that she lives just one step away from tears almost every moment of her life.

My heart breaks. She is Blessed to have you as her friend. Please continue to avail yourself of every opportunity to be God's hands, extended to her ...

 

[blackribbon]

My heart breaks. She is Blessed to have you as her friend. Please continue to avail yourself of every opportunity to be God's hands, extended to her ...

I don't live in the same state as her at this moment. I try but can't be what she needs right now. I know God has a plan but I'm not a part of it right now.

 

[edwardfsmith]

She loves God and knows He love her...but she has had more than her share of hard times and sometimes the evidence of her life makes her feel that God is punishing her for some reason that she can't figure out...so it must mean that her parents were right and it is just because she doesn't have any value.

I can understand how it is to have gotten the message from the World that you have no value. I have gotten this message from the world and through others too.

I am glad she can see that God loves her. That is a big step I think.

And she does have some blessings to count with a child.
I always try and count those when I am feeling worthless. God does not bless the worthless.

But there is no doubt about it WE HAVE AN EFFECT ON THE EMOTIONS AND MENTAL WELL BEING OF OTHERS IN OUR LIVES.

I do not like it when other try and deny that or when the simple answer is to say well we should know God loves us and it is our responsibility to build ourselves up through his love. To me that is a terrible attitude.
No. We have a responsibility to help others. To help our brothers in their mental health. To treat others right. I do not know this person. but I take personal responsibility for her lack of self worth. I am part of the word that is where this happened. When I hear of this my heart also breaks and I want to help her.
But at the same time I feel it is all the more important for me to build up the people I have contact with in my life.

I understand it does no good to feel guilty for something like this. I understand it is out of our control and we can not fix others. And I understand the constraint of distance and our own lives make it impossible to help everyone. But I still feel a story like this should be a message to all of us to treat others right.

to Validate other and flatter them. (in the good way, not the creepy lol)

you do look nice today by the way.

 

[blackribbon]

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the pain I see in the world. People are hurting deeply everywhere. I have taught my kids to pay extra attention to the quiet one in the corner or the one who is acting out...they probably are the two most hurting people in the room and just need someone to notice them.

However, it isn't my job to save the world...just to try to make a difference today for whatever person God drops in my path.

 

[blackribbon]

I think that is why I like working with children. If someone can help a hurting child see that they have value and are valued while they are young, maybe that will continue with them throughout their life. "If Miss Blackribbon said I was smart...or beautiful...or talented....and acted like she meant it, maybe I do have value and some one else will recognize it too.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think that is why I like working with children. If someone can help a hurting child see that they have value and are valued while they are young, maybe that will continue with them throughout their life. "If Miss Blackribbon said I was smart...or beautiful...or talented....and acted like she meant it, maybe I do have value and some one else will recognize it too.