Did You Wait?

[TriptychR]

Yes, nowadays finding a 21 year old Christian virgin is Hard, Maybe that is not who the lord has set aside for you. You should keep in mind that you should be able to forgive you wife of previous sins, before she met you or even before she knew the lord. God has forgiven her.

I would suggest looking for a Christian gurl who is currently abstaining regardless of her past.

Trust me, I'm well aware that if I marry, it may not be to a virgin. But that's the thing: I expect that because I as a virgin am in the minority. Just look at the poll results on this thread. Even on a forum made up of good Christian people, more got tripped up than remained abstinent.

Let's say that you are a single Christian who had sex, regretted it, and went to the Lord for forgiveness about it. Now who would you be more likely to approach: a virgin who you would be afraid might look down on you and see you as inferior, or someone just like you who fell and was forgiven?
I know there have been one or two instances of a virgin marrying a non-virgin posted here, but it still seems rare.

I don't feel like I'm better than anyone else for holding off intercourse. I know how difficult it can be. I've even come way too close to crossing the line with someone than I ever should have. But I do feel alienated and that I'm at a definite disadvantage in this world, even among other Christians.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

I have a 24-year-old female friend who's a virgin. I also know a 40-year-old woman who's a virgin and is still hoping to find a virgin man to marry.

 

[AceHarddrive]

I know I shouldn't post in the MM forum since I am still single, but no, I didn't wait. I realize now I should have and that (at least for me) sex before marriage ruins a relationship . The one girl I fell in love with (and she with me) I did not have sex with. Unfortunately she decided to marry someone else. Oh well...HER LOSS (mine as well)!!

~Tim

 

[EmSchmem]

I had a lot of sex before I was a Christian. Gave it up when I got saved. My husband and I didn't have sex before we were married. No touching parts, no rubbing together of anything either. We are both VERY glad we waited. Our wedding night was so special (for me it meant something that there was some pain after all those years without sex, I kind of felt new again) and we have been able to experience so much joy in our love making. That being said, I don't really REGRET the sex that I had before I was a Christian. I'm in NO WAY proud of it, nor do I suggest other people go out and do it. I'm not even saying it was OK. BUT I learned a lot from it and I have been able to experience an extreme amount of grace because of it.

 

[gracefaith]

My husband and I were virgins when we married, but only by the Grace of God. Left to our own devices, we would have both given it up earlier either to each other or previous boyfriends/girlfriends. I actually consider the fact that my husband saved himself for marriage to be a particularly special things as I think it's harder for guys to wait.

Two weekends ago, my best friend got married - a virgin at the age of 27. Her (now) husband had been married before but they waited with each other until their wedding night.

So, keep the faith! You're not alone.

 

[alwaysyoung]

God never makes a mistake. He says to wait...and you'll never regret doing what God knows is best! He will bless you for it. I commend you in your efforts to stay pure!
lisa

 

[Ceris]

To all the married people that have posted here in this thread - thank you (especially to some of the guys). I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and both of us are virgins, though there have been times where we've both been really tempted.

So I thank you, as this thread has given me a new boost of confidence in my choice. It is very, very much appreciated.

God Bless,
Ceris

 

[TriptychR]

To all the married people that have posted here in this thread - thank you (especially to some of the guys). I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and both of us are virgins, though there have been times where we've both been really tempted.

Congratulations, and remain strong. Be the proof to me that it can be done.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

You might want to edit your poll to reflect whether people here were Christians or not if they had sex outside of marriage.

You may see large numbers indicating premarital sex but many were not Christians then. I'd be more interested in a poll showing how many were Christians before marriage and whether they waited or not. Must admit, before I was a Christian, I broke a number of the ten commandments but I've been forgiven. Ask me how many I've broken since accepting the Lord...much different story.

God bless.

 

[TriptychR]

You might want to edit your poll to reflect whether people here were Christians or not if they had sex outside of marriage.

You may see large numbers indicating premarital sex but many were not Christians then. I'd be more interested in a poll showing how many were Christians before marriage and whether they waited or not.

You may be right. I became a Christian at an early age, so I've grown up with that influence way before it ever became an issue. I'd like to see numbers on how many teenagers who would identify themselves as Christians admit to having had premarital sex. Does anyone happen to have them?

 

[InTheFlame]

Let's say that you are a single Christian who had sex, regretted it, and went to the Lord for forgiveness about it. Now who would you be more likely to approach: a virgin who you would be afraid might look down on you and see you as inferior, or someone just like you who fell and was forgiven?
I know there have been one or two instances of a virgin marrying a non-virgin posted here, but it still seems rare.

Add me to the ranks. It's not as rare as you might think. I approached someone who I knew well, who I was close friends with, and whom I admired for his character. Was I scared stiff? Yes... and part of it was my past and the fallout from it (not the worry about being 'inferior'). But 'virgin' doesn't always equal 'naive and clueless'... ... and hubby had a fair idea what he was getting into.

 

[Linnis]

No, we didn't wait and I do not regret it. I know I'm supposed to but I don't. My husband is the only person I've ever had sex with. He didn't loose his virginity to me and I think for the most part he regrets that.

 

[LILIVIWA]

Wow! all I can say is Lucky girl to your future wife!

 

[zoziw]

I am a single virgin who wants to wait until marriage to have sex. However, when I look at married people's urgings for singles to remain celibate, it seems their reasons are a lot less of "I was so happy that I waited!" than "Don't make the same mistake I did."

Does virgin marriage realistically exist anymore, or is it too much of a rarity? I'm not asking this to look for an excuse to go off and have sex before marriage, but sometimes I get the feeling that my odds of finding anyone as a virgin are ridiculously low. I feel like the longer I go, the more women my age make the decision to lose their virginity. Once that happens, who wants to be with someone who wants to wait? It's either too lame or too shameful.

So really, what's the score out there?

I waited.

I am not sure I understand your motivation for waiting given your comments in the original post.

My motivation was strictly because I believed it was what God wanted me to do. To worry about what a potential future spouse might think or to dwell on the idea that you need to find another virgin to marry aren't what this should be about.

I'd be extremely wary of anyone one who didn't honour your commitment to this, especially if they say they are a Christian and then try to get you to have sex with them.

I also think that a woman serious about her faith would be extremely proud of what you are trying to accomplish and work with you to fulfill that goal, even if she isn't a virgin herself.

Just so you know, I was 25 when I got married.

If you are going to do this, do it to honour God and not for any other reason.

 

[elm0]

My wife and I were both virgins when we married, just before my 30th birthday. Although I wasn't raised Christian, I decided in my teenage years that pre-marital sex just didn't seem right to me. And I thank God for planting that so strongly in my heart before I even knew Him.

 

[TriptychR]

I waited.

I am not sure I understand your motivation for waiting given your comments in the original post.

My motivation was strictly because I believed it was what God wanted me to do. To worry about what a potential future spouse might think or to dwell on the idea that you need to find another virgin to marry aren't what this should be about.

I also think that a woman serious about her faith would be extremely proud of what you are trying to accomplish and work with you to fulfill that goal, even if she isn't a virgin herself.

If you are going to do this, do it to honour God and not for any other reason.

I am doing this to honor God. I just sometimes get the selfish feeling that nothing's coming of it. I've had only one girlfriend in my life, and that was over four years ago. All that time and I have yet to find anyone to even come to a real consideration of being with; sometimes it feels like it'll never happen. Like waiting for rain in a desert.

I know this sort of emo junk gets thrown around all the time, especially on the Singles Forum, so I didn't want to mention it here. But that's pretty much my reasoning. And I know the advice: be patient, trust in the Lord, He will provide when the time is right. But I'm looking to see how often the ideal marriage really does play out.

 

[Emma!]

My husband and i both waited till we were married and are so thankful that we did!

It is undescribable how it feels to be joined in everyway to your life partner (your husband/wife, your one and only)...with the full blessings of God as that happends!

Dont settle for less than the best that God has for you, even if you think that you might be in the minority, thats besides the point. You will be so happy that you didnt settle when the time comes, and you and your wife are joined in marriage and in eveyway that comes with that.

Bless you

 

[eatenbylocusts]

You're a young man still! My SO is 45 and a virgin. I'm so proud of him for walking the talk. I'm divorced and didn't wait until I was married. Big regret. I probably would've been able to walk away from the relationship (that had red flags) before we married if I hadn't already given part of myself away.

 

[Emma!]

I also want to add whats happening with my brother... he is going through one of the worst break ups i have seen. They were together for 2yrs, they slept together (both christians, very active in church etc...), they then got engaged...and then it all fell in a heap.

They (against they're normal character) are having such a messy, bitter break up that has spanned out to over 6mths of fights etc...and its because they thought they would stay together forever so they jumped the gun and slept together, and now they have broken up but still have ties that hold them togther because of this. It is now so hard for both of them, and it just makes it all so much messier and hard. One of them (not my brother) has even stopped going to church and started dating a non-christian.

Just another unwise part of sex before marriage...and like the person above, i believ that my brother saw warning signs but because they had already slept togther chose to ingone them (some of them he didnt see because of the cloud that came from all of this).

I love them both and pray for them, i just wish they hadnt of had to learn this way...

 

[erin74]

We waited.

A friend of mine has really struggled with singleness. She has sat back while the rest of us got married and it's been really hard for her. She never wanted to be a career woman, but it seemed like that is all she had. It was really hard for her. She didn't understnad why God was making her wait so long. Well she has just started going out with a guy who is 4 years younger than her. She realises now that if she had met him years ago she wouldn't have been interested as he was so much younger. He has only been working for a couple of years. So she sees the timing is right. She has waited. She is 31. I wouldnt' be at all surprised if she is married within the next year.

I am so glad she has been able to trust God and wait, and I know for sure she is too.