Did we go too far? Please help!

[Solus Christus]

So I'm feeling really lost and confused right now. I've never had a boyfriend or anything even close to it, mostly because I just can't stand most guys--all I've experienced with them is that they promise so many things, and just end up breaking your heart. But two weeks ago my friend introduced me to one of her friends, and we started texting each other daily. He knows more about me than I've ever told anyone, and we've gotten really close in the short amount of time that we've known each other--we tell each other pretty much everything.

My problem is that I was over at his house yesterday, and things went further than I ever anticipated them going. Clothes stayed on and everything, but just barely. I'm ok with kissing, but, without going into too much detail, the kissing wasn't only on the lips. It stayed above the waist, but definitely went below the neck. I was definitely ok with it while it was happening, but afterwards I just felt so confused, and he could tell. I told him that I thought we went too far, and he apologized. I went home shortly afterwards. We were texting each other later, and he told me that he wasn't sorry it happened because being with me, and kissing me just felt too right--too natural.

I don't know what to do anymore. He's not a christian, and while he respects my decision to remain pure until marriage(I made that very clear early on), he doesn't hold to the same standards. Us meeting just seems like too much of a coincidence, because we are so alike and God obviously has something planned for us, but I can't figure out what it is. Maybe I'm the vessel that He is going to use to bring my friend to salvation, or maybe I'm supposed to be learning that just because it feels right, doesn't mean it is. I like this guy a lot, but I can't help wonder sometimes what the heck I'm doing with him. I've changed a lot as a person recently, and now I don't know if that's a good thing or not, because I can't seem to really care that we did something so intimate. Any advice would be much appreciated, because I am so utterly lost and confused right now.

 

[bubblefish]

Hun, if you are uncomfortable with something it is better to refrain in my opinion. If you are serious about him, which you seem to be, I would sit down with him and discuss boundaries - what is acceptable and what you don't want to happen. Also, if you feel you are going to be tempted put things in place so you can't. For example, don't be alone together for long periods or leave doors open. It is a lot harder to 'get in the mood' when there is a chance that someone could walk in on you at any moment.

Ultimately, you need to look at your own conscience and ideas on what is too far, but the further you do agree to go the harder it is to stop when you get there.

 

[Solus Christus]

I plan on discussing it with him, for sure. But what's worrying me the most is that I can't seem to really care about what we did, because it felt right and I've been taught my whole life that the kinds of things we did are definitely not right, so I'm completely unsure where my loyalties lie at this point.

 

[Criada]

That's a hard position to be in.
All I can say is, the fact that you are posting about it here seems to show that you do care, even if you aren't sure about it.
You're young... and you haven't known this boy for long, so my advice would be to take it very slowly. You care about one another, and that is great.. but let the friendship develop before you go too far with the physical side of things.

 

[bubblefish]

I agree with Criada there. New relationships are extremely intense and I think most people are tempted to go a lot further than they believed they would, but try to take it slow. If he truly is the guy for you then you will get to experience everything with him but it doesn't all need to happen instantly.

Take the time to get to know each other.

 

[Johnnz]

Our sexuality isn't about rules. They are too objective and cold. Have some real emotions aroused, add some hormones and the scene is well set for some sexual arousal. That's just how we were made to function. But, with some principles in mind too about where sex does fit in. Your experience is now challenging you to define these a bit more definitely.

It felt good. Sure does! Sex is meant to be very pleasant. That can be confusing.

John
NZ

 

[dayhiker]

Well, solus, my only afvice is to not change your view iof what you should do sexual while your with him and feeling aroused from that closeness.

dayhiker