I was a Christian with all my heart and mind from as early as I can remember to age 18.
Since then I cannot accept God with my mind, let alone Christianity's version of Him.
For the last two years I have desired deeply to have faith. I have prayed wholeheartedly for this.
I know of many people with a similar story.
If God gave me a mind, why does it not believe? If he has given me the ability to have Faith, why does he not guide me to belief?
There are those of us who live a good life according to the Christian principles of loving, respecting, and helping our fellow man. But what if we are unable to accept God in our minds and hearts, and he does not come to us when we ask? I have been told, in essence, to "try harder".
"Obviously you don't REALLY want to believe"
"If you REALLY asked God to come with ALL your heart, he would have come"
Perhaps there are better suggestions out there. If not, and God isn't coming to me or letting me go to Him, then I might as well stop trying and get on with living life the only other way that makes sense: accepting the world for what I see, and not attributing anything to something more complex, invisible, and without any interest in me.
If I lived in that way, a good life by all accounts but without faith, and then it turned out I was sent to the left on the final day to burn forever, then I would feel like I was created as a sick joke, given all these wonderful tools (mind, heart, ability to plead for faith) but utilizing each to the best of my ability only lead me to silence and then eternal suffering.
P.S. : excuse a lack of theme or question, I really wanted to write something out where I might get unexpected insight that would help me, but otherwise you can treat it as the ramblings of a mad man if you would rather ignore it.
Hi. From reading your post it appears that you are referring to faith in God as
being good and doing good. This is somewhat universal misunderstanding and even some Christians refer to their faith by such ways when such has nothing to do with being in Christ, and often reveals the person has understandings of what Christianity (Jesus, bible, etc) is from others (pastors, priests, other believers) but nothing of their own, so word of mouth and no relationship with Jesus; just what they hear.
From above then; would suggest if it is your desire to understand or seek out these matters than to do so, to know what you believe and why you believe it.
So start reading the bible; and if in doing so in the past; while read it, thought of what others say such means; start looking for yourself what passages mean etc. And what they don't mean.
You also write that it is
others takes on God etc and as well that
others tell you try harder or
try again or whatever; again a sign that much if not all you know about Christianity, Jesus, bible, is not from your understanding from reading such and understanding for your self; but what you get from others or plain error about God.
All of this is common to youth raised in a faith though they really didn't seek it out for themselves; but only accepted what others taught and said; which will fall apart the minute something goes wrong, depending upon what other Christians say, teach etc, of God, bible etc.
Is also common to many who are told things about God, and when life happens they fall away because
what they know/understand is not truth of God; but only what others said; or verses taken out of context.
You wrote you know others with similar story; and it is a very common story; as all which was recieved is from others and had nothing or very little is rooted in truth. Just hearsay; just what others say to do or believe or understand, and one first needs be in Christ as well to even begin their walk in Jesus.
you wrote:
If God gave me a mind, why does it not believe? If he has given me the ability to have Faith, why does he not guide me to belief?
You said if God gave you a mind.. such shows you don't know if God did so. So did God create people? You don't know. You are wanting faith in God but you above show you don't know if God gave you a mind. Not that all believers believe God created all, but just pointing out as reading.
As to the faith to believe. As you read the new testament it is not God that Jesus commends people for their faith; it is the faith of others in God which Jesus commends; what I'm saying is, the faith is on the humans part; it is not something Jesus gives and says here is faith; now you can believe/trust in me; no; it always comes from us. If it didnt come from us; it would not be free will. If God gives us the faith to believe in Him, then we've not done so on our own; and faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word, (Jesus, bible.)
This verse:
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast.
is commonly taught that faith is the gift which is error as can tell through new testament as reading thru that the faith comes from the person; Jesus does not give us faith to believe; rather He commends those who do have faith (in some places) and again if faith is the gift, then one would not have free will to believe or not believe.
The gift in the above verse is salvation; what Jesus did for us; and this gift is recieved; by faith; not by works (doing good and right things) so no one can boast.
Either we have faith or we do not. Above you reveal you don't know 'if' God gave you a mind; so you are showing signs of perhaps there not being a God.
If you were a believer at some point; you would know there is a God (tho many can struggle with this in their walk), but again if your walk was based on others walks, words etc, and not your own; there would be little root to your faith; more than likely.
Many fall away from God; when in actuality all their beliefs hinged on lies and error they heard or know about God, Christians, bible, from others generally or teachers/preachers, other Christians or non believers, who teach a false or erroneous message, which is why of course have to learn for oneself, read for one self.
If I am raised to believe God will do certain things; and then come to a point in my life; and say, hey, God never ever did such things; most likely; my 'belief' in God, which was based on false stuff to begin with, is fairly much going to stop.
Actually. That is a very good thing; as now then if such occurs to someone.
Because I'd have to figure out or seek as to why do i believe what I believe and if was in a bad church or whatever where I gained the wrong understanding or did so myself; believing the pastor speaking error or other believers or seeing verses thru glasses of others view which may contain error; well, now, I can finally see for myself as I read the word and see the truth for myself.
Would see that for example prosperity gospel is false; would understand that God doesn't send us evil; do any evil to us; as well that all which happens to us which is evil bad, is not God's plan for our lives, etc.
There's so much and need to be grounded in faith or all such things will make one topple and possibly leave God and generally has nothing at all to do with God; just bad teachings and understandings; but again often based on what others have said and even includig non believers; what they have heard; so even often times people's beliefs on God hinge on even unbelievers talk of God as well.
So, sorry for the long letter; but your understading appears to be that Jesus is about us being good or bad; which is not how we come to faith in Christ, nor has nothing to do with coming to Jesus.
Coming to Jesus is not wishing one had more faith; or needing to conjure up this faith which one does not have.
It is a decision; do I trust Jesus with my life; do I believe in Jesus/trust in Jesus/can I commit my life to Christ.
It's a decision; not a think it; claim it kind of thing often given. And at this point where you are; seems to me would be wise if desire to make a decision about Jesus that perhaps should read matthew mark Luke and John to start and decide; make a decision.
Jesus is right there with you. He is not far. So it sounds like you need to put away whatever false things you've been told of God and start finding out for yourself; and when comes to passages where one says; ah, yes, this means x, and the x is gotten from priests/pastors/other Christians; well, the thing to do is to find out for yourself; or again; will be believing things only as to what others have given you and not for yourself.
take care,
tapero
