Did anyone else live a like this?

[NotTooImportant]

When I was young - in a way, I was like every other kid. In another way, I was WAY more annoying than anyone else. Nearly every annoying habit you can think of, I've done it. This gave me a horrid reputation in elementary school, and I was made fun of daily.

Almost every classmate around me had someone who liked them, instead of me. About 99% of the time I was the odd man out. Middle school was exactly the same for me, I was horribly annoying. Mostly because that was my way of begging for attention. Again, everyone had someone who had a crush on them, accept for me. I moved to a new city in the middle of my 8th grade. Being in a new school in the middle of the year was bad beyond bad.

When I moved, something inside me changed dramatically. Before, my DNA would not allow me to be silent for 4 seconds and something inside me was driving me to annoy the life out of people. After I moved, something happened practically overnight, I was pretty much mute, and I became one of "the smart kids" at my high school. I was still looked down upon and ridiculed from time to time though.

My "love life", if you can even call it that, has been a record of disasters with NO raises in progress. I'm not exaggerating. All my life I believed in God and heaven, and thought that "I'll get mine" when the time is right. After I left high school, I became a full-blown atheist and still am. Whenever a girl found out a liked her, all of a sudden, she just hated me for no reason. This has happened so many times. It amazes me actually. When I finally meet a great girl (via online), she ends up meeting my friend and goes out with him instead by flying down here from Canada to the U.S. - that was the most traumatizing part of my life and every once in a while it bugs me, even though that was years ago. I'm not good looking, and my confidence was never the problem, but I always got bad results.

November 9, 2007... I tried to take my own life by extreme overdose. My mom magically felt suspicious and found out what I was doing. Getting my stomach pumped was the most physical I've ever felt. After that, I was admitted to a pysch hospital. Being there only proved MY points and I wanted to die even more. I just wanted to get out of there.

I'm in college now. I'm 20. I've still never had anything close to a girlfriend, and it will probably stay that way, because I won't waste my own time with that stuff anymore. I will never ask a girl out ever again, and I do not the fear the consequences. I believe life is just chemistry and is nothing of importance. There is no afterlife. I don't fear death and there is no god. I've already got my second suicide attempt planned out, and this time, it's fullproof.

I regret nothing.

 

[explodingboy]

never asked a girl out, had a 3 year relationship with a girl that would have ended in marriage had she not walked out one me.

otherwise I can;t homestly recall how much I've had to drink right now and reading is abit tricky, so I may not have read all of the OP.

Eitherway, girls are overrated and my new man is allot nicer.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Bro, it sounds like you need to talk to God again.

First, about you changing after the move, that sounds understandable. You had your old crowd and you got pulled away from them. I've lost my 'old crowd' more times than I can count - both from moves from school to school, and from moving 2500 miles across the country because of being in the military.

So you've basically been withdrawn, talking to next to nobody, and having no outlet for what's inside since then. So you're going to use a permanent solution to take care of a temporary problem. Don't do it. Talk to God. He's not just there to get us to heaven when we die or whatever - He cares about your life on this earth, your life right now, too, and even if you don't believe in Him, He still cares about you and REALLY wants you to turn away from being miserable and take that step to talk to Him.

 

[NotTooImportant]

Bro, it sounds like you need to talk to God again.

Talking to a wall would be an equivalent thing.

I'm just that once-in-a-hundred years odd man out.

 

[WiredSpirit]

Eitherway, girls are overrated and my new man is allot nicer.

I sure wish there was a way to be gay without the sex.

As for the OP, yes I was like that in grade school. When I got to middle school I had a handful of friends and I smothered them because it was a new experience and I always wanted to be around them. I live and grew up in a average, mid-sized city but my freshman year I moved out to a rural area and went to a school with 400 students in both middle and high school in the same building. Later we moved back to town. That was worse for me because in a larger school, all the high schools in town have about 1500 students, they may form cliques but at least you're going to find one that you fit in with. You have your stoned slackers, preps, emos, skaters, hood rats, etc. and each group pretty much leaves the others alone. In the small school everyone pretty much grew up together and they didn't get any outsiders. People would move away but they almost never got new students, and I had absolutely nothing in common with those kids. I did speech and debate, and they didn't have a team. I was into bowling and on a league and the nearest bowling alley was 40 miles away. I never did figure out what they did for recreation.

I was always and still am a little awkward with ladies. I had a bad experience trying to get laid when I was 16 (think 40-year-old virgin scene) and it didn't happen until I was 19. That relationship only lasted a few months and it is the only serious relationship I've ever been in.

 

[explodingboy]

I sure wish there was a way to be gay without the sex.

It's doable, especially out in the states where there is a weird option for anything.. can't recall the title, but I remember one a while back about celibate Christian lesbians couples that would live together becoming the in thing for a while.

(well that and being gay is an orientation, and not just a physical act etc mini rant thing)

 

[daydreamergurl15]

No! You sound like you have no hope in life, sorry if that sounds harsh but your last sentence sounds so hopeless.

I hope God give you enough time to come to know Him, He's awesome and He's all the hope I need.

 

[JesusSaved]

For starters, what's with the "not too important" screen name? You're obviously important, or you wouldn't be here (Christian philosophy that God put us all here for a reason )
Please don't base your self worth on what other people think. And please try to find something worth living for. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.
What do you want to do with your life? What are your interests? Who are you, when you take off the "annoying label" you wore as a kid? You said you are intelligent, intelligence is a pretty useful attribute in life.
Would you consider letting God back in your life yet? It's nice to feel like no matter what, you have Someone on your side.
Maybe , if you ever do approach a girl again, you need to find one who is very kind, maybe a little shy or self concious, one who is accepting. Start off as friends with no expectations and see where that leads you, but not until you are ready.
I know you're atheist, but I'll pray for you anyway

 

[Kevin_Wright]

Yeah you sound like you need a big dose of God.

 

[NotTooImportant]

Yeah you sound like you need a big dose of God.

He. Doesn't. Exist.

 

[Kevin_Wright]

Sorry you feel that way.

 

[JesusSaved]

Me too. But if you need to talk, you've got us

 

[NotTooImportant]

Don't worry about that. I'm confused as to why I even posted this. I've lost everything. Leaving me with one last thing to do.

 

[T.C.Christian]

It sounds to me like you are reaching out for help otherwise you wouldn't have posted in this forum. I agree with Kevin you need a big dose of God. Don't blame God for all of your short comings.

 

[NotTooImportant]

I agree with Kevin you need a big dose of God. Don't blame God for all of your short comings.

Augh...

Please see Post #10 on the previous page.

 

[Fire for God]

You don't believe in God right?

That's fine. For a period of time I didn't either.

You have been an annoying kid since young, you haven't got any luck with girls (and you're 20!) you've got neurochemical wirings that make you strange and unable to succeed in life (am I right to say that?)

That being said, you're not the only one. All these 'facts' make you feel like a loser right? I get what you mean. I'm supposedly good looking, I'm relatively intelligent, rather talented, and I'm supposed to have a whole bunch of girls like me. But get this. I'm a wimp. I'm a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. (since young.)

Do you know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel like I should be getting a whole bunch of things in life (fame, popularity, sex) that I'm not getting, and the more I think about it, the more I feel like a piece of junk.

Oh yes, I've got it to. I'm not in the popular crowd. I've been laughed at before. I've been made fun of. I've been the ostracized guy as well. I've been labeled as one of those 'way back, down-the-cliff losers'. I'm sure there's probably a dozen of these kids (or even adults) worse off than me within a 10 square mile radius of where I live.

I'm sure there are about a dozen or so kid (or adults) worse off than you within the same radius of where you live. If you can't find them, it's alright. Go to the city, go to a more populated place. You'll spot people who are retarded, autistic, schizophrenic, poor, homeless, destitute, and criminal. I think these guys are worse off than you or me.

You're intelligent, confident, and I bet quite charming. You're useful to society. You can help people out. Sure, you've probably got something wrong up there in your chemicals. It could be a condition since birth, but it's not something that can't be healed. I've got bipolar. Something in my genes tells my head to produce less serotonin. I get more depressed than the average guy over silly things. I get more high than the average guy over a good day (and sometimes get into trouble which I'll rather not get into). But the less I think about these things, the less I pity myself, the less I go inward, the more I can live, and be balanced, and be happy without being crazy. I've got a condition that needs working into. It's something that's temporary, albeit born with.

Same with you. Do something and make someone happy today. Ending your life doesn't quite cut it. It's like quitting a game cos you're losing. Doesn't matter even if you're on the losing edge. Keep going. If you're unhappy, it doesn't matter - make someone else happy. If you can get chicks, don't bother. So what if you don't get girls? Have you ever seen families with messed up parents? They might be (or should I say are) worse off than 40 year old virgins who've never got a single quarrel in their lives and are working to help the poor, homeless, and destitute. I'm just saying it's not the end of the world to never get a chick. The world tells you that it is. It's lying. Don't believe in it.

I might be sounding quite harsh. Forgive me. I hope you consider what I've just said. You are a valuable person, irregardless of how you feel about it.

 

[JesusSaved]

Fire For God said it all, but I'd like to add my part as well.
I've been through a very dark periods too.
Don't you think someone you know would be DEVESTATED if you killed yourself? Think about the effect you'd have on them! It's that whole "To the world you might be just one person, but to one person you might just be the world" quote.
Okay, and aside from that, this is a decision you cannot change. There's no going back. But your life can change if you're proactive and stop focussing on girls or social awkwardness. What used to make you happy? How can you utilize your talents?
You said "Don't worry about that" but can't help it. No I don't know you, but I do care because you seem like a genuine, good person with something to offer in this world.
One more thing. Get out a picture of yourself as an innocent baby. Or a happy go lucky toddler. A picture of yourself before you became someone you didn't like. Now imagine killing that child. How does that make you feel? Please don't do this. I don't know who you are, but I want you to please keep trying.

 

[NotTooImportant]

Get out a picture of yourself as an innocent baby. Or a happy go lucky toddler. A picture of yourself before you became someone you didn't like. Now imagine killing that child. How does that make you feel?

I am no longer that child.

 

[Searching_for_Christ]

I am no longer that child.

Man I feel very bad for you. I have a friend that struggles with a lot of stuff as well. I know it can seem hard, but stick with it dude

I understand that everyone keeps saying "you need a dose of God" you keep replying that you don't believe in God, but I challenge you to explore that are brother. Read the book "A Case for Christ" you will be astonished at how more likely that Christ is the son of God than you believe now. New Testament manuscripts are the most circulated earliest most trustworthy historically accurate (proven by scholars) manuscripts in existence!! The deciples died for something they TRULY believed in! how many people do you know who would die for an absolute lie? Jesus truly did rise from the grave!! notice it would have been easily proven false! but the Jews of the time had to come up with some ridiculous story that the guards got "payed off"!!!! obviously the body wasn't there after three days!! the statistic has been worked out for Christ fulfilling the requirments of the messiah! the odds of a man by accident fulfilling the messiah requirements is one chance in a TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION TRILLION, TRILLION, TRILLION!!! its the equivelant of filling the state of Texas with two feet of quarters, coloring one black, blindfolding a man and telling him to walk out into Texas and pick up only one quarter and see if he by chance picks up the ONE black quarter...yet Jesus beat these odds!! he is the only recorded person to EVER fulfill these!! think about it man..there is more to it than you think, more fact than fantasy.

 

[NotTooImportant]

Do any of you know what it feels like to have your best friend take away the girl of your dreams? Not only did my friend do this online, but she already a had a boyfriend, yet my friend just got it all for free.

Do you know what it's like to see a girl with the same eyes as the girl that was taken away from me when I'm trying to forget? Do you?

You know what it feels like to be looked down upon and ridiculed wherever you go?

Know it feels like to have EVERY SINGLE girl you ever liked to somehow magically hate you and despise your existence?

Whenever I feel attracted to someone, I automatically feel bad for that person, therefore I push myself away from women in an attempt to do them a favor. I'll probably end up alone forever because of this. I don't fear the consequences of this, so don't tell me I should do so.

People tell me "death won't end your suffering". Neither will living, so that means I'm in an infinite loop of despair and unhappiness. Yeah, that's some great "god" you guys got goin' on here.