DH wants out

[RedheadedPrincess]

I definitely have interest in working our marriage and I have no plans to leave. However, it really bothers me that I feel like I can't trust him to be honest with me. I continually pray that God will give me peace, comfort me, and show me what I need to see.

AirForceTeacher continuing to pray for you

 

[sdmsanjose]

Ilovemyhubby quote
The last couple days we have had our first conversations about conflicts where we have both shared our feelings, respected each other, and began brainstorming ideas to make things work. He did tell me today that he would not leave when our lease is up in March, but would continue to go to counseling and build our relationship

IMO what you and your husband did is very encouraging. I am not saying that there is not a lot of work ahead but you have a very good start. There will be some tough days ahead but it seems you two have the basis fro a successful resolve.

I really like the topic of your church, “Love and RESPECT” Author and psychologist James Dobson, PHD writes a lot about respect in marriage and states that is one of the most important topics to get right. I always recommend his book “Love Must Be Tough, hope for a marriage in crises”

Ilovemyhubby,
My wife and I celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary on DECEMBER 20, 2006

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Last night we did our couples homework for our Love and Respect class. He told me that he just wanted me to keep doing what I am doing, and there was nothing else that I can do to show him respect. He said he has been really impressed in the change in me over the last month. He also said he had not had any thoughts about leaving in weeks. I am so glad that he feels his needs are finally being met. I am praying that God along with my gentle conversations will show him how to meet my needs. Its hard to continually give, when I am not having my needs met. However, keeping at it with nothing in return is teaching me valuable lessons.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Good news ... don't nag but don't go to long without him knowing that you are not being fed.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Thanks AirForce Teacher...I try really hard not to nag, and usually share info. about how to meet my needs when we do our weekly homework and if I am having an especially hard day. I also tell him how I am feeling on the days when no matter what he does I am not going to be happy. I will warn him, and tell him what is going on so he does not get offended. I try not to have days like that, but I was just diagnosed with a hormonal imbalance and other health issues, so while I am trying to get it under control, some days can be rough.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

My focus was not on the nagging ... it was to make suer that he knows what you need and don't let it go years before he meets your needs - you'll end up where my wife and I are at - me tyring to meet her needs too late.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

I am sorry to hear that she did not communicate that with you AirForceTeacher. I am a very blunt and forward person, so I am sure he sometimes feels like he hears it too much. For the most part I am happy, but there are a few things that are preventing things from being what they should.

Hope that you have a good day getting to know God better. Remember that marriage is a picture of Jesus and the church. When you get to know him better and grow your relationship with him, you are better equipped for your marriage. I am finding that the more I learn to submit and respect God, the better I am at doing that for dh.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Update? How are things?

 

[Savedthroughfaith]

I was in a very similiar situation to yours. I wound up becoming very much like my father, controlling etc. I knew things were going downhill with my ex before he left, but did nothing to try and change. I commend you for what you are doing. If you ever want to chat, please pm me.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Update? How are things?

Well he has been working 10-15 hours at work everyday because of people not showing up, etc. so I really haven't seen him very much. In fact he will be working on his day off this week for about 5 hours. However, he is showing initiative to spend at least an hour with me before he goes to bed. I have seen him really try to show me love in ways that are meaningful to me.

On the other hand I have worked really hard not to complain, nag, or respond in anger to his work changes. I know it is something that he has to do right now, especially if he wants to meet his goals. I am trying my best to be understanding and supportive. I also am making sure to keep his work around the house to a minimum because he is so tired, and to have dinner ready for him when he comes home. I am so proud of him because he is still putting in so much effort and making sure to complete our weekly homework for Love and Respect.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

I was in a very similiar situation to yours. I wound up becoming very much like my father, controlling etc. I knew things were going downhill with my ex before he left, but did nothing to try and change. I commend you for what you are doing. If you ever want to chat, please pm me.

Thank you for the support and offer

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Things have bumped back again and things aren't going so well. I have been really depressed on and off for several months now. The last few weeks have been really bad. When I finally shared how helpless and hopeless I felt with my dh and that I scheduled a dr's apt. dh was not supportive at all The last few weeks I have wanted to run away, to get away from myself and from being married. I would never leave, because I know it would do no good. Ultimately I just wish I could get away from myself. I know that my bad mood is pushing him away, but it is so hard to be happy even though I have tons to be happy about.

Things also seem to get worse after we have sex, and that frustrates me like nothing else does. I have a high sex drive and him very low. He always tries to start a fight afterward about me always wanting it, etc, even though I usually let him initiate. I wait for him, because he always says no or gets mad when I initiate. Most of the foreplay is aimed at pleasing him, because he doesn't like reciprocating that much. I always really wondered why he was like this, and today he told me that he was molested 3 years as a child. He has never told anyone before, and wants to just go back to forgetting about it. Now his feelings about sex being dirty and that I should just take care of myself, and that we should never do it make sense. It breaks my heart that he had to go through this and that it has stolen the joy of sex from our marriage. I waited until we were married to have sex and I feel so robbed, and I know it is not his fault. Please pray for us both to eventually get to the place where we can experience the joys of marriage and intimacy.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I'm so sorry for you ... I was cheering you on when things were getting better

Praying for you.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Things are going well again....things really did not change for the worse in February after my dh told me his feelings about sex. For a few weeks it was difficult because nothing happened, but I learned to not initiate because of his problems. After a few weeks he felt more comfortable, and he initiates at least once a week now. Our intimate times together have become spectular because we are so in love and focusing on that. The Lord has trully blessed us, and helped me to learn to be content.

Our relationship has taken so many steps forward in all areas, and I know that it has trully been the work of God in 2 willing people.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

That is so good to hear!

 

[fulltime]

ilovemyhubby, I am going through the same situation as you are right now. But, I have hurt my wife and now she has been filling out divorce papers. What I have really learnered in the last 8 months of seperation is I tried to show the changes to my wife who does nothing but respound negitivity. Trust in the lord and keep yourself busy so that you will not have your own pitty party. Continue to to to personal counselling. Keep in mind that you have to diplay yourself as a person that your husband would be around. If you are always down he will pick up on that.I will pray for your situation.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Thank you AirForceTeacher! How are you doing? If that is you in the picture, you look very happy....

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Thank you fulltime...that is very good advice. I actually saw that in December when my dh approached me about his unhappiness. I quickly began working at changing myself, and he saw that right away.
I even made a job change. I was extremely miserable with my job, and switched fields and jobs to do something that I am very happy doing.