desperate and scared

[pumpernickel]

Hi....new here...
I have had some serious breakdowns and what seem to be manic episodes in the last little while. Really these things have been going on my whole life, but this time around its been the worst ever and whereas in the past I could always reason it out by blaming some external things going on, eg breakup with boyfriend, now this is all repeating itself over and over even though nothing is triggering it that I can identify. I finally talked to the school counsellor (i'm at a christian university) and she said that it sounds like I have bipolar and I am booked to see a psychiatrist.
The thing is, I am disgusted with everything I've heard and seen about the meds they put people on. I have known so many people to be on numerous brain drugs and every last one of them has their horror stories about them. Although..none of them have bipolar disease. But anyways, I am seriously don't want to be on meds. But I have a hard time coming across anyone who says confidently that God will heal this sort of thing. Maybe it is a part of a personality type he meant to exist and because we live in a sin-filled world it is exceptionally vulnerable at the expense of mental stability. Maybe God is only willing to give us tools to turn this horror into a gift and learn to live with it somehow. I don't know, but I am scared out of my mind of going on drugs that everyone I know who uses them says numb them out of their identity. I am falling apart right now, failing school and no amount of organization and planning seems to be able to put me back in control, I hooked my CD player alarm clock up to speakers, put it on full volume and I'll still sleep through an hour of music and all my classes for instance....Roommates will wake me up but I'll sit up, they'll run off to their classes and I'll fall asleep sitting up. This won't be permanent, but it is having an impact on other aspects of my life that is very negative. Stuff like this.... I am desperate to work this one out, now that I know it is probably bipolar. It is horrible to have to admit and believe it, to myself, I really really was hoping maybe i just needed some stress management therapy or something...
Anyways, I'm not really sure what my main point is or what i'm asking for or anything so I'll stop here...but any insight on any of this would be very welcomed and appreciated.
Jo

 

[Jeshu]

Hi....new here...
I have had some serious breakdowns and what seem to be manic episodes in the last little while. Really these things have been going on my whole life, but this time around its been the worst ever and whereas in the past I could always reason it out by blaming some external things going on, eg breakup with boyfriend, now this is all repeating itself over and over even though nothing is triggering it that I can identify. I finally talked to the school counsellor (i'm at a christian university) and she said that it sounds like I have bipolar and I am booked to see a psychiatrist.
The thing is, I am disgusted with everything I've heard and seen about the meds they put people on. I have known so many people to be on numerous brain drugs and every last one of them has their horror stories about them. Although..none of them have bipolar disease. But anyways, I am seriously don't want to be on meds. But I have a hard time coming across anyone who says confidently that God will heal this sort of thing. Maybe it is a part of a personality type he meant to exist and because we live in a sin-filled world it is exceptionally vulnerable at the expense of mental stability. Maybe God is only willing to give us tools to turn this horror into a gift and learn to live with it somehow. I don't know, but I am scared out of my mind of going on drugs that everyone I know who uses them says numb them out of their identity. I am falling apart right now, failing school and no amount of organization and planning seems to be able to put me back in control, I hooked my CD player alarm clock up to speakers, put it on full volume and I'll still sleep through an hour of music and all my classes for instance....Roommates will wake me up but I'll sit up, they'll run off to their classes and I'll fall asleep sitting up. This won't be permanent, but it is having an impact on other aspects of my life that is very negative. Stuff like this.... I am desperate to work this one out, now that I know it is probably bipolar. It is horrible to have to admit and believe it, to myself, I really really was hoping maybe i just needed some stress management therapy or something...
Anyways, I'm not really sure what my main point is or what i'm asking for or anything so I'll stop here...but any insight on any of this would be very welcomed and appreciated.
Jo

Hi

The medications which psychs describe, can indeed dull your life somewhat at first, but if the meds work for you then that will pass. The trick is finding the right drug combination, such a process can take some time.
I have been on quite a few medications myself and found no drug that treated all my symptoms yet. However I'm a lot better on drugs than without. This feeling of loss of identity is a logical result of MEDS that work. Your identity is not really lost but rather changes because the negative symptoms you are now suffering from are suppressed or taken away all together by the meds.

So please take it from me - if you have a mental illness - TRY THE MEDS THE DOCTOR GIVES YOU - and see what happens be patient and give the meds some time to work - your life may well turn out to be much better than it is now.

That God may show you the path to follow.

Gerry

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Pumpernickel


Now is the time to get it under control before your problems grow, and they will if you don't get proper medical attention.


The meds I take now I don't know I'm taking and life is about the same as before I went manic. This is over 4 years now.


The one thing about meds is they work at a certain level of stress. They do not adjust as the body would so you want to stay under the threshold.


Now it took some time before we found the right combination and dosage. You MUST be patient.


If things are not yet right then BUG your doctor till they are. You must remember it is you that lives with the problem, not the doctor.


They do have some really good meds out there and also some really bad ones. If you go 10 days and they don't work good for you climb right back on ole doc.


Some doctors have to get sick of seeing you before they get busy. I hope this is not your problem but I just want you aware of this so you waste no time.


We want you back on your feet and telling about all the A's your getting!!! ( and you can )


NEVER FORGET TO REMEMBER:






X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[jojogirly]

Hey i cant tell you that i understand what you are going thru cuz i'm not even sure what bipolar really is but i,ve seen enough people suffering frm mental issues to the point of wanting to kill themselves get delivered and totally set free!! so yeah i have no doubt in God's mighty power to deliver. Talk to a pastor and ask for prayer God is no respecter of persons if He can deliver others He can do the same for you. The other thing you can do is confess God's word. 2timothy sayz God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind. be blessed. I'll 4 u.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hi....new here...

Welcome Joe

Really these things have been going on my whole life, but this time around its been the worst ever and whereas in the past I could always reason it out by blaming some external things going on

This is my story Jo. Thru out my whole life, and I too, always found a reason to explain it away.

The thing is, I am disgusted with everything I've heard and seen about the meds they put people on. I have known so many people to be on numerous brain drugs and every last one of them has their horror stories about them. Although..none of them have bipolar disease.

The key phrase here Jo is that these people did not have bipolar. Not all meds given to those with mental illnesses have these 'horror stories' you speak of. And the fact that each individual is affected by meds differently.

But anyways, I am seriously don't want to be on meds.

No one wants to be on meds Jo. And especially if they are needed due to a mental illness. Most mental illnesses are due to chemicals and such missing in the brain. Taking meds for this is no different than a diabetic taking insulin to survive, or a person with a bad heart taking meds to make sure their heart keeps beating.

But I have a hard time coming across anyone who says confidently that God will heal this sort of thing.

Jo, I'm sure you know God can heal anyone from any illness that they may have. I know people who have been healed from physical illnesses to horrid addictions. And yet here I am on meds, learning to live with bipoar. You're right, we do live in a sinful world...because of this, nothing is perfect in our lives. Please don't allow people tell you that you are 'not healed' due to your relationship with God. Yes, if our relationship is not right with God, we will experience trials in our lives. Trials that bring us closer to God. Diseases are different from not having a right relationship with God...they are due to a imperfect bodies, not that in God's eyes did He make anything imperfect. Not until we reach Heaven will our bodies be perfect.
A baby that was born without a limb...did he sin in his Mother's womb, I think not. Could God 'replace' his limb with another one...YES. Does He always...NO.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what my main point is or what i'm asking for or anything so I'll stop here...but any insight on any of this would be very welcomed and appreciated.
Jo

You're asking for support, acceptance and assurence that there is hope. Jo...there is hope whether you are healed of this or not!

s & s,
Wendy

 

[walshclan]

Hi....new here...
I have had some serious breakdowns and what seem to be manic episodes in the last little while. Really these things have been going on my whole life, but this time around its been the worst ever and whereas in the past I could always reason it out by blaming some external things going on, eg breakup with boyfriend, now this is all repeating itself over and over even though nothing is triggering it that I can identify. I finally talked to the school counsellor (i'm at a christian university) and she said that it sounds like I have bipolar and I am booked to see a psychiatrist.
The thing is, I am disgusted with everything I've heard and seen about the meds they put people on. I have known so many people to be on numerous brain drugs and every last one of them has their horror stories about them. Although..none of them have bipolar disease. But anyways, I am seriously don't want to be on meds. But I have a hard time coming across anyone who says confidently that God will heal this sort of thing. Maybe it is a part of a personality type he meant to exist and because we live in a sin-filled world it is exceptionally vulnerable at the expense of mental stability. Maybe God is only willing to give us tools to turn this horror into a gift and learn to live with it somehow. I don't know, but I am scared out of my mind of going on drugs that everyone I know who uses them says numb them out of their identity. I am falling apart right now, failing school and no amount of organization and planning seems to be able to put me back in control, I hooked my CD player alarm clock up to speakers, put it on full volume and I'll still sleep through an hour of music and all my classes for instance....Roommates will wake me up but I'll sit up, they'll run off to their classes and I'll fall asleep sitting up. This won't be permanent, but it is having an impact on other aspects of my life that is very negative. Stuff like this.... I am desperate to work this one out, now that I know it is probably bipolar. It is horrible to have to admit and believe it, to myself, I really really was hoping maybe i just needed some stress management therapy or something...
Anyways, I'm not really sure what my main point is or what i'm asking for or anything so I'll stop here...but any insight on any of this would be very welcomed and appreciated.
Jo

Jo:

I think Wendy is bang on.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made and God had a grand purpose when He made you. Taking meds in no way diminishes that purpose. Think of all the good that can happen if you get "stable". No more roller coaster ride life.

Connie

 

[Alive again]

Jo:

I think Wendy is bang on.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made and God had a grand purpose when He made you. Taking meds in no way diminishes that purpose. Think of all the good that can happen if you get "stable". No more roller coaster ride life.

Connie

I am not sure that I can add all that much to what has been said, but I will chime in.

I spent years wishing to be well again. For I had completed college and worked about 15 years and had 2 kids before my bp2 developed such a deep depression that it robbed me of my life. What I foudn when I got on the right meds and did the hard work of counseling, is that I am still me but different as well. More depth, more life, more strength. I have been on many meds, non of them really dulled me, but the I had depression 90% of the time. I had many side effects, nausea, shaking hands, inability to concentrate, difficulty sleeping, even an antidepressant triggered a manic rage, but the right med has given me not only my life back, but a much healthier and enjoyable life than I ever had before.

This time around diagnosis is scary. Nobody wants to be diagnosed with an illness and take meds the rest of their life, especially a mental illness. But give yourslef time to adjust to the thought, take the meds and see what a difference the right med for you can make. And learn all you can about this illness. There are books and magazines and websites to help with this search. Come here and let us encourage you and pray for you!!!

Blessings and prayers,

and btw the sleeping thru the alarm and stuff - absolutely identical to my son who is also bp2.

ALive again