Oh Brother I so feel you right now my heart hurts again.
Its so simple and cliche I even hate to say this man, you have to turn that into something positive. The sense of failure goes as you progress. Life doesn't stop, people will only lend you their shoulder for so long. I lived with my wife and 4 other people, my first choice was to move out alone. The one thing everyone thought I should avoid. I read and prayed constantly, started working out, getting into politics, theology ( two things prior I had no intrest in really). You will always have bad day, but in the worst of days there is always a bright spot. These bright spots will illuminate your path that you could be very well walking past. I dove head first into work as well, putting in every extra effort that I had in me to be the best, becuase the taste of faluire was still on my tounge. I made promises to God that he helped me keep, and i tried to keep them as well. The first month I sat around doing nothing. I was useless, and I smoked weed constantly, just to sleep and eat and it wasn't doing the trick I still lost 30 lbs and couldn't keep a cracker down.
Without failure you would not know pain, you would not know sorrow, and without a clear definition of those, I believe you can never really know love, and in turn you wont ever really know God. 23 years old and divorced, my man we could start a club. I got mine 2 years ago, and this has been the hardest two years of my life. My ex got pregnant, then recently had a shotgun wedding. I was around for all of it, there is nothing in this world that I would trade to get rid of those years, the emotions, the heartache, because when I look in the mirror from here on out I have something that cant ever be taken away, I have Truth. Also, just because a piece of paper negates your "marriage" God does not let you off the hook about your responsibilties, oh no. You made the promise now wether she is here or there, you have a commitment that you must stand true to. You get to start a journey that some men never get to take and that others pass up, you get to become a real man, and you get to do it at a young age.
Chin up friend, one day at a time, one step at a time, babysteps, and when God asks you to take a leap (trust me He will and you will know it) drop your parachute and leap. A strong mind cant be beat by anything except a weak heart, so your goal should be to prepare both. You set goals for yourself. Now things you didnt and wouldn't try, you try. Fear becomes motivation, you beat your fear, your depression, you fight now you fight for everything that tugs at your heart and brings a tear to your eye. You dont give up, when you think you are about to fall you hold your head that much higher, you push that much harder, and you run that much faster. You can do this man, there is no doubt in my mind that you will prevail. Gods is your father and he doesn't teach his children how to fail.
Warrior Poet
