depression.verses off support wanted

[ghazey06]

ok i dont really have the confidents to phone and helpline or to go see somebody.i just need a good old rant.

well im 22 brought up in a home with my mum a christian.things have changed so much in the past 2years of my life.well my mum and dad split up and im living with my mum sister and wee bro.my mum took the split bad and had to be admitted to a mental hospital for a week.

where do i start from the start i suppose.i used to always think that my family was the best family in the world,oh boy was i wrong and navie at the time.i grow up on the home farm and i have no early memories of my dad but any i do have of him aint happy ones.

hearing my girlfriend talk about her childhood makes me so jealous inside as my summer holidays consisted of me working for the 2months we got of.she would ask do i have any stories?!eh no apart from work work work?!

i think what hurts the most is seeing him with his new wife to be and kids and hearing stories that he is such a great father to them.it hurts so much inside as the memories i have of him is just the ones of physical abusive he give to the whole family.

well the time came when dad sold the farm thinking he was going for a better life.owning his own taxi company.he didnt have 24 hours in his day he had 60hours in his day.

basically he was a bully.i find it so hard to forgive him for what he done on us as a family he cheated on my mum on numerous occasions

im sorry if i rambled on a little there i just need to get it off my chest.as im the head of the house and i find all the love from your family and girlfriend can still make you feel lonely.

even with my girlfriend away for a week in portugal on a missionary trip i felt so empty inside that it was awful.

thanks

 

[AWorkInProgress]

heya bro,

I feel ya. My Dad was a screw up too, not as bad as yours. Bugs me at times things wish he taught me or doing great father things that see on TV. All I know is I don't want be like him, I don't want his failures to pass on to my kids. I forgiven him and understand him. I still use it as fuel today, to keep me in line.

You know that you have to forgive him, but never forget. Those feelings of the past are going to stick with you until you do achieve that forgiveness. Lord is the judge, even if he gets away with his sins. Time he stands before the Lord, his judgement will rain down on him. Best to focus on your healing and becoming a real man of God. Forgiveness sometimes require lot more than 10 or so times. Or as Jesus put it seven times seventy seven times.

The abuse and everything that has happened has probably made you turn your emotions inward. You feel so dead because you are starved for love. My understanding is God designed us with relationships in mind. To give and to take, you give yourself to others and in return they give back. You serve others and they serve back. To listen and to speak from the heart. I tell you that if you put up walls to be strong or to protect you, that these very walls are suffocating you.

I know you didn't want to hear this, but humble yourself and speak to a counsellor/Paster/therapist. Men have emotions too, that heart within your chest that makes you who you are. Have to open the door and share it with others. Have to become vulnerible again to truly begin to live again.

I will pray for you brother. Hang in there bro.

 

[ghazey06]

thanks for that i think i need to try and forgive him its just so hard to see him with other kids where i should be.i know what you mean cause i dont want to treat my girlfriend or if i had kids the same way he has treated my family.i know what you mean when i build walls round my problems i have realised that hasnt helped

 

[saturnine]

hey ghazey06,

i went through depression for three years. here are a few of the many verses that helped me; may they minister to you too.

1peter 1:6-7
hebrews 12:1-13
isaiah 30:19-21
hosea 12:6
exodus 14:14
2 chronicles 16:9
deuteronomy 32: 36
joshua 1: 5-9