Depression Support

[Gwendolyn]

I haven't checked in in a little while...

Still struggling. I believe the last time I posted, I was taking Effexor. It had such a terrible effect for me that I had to stop. A psychiatrist prescribed another medication for me, and I reacted terribly to that as well. Same story for another medication that was intended to boost the anti-depressant effects of another one.

I have since been off all anti-depressants and I have sworn to myself that I will never take another one in my entire life because they have done me nothing but harm. My body cannot handle SSRIs, SNRIs, DNIs (dopomine-norepinephrine inhibitors), etc. I react severely to them and they make me more ill than I already am.

I've been on clonazepam, an anti-anxiety medication, for nearly two months now. My anxiety is the source of my depression. Unfortunately clonazepam isn't having the effect for which the psychiatrist had hoped, so I have to go back for yet another consult.

I am also seeing a therapist twice a week, but it's looking now that I may have to go away for awhile to an in-patient facility that deals with anxiety and depressive disorders. It has been six months since I was formally diagnosed and nothing has changed.

I guess this has to do more with anxiety than depression, but depression goes hand in hand with my anxiety, and I've been really struggling lately.

Only faith has kept me alive. It is at once a scary and comforting thought. Scary, because if I had turned away from God or if I did not allow Him a place in my heart, I would not be here to write this to you; and comforting, because I know that He has taken care of me and has not abandoned me even in my darkest hour.

How much we suffer. And how little the world seems to understand. But at least we souls here can share and relate.

 

[HannahBanana]

Just checking in...

Here's a little something I wrote earlier this evening:

I sit here, alone, feeling alternately guilty and depressed, and wondering why I’m here on this earth. Why? Why me, and not some other, more normal girl? Why am I the way I am? The questions tumble out of me, each one as unanswerable as the next. In their wake they leave an ache in my heart that I realize has been there for the past ten or so years. I want a friend. Or a boyfriend. Or, hell, even a girlfriend. I just want someone that I can call up and not have to worry about sounding whiny or immature. And yet…I don’t want to have to reciprocate for that friend. I don’t want to have to provide a kind ear when I could just as easily be distracting myself from my inner critic. It’s sad but it’s true. I close my eyes for a second as the pain overwhelms me. I sigh again and again, not really knowing what to do to help myself feel better. I don’t want to turn to distraction like I usually do, and yet, I don’t know what else there is to do. I could do homework or chores, but, seriously, what sane teenager do you know that will voluntarily do stuff like that?

...that's as far as I got with that narrative. Later.

 

[Tk101]

Hi
I feel that your loathing of the human race is your downfall. Our Father in heaven loves the human race and made redemption posiible through His Son. Please consider forgiving mankind as well, as it would change the whole outlook you have of life.
I myself have seen much evil and wrong - worked the streets of one of Ausralia's major cities - and also I had a real hard time forgiving the wrongdoers - especially those in power. But God taught me that unforgiveness brings bitterness and bitterness brings depression. In the end your become a victim of your own anger.

All the best with your studies.


Gerry

thanks., Gerry...I would like to get over the loathing...but i'm not sure how...
what are some ways in which this can be acheived?

 

[rosenherman]

I haven't checked in in a little while...

Still struggling. I believe the last time I posted, I was taking Effexor. It had such a terrible effect for me that I had to stop. A psychiatrist prescribed another medication for me, and I reacted terribly to that as well. Same story for another medication that was intended to boost the anti-depressant effects of another one.

I have since been off all anti-depressants and I have sworn to myself that I will never take another one in my entire life because they have done me nothing but harm. My body cannot handle SSRIs, SNRIs, DNIs (dopomine-norepinephrine inhibitors), etc. I react severely to them and they make me more ill than I already am.

I've been on clonazepam, an anti-anxiety medication, for nearly two months now. My anxiety is the source of my depression. Unfortunately clonazepam isn't having the effect for which the psychiatrist had hoped, so I have to go back for yet another consult.

I am also seeing a therapist twice a week, but it's looking now that I may have to go away for awhile to an in-patient facility that deals with anxiety and depressive disorders. It has been six months since I was formally diagnosed and nothing has changed.

I guess this has to do more with anxiety than depression, but depression goes hand in hand with my anxiety, and I've been really struggling lately.

Only faith has kept me alive. It is at once a scary and comforting thought. Scary, because if I had turned away from God or if I did not allow Him a place in my heart, I would not be here to write this to you; and comforting, because I know that He has taken care of me and has not abandoned me even in my darkest hour.

How much we suffer. And how little the world seems to understand. But at least we souls here can share and relate.

I have gotten good results with xanax and ativan for anxiety, you shouldn't take them long term because they are addictive, but they did help me with my anxiety enough to get more out of my therapy. God will indeed see you through this. I've been blessed to see my illness benefit another person. I pray as you move toward wellness that you see God working in your life even more. God bless you.

 

[Darrell2006]

I haven't checked in in a little while...

Still struggling. I believe the last time I posted, I was taking Effexor. It had such a terrible effect for me that I had to stop. A psychiatrist prescribed another medication for me, and I reacted terribly to that as well. Same story for another medication that was intended to boost the anti-depressant effects of another one.

I have since been off all anti-depressants and I have sworn to myself that I will never take another one in my entire life because they have done me nothing but harm. My body cannot handle SSRIs, SNRIs, DNIs (dopomine-norepinephrine inhibitors), etc. I react severely to them and they make me more ill than I already am.

I've been on clonazepam, an anti-anxiety medication, for nearly two months now. My anxiety is the source of my depression. Unfortunately clonazepam isn't having the effect for which the psychiatrist had hoped, so I have to go back for yet another consult.

I am also seeing a therapist twice a week, but it's looking now that I may have to go away for awhile to an in-patient facility that deals with anxiety and depressive disorders. It has been six months since I was formally diagnosed and nothing has changed.

I guess this has to do more with anxiety than depression, but depression goes hand in hand with my anxiety, and I've been really struggling lately.

Only faith has kept me alive. It is at once a scary and comforting thought. Scary, because if I had turned away from God or if I did not allow Him a place in my heart, I would not be here to write this to you; and comforting, because I know that He has taken care of me and has not abandoned me even in my darkest hour.

How much we suffer. And how little the world seems to understand. But at least we souls here can share and relate.

I can relate to your response to anti-depressants, I also have anxiety and depression, and have tried most of the antidepressants, I'm know on my 4th week of zoloft, at first it made me anxious, but I take ativan with it to help with the anxiety, as my body gets used to the zoloft my doc is hoping to wean me off the ativan. I never would have been able to stick with the zoloft without the anxiety meds.
When you were taking the antidepressants were you also taking a anxiety med ?
also how long were you on the antidepressants, I have found with zoloft the side efffects have lessened over the 4 weeks time. but I can understand you saying most made you feel bad ,cause I had tried many others that I took one time and the effects were bad.

NOTE: I'm not advocating zoloft, everone reacts differently to meds,that just happens to be the only antidepressant I can tolerate.

Daryl

 

[Gwendolyn]

When you were taking the antidepressants were you also taking a anxiety med?

Yes, lorazepam.

also how long were you on the antidepressants, I have found with zoloft the side efffects have lessened over the 4 weeks time. but I can understand you saying most made you feel bad ,cause I had tried many others that I took one time and the effects were bad.

Five to six weeks with each med (it's been a long haul), with the exception of the last, because I reacted so violently to it that it was clear that I could not tolerate it even in the smallest capacity.

 

[blankgirl]

i hate my life. i hav struggles with my weight and appearance. and i hav struggles with this silly crush i have. he doesnt even think abt me twice. its so stupid. GRRRR

 

[Abstract Devotion]

why is it that when we start taking steps forward... there's always a step or two or three or five that get taken back. I havent been here in a while.... things were going good... and they are to a point. I was working setting up the classroom for the next week today with a co worker and it was like i couldnt hold it in anymore... I broke..... Im on meds... prozac.... should have gone in to see doc a while ago.. but i didnt cause yeah they worked... I dont want to go back cause well im just not guarenteed an appointment.... cant lose the hours. Im sick of it.. id oant want to fight it anymore.. i just want to be done with it... ok im gonna stop. Hows everyone doing? Gonna try to catch up around here .

Theresa

 

[Darrell2006]

I haven't checked in in a little while...

Still struggling. I believe the last time I posted, I was taking Effexor. It had such a terrible effect for me that I had to stop. A psychiatrist prescribed another medication for me, and I reacted terribly to that as well. Same story for another medication that was intended to boost the anti-depressant effects of another one.

I have since been off all anti-depressants and I have sworn to myself that I will never take another one in my entire life because they have done me nothing but harm. My body cannot handle SSRIs, SNRIs, DNIs (dopomine-norepinephrine inhibitors), etc. I react severely to them and they make me more ill than I already am.

I've been on clonazepam, an anti-anxiety medication, for nearly two months now. My anxiety is the source of my depression. Unfortunately clonazepam isn't having the effect for which the psychiatrist had hoped, so I have to go back for yet another consult.

I am also seeing a therapist twice a week, but it's looking now that I may have to go away for awhile to an in-patient facility that deals with anxiety and depressive disorders. It has been six months since I was formally diagnosed and nothing has changed.

I guess this has to do more with anxiety than depression, but depression goes hand in hand with my anxiety, and I've been really struggling lately.

Only faith has kept me alive. It is at once a scary and comforting thought. Scary, because if I had turned away from God or if I did not allow Him a place in my heart, I would not be here to write this to you; and comforting, because I know that He has taken care of me and has not abandoned me even in my darkest hour.

How much we suffer. And how little the world seems to understand. But at least we souls here can share and relate.

I can relate to the anxiety/depression and med problems.
Did you ever go to the inpatient treatment program?
is it private or hospital?


Daryl

 

[inhisimage73]

Today has not been a good day for me...I really don't have the energy to sit here and write..but I'm forcing myself none the less. I've suffered from depression on and off since I was a young teenager. I use to be a cutter...but haven't done that in many years...didn't get treatment...I just stopped. It seems these days, I turn the aggression inward...and beat myself down with negative thoughts like I'm worthless, no one wants me, I'm not loved, no one loves me, no one cares, I'm ugly, I'm not beautiful enough for anyone to want me etc. I've had a failed marriage (a huge source of my depression and negative thoughts) and failed relationships that are too numerous to count...and most, including my marriage, were emotionally and mentally abusive in nature.

I am alone. I can go several days without uttering a sound to anyone. My family is close by, but they have thier own lives to live.

My faith is taking a beating also. I use to be so on fire and hungry for God...but now, I don't feel God is close. I know what the word says, but I keep asking myself...do I REALLY believe that He draws near to the brokenhearted when I still feel so utterly useless? Do I REALLY believe that He loves ME?

I try to live from moment to moment, because the thought of the future overwhelms me. I have lost hope for that. I don't see an end to this...I've been depressed solidly for the past 4 years (most of that time I spent in denial of it). I have thoughts that are quite disturbing. Car wrecks...guns...they play over and over like a movie. I don't want to die...I want to live. I used alcohol Friday night just to escape from this living hell...it was fun for the moment...but the next day, the thoughts and the tape recorder began blaring again.

I finally broke down and arranged to see a Christian counselor...my appointment is March 9th...I don't know how I'm going to make it that long like this. I'm not on any meds at the moment...although I know I should be. I could ask my primary care doctor to help me, but she is my friend...and I have a problem exposing this side of me to my friends and family. To them, I seem like I have it all together...a fake faccade. In my minds eye, it shows them that I am weak and I am a failure, and in some way, in the future, they will use it against me.

Please pray for me....I'm going back to bed.

 

[inhisimage73]

Well today I'm having a better day. I am feeling better. I had to work, so that got me out of the house. It's so self defeating when we isolate ourselves when we are having a pitty party. But, in the midst of it, you don't see it...at least I didn't. I didn't want to go out and face people. I have 18 days left until I start counseling. I want to be free...I want to be FREE...I want to BE FREE. I am SICK of feeling this way. Anyway, gonna go get a bite to eat and go see some friends, and do a little shopping. Thank you all who took the time to send me such kind messages. They were well received

 

[tobes]

Yet another day to ponder my state of mind. Got pretty low today. I do pray for your prayers.

Thanks