Depression Support

[Soulwings]

I needed to hear that today. Youre awesome too ... thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Ive just got back from clothes shopping, and its so terribly hard to be satisfied with my body. Im fighting with thoughts of returning to ED behaviour ... I want to do so, so very badly.

Is there ever going to be a time when things will be okay? When I can really LIVE, instead of slogging and plodding, trudging and tripping and falling down, and barely being strong enough to stand again?

Because of this, because of everything Ive been through in the past year and a half, I feel so old. Ive been everywhere, it feels like, and because of that, its so hard to focus on what seems trivial stuff - uni, classes, grades, relationships. Ive been struggling to stay alive. And Ive got to balance everything else with that. Do you ever get the feeling that youre just going to crack? shatter?

Things are going to be bad in the next month. Uni is wrapping up and there is a TON of stuff that Ive got to get done for it. And I dont know if I can do as well as Id like, and that makes me even more angry at myself.

/rant. Sorry. :o

 

[lisa_P2545]

Hi, my name is Lisa and i just recently joine CF... i was looking around and found this thread. i was diagnosed with depression when i was in 9th grade... i was put on zoloft. i took zoloft for most of high school and then i joined the military at 18. when i joined i had to come off the zoloft to get in (they don't want any depressed people ) i was fine for a couple years and then i got pregnant... well, as i am sure that most of you know that kind of changed things after my daughter was born i started having all the symptoms of depression all over again... so now i have been on zoloft for about a year... i just had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago and the zoloft just doesn't seem to be working anymore... i have been crying alot and my husband just came home from deployment and that made me so happy... but it just seems that i can't seem to show it... today alone i have cryed about five times... i think that i need to go see a doctor again... well, i just wanted to share my story and say hi to everyone and i look forward to meeting all of you... God bless

 

[Restoredsoul]

Hi, my name is Lisa and i just recently joine CF... i was looking around and found this thread. i was diagnosed with depression when i was in 9th grade... i was put on zoloft. i took zoloft for most of high school and then i joined the military at 18. when i joined i had to come off the zoloft to get in (they don't want any depressed people ) i was fine for a couple years and then i got pregnant... well, as i am sure that most of you know that kind of changed things after my daughter was born i started having all the symptoms of depression all over again... so now i have been on zoloft for about a year... i just had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago and the zoloft just doesn't seem to be working anymore... i have been crying alot and my husband just came home from deployment and that made me so happy... but it just seems that i can't seem to show it... today alone i have cryed about five times... i think that i need to go see a doctor again... well, i just wanted to share my story and say hi to everyone and i look forward to meeting all of you... God bless

Thank you for sharing - it is a real support and encouragement to others to know they are not alone. i will be praying for you and i hope that you see the doctors soon.

Much love
RS xx

 

[Restoredsoul]

'When you pass through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.' Isaiah 43:2

I know what it feels like to feel low and lonely - God has been healing meand i have seen such a change in this last year alone.

Something that i found really helpful - with a trusted member of my church i wrote down three unGodly beliefs - 3 things that i thought about myself - which are not true - i then talked this through with the member of my church and she wrote down three Godly beliefs to counter act my unGodly ones - i look at it every day and it helps to remind me that i am a chosen child of God.

Much love to all
RS xxx

 

[newyorknewyork]

I needed to hear that today. Youre awesome too ... thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Ive just got back from clothes shopping, and its so terribly hard to be satisfied with my body. Im fighting with thoughts of returning to ED behaviour ... I want to do so, so very badly.

Is there ever going to be a time when things will be okay? When I can really LIVE, instead of slogging and plodding, trudging and tripping and falling down, and barely being strong enough to stand again?

Because of this, because of everything Ive been through in the past year and a half, I feel so old. Ive been everywhere, it feels like, and because of that, its so hard to focus on what seems trivial stuff - uni, classes, grades, relationships. Ive been struggling to stay alive. And Ive got to balance everything else with that. Do you ever get the feeling that youre just going to crack? shatter?

Things are going to be bad in the next month. Uni is wrapping up and there is a TON of stuff that Ive got to get done for it. And I dont know if I can do as well as Id like, and that makes me even more angry at myself.

/rant. Sorry.

dear soulwings,
im so glad you're being so honest and sharing how you're doing
i find it helps sometimes just talking.. getting stuff off my chest and out of my system..
Stick in there sweety, you can do it! Even though you feel so weak, Jesus says he will be strong for us when we are weak!


"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31
Can you make a list of some things that can help you when you get strong thoughts about ED.. that way it might help in some way to overcome those thoughts..

I totally feel the same way. Sometimes I get so discouraged. I think "Please God won't you hurry up and heal me from all this pain!?" I also feel really old! I feel the same way you do!! I feel like (and I've been told) I have lived a full life! Sometimes this overwhelms me, but I guess we both should remember that Jesus tells us he wont ever leave us or forsake us.
I feel yet again exactly the same! wow! its awesome we can relate so much! I feel like sometimes there are so many trivial things going on.. when deep inside me I have to fight strong urges not to die or run away and hide from it all.. i totally feel like that too! I felt like this especially just after my Dad took his life. The world kept on spinning. People everywhere kept on going about there daily normal routine lives. When my whole world, my being, my life was suddenly in pieces at my feet. It was the strangest feeling.

You're not ranting! Don't beat up on yourself. (I do the same thing tho.. so I understand) You will get thru uni.. just keep coming on here and we'll always be here as a listening ear.. I will be anyway..

lots of love and hugs and prayers to you all, tsuriyel

 

[newyorknewyork]

Hi, my name is Lisa and i just recently joine CF... i was looking around and found this thread. i was diagnosed with depression when i was in 9th grade... i was put on zoloft. i took zoloft for most of high school and then i joined the military at 18. when i joined i had to come off the zoloft to get in (they don't want any depressed people ) i was fine for a couple years and then i got pregnant... well, as i am sure that most of you know that kind of changed things after my daughter was born i started having all the symptoms of depression all over again... so now i have been on zoloft for about a year... i just had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago and the zoloft just doesn't seem to be working anymore... i have been crying alot and my husband just came home from deployment and that made me so happy... but it just seems that i can't seem to show it... today alone i have cryed about five times... i think that i need to go see a doctor again... well, i just wanted to share my story and say hi to everyone and i look forward to meeting all of you... God bless

dear lisa, thanks 4 coming on here and sharing your story. You've come to the right place, friend.

I'm so sorry you are crying a lot and feeling so blue. How sad that you recently had a miscarriage. How are you coping?

wow what was it like being in the military?

I was on Zoloft for a little while too. It seemed to make me angry (very strange)... so now Im taking something else.

Yeah I know what you mean.. you feel out of control sometimes hey. Like your emotions and thoughts aren't acting the way you want them to. Let us know what the doctor says.

Wow.. so being pregnant and having a child make you feel depressed? Please tell me about this as I have been thinking about starting to have kids.. and I am healing from depression and on anti-depressants (Effexor-XR).

please drop back here to this thread. .. i am hoping we can all be here for each other and grow and learn from each other..

i think best of all its great having others that can relate to you

take care lisa

 

[newyorknewyork]

'When you pass through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.' Isaiah 43:2

I know what it feels like to feel low and lonely - God has been healing meand i have seen such a change in this last year alone.

Something that i found really helpful - with a trusted member of my church i wrote down three unGodly beliefs - 3 things that i thought about myself - which are not true - i then talked this through with the member of my church and she wrote down three Godly beliefs to counter act my unGodly ones - i look at it every day and it helps to remind me that i am a chosen child of God.

Much love to all
RS xxx

wow restored soul! amazing stuff! thank you so much, its really encouraging to me what God is doing inyour life right now!!

wow! ive never heard anyone else speak of ungodly and godly beliefs b4! my husband and i just heard of that exact concept/exercise that you mentioned just recently thru some books we're reading (by Neil Anderson).. its great to hear someone else mention this!

good 4 u! i am soo happy this is healing you and working 4 u! its a great exercise isn't it!
God bless you lots in your journey of healing..

xoxo tsuriyel

 

[newyorknewyork]

well right now i feel as though God is chipping away at me.. like a potter working at clay.. I don't know if he is or not but thats what it feels like.. i guess its a good thing even tho its painful

i have been getting very overwhelmed the last few days.. i dont know why.. it seems that one thing after another keeps on happening..something to bring me down and make me feel low and sad and overwhelmed

please pray ... we haven't been 2 church for 2 mths.. so many things keep coming up! the first week or 2 that we missed we thought not a big deal of it.. but now it seems that the devil is surely trying to do everything possible to keep us from church (I am not one of those ppl that likes to blame the devil 4 everything).. but this has gotten beyond a joke.. we'll be all dressed and ready 4 church then something happens.. i can't believe it happened again on sunday! we both badly need fellowship (hubby and i). so please pray about that..

thanks

im fearing a fair bit the last few days.. i find myself thinking "what if... " ... "what if.. " I have to stop myself. Its hard tho... to catch yrself then stop and think the opposite.

What so you all do with thoughts in yr head that are lies but are so deeply ingrained into you that they "play" over and over in yr head all the time almost as if they are tapes??? How do u get rid of those lies?

hmm... see you all on here tomorrow..

this is awesome to see so many people have already visited here..

take care everyone and have a great sleep!

tsuriyel <><

 

[Restoredsoul]

well right now i feel as though God is chipping away at me.. like a potter working at clay.. I don't know if he is or not but thats what it feels like.. i guess its a good thing even tho its painful

Listen to 'Blessed be your name' by Matt and Beth Redman

i have been getting very overwhelmed the last few days.. i dont know why.. it seems that one thing after another keeps on happening..something to bring me down and make me feel low and sad and overwhelmed

please pray ... we haven't been 2 church for 2 mths.. so many things keep coming up! the first week or 2 that we missed we thought not a big deal of it.. but now it seems that the devil is surely trying to do everything possible to keep us from church (I am not one of those ppl that likes to blame the devil 4 everything).. but this has gotten beyond a joke.. we'll be all dressed and ready 4 church then something happens.. i can't believe it happened again on sunday! we both badly need fellowship (hubby and i). so please pray about that..

thanks

I will pray that you get to church and get some fellowship - this is very important. Is there anyone from church you can get to visit you at home?

im fearing a fair bit the last few days.. i find myself thinking "what if... " ... "what if.. " I have to stop myself. Its hard tho... to catch yrself then stop and think the opposite.

Listen to Worship music and fill your head with truths not lies - i constantly have worship cds on - then i don't have time to think of anything else. Plus reading the psalms can be really helpful - i use them as prayers.

What so you all do with thoughts in yr head that are lies but are so deeply ingrained into you that they "play" over and over in yr head all the time almost as if they are tapes??? How do u get rid of those lies?

See my above answers and also you need to write out bible verses to look at which show the lies to be lies.

hmm... see you all on here tomorrow..

this is awesome to see so many people have already visited here..

take care everyone and have a great sleep!

tsuriyel <><

Sleep well - it's only afternoon here

Remember : 'The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.' Psalm 145:18

RS xxx

 

[Soulwings]

What so you all do with thoughts in yr head that are lies but are so deeply ingrained into you that they "play" over and over in yr head all the time almost as if they are tapes??? How do u get rid of those lies?

Tsuriyel. I can empathise with you so well, here as well as with many other posts and feelings. I dont know how to get rid of the lies; thats something Im struggling with now too. My boyfriend and pastor have told me to try and sort out whats lies and whats truth, and in that way you can combat the lies. Once you know what is lies, then you can fight them easier. And you sort them out and fight them by using the Word of God. For example, the lies in my head say that Im fat and ugly, huge, disgusting. But my heart knows that Im a child of God, a princess of the King, and that He made me like I am, and Im perfect (or at least, not disgusting) in His eyes. I hope that makes some sort of sense.

Im really not doing well today. Last night was awful; its been nearly three weeks (on Wednesday) since I cut last, and I want to do so SO badly. I almost didnt take my meds last night, and if I refused them, something would be really wrong, because that isnt ME. I dont know if that makes any sense either. But Im back to feeling so low, and today really hasnt been a good day. Ive got so much stuff coming up, and Im getting panicky about doing well on it all (exams and talks etc). I know there isnt any way that I can do as well as Id like to. So ... blahh.

Have any of you ever dissociated? Like, so you were "out of your body" and just ... not there? Last night was like that for me, my dad was holding my hand and it just felt like he was holding on to a hunk of meat. It wasnt my hand. I wasnt there. And I still dont feel like Im here.

 

[Mayflower1]

I was just in Blessing Exchange...How can I feel so down all of the sudden... Sometimes, I feel like such a hypocrite because I want to die and God doesn't want me too. It is so stupid I know.

 

[Mayflower1]

I can't seem to shake it. I hate these fast... I try to get happy again but it doesn't work...

 

[Soulwings]

Aww Lily s
I know the feelings of wanting to die. Its not stupid at all. But its good that you know that its not what God meant for you. Youre meant to LIVE ... not just exist, but truly live, by enjoying life. Im trying to get to that point of living (versus just existing) myself.

 

[newyorknewyork]

Sleep well - it's only afternoon here

Remember : 'The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.' Psalm 145:18

RS xxx

thanks so much RS! you have great advice and thoughts! I'll go search 4 that song right now!

 

[newyorknewyork]

Tsuriyel. I can empathise with you so well, here as well as with many other posts and feelings. I dont know how to get rid of the lies; thats something Im struggling with now too. My boyfriend and pastor have told me to try and sort out whats lies and whats truth, and in that way you can combat the lies. Once you know what is lies, then you can fight them easier. And you sort them out and fight them by using the Word of God. For example, the lies in my head say that Im fat and ugly, huge, disgusting. But my heart knows that Im a child of God, a princess of the King, and that He made me like I am, and Im perfect (or at least, not disgusting) in His eyes. I hope that makes some sort of sense.

Im really not doing well today. Last night was awful; its been nearly three weeks (on Wednesday) since I cut last, and I want to do so SO badly. I almost didnt take my meds last night, and if I refused them, something would be really wrong, because that isnt ME. I dont know if that makes any sense either. But Im back to feeling so low, and today really hasnt been a good day. Ive got so much stuff coming up, and Im getting panicky about doing well on it all (exams and talks etc). I know there isnt any way that I can do as well as Id like to. So ... blahh.

Have any of you ever dissociated? Like, so you were "out of your body" and just ... not there? Last night was like that for me, my dad was holding my hand and it just felt like he was holding on to a hunk of meat. It wasnt my hand. I wasnt there. And I still dont feel like Im here.

thanks soulwings what you said is encouraging thank you It's true, you ARE a princess of the King of Kings and you are NOT fat or ugly or bad. (I have 2 remind myself that neither am I) lol

Don't cut soulwings. You can do this! Keep going! I will be here to cheer you on! Can you distract yourself with other things when you feel like cutting? Do you know why you cut? Can you speak with a counsellor that specialises in cutting - they might be able to encourage and support you? I am seeing a counsellor and a psychologist at the moment. It's good, but also a bit hard sometimes.

I've never heard of disossiated b4.. what was that like? Did it happen purposefully or accidentally? wow.. amazing! ive never heard of that!

Im at uni too.. i know what u mean about exams.. i hate assignments and exams .. especially wen u feel so low you don't know if u can even do any of them...

you can do it soulwings!!

I find it really hard forgiving people who have hurt me really badly. I was never like that as a child. I would be very tolerant (my brother had ADHD and my mother abused us all.. so the home was pretty chaotic) I was a quiet kid.. now I feel like the pain has surfaced now that I am no longer in that situation. But part of me doesn't understand? I can't help but think, whats wrong with me>? I'm not living in that horrible place anymore where my mother is calling me names and swearing at me and punching me and hurting me and my parents fighting constantly at each others throats and my brother screaming and carrying on.. I'm safe and away from all that now.. I don't live with any of them anymore.. I live with my awesome husband.. so why has all the pain surfaced now? I should feel happy shouldn't I? But I don't! What's wrong with me? Am I going mad???

I hate feeling like "I should be better, I should be stronger, I must be perfect... "

 

[newyorknewyork]

I was just in Blessing Exchange...How can I feel so down all of the sudden... Sometimes, I feel like such a hypocrite because I want to die and God doesn't want me too. It is so stupid I know.

dear Lily, you aren't a hypocrite, you aren't stupid, you are normal. Don't beat up on yourself sweety I've experienced wanting to die b4 too.. its horrible.. but we need to remember that suicide is a permanent escape from temporary problems.. in other words.. we don't need to be thinking about suicide because our problems that are causing us pain aren't going to last 4ever..

take care of yourself sweety and please drop back in here and let us know how you are doing... lots of hugs and prayers coming your way... tsuriyel <><

 

[newyorknewyork]

restored soul, i am listening to "blessed be your name" the sond you recommended! I have the version by the band Tree63

I thought I would share some books I have that I think may help some others too..

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0785273433/ref=sib_dp_pt/102-2983945-9481766#reader-link

This book (check the link above) is called "The Lies We Tell Ourselves".. its fantastic! its by Dr. Chris Thurman.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590523318/sr=8-1/qid=1144103341/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-2983945-9481766?%5Fencoding=UTF8

"His Princess" by Sheri Rose Shepherd.. i bought this one just a few days ago.. I love it!! Its awesome! Its love letters from Jesus to YOU! The letters are all very Biblical.. so you can really hear Jesus saying those things to you!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446691097/sr=8-2/qid=1144103525/ref=pd_bbs_2/102-2983945-9481766?%5Fencoding=UTF8

JOyce Meyer "Battlefield of the Mind"

PLease share if you have any books or other things which help you or you think might help others

 

[Soulwings]

Don't cut soulwings. You can do this! Keep going! I will be here to cheer you on! Can you distract yourself with other things when you feel like cutting? Do you know why you cut? Can you speak with a counsellor that specialises in cutting - they might be able to encourage and support you? I am seeing a counsellor and a psychologist at the moment. It's good, but also a bit hard sometimes.

Im in counseling now, and my counselor does specialise in cutting/self injurious behaviours. It doesnt really help that much; this feels like a battle that Ive got to fight on my own, really ... I dont know. I do try to distract myself, but it doesnt always work. Im also seeing a psych ... it is hard, isnt it? Haha, especially because Im on my second psych (the first one and I REALLY didnt get along), but this second psych is turning out to be worse than the first!!

I've never heard of disossiated b4.. what was that like? Did it happen purposefully or accidentally? wow.. amazing! ive never heard of that!

It can be done on purpose, but sometimes it just... happens. Youre out of your body, youre watching things happen, like a puppet on a stage. In my case, its an April "up there" controlling the April "down here" like a puppet. I dont know if that makes sense. It just happened last night, and I kind of encouraged it when I realised that it was happening. It feels nice. Separates me from feeling anything.

Im at uni too.. i know what u mean about exams.. i hate assignments and exams .. especially wen u feel so low you don't know if u can even do any of them...

Yes, exactly. Its so frustrating. But since the majority of people dont know that Im depressed and stuff, Ive got to keep going on. I dont know, sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and give up. But I cant really do that, can I?...

I find it really hard forgiving people who have hurt me really badly. I was never like that as a child. I would be very tolerant (my brother had ADHD and my mother abused us all.. so the home was pretty chaotic) I was a quiet kid.. now I feel like the pain has surfaced now that I am no longer in that situation. But part of me doesn't understand? I can't help but think, whats wrong with me>? I'm not living in that horrible place anymore where my mother is calling me names and swearing at me and punching me and hurting me and my parents fighting constantly at each others throats and my brother screaming and carrying on.. I'm safe and away from all that now.. I don't live with any of them anymore.. I live with my awesome husband.. so why has all the pain surfaced now? I should feel happy shouldn't I? But I don't! What's wrong with me? Am I going mad???

I hate feeling like "I should be better, I should be stronger, I must be perfect... "

Awww *hugs*
Its just delayed. Since youre safe now, youre allowing yourself to feel the stuff that you blocked when you were a kid and were actually in those situations. It makes sense, in a way. It just took time to surface. Have you talked about this with your counselor/psych?

And it is hard to forgive those who have really hurt us. But thats what Jesus is there for - to help us.

You dont need to strive for perfection. No one is perfect. And youre wonderful, amazing, and beautiful just the way you are. You too are a princess.

 

[newyorknewyork]

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/default.asp

great website!! check it out peeps!!

 

[Eponine]

Don't have a lot of time to explain in detail but I could use a little support right now... just got back from spring break and I found out today about a bunch of things that are going to make this week stressful... it's more than a little overwhelming.