Depression setting in

[Hopes]

Guess with every up there's the down. I have been so happy and now I am just depressed. I don't think I understand God very well sometimes. I thought I knew what He wanted for me but now I know that was wrong. Anyway anyone ever get confused about what Gods plan is? I was wrong and now I am depressed about it.

Also soon to be ex still here and its wearing on me. Where the heck is that tornado when you need it?

 

[Hopes]

27views and no one said not a word? OK guess time to wipe the dust off my feet on the way out.

 

[geek4christ03]

Hey hopes. It's not time to wipe the dust off. Been where your at and it freakin suc*ks. Thought I knew where God was leading and then there's a great big dead end sign staring me in the eyeballs. The depression phase is definitely my least favorite as I would think with everyone even tho mania just brings misjudgment and hurt. I don't know what things you are facing but I promise that God will open another door here in the future. During my depression each year I am literally screaming to God for answers and what to do. "Where are You, what do You want for me, I can't do this and You are leaving Me with nothing." Those are the words I utter with every bit of strength left in my bones. I felt like I was in deepest and darkest hole. You might as well have called me a cave dweller. But, low and behold, once out of the depression, the path became clearer again and I saw where The Lord played a vital role in the crevices of that dark time. He didn't look present but He was. You are His kid. He's got you even tho it may not feel like that right now. I will be keeping you in hardcore prayer. Let me know if you need anything. I'm on the other side of depression right now so I'm sure you might have some wise words towards me in my mania. Your loved by a great God. Don't ever forget that. Like your name, that's our only hope.

 

[Loven God]

I know when I am depressed the problem is I want to do what I want to do , and then I try to make myself think that is what god wants me to do , so when it all falls apart I ask myself where was God . The problem was God was never in it because it was what I wanted . If I would of had more patience and listened for God to speak it would of been His way and not mine and it would of worked out . When the depression lefts you will find your joy again and you will know what it is that Gods wants you to do , He will lead you to it .

 

[Trailltrader]

Well, this is the bipolar forum. If you were happy, and now you're feeling blue, it means you've gone from a "high" to a "low" and you need to ask yourself "What meds should I be taking?" I've been on lithium, now I'm on Divalprolax and it took like 25 years to get the right medication. I feel SO much better.

Why did G-d give me a logical half brain with an IQ suitable for MENSA and an emotional rollercollar sized brain of a peanut? I have NO idea but I'll ask him someday.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Guess with every up there's the down. I have been so happy and now I am just depressed. I don't think I understand God very well sometimes. I thought I knew what He wanted for me but now I know that was wrong. Anyway anyone ever get confused about what Gods plan is? I was wrong and now I am depressed about it.

Also soon to be ex still here and its wearing on me. Where the heck is that tornado when you need it?

Hopes

I don’t know if this will help but...

I remember being involved in a certain denomination where you would often hear the phrase “God has a plan for your life”. I tried to grasp that, but I was always left in despair. So I let it go. I let it all go and settled myself into these Scriptures:

Mar 12:30 and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.


Mar 12:31 The second is this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is
none other commandment greater than these.


Mic 6:8 He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth Jehovah require of thee, but to do justly, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with thy God?

I know this seems real simplistic, but it has made all the difference for me because God’s Word doesn’t change. As a person with bipolar I really appreciate that. I’m not running in circles trying to find out what this mysterious plan is. I know the Lord’s Commandments and I just depend on the Holy Spirit to help me live God’s Word daily and it’s enough.

Just know that God loves you and I do think a majority of the time the plan is LOVE. A smile here. A kind word there. A much needed hug. A word in due season. Acts that may seem small and insignificant are anything but in the eyes of the Lord.

Don’t be discouraged. Just rest in the Lord’s love and peace. Do the Word that you know and watch God make things plain for you. He will do it!

 

[quietpraiyze]

27views and no one said not a word? OK guess time to wipe the dust off my feet on the way out.

Slow down...Some of the people who don't post are people who PRAY. I just thought I'd mention that.

 

[Trailltrader]

Guess with every up there's the down. I have been so happy and now I am just depressed. I don't think I understand God very well sometimes. I thought I knew what He wanted for me but now I know that was wrong. Anyway anyone ever get confused about what Gods plan is? I was wrong and now I am depressed about it.

Also soon to be ex still here and its wearing on me. Where the heck is that tornado when you need it?

Nobody understands G-d very well. Anyone who says they do is lying- consider the human brain is 5" wide, 9" front to rear and 3" thick is trying to understand a universe that's 13.8 billion light years in any direction plus the spiritual implications?

Consider this: if you understood G-d as well as you would like then that would be knowing, and you wouldn't need faith right? So keep the faith that G-d will guide you and keep you!

 

[stillseeking1]

I know it is hard and at work people make fun of me because of my mood. but you know what, I just downloaded a nice little ebook on praying through depression and loneliness. I found it on Facebook. I do not have the website address but you can search for it on Amazon with the ASIN: B00E5MRSWC. The writer is M. J. Andre.

I found prayers there that brought tears to my eyes. It is free this weekend get one for free now
Good luck G

 

[Hopes]

Thanks all

I am somewhat better. I don't know how I found it but I found some answers to some of the stuff that's been bothering me. I found out what is really going on with my husband and what is at the core of his infidelity. I also found out a lot about myself and why I deal with people the way I do. I am still researching it but it has to do with attachment disorders. Anyway I FINALLY KNOW what the problem is so maybe I have some hope of finally fixing it for good.

Its just been so hard. This affair of his has really sent me through the mill. Its like a tidal wave of pain hits me and I cant seem to break free from it. I can see the problem and rationalize it in my head but I cant seem to convince my heart (emotions) just yet. I cant take the anti depressants and I am not even going to try them again. I nearly went into full blown mania and started going down the road to delusions again. So no more antidepressants for me EVER!

I am just going to have to deal with it without drugs. I did find a book on a therapy to help with depression so I ordered it. I am also looking into the other kinds as well. I figure I can learn everything there is to know about all the different kinds so kind of be my own therapist. Because of my attachment disorder I am not going to be able to talk to a therapist anyway lol so I will be my own.

At least this time he finally gets it. He didn't seem to get it with his first affair. I don't see how he didn't see that I was so upset but he didn't get it. This time he is actually repentant and sorry and it shows. Maybe seeing me come unglued to the point I had to go into the hospital woke him up? Maybe God has been working on him? I don't know but at least he seems like he cares this time.

Last time he just seemed annoyed with me when I brought it up. I did not heal right last time, but I will this time.

 

[Loven God]

If you are bipolar anti depressants are not good to take with out mood stablizers . Give all that is going on over to God , just remember that we do not all ways get the answers we want and not all ways right away . I will pray that your ex is truly sorry and the two of you can heal togeather .

 

[Hopes]

Thanks

I do have an ex husband he was an adulterer too (I divorced him) but I am talking about my current husband (who had two affairs). I am still with him but he also knows that I have set up some very strict and unmovable boundaries that will not be violated if I am to continue with this marriage.

First I told him to tell the truth and the whole truth because as God as my witness if I find one lie, omission, half truth or any other thing that has not come to light then I am gone, no ifs, ands or buts.

Secondly, I made up a list of stuff that has to be followed no matter what, now and forever, or at least until I die. Things like tracking devices on phones, key loggers, full access to every single bank account, email, and anything else I think of between now and then.

I now track every single penny that comes and goes, I know exactly where he is at any given second of the day and I can stealth ping his phone and it will update even if he shuts it off. There will be no more affairs because he cant afford a motel room without me seeing the money being gone. No more using cash, we now use prepaid cards and I can see every time its used. Even the pocket change goes on that card so there's a paper trail for everything down to the last cent.

He cant skip work and cheat because I will see exactly where he is and he cant leave the phone behind and go anyway cause I text him and if he don't answer that is a violation as well. I also must have a copy of his leave and sick time each payday from his work and I keep track of every single hour. Excessive? I don't even care if it is or not, that's just the way its going to be for now on.

By the way, those same rules apply for me as well. I don't care, I don't do anything that I need to worry about. I barely leave the house because I have such an aversion to the town that I have panic attacks when I go there. So I have to do shopping with him in another town because I cant deal with living here after his affair. I will be moving soon, I cant deal with this place anymore. So going to let my grown kids live in this place and go get another home somewhere else.

As far as the mood stabilizers. I may have them switch me to a different one. I was on Lamictal but it does some weird things to me and I think I am a bit addicted to it. If I was to skip a pill it makes this weird sensation in my throat and I crave it to the point I have to have it. Hard to explain. Also I think it makes me kind of stupid. I seem to drop words (cant think of the right word) and seem a little dim witted. Maybe lithium might be better but I have heard the side effects are pretty bad.

Anyway thanks for your post

 

[quietpraiyze]

Oh wow Hopes that's A LOT to deal with. Please make sure that you take care of your health. Along with others I'm praying for you and yours.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying that everything works out well for you and your husband. I have bipolar and take Geodon which is a mood stabalizer, too. It works pretty good for me. I am able to take antidepressants now with the mood stabalizer. Just saying what is working for me now. Take good care.

 

[Hopes]

Thanks,

I am trying to take care of my health. I am sort of eating again. I stopped eating for a while after I found out about this affair. Lost quite a bit of weight. I actually needed to loose weight though so guess that's one thing that's positive. If it continues I wont let myself go below 100lbs. I can sleep again except I have nightmares about the affair pretty much every night. Its a horrible existence right now.

The only good thing in this is this time I do think he sees the light. I lost it and tossed him out for a few days and he actually read stuff about infidelity and how to fix marriages while he was gone. He also is finally realizing the stuff I have been telling him about all these years is actually true.

He has a bad attachment disorder and I cannot, or any other relationship cannot, fix what's going on with him. He is getting help for this but at least he realizes that I am not the problem. The marriage isn't the problem, these affairs are all about him and his childhood wounds. Not that I am perfect, I have my own demons to deal with.

We have to find him a new councilor. The guy we had was a joke. His whole answer to everything was to puke up Dr. Harley. Needs pfft, that's not it at all. Some things Harley says I agree with but others I think he is way off. Had I went with my gut with his first affair and not this "needs" bologna the 2nd one probably would not have happened.

With my husbands attachment disorder I could fulfill needs 24 hours a day and it would not be enough. I have always known this, known something was wrong, but never knew how to explain it or what it was. At least now he sees the problem and it isn't me. Wow for once something isn't a problem with me.

Anyway maybe I will ask about the Geodon. It has to be better than the lamictial cause I don't want to be addicted to anything.

 

[RuthD]

Thanks,

I am trying to take care of my health. I am sort of eating again. I stopped eating for a while after I found out about this affair. Lost quite a bit of weight. I actually needed to loose weight though so guess that's one thing that's positive. If it continues I wont let myself go below 100lbs. I can sleep again except I have nightmares about the affair pretty much every night. Its a horrible existence right now.

The only good thing in this is this time I do think he sees the light. I lost it and tossed him out for a few days and he actually read stuff about infidelity and how to fix marriages while he was gone. He also is finally realizing the stuff I have been telling him about all these years is actually true.

He has a bad attachment disorder and I cannot, or any other relationship cannot, fix what's going on with him. He is getting help for this but at least he realizes that I am not the problem. The marriage isn't the problem, these affairs are all about him and his childhood wounds. Not that I am perfect, I have my own demons to deal with.

We have to find him a new councilor. The guy we had was a joke. His whole answer to everything was to puke up Dr. Harley. Needs pfft, that's not it at all. Some things Harley says I agree with but others I think he is way off. Had I went with my gut with his first affair and not this "needs" bologna the 2nd one probably would not have happened.

With my husbands attachment disorder I could fulfill needs 24 hours a day and it would not be enough. I have always known this, known something was wrong, but never knew how to explain it or what it was. At least now he sees the problem and it isn't me. Wow for once something isn't a problem with me.

Anyway maybe I will ask about the Geodon. It has to be better than the lamictial cause I don't want to be addicted to anything.

Yes, you need to take care of your health. I'm happy you are eating again.

That's good he is getting a new counselor. I hope that it helps him and you in return. I know how hard it is to go through being cheated on. My last husband cheated on me and I went through so much pain. I was young and did not know how to deal with it. I ended up leaving him.

You are so right, the problem is not with you. It's with him.

I am going to keep you both in my prayers. Take good care.

Ruth