depression quesiton

[sethad]

hey

ok, Sethad, I've tried to help my situation doing certain things and trying this and trying that but it never seems to work. I mean, I even tried islam and buddhism for a while and the only reason I quit those was cause it was tooo confusing and my parents wouldn't support it becasue they're idiots so I couldn't ask them to help necissarily. You woudln't believe how many times I've heard the "get off your butt and do something" bit...but thats ok cause I'm used to it now.

Deb, I'll probably never have kids cause first off, I don't support it and second you have to get a guy to like you and guys never like me. I think most parents are selfish for having kids in such a messed up world, that's just cruel. Like my parents for example. I was supposed to be abortioned but my mom felt guilty for haveing 2 abortions before she had me so she decided to keep me and look at how it turned out. I hate them and everyone hates me. It's like what someone once told me, "you should always go with your first instict" which is ooo so true. If someone I know would have taken that advice I would be soo much happier or actually I would probably have no emotion I would just be neutral since I wouldn't exist. But now the closest thing I can get to that is going into a coma, which I dunno how to do...but if someone does know then please, share this method with me

and finally, Simon, well I have to actually be interested in Chrisitanity first to even try it, no? And I know what you're gonna say, "then why are you on a christian message board" well first of all I'm technically not since my agnosticisimness won't let me go in a lot of the forums and junk and second I find taht ya'll actually pay attention to depressed people and I jsut need someone to talk to. And sure, the non christian boards are ok, but whenever you post about depression they dont give advice they just cuss you out and talk about how you're some attention starved freak. And that's no fun.

sorry if I sound like an annoying pessimist who "just wants attention" but like I said, this is the only place I can vent since people in my real life never want to listen and if they could have their way they'd probably wish me dead like I wish they were dead but unfortunately, my shipment of pills still hasn't come in yet. It's really annoying. But luckily I"ve being trying to stop eating which is really convenient becuase I'm losing weight and I hear skinny people do better in hot circustances so if there really is a hell I can at least be a lil comfortable.

yea I've been there with christians resorting to "you're just a whiner who wants attention" and blah blah blah...I dont usually go to non christian boards though...I find them kind of boring.

and religion wont magically help anything. just think about when you can move out of the house, get your own place. THAT is doing something. you get a job, start saving money, then once you hit age 18 or 19 and you have enough money so you dont end up on the streets you leave. thats what I'm doing.

constantly thinking about how bad your life is and ways to escape it by dying isnt going to help anything. that isnt making things better thats making them worse and its very possible if you attempt suicide you wont succeed. there is no failproof method. and if you fail its possible you'll end up with liver damage (if you take pills), or if you try shooting yourself you could end up brain damaged...etc. suicide doesnt solve anything.

 

[anunbeliever]

I still have a lot of crap in my life but now I've finally found a religion that suits me...Buddhism. It's sooo relaxing. I like it. And best of all there's no god involved necissarily, which, no offense to theistic people, but I find it much nicer this way.

I dont mean to sound rude. But choosing a religion because it suites you doesnt sound very realistic. Surely the truth of a religion is more important than whether its comfortable?

I no longer follow Christianity because i am not convinced it is true. However, if i was convinced that it is true, then i would choose to follow regardless of whether it suited me or not.

 

[Deb7777]

hey

ok, Sethad, I've tried to help my situation doing certain things and trying this and trying that but it never seems to work. I mean, I even tried islam and buddhism for a while and the only reason I quit those was cause it was tooo confusing and my parents wouldn't support it becasue they're idiots so I couldn't ask them to help necissarily. You woudln't believe how many times I've heard the "get off your butt and do something" bit...but thats ok cause I'm used to it now.

Deb, I'll probably never have kids cause first off, I don't support it and second you have to get a guy to like you and guys never like me. I think most parents are selfish for having kids in such a messed up world, that's just cruel. Like my parents for example. I was supposed to be abortioned but my mom felt guilty for haveing 2 abortions before she had me so she decided to keep me and look at how it turned out. I hate them and everyone hates me. It's like what someone once told me, "you should always go with your first instict" which is ooo so true. If someone I know would have taken that advice I would be soo much happier or actually I would probably have no emotion I would just be neutral since I wouldn't exist. But now the closest thing I can get to that is going into a coma, which I dunno how to do...but if someone does know then please, share this method with me

and finally, Simon, well I have to actually be interested in Chrisitanity first to even try it, no? And I know what you're gonna say, "then why are you on a christian message board" well first of all I'm technically not since my agnosticisimness won't let me go in a lot of the forums and junk and second I find taht ya'll actually pay attention to depressed people and I jsut need someone to talk to. And sure, the non christian boards are ok, but whenever you post about depression they dont give advice they just cuss you out and talk about how you're some attention starved freak. And that's no fun.

sorry if I sound like an annoying pessimist who "just wants attention" but like I said, this is the only place I can vent since people in my real life never want to listen and if they could have their way they'd probably wish me dead like I wish they were dead but unfortunately, my shipment of pills still hasn't come in yet. It's really annoying. But luckily I"ve being trying to stop eating which is really convenient becuase I'm losing weight and I hear skinny people do better in hot circustances so if there really is a hell I can at least be a lil comfortable.

Hi Hopl. I'm glad your sharing on this forum, don't stop. I'm really sorry about your family life, maybe your mother is really struggling with her own issues, 10 years from now you and your mother might be very close, you don't know. Maybe, you are the one to help her, at least always wish your mother well, its not going to help you or her by being negative. If anything be neutral if you can't be positive about your family, way to draining on your emotions to play the blame game, just take it one day at a time and like Seth said try to make the most of it with the future always going to be there. We don't go back, we go forward, some day it will stop but that is God's call and not ours, you'll never be sorry or regret you took things such as life and death in your hands, never. You keep talking about boys and how much having a boyfriend means to you,don't deny yourself of meeting someone perhaps in 5 years from now. Your situation will change but you need to start planning for those changes, you can make life better for yourself, think positive, put your energy into how your going to make life better. What kind of student are you, if you could be something in this world what would it be ? Did you say you were a freshman in high school, I wasn't sure. What exactly about Christianity is putting you off, just wondering, alot of people , not saying its you, don't want to give up something they know they would have too . I don't know if that's yourr case or not but like brother simon said in the previous post you can offer up all of pain and suffering to the Lord and he can use that when given to him to save souls. Its a great act of love instead of being bitter about life to give it all to the Lord because nothing is wasted, perhaps if you give all your pain and suffering to the Lord he will be able to transform your family , you never know but good will come from be united to the Lord in good times and bad times. So many possibilities, we just have to trust and take up our cross and follow the Lord, ask the lord everyday to give you the gift of hope, starting today, can't hurt, while your at it get a crucifix and look at it once a day, then say one Hail Mary, promise it won't kill you unlike pills and tell me how you feel in a month. Deal? Here's how to say the Hail Mary prayer: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus, Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and the hour of our death amen. God bless until we hear from you again. I think its great when people can share, I do encourage you to keep talking to your counselors if you can, as many people as possible makes you feel like your not so alone. Remember this is your thread, post away! God bless again.

 

[hoplessss]

...

 

[hoplessss]

Hi Hopl. I'm glad your sharing on this forum, don't stop. I'm really sorry about your family life, maybe your mother is really struggling with her own issues, 10 years from now you and your mother might be very close, you don't know. Maybe, you are the one to help her, at least always wish your mother well, its not going to help you or her by being negative. If anything be neutral if you can't be positive about your family, way to draining on your emotions to play the blame game, just take it one day at a time and like Seth said try to make the most of it with the future always going to be there. We don't go back, we go forward, some day it will stop but that is God's call and not ours, you'll never be sorry or regret you took things such as life and death in your hands, never. You keep talking about boys and how much having a boyfriend means to you,don't deny yourself of meeting someone perhaps in 5 years from now. Your situation will change but you need to start planning for those changes, you can make life better for yourself, think positive, put your energy into how your going to make life better. What kind of student are you, if you could be something in this world what would it be ? Did you say you were a freshman in high school, I wasn't sure. What exactly about Christianity is putting you off, just wondering, alot of people , not saying its you, don't want to give up something they know they would have too . I don't know if that's yourr case or not but like brother simon said in the previous post you can offer up all of pain and suffering to the Lord and he can use that when given to him to save souls. Its a great act of love instead of being bitter about life to give it all to the Lord because nothing is wasted, perhaps if you give all your pain and suffering to the Lord he will be able to transform your family , you never know but good will come from be united to the Lord in good times and bad times. So many possibilities, we just have to trust and take up our cross and follow the Lord, ask the lord everyday to give you the gift of hope, starting today, can't hurt, while your at it get a crucifix and look at it once a day, then say one Hail Mary, promise it won't kill you unlike pills and tell me how you feel in a month. Deal? Here's how to say the Hail Mary prayer: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus, Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and the hour of our death amen. God bless until we hear from you again. I think its great when people can share, I do encourage you to keep talking to your counselors if you can, as many people as possible makes you feel like your not so alone. Remember this is your thread, post away! God bless again.

I found the guy I really want to be with for forever and ever, and I had him, but I was stupid and broke up with him...and now I dont think he likes me anymore but I'm really not sure. The point is, though, that I'm doomed in that department, and that alone is enough reason to die. Unless I get my ex back, I really have absolutely no reason to live since he was the only good thing in my life before, and I was depressed then. So imagine how terrible life is for me now which is why I don't believe in god at all. He's a deciever, he acts like hes gonna take you in and care for you and like his only concern is you and your happiness when really, all he cares about is his ego and whether or not people are gratifying him which is sooo twisted. And then he acts like he knows and is leading you torwards " the deepest desires of your heart" when in fact, he could care less. I know whats good for me, and what he's giving me right now and has been giving my entire life is DEFINATELY not whats good for me. so if I do kill myself, I think I have a pretty justified reason so even if heaven does exist, I'll probably still get in since I'll have a good excuse. And if not then it would mean that obviously god is unmerciful and who would want to spend eternity with some uncaring, pathetic god? not me.

 

[Deb7777]

I found the guy I really want to be with for forever and ever, and I had him, but I was stupid and broke up with him...and now I dont think he likes me anymore but I'm really not sure. The point is, though, that I'm doomed in that department, and that alone is enough reason to die. Unless I get my ex back, I really have absolutely no reason to live since he was the only good thing in my life before, and I was depressed then. So imagine how terrible life is for me now which is why I don't believe in god at all. He's a deciever, he acts like hes gonna take you in and care for you and like his only concern is you and your happiness when really, all he cares about is his ego and whether or not people are gratifying him which is sooo twisted. And then he acts like he knows and is leading you torwards " the deepest desires of your heart" when in fact, he could care less. I know whats good for me, and what he's giving me right now and has been giving my entire life is DEFINATELY not whats good for me. so if I do kill myself, I think I have a pretty justified reason so even if heaven does exist, I'll probably still get in since I'll have a good excuse. And if not then it would mean that obviously god is unmerciful and who would want to spend eternity with some uncaring, pathetic god? not me.

Hi Hopl, You had one great boyfriend doesn't mean you won't have another or a future reunion with the boy you really liked. But like I said in the past boys are not the end all, be all, you have you and you have to start caring about you. You are a precious, valuable human being regardless if you have a boyfriend today or not. God is leading you to what really matters in life and that's not a boyfriend (which isn't bad) but to be a new creation in him by being a Christian. A Christian is a life that will give you every hope and strength to endure in your Lord and Savior. Those who trust in Jesus will overcome all circumstances, he offers that to you and will always offer that to you. If your not ready now fine just don't take the issue of life and death into your hands. Life and death belongs to God and we will always regret going against anything God says don't do. Many people learn the hard way by engaging in things God says not to, they get hurt, they get burn, their hearts and lifes are a mess but then many will seek after God and his wisdom and guidance and find a new life that lifts them up , chains are broken and they truly are free to ascend to things of the spirit where as before it was impossible. So many conversion stories of people who let go and let God be apart of their life and decisions. I think there is a teen chatbox on this website why don't you check it out, maybe join in, does anybody know exactly how you feel besides us? I just really want you to get pass this because life is so good and your are priceless. You can get mad all you want at God, he is not mad at you, he does have another type of life for his followers, does your mother have any clue how you feel? I'm really glad you are posting here, get those feelings out. Tell me alittle bit about your family, brothers, sisters? Do you have a crucifix, I can't state enough how everybody should look at a crucifix once a day, you will be a new creation. Hang in there, Jesus kingdom is coming soon, many believe we could be the generation that sees the return of out Lord and Savior, God bless.

 

[hoplessss]

Alot of people know I was suicidal, but they don't believe I am now. My mom knows, but doesn't really care. I mean I dunno if she knows how serious it is, but she knows I'm depressed. Like, I don't think she knows about all the pills in my bedroom and all that stuff so that's good. And I don't have any brothers or sisters.

I dunno what a crucifix is but, if it's one of those creepy bloody jesus things then I dont know if I want one. My great grandma had one before she got lucky and died and I hated that thing. Well cause the jesus had his eyes all rolled up to the back of his head and he had all this blood all over him--which mind you, I was only 5 or 6 when she first had this thing, so natrually it's always creeped me out.

The rapture scares me. I really really hope I die before that happens, even if I do get taken up. Whenever I hear alot of sirens at night or a horn that sounds like a trumpet, I FREAK out! Oh god I hope the rapture doesn't come for another couple of centuries or so.

 

[Deb7777]

Alot of people know I was suicidal, but they don't believe I am now. My mom knows, but doesn't really care. I mean I dunno if she knows how serious it is, but she knows I'm depressed. Like, I don't think she knows about all the pills in my bedroom and all that stuff so that's good. And I don't have any brothers or sisters.

I dunno what a crucifix is but, if it's one of those creepy bloody jesus things then I dont know if I want one. My great grandma had one before she got lucky and died and I hated that thing. Well cause the jesus had his eyes all rolled up to the back of his head and he had all this blood all over him--which mind you, I was only 5 or 6 when she first had this thing, so natrually it's always creeped me out.

The rapture scares me. I really really hope I die before that happens, even if I do get taken up. Whenever I hear alot of sirens at night or a horn that sounds like a trumpet, I FREAK out! Oh god I hope the rapture doesn't come for another couple of centuries or so.

Hi Hopl, I would try to talk to your mother as much as possible, she might have alot of issues in her life so maybe you can cut her some slack and just try to be there for her as much as possible. You might be the saving grace for your whole family. Maybe they we all start to see the light through you, one person can effect many and help many that are in dark places, don't rule it out that the Lord can save many people thruogh you. Do yourself a favor and throw those pills away Hopl, there not for you, you can make a difference in this world and no one will ever be able to take your place with the people you would have touched in the future, people that might need you so desperately and you would have made the difference, trust me, God has a calling for you and then he will call you home when he is ready for you. A crucifix shows the pain and suffering Jesus would endure for you and me in obedience to the Father in becoming man and yet being rejected and spurn. He did not call upon the angels to save him or use his own power to annihlate the enemy, he obeyed the Father till the end and that meant giving up his own life to be crucified by those who should have recieved him as the Messiah. Death was not the end as he would rise from the grave and grant life in his Father's Kingdom to all who would come after him. There is a difference of opinion on the rapture, many believe it will be before the final coming of Jesus and many believe it will be when Jesus comes again in the end we will see him coming in the clouds and be rapture up to meet him Alot of people believe we could be the generation the Lord comes to because of the increase of evil and signs in nature so you never know. Jesus says to all his followers be ready you know not the day or hour, we know our life we only last so last before we see Jesus, we just need to take it one day at a time, it doesn't go on forever in this world but we do have to endure this world for a very short time compared to eternity in God's kingdom. What grade are you in and what about any clubs at school any of interest to you? God bless. Besides praying for you which I am I'll also increase my prayer intentions for your mother. I know God is good and even though you might not see fruit now, no prayer is ever wasted or loss when given to God, Amen.

 

[hoplessss]

hmm...well its just seems like so far I've had a negative impact on everyones lives so I dunno if anyone would really care if I died anyway, I mean, don't you hate it when you find yourself annoying sometimes and you know that everyone else thinks you're annoying too? Well that's how I feel 24/7 which is why I can't throw away the pills and hopefully I'll be able to buy more tonight. Theres no such thing as too many pills.

I'm a sophmore in High School. It's pretty much the worst year of my life, and I thought freshman year was bad...

I really don't have much interest in everything and everything I might have interest in I either get cut or if I make it I hate it because I have no friends in the club/sport or I make it but I suck soooo bad that it becomes more of an embarassment than anything I could possibly enjoy.

Really, the only thing I have hope for and/or believe in is death...which I know that line is probably getting old and on your nerves but like I said, at this point I couldn't even stop myself if I tried and no other force can stop it either. I think even though you make think your god loves and cares about everyone and all that crud, it's obvious that he really sets alot of people up for failure which is exactly why I can never ever become a christian or anything close to one.

 

[Deb7777]

hmm...well its just seems like so far I've had a negative impact on everyones lives so I dunno if anyone would really care if I died anyway, I mean, don't you hate it when you find yourself annoying sometimes and you know that everyone else thinks you're annoying too? Well that's how I feel 24/7 which is why I can't throw away the pills and hopefully I'll be able to buy more tonight. Theres no such thing as too many pills.

I'm a sophmore in High School. It's pretty much the worst year of my life, and I thought freshman year was bad...

I really don't have much interest in everything and everything I might have interest in I either get cut or if I make it I hate it because I have no friends in the club/sport or I make it but I suck soooo bad that it becomes more of an embarassment than anything I could possibly enjoy.

Really, the only thing I have hope for and/or believe in is death...which I know that line is probably getting old and on your nerves but like I said, at this point I couldn't even stop myself if I tried and no other force can stop it either. I think even though you make think your god loves and cares about everyone and all that crud, it's obvious that he really sets alot of people up for failure which is exactly why I can never ever become a christian or anything close to one.

Hi hopl. you are being to hard on yourself, cut yourself some slack. Nobody is perfect, I wouldn't listen to anybody that say anything negative about you if they do, cast it aside. You just need to focus on things that will help you be more positve, maybe appreciate little things for a starter when they come your way. How about a pet, do you have a pet to take care of, that blesses so many people, caring for another life indentity. I wouldn't care what others thought about me, that is their problem you will meet more and more people as you get older. Your not in school at all hours so it does end when you leave and you won't be in highschool forever, its just a matter of time before those things will be in your past. I'm sorry high school is not working out, what's the main problem, don't say boys, besides boys what would you like to be diffferent. I know you mention you don't like the private high school would public be better for you? Even if you got cut in sports, way to try out and give it a go, alot of people don't even reach that point of trying so way to go. Name one thing you feel your good at, come on be positive and name one, helps me get to know you better and I don't mine anything you post so don't worry I'm not getting sick of anything you post. As far as death goes it will come for each of us but we need to persevere in this world. God truly is on your side, take it one day at a time and trust he will see you through things because he will. Let him be apart of your life, if you haven't read the bible why don't you read alittle everyday to try to get to know God better. People do change, I had a friend devout atheist, last person I thought would have a conversion, I had hope, lost contact for several years and now that person is a devout Christian blows me away everytime I think about it, but you never know how souls will be touched and effected by God. That can happen to you too but you just need to take it one day at a time and keep the chin up, God bless.

 

[hoplessss]

it's no use. haven't you noticed that we've been just going back and forth with our arguments yet no one is swaying the other one. We might as well just stop talking. I'm never gonna believe in god and none of you are going to try and give me any other interesting advice than what I've already heard so its all kinda pointless now. I guess I can thank you for trying, though.

 

[Deb7777]

it's no use. haven't you noticed that we've been just going back and forth with our arguments yet no one is swaying the other one. We might as well just stop talking. I'm never gonna believe in god and none of you are going to try and give me any other interesting advice than what I've already heard so its all kinda pointless now. I guess I can thank you for trying, though.

Hi Hopl, actually I don't see it as arguments but people sharing their perspectives on life. Your young, in 10 years from now you will have a totally different perspective, age does that to people. You can share whatever you want on your thread. I think you should really reach out to your Mother, give her the chance to know exactly how you feel. Your life is so valuable, so priceless, I hope you will continue to share with people. I'm praying for you and your mother, talk to your mother, give her a chance to help you ,God bless.

 

[Cabbages]

I don't usually share my age, because it tends to kill my credibility, but I'm also a sophmore in high school. I don't think you're really looking for advice, or a way back to God, or a motivational speech, I think you're just waiting to figure it out for yourself. Because really, if you were absolutely sure you wanted to die and there's no God for you, and life is a waste, I don't think you'd be here.

So why are you here right now?

I think it would be worth exploring that little part of you that keeps coming back- I think that's where your answer is.

 

[anunbeliever]

I'm never gonna believe in god and none of you are going to try and give me any other interesting advice than what I've already heard so its all kinda pointless now. I guess I can thank you for trying, though.

Have you tried running? I find a good long run invigorates the body and clears the mind.

 

[sethad]

Have you tried running? I find a good long run invigorates the body and clears the mind.

I told her to try that. Aerobic exercise boosts serotin in the brain, which is the same things that meds do artificially. so it can help depression.

 

[hoplessss]

I don't usually share my age, because it tends to kill my credibility, but I'm also a sophmore in high school. I don't think you're really looking for advice, or a way back to God, or a motivational speech, I think you're just waiting to figure it out for yourself. Because really, if you were absolutely sure you wanted to die and there's no God for you, and life is a waste, I don't think you'd be here.

So why are you here right now?

I think it would be worth exploring that little part of you that keeps coming back- I think that's where your answer is.

wow, buddhists are smart. too bad I cant be one anymore. Anyway, I dunno I mean I just pray to whatever's out there that they will kill me but that is'nt working so maybe your'e right, maybe there isn't a god. I just wish I was born into some non-chrisitian family cause christians are just sooo...something. They, like, to get you all nervous and they think they're soooo smart. I mean probably the only thing that keeps me still here is the fact that we're reading these books called the divine comedy by dante that describes hell and all that crud so its got me all nervous since they had a special realm of punishment reserved for the suicides. I mean, I dont really beleive in it but it does make me just a little nervous, but I think once we finish reading it which will probalby be another month or so, I'll go back to my suicide attempts like I normally do.

 

[Deb7777]

Hi Hopl, just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I never did read that book you're reading, is it a fiction or a vision of the author, just wondering, God bless.

 

[Cabbages]

So, you keep coming back because you're afriad of your own death? Why do you want to die? I'm sorry if I'm making you repeat yourself, but if you could do you best to explain to me I'd be grateful.

I only remember being suicidal once before. A few years ago my dad had a nasty heart attack. Everything turned out ok and he recovered, but it got me toying with the idea of death for a little while. I never really wanted to die though, I was just curious, you know? So I'm having trouble understanding exactly how you feel and why you want to end your life.

I come from a Christian family too, but I was never forced to do or worship anything. I went to Church for several years just out of plain curiousity. I never believed in the Christian God, or appreciated the sacrifice of Christ, but I liked the atmosphere of Catholic Mass. In first grade I was sent to these Sunday classes where they really tried to pound into me that I MUST believe this and I MUST love Christ, but even then it didn't seem right to force faith onto someone, so I didn't go back. All my life I had a belief system of my own, and a code of morals that I made up for myself to rely on. Just last summer I was looking up religion on the internet for no reason in particular and came across Buddhism. Just reading the basics of it, it seemed perfect for me, and I made a decision to convert weeks later.

No religion's for everyone, though.

Kind of off-topic, I guess, but I really liked the Divine Comedy. The fact that Dante was accompanied by Virgil made it seem unrealistic to me, but I love what an elaborate fantasy it is.

 

[hoplessss]

Wow, ok, sorry it took me sooo long to reply.

Well, I mean I want to die because I dont see much of a future for myself. Or I mean, of course I have a future but I dont see it being a good one beacause so far all of the good things that have happened to me were just an illusion or almost like a tease or something and then they were gone leaving me a lot worse off than when I started, which is where I get my first theory from:
There are the cursed and blessed in life. The blessed will always turn out on top no matter what happens and the bad things that happen usually somehow turns out to be good in the end. Then theres the category I'm in, the cursed and we never get a break. Basically the only thing that can happen to us is bad and if a good thing does happen theres not reason to get excited because it'll get taken away before you can even start to enjoy it. So that's my theory. And it's just based on what I've observed from watching other people and hearing about other peoples "problems"/lives. And since I'm in the cursed category, there really is no reason for me to live. I mean, what's the point if all the good things are not real and other than that I just have to suffer my whole life.

Besides, no one will miss me when I'm gone. They may notice the first week or so but after that they'll totally forget about me and my mom, she might care, but I dont like her and besides it'll be a break for her since she's always complaining about how expensive I am and how shes thousands of dollars in debt because of me and so on. And she's always saying I should just go ahead and kill msyelf so she doesn't have to hear me talk about it anymore.

So as you can see, it would be to everyones advantage, including my own, if I just got it over with and killed myself. I mean, I dunno if I'm even scared of the afterlife anymore since I dont really beleive in it I guess. But like I said, my attempts are never successful and I don't have a gun, so I still need to make a fool proof plan of how to do it since after my last suicide attempt the mental institution said that according to the law I would have to be admitted if I tried it again and I dont want to go to that place.

And deb, The books I'm talking about are fiction I guess, but the author is putting himself in as part of the story if that makes sense. It's weird. I hate those books with a passion.

 

[matthewgoh]

Hello Hoplessss,

First of all, please don't call yourself "hopeless". You really need to have pride in yourself, stand up and discover your new self.

To make the story short. I am from a wealthy family with 5 brothers. You know I love them so much, and I am willing to do anything for them, never concern about the money my father have. You know what, at the end, all of them looked down on me, including my father. I was considered "hopeless" in my family. Yeah, they kicked me out, took away my car, my credit cards, etc.

I was hurt, I was really deeply hurt. I din't blame God, I didn't blame anyone actually, but myself. I didn't end my life like you suggested. If I did, people would just say how dumb I was.

I was penniless, my father didn't care, my brothers didn't care and in fact, they wanted to see me suffer.

I did the right thing, I had the right altitude at that time, I knew suffering was just temporary. Yes, I turned to God (sorry I have to say this), working and praying were all I knew.

Time flies. 10 years have passed, I am now married with a 7 years old daughter. Guess what, I now own 2 cars and 2 houses. I am a happy man indeed, and treasure what I have now, after been through the hardships. Well my father and brothers do not want to talk to me much even now, but I know deep down their hearts, they realize they are losers. But all these are not important anymore, I have found my love, my new family, and I am standing on my own. I guess no one can hurt me now.

Sorry for the lengthy story. But what I am trying to say is, don't be a loser, be a winner. Of course nothing comes free, you have to work for it, it might take 5 or 10 years. Then you will be strong, and nobody can hurt you. At that time, you look back, and you will think; "How stupid I was."

For the God's part of the story, I will leave it to you. You can ask him to help you, or you can choose to struggle yourself. That's your choice, friend. Whatever your choice is, I am sure you can make it. You have to help yourself in this situation.

Good luck!!