depression over past behaviours...

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Someone in my past decided it was his Christian 'duty' to inform people about my past sinfulness, and use it as a reason to try and kick me out of various Christian enterprises (this one included), and since then, I've found myself SO depressed over past sins. I know they have been forgiven by God, and I know I'm washed clean (and I'm not sinning in that way NOW), but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with it all.

This really knocked back my recovery. I had worked through so many issues to do with past sinful behaviours (why I engaged in them), and was feeling really great about the fact that I had undergone counselling and searched out God to keep me blameless in these areas, but it just seems my sins keep catching up to me.

I can't eat really well at the moment. I find myself 'stewing' over all the things he said at the most undesirable moments, and crying non-stop whenever I think about it.

I'm really hanging onto God here, but has anyone got some good advice.

I'm tending to think I should put up with it, because I DID sin, and maybe this is my punishment. However, I'm seeing it develop into normal every day behaviours (my dwelling on it seems to be stopping me from progressing), and I don't like it.

I hate it when I'm depressed. I usually tend to sink into it for a few weeks at a time, and I don't want this to set me back.

Any tips on how to get 'over' this 'hurdle'???

Sasch

 

[Radagast]

Someone in my past decided it was his Christian 'duty' to inform people about my past sinfulness, and use it as a reason to try and kick me out of various Christian enterprises (this one included), and since then, I've found myself SO depressed over past sins. I know they have been forgiven by God, and I know I'm washed clean (and I'm not sinning in that way NOW), but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with it all...

Think of Jesus's many-times-great grandmother, Rahab (Matthew 1:5, Joshua 2). She was a prostitute.

Think of David: adulterer and murderer. God called him "a man after my own heart." (Acts 13:22).

Think of Saul/Paul: he persecuted and killed Christians, but he became one of the greatest evangelists.

Think of the man crucified next to Jesus: he was a violent criminal (Luke 23:32-43). Jesus told him "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

God can forgive all that and more. What you did... that was another Sascha. God wants you to think about what you should do for Him today -- not worry about what He's already forgiven.

Hope that helps,

God bless,

-- Radagast

 

[InTheFlame]

Is it the past behaviour or the person causing this? From what you say I suspect the latter has a lot to do with it... what do you think?

 

[crashedman]

Someone in my past decided it was his Christian 'duty' to inform people about my past sinfulness, and use it as a reason to try and kick me out of various Christian enterprises (this one included), and since then, I've found myself SO depressed over past sins. I know they have been forgiven by God, and I know I'm washed clean (and I'm not sinning in that way NOW), but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with it all.

Hi Sasch,

First of all, in any relationship it takes two to tango. You did the wrong thing, and he also did the wrong thing by transgressing the forum's rules about posting defamatory material about other people on here.

Life does go on, and it will get better for you in the long run. My advice to you is to just focus on your relationship with Brad and keep the door to your past closed. It has no power over you, unless you let it.

What the others have said on the forum is true. God has used people despised by society to serve him, and clear themselves of their sins. By the rememberance of Jesus Christs death and resurrection, you too can start anew with your life.

After all, depression is simply anger without enthusiasm. The more you focus on it and do nothing about it, the worse you will get.

Praying for you!


Crashedman

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Thanks guys - yeah that was a good point radagast.

Dario, your take on depression got me thinking too. I guess I don't like being the victim all that much (who does), so I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, cos that gives something else power over me, which nothing but God should. It just gets me down, especially when the sin still tempts me sometimes.

ITF - hmm... good point. I guess the person that did this has something to do with this - I loved this person dearly and the fact that they choose to do this just floors me. Especially since he's got his own problems. I don't like to think on him too much though - it does me no good in developing my new relationship, and I can't change his behaviours. He just managed to hit a nerve that's still very 'raw' in me, so it got me dwelling on it again, and feeling really depressed about it all, again.

Anyway, thanks, I don't really know what to say right now, cept thank you...

Sasch

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I gotta go.
I'll comment when I'm back via an editing of this post.

k back...

I'm soo spaced out today.
Guilt is hard to deal with especially when it involves a past you cannot change. We have an enemy who is well aware of this. They don't call him the Accuser for nothing.
Moses murdered a man. Peter flat turned his back on Jesus. Paul enjoyed killing Christians. Dear old king David...there isn't much left to check off on his list of dirty deeds. The list could go on and on.
David kind of maintained a steady course of unfortunate behaviors, but the others, they had a past that surely haunted them. One of my professors said, "Everybody has a past." One way or another, to varying degrees, we all do have a past.
The point is that it's the past. If anyone is going to use your past to destroy you then they are failing to see the work of God in your life, bringing you out of that past and into a relationship with him. That's cause for celebration, not condemnation.
Our lives are kind of like progressively crawling out of a muddy slime pit and onto better ground.
Don't let your past enslave you or incapacitate you. As long as it has that hold on you then someone is going to use it against you, and you will react to that exposed nerve in one way or another.
Yesterday is gone. It's not who you are. But what did you learn yesterday that you can use to live better today?
I believe the greater crime is not learning from mistakes.

If someone wants to glory in their self-righteousness enough to use your past to hurt you then I leave with these words from a Nine Inch Nails song, "I was up above it, but now I'm down in it."

 

[moriyah]

Hey Sascha,

I really know where your coming from. Something came recently and It really brought back alot of pain, remorse, regret and so forth. I went through some depression as a result of it and then I wrote this: DubDubDub[DOT]transitionalstate[DOT]com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=201

I hope it helps. Yahweh's words have great comfort. Focusing on the truth about His forgiveness is the only thing that will help you move on and let go and have peace.

~moriyah

 

[TheMainException]

Oh dear sister...keep remembering that he died for those sins...always remind yourself that God has no idea what you are talking about because he forgave you. This is easier said than done because its our nature to remember. But I'll be praying that this thing might become less of a burden for you.