Back when I was 18 I went through abit of a deep depression phase I had lost my friends and went to a another school but had difficultly making friends and became a ghost in the school and kept wollowing in self pity but it never got me anywhere and I also started having really bad panic attacks. I also went through a Maxist phase of philosophy and felt felt like I hated everyone and everything including my family who I feel are too materialistic.
Then was 19 I visited eastern Europe and saw the effects of Socialism and renounced my beliefs in it and begun to be more individual and try to do things more for myself. Afew mounths after I turned 19 I started collage and things got alot better, I made more friends and joined more clubs and did more events and new experiences like joined new martial arts like kick boxing and capeoria. For atime things went really well and my life felt better.
After my first year of college I had to repeat three exams and couldn't get a summer job. I felt abit more depressed like I was a failure but luckly I passed in the repeats. Also I joined the gym and started a yoga class but didn't make any new friends over the summer.
I guess most of my life I've always been a loner and I've had difficultly socialising and taking part in events at college as most of the time I just stay in on weekends and such but only socialise through the martial arts clubs and luchtimes in college but never see much of my friends outside college.
The odd time I do go to martial arts competitions and awards events. I even won a merit award last May and afew medals last december but with my family I feel like none of that matters. They gongradulate me for a day then rest of the time, they don't care.
I was really determined to not have to repeat any exams this year, last sememter I passed everything and felt fantastic but this sememester I have to repeat one exam and one in class test. Also I really tried alot of job hunting but couldn't get a job and now I ave to spend my summer doing studing 'again'.
As well as this I also have two older brothers who at my age finished college and got their dgrees and had worked abroad during their summer time in college. Compared to them I feel like a complete failure. It feels like no matter how many awards or merits or even if I did get my degree it will never be enough.
Afew weeks ago my parents went away on holidays and I was home alone when my results came out and got really bad panic attacks again and had no one to talk too. About three weeks ago I even joined a Buddhist Meditation group and it really feel good. I feel more mindfull and more in touch with the Universe and people around me.
But still when bad things happen it like for example earlier today my dad yelled at me afew times it upsetted me and reminded me of my earlier feelings of depression through my life and I can;t help be wallow in self pity and try to ounish myself by giving myslef no food or entertainment.
I also feel pressurised by sociely because I'm 21 and still I a virgin and never had a girlfriend and I'm too afraid to tell anyone about it and also I feel lke I can't tell anyone that I feel that I suffer from depression and panic attacks. At times it's beginnimg to show with my family and at college as people always tell me to smile and cheer up and talk more. I feel that if I don't talk I might be more protected from everyone but my biggest fear is to end up living alone.
I'm not sucidual but I just really want an end to my depression and panic attacks. Can you help me?
Then was 19 I visited eastern Europe and saw the effects of Socialism and renounced my beliefs in it and begun to be more individual and try to do things more for myself. Afew mounths after I turned 19 I started collage and things got alot better, I made more friends and joined more clubs and did more events and new experiences like joined new martial arts like kick boxing and capeoria. For atime things went really well and my life felt better.
After my first year of college I had to repeat three exams and couldn't get a summer job. I felt abit more depressed like I was a failure but luckly I passed in the repeats. Also I joined the gym and started a yoga class but didn't make any new friends over the summer.
I guess most of my life I've always been a loner and I've had difficultly socialising and taking part in events at college as most of the time I just stay in on weekends and such but only socialise through the martial arts clubs and luchtimes in college but never see much of my friends outside college.
The odd time I do go to martial arts competitions and awards events. I even won a merit award last May and afew medals last december but with my family I feel like none of that matters. They gongradulate me for a day then rest of the time, they don't care.
I was really determined to not have to repeat any exams this year, last sememter I passed everything and felt fantastic but this sememester I have to repeat one exam and one in class test. Also I really tried alot of job hunting but couldn't get a job and now I ave to spend my summer doing studing 'again'.
As well as this I also have two older brothers who at my age finished college and got their dgrees and had worked abroad during their summer time in college. Compared to them I feel like a complete failure. It feels like no matter how many awards or merits or even if I did get my degree it will never be enough.
Afew weeks ago my parents went away on holidays and I was home alone when my results came out and got really bad panic attacks again and had no one to talk too. About three weeks ago I even joined a Buddhist Meditation group and it really feel good. I feel more mindfull and more in touch with the Universe and people around me.
But still when bad things happen it like for example earlier today my dad yelled at me afew times it upsetted me and reminded me of my earlier feelings of depression through my life and I can;t help be wallow in self pity and try to ounish myself by giving myslef no food or entertainment.
I also feel pressurised by sociely because I'm 21 and still I a virgin and never had a girlfriend and I'm too afraid to tell anyone about it and also I feel lke I can't tell anyone that I feel that I suffer from depression and panic attacks. At times it's beginnimg to show with my family and at college as people always tell me to smile and cheer up and talk more. I feel that if I don't talk I might be more protected from everyone but my biggest fear is to end up living alone.
I'm not sucidual but I just really want an end to my depression and panic attacks. Can you help me?
i have a hard time taking tests, i always have. it's very frustrating to me because i'll study forever and not do as well as i had hoped. i've learned that as long as you try your best, God will be glorified. i don't have to ace everything. it was difficult for me to learn that because my sister was a 4.0 student and still is. she's freakin intelligent and has aced every college class and so on. my brother is extremely smart. he never studies and makes all A's in everything. drives me insane, but it's ok because i'm not them. i'm me. i learn differently and i understand things in a different way. so, it's alright that you're not like your brothers! if you really try to make good grades and pass classes, the Lord knows that. he knows it all. take comfort in that.
