Depression Cup Cakes

[LottyH]

When I was in my darkest days of depression all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, shut out the world, and have someone stroke my hair and give words of comfort. If someone did that I would have no reason to get out of bed and its likely I'd still be there today.

I thought my husband was heartless, uncaring, unloving and hard hearted as he gave me no sympathy at all. I had no one to talk to, there was no online support those days, and I got no sympathy from God either, just complete silence.

During my time at CF I have been so upset to see so many people on the brink of suicide, so depressed that it breaks my heart. Yet the more I care and love them the worse they seem to get. I know I cant change anyone but surely we should be seeing some fruit from CF support, of people getting better? If anyone can testify of this, please tell me your story?

I have been forced to ask myself, what am I doing wrong? What would Jesus do in my situation, and did he ever heal anyone of depression? I'm reminded of the rich man who wanted to be saved and asked Jesus what must I do? It says Jesus loved this man but allowed him to walk away sad after saying he must give up everything. Jesus never called him back to comfort him. Jesus did not reject him but its the kind of love that man needed, that man needed to think very hard about whether he really wanted to change. That was not the time or place for comfort.

There are people on CF who have gone through abuse, death of a loved one, natural disasters etc - this is different as these people are going through trauma and grief, its different to depression however it can lead there too.

If Jesus behaves like this, then I cant continue like before. I'm not prepared to feed people's depression and contribute to them spiralling downwards, I care for you guys too much. Why would Jesus allow people to walk away even though he loves them? Whether it be seeking salvation or being depressed, Jesus knows that people have to want to change and receiving comfort hinders that desire to change.

If you have a pulse then Jesus believes you have enough strength even if you feel all strength has gone. 'But I cant change, I've tried to change and nothing works.' This is a lie, you can change because I know if I did anyone can. Jesus believes you can change too, but you need to really want to, when there is no benefit, no comfort in staying as you are.

 

[drjean]

The worst thought anyone can think is "I can't" for it begins a toxic memory which is reinforced each time that though it made.

I think the reason you sense no one is healing is because people don't come and post in the depression forum when they feel okay! They come for support through the darkest times when they need support, imo.

Many depressive episodes ease over time with "simple" support and understanding... and generally within 6 months with either medication or talk therapy. Those who have chronic depression, well, it's called chronic for a reason and one can become quite discouraged if they expect it to go away any time soon---or ever???

Try focussing on giving what support you can, but not to the point of burn out! None of us can be here all the time to give all good support, so as we each do out part, we'll keep those who really need the encouragement going. I daresay that giving people love and support (not for their depressive feelings) as human beings who will again feel better will not cause someone to want to stay depressed just for attention. Real depression just isn't something anyone wants for any reason imo!

Be well.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

DrJean makes a good point. I for one will begin posting in the Depression forums more often when I am doing well, so that I may encourage others. It's probably a good idea, as well as posting when in need of support.

In response to the feelings of hopelessness, "I can't change; I've tried to," I've found this to be helpful for myself: *Stop* trying to change. I am wonderful the way God made me. If anything needs changing (by this I mean growing, spiritually and emotionally) then I should allow God to do that for me, not try to do it myself. That's the job of His Holy Spirit.

If I am not doing well, I've discovered it is more beneficial both to myself and to others if I keep it real, and don't try to put on a happy face and pretend everything's great. This is contrary to the philosophy I was always raised on, to not air your dirty laundry in public, and to put up a front because what will the neighbors think? But if I let people see me have a bad day, it benefits me because then people know that I need help. And it also benefits them, because not only do they feel good about themselves when they are able to help, but also the next time they have their own bad day, they won't feel inferior because of it, thinking they're the only ones struggling, and everybody else has it all together. They'll know that we all have our ups and downs, and we're here to help each other through it.

 

[LottyH]

Thanks DrJean and LoveBirdsFlying for your wise words, some things I don't totally agree with but then again I shouldnt put people into boxes by saying everyone is exactly the same. I pray for wisdom!