Dependancy

[mitiog]

Does anyone have any views on dependendcy in a counselling relationship? I've been told that I should keep absolutely everything between myself and my counsellor and not talk about issues with others. That rules out going to others for support in the hard times which could, for example mean that I can't post here any more.

I don't want to become dependent on a person or group of people and I can see the danger of both relying too heavily on others for help and support and toughing it out alone. I've struggled with social anxiety in the past and I've had to work hard at being vulnerable to others and now it seems like I'm being told that it is wrong to share my problems and that it is best to stick to one person. How does this reconcile with the sharing each other's joys and burdens in a Christian context, supporting each other in prayer and seeking wise and Godly counsel?

Any thoughts, anyone?

mitiog

 

[tapero]

Dear Mitiog,

I find it unusual, but I'm not a counselor or anything. I wonder why the person told you that. If I couldn't tell others my problems then it would be like putting them in a bottle for a week and letting them out just that one day when I saw the counselor.

I need the support and fellowship I recieve from talking to others as well as the help from my counselor. May God help you resolve this issue.

 

[momgreenlady]

I think that the bible says many times that we are to be there for each other and lift each other up when needed. So IMO we are to share with others and receive prayers. I think that your counselor is worried about becoming dependant on people and that is a good point. Maybe try and talk to your counselor about how you feel about it. Is this a Christian counselor? Just a question. I will pray that God enlighten you with the answers.

 

[Im-revived]

Emm I can't understand that either, a problem shared is a problem halved, you can see a counsellor, but also still ask for prayer on here even if you don't want to say exactly the issues.

IM-REVIVED

Does anyone have any views on dependendcy in a counselling relationship? I've been told that I should keep absolutely everything between myself and my counsellor and not talk about issues with others. That rules out going to others for support in the hard times which could, for example mean that I can't post here any more.

I don't want to become dependent on a person or group of people and I can see the danger of both relying too heavily on others for help and support and toughing it out alone. I've struggled with social anxiety in the past and I've had to work hard at being vulnerable to others and now it seems like I'm being told that it is wrong to share my problems and that it is best to stick to one person. How does this reconcile with the sharing each other's joys and burdens in a Christian context, supporting each other in prayer and seeking wise and Godly counsel?

Any thoughts, anyone?

mitiog

 

[berry2000]

I don't know about what you were told. WE are told to carry one anothers burdens.

One thing I do understand it leaning too much on others and not enough on ourselves, which may be what she/he was trying to prevent...but hey you're still leaning on the counselor. When we grow stronger in ourselves...we don't need others in a codependent way. That is the goal...but not to isloate...that is not biblical.

 

[Im-revived]

Looking back again today at your question mitiog, I think theres either been a lack of your therapist/counsellor not explaing what they meant properly, or you may have struggled to understand what they meant, but don't worry.

This is probably what your therapist/counsellor was meaning:-

If you see one person for help and advice, and then see someone else at the same time, you can get very confused. Say for example talking about a totally different problem, say smoking as an example, one counsellor could begin to deal with why someone smokes, but the other one may begin to talk on how to get rid of the habit thats formed. two seperate issues and becomes very confusing for the client. you talk to one about why you si then talk to another on how to stop. you wouldn't be able to take it all in. but there is no harm in asking for prayer support or just talking normally about it to a close friend, but only use one counsellor for the advice.

Im-revived

Does anyone have any views on dependendcy in a counselling relationship? I've been told that I should keep absolutely everything between myself and my counsellor and not talk about issues with others. That rules out going to others for support in the hard times which could, for example mean that I can't post here any more.

I don't want to become dependent on a person or group of people and I can see the danger of both relying too heavily on others for help and support and toughing it out alone. I've struggled with social anxiety in the past and I've had to work hard at being vulnerable to others and now it seems like I'm being told that it is wrong to share my problems and that it is best to stick to one person. How does this reconcile with the sharing each other's joys and burdens in a Christian context, supporting each other in prayer and seeking wise and Godly counsel?

Any thoughts, anyone?

mitiog

 

[mitiog]

Thanks for that, Im-revived. That makes more sense. Having my insides ripped out by a counsellor hurts like mad and it's good to know that I can get some encouragement and support from other places. I got some prayer at church yesterday and that helped a bit. Another counselling session tonight....

mitiog

 

[mamalonglegs]

mitiog: It's yabbermouth again. Um, no, and double NO! You need all the support you can. I have 5 people outside of the mental health system that I feel comfortable talking with. I don't necessarily go into the darkest details. But if I need to talk or some simple advice like the Scripture says, "Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend" Prov. 27:17. Or what about "two are better than one"? I leave the tough stuff to the professionals. But friends make great support. Those who love me I know who they are and trust them for talking things out when I need to. They are a great help and having 5 means I don't lean too hard on one person.
God tells us in His Word 27 times to "Love One Another".
I would say that includes being supportive, good listeners, and knowing what to pray for one another.
mamalonglegs

 

[mitiog]

I've been thinking about this lots and I've had a further conversation with one of the medics who is endorsing the counselling. He explained that I need to take counselling issues to the counsellor, though I could have other people for support too. So the issue that I'm battling with at the moment regarding whether or not to continue with the counselling is to be taken directly to the counsellor. This I can't do for a fortnight as she is unavailable until then. Probably I need to spend a session with her discussing where the counselling is going - we're still digging up my past which I'm not too happy with. I've already dealt with it with the assistance of other (Christian and non-Christian) people and it's frustrating to go through it all again with someone whom I don't trust. To be honest I'd rather leave the past in the past and get on with coping with the future. I've done all the forgiving I need to do and I thought that I'd put the past to rest but it seems that it's being revisited again which hurts and is making me somewhat unstable in the meantime.

I strongly believe that it's good and healthy to ask for people to pray for guidance, etc and support me as I make the decision as to whether or not I continue with the counselling. The danger of asking lots of people for advice is a tendancy to treat the whole thing like an opinion poll and conduct a survey. What I find hard is that the two people who I normally go to for Godly advice are both away, one long-term and the other until Christmas. I have one other person here who is doing a fantastic job at praying and generally being there for me. It's good to know that there are people on the forum who care too. Thank you all!

mitiog

 

[Im-revived]

Sounds like your minds still going round in circles Love.

My suggestion and it is still only a suggestion as no-one can tell you what to do is continue seeing your counsellor, like I said before although a lot is probably sorted but if you were totally free from the past you would be able to be open, but it does sound like somethings still hurting. As well as that really try to get more support from church. Don't be afraid of asking. In your situation I would do this.

Im-revived

I've been thinking about this lots and I've had a further conversation with one of the medics who is endorsing the counselling. He explained that I need to take counselling issues to the counsellor, though I could have other people for support too. So the issue that I'm battling with at the moment regarding whether or not to continue with the counselling is to be taken directly to the counsellor. This I can't do for a fortnight as she is unavailable until then. Probably I need to spend a session with her discussing where the counselling is going - we're still digging up my past which I'm not too happy with. I've already dealt with it with the assistance of other (Christian and non-Christian) people and it's frustrating to go through it all again with someone whom I don't trust. To be honest I'd rather leave the past in the past and get on with coping with the future. I've done all the forgiving I need to do and I thought that I'd put the past to rest but it seems that it's being revisited again which hurts and is making me somewhat unstable in the meantime.

I strongly believe that it's good and healthy to ask for people to pray for guidance, etc and support me as I make the decision as to whether or not I continue with the counselling. The danger of asking lots of people for advice is a tendancy to treat the whole thing like an opinion poll and conduct a survey. What I find hard is that the two people who I normally go to for Godly advice are both away, one long-term and the other until Christmas. I have one other person here who is doing a fantastic job at praying and generally being there for me. It's good to know that there are people on the forum who care too. Thank you all!

mitiog