- Jun 9, 2016
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Well I have quite the testimony...
Once upon a time, I was a hopeless Arminian stuck in a rut of saying sinner's prayers until my breath ran out. Ah, let me cut the facetiousness... I would say sinner's prayers every now and then because I had no assurance of salvation whatsoever. Even though I nominally believed in the preservation of the saints, I didn't believe in it with my heart. I felt distant from God and alienated from my family, also.
I was searching online and I encountered articles about Calvinism. At first, I thought that the 'god' of Calvinism was a monster. I guess we all think he's a monster at first. Eventually, the idea started to warm up in my mind. It took a few weeks but then I started to accept that the 'god' of Calvinism was the true God and I would look up at the sky and ponder 'His' ultimate sovereignty over everything. (He is, but not in the way I thought He was.)
I started to fawn over authors like Calvin himself, Jonathan Edwards, R. C. Sproul, John MacArthur (Good), Paul Washer (He's good, honestly), etc.
The doctrinal standpoints that MacArthur presented about cessationism rung with me. I was originally in a Charismatic youth group when I was a young teen. Their practices were really odd and 'giftish' as I'd say it. (Now I believe that the Hindu Kundalini spirit was involved in the crazy manifestations.)
I would read books and books and books and books... many books by Calvinist authors. I would constantly search for authors who were Calvinist cessationists... I wanted to bask myself in authors who were of the same theological fiber that I was. I found a lot of those articles online through places like Monergism and Ligioner and Grace to You, etc.
Yet my Bible collected dust. I didn't seem to mind. I thought God was giving me knowledge of Himself through the sermons alone. I didn't need to read the Scripture. The Calvinist confessions were good enough for me. I had it all going for me. I was elected. God chose me. I was just fine and dandy.
Deep down, I knew I wasn't. Sexual addiction ran through my life like the very blood that was beating through my heart. After sermons, I would look up inappropriate contentographic images and do all sorts of nasty things to it. I was living just like a Pharisee. My life was separated into two facets... Being a 'righteous' Calvinist and a perverted prodigal. I was both! I had a near-perfect grasp of Calvinism. I fooled everyone I talked to.
I was a member of the PuritanBoard as this was happening. Somehow I got through the gate. I qualified for membership because of my interest in the Reformed faith and Calvinism in general. I would post my insights on the 'perfect will of God' and all things Calvinistic to prove to the club members that I was one of their own. I definitely wasn't. Or maybe I was. I wonder.
One of the instrumental events to initiate the toppling of dominoes in my life was when my online friend spoke with this veracious power that I didn't understand... I somehow knew it was from God. No, this is not a charismatic incident... I just believe God was instrumentally working his way into my conscience, slowly bringing me closer to realizing the truth.
My pride was broken. The whole essence of my Calvinism was built on pride of knowledge. I valued knowledge and Calvinism definitely brought knowledge.
Soon after that, I dropped the limited atonement from my signature on the PuritanBoard. I also changed my picture to the founder of Amyraldism because I was being honest with my faith. I posted about how the limited atonement was in fact unbiblical, and yet how I believed the other 4 points of Calvinism. They completely attacked me from all sides. I expected it though. By then, I knew the website was full of wolves who bring shame to the name of Christ.
It wasn't long before the rest of my Calvinistic faith started to crumble beneath my feet. My whole paradigm of 4-point Calvinism began to unravel. The Calvinists are right about that. There is no '4-point' Calvinism without being inconsistent. I let myself explore the truth...
I began to see the High Calvinists for who they were. I saw them as prideful Pharisees who didn't care about others or even God. They cared about the fact that they thought they were elect and therefore had the right to tell people that Christ possibly didn't die for their sins. They were wrong.
I began to see Calvin for who he was. He was no righteous man. He was drunk with power and controlled the lives of others in France. He burned Michael Servetus on the stake... He contradicted his very words in regards to executing heretics. From that thought train, I realized how Calvinism affected others.
Calvinism is actually cultish because of how it affects those who follow it. Calvinism teaches that men shouldn't be proud of their salvation but thank God for it, and that they're not elite... But how are they not elite? If God has His selected few, they are therefore elite... And it shows. A lot of Calvinists are just that... elitist and cliquish... (Not all... trust me.)
Eventually my pride... died. I didn't feel proud of anything. No, I felt shame. I felt unholy before God... How I valued Calvin and his 'associates' over the Savior of all men... I felt like dirty rags... I prayed in my head that Jesus would deliver me from the pride...
I realized that Jacobus Arminius was not the bad guy. I realized just how scapegoated he was for discovering Biblical truth. The Calvinists ate him apart metaphorically. Trust me, I used to side with the Calvinists here, but now I don't. We will see Arminius in heaven. I would like to meet the guy.
Then I learned about an Anabaptist that was burned at the stake by the Reformed Inquisition of sorts... My faith in Calvinism was dead. I couldn't reconcile Calvinism and what happened in the Reformation period. It simply was brutish to me.
Finally, it all clicked. I didn't know Christ. Calvinism didn't lead me to Christ! It led me to dogmatic nonsense... Legalism, elitism, pride, etc... But Christ? Where's Christ?! Now I understand why people say that Calvinism can't make sense of the cross! I was missing the Cross! I didn't take up my cross and follow Christ! LORD, DELIVER ME!!!!
Doctrinally, I am now a Classical Arminian. I do not subscribe to the nonsense that liberal churches put out today. They bring shame to true Arminianism.
Yet...
I feel let down. It's not from the Arminianism... I definitely feel like I know the real Jesus in Scripture now. Yet I don't know everything and I desire to. I just feel like... Why didn't I know this before...? I know God has his sovereign timing and this is an example of it...
The LORD answered my friend's prayer. She prayed that the Christ would change my life through the Holy Spirit and well... He did... He sure did... I was once a coward hiding behind man's wisdom but now I expose myself in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Pray for me diligently... I am of unclean lips and habits... I have been shown mercy by God... Amen...
Once upon a time, I was a hopeless Arminian stuck in a rut of saying sinner's prayers until my breath ran out. Ah, let me cut the facetiousness... I would say sinner's prayers every now and then because I had no assurance of salvation whatsoever. Even though I nominally believed in the preservation of the saints, I didn't believe in it with my heart. I felt distant from God and alienated from my family, also.
I was searching online and I encountered articles about Calvinism. At first, I thought that the 'god' of Calvinism was a monster. I guess we all think he's a monster at first. Eventually, the idea started to warm up in my mind. It took a few weeks but then I started to accept that the 'god' of Calvinism was the true God and I would look up at the sky and ponder 'His' ultimate sovereignty over everything. (He is, but not in the way I thought He was.)
I started to fawn over authors like Calvin himself, Jonathan Edwards, R. C. Sproul, John MacArthur (Good), Paul Washer (He's good, honestly), etc.
The doctrinal standpoints that MacArthur presented about cessationism rung with me. I was originally in a Charismatic youth group when I was a young teen. Their practices were really odd and 'giftish' as I'd say it. (Now I believe that the Hindu Kundalini spirit was involved in the crazy manifestations.)
I would read books and books and books and books... many books by Calvinist authors. I would constantly search for authors who were Calvinist cessationists... I wanted to bask myself in authors who were of the same theological fiber that I was. I found a lot of those articles online through places like Monergism and Ligioner and Grace to You, etc.
Yet my Bible collected dust. I didn't seem to mind. I thought God was giving me knowledge of Himself through the sermons alone. I didn't need to read the Scripture. The Calvinist confessions were good enough for me. I had it all going for me. I was elected. God chose me. I was just fine and dandy.
Deep down, I knew I wasn't. Sexual addiction ran through my life like the very blood that was beating through my heart. After sermons, I would look up inappropriate contentographic images and do all sorts of nasty things to it. I was living just like a Pharisee. My life was separated into two facets... Being a 'righteous' Calvinist and a perverted prodigal. I was both! I had a near-perfect grasp of Calvinism. I fooled everyone I talked to.
I was a member of the PuritanBoard as this was happening. Somehow I got through the gate. I qualified for membership because of my interest in the Reformed faith and Calvinism in general. I would post my insights on the 'perfect will of God' and all things Calvinistic to prove to the club members that I was one of their own. I definitely wasn't. Or maybe I was. I wonder.
One of the instrumental events to initiate the toppling of dominoes in my life was when my online friend spoke with this veracious power that I didn't understand... I somehow knew it was from God. No, this is not a charismatic incident... I just believe God was instrumentally working his way into my conscience, slowly bringing me closer to realizing the truth.
My pride was broken. The whole essence of my Calvinism was built on pride of knowledge. I valued knowledge and Calvinism definitely brought knowledge.
Soon after that, I dropped the limited atonement from my signature on the PuritanBoard. I also changed my picture to the founder of Amyraldism because I was being honest with my faith. I posted about how the limited atonement was in fact unbiblical, and yet how I believed the other 4 points of Calvinism. They completely attacked me from all sides. I expected it though. By then, I knew the website was full of wolves who bring shame to the name of Christ.
It wasn't long before the rest of my Calvinistic faith started to crumble beneath my feet. My whole paradigm of 4-point Calvinism began to unravel. The Calvinists are right about that. There is no '4-point' Calvinism without being inconsistent. I let myself explore the truth...
I began to see the High Calvinists for who they were. I saw them as prideful Pharisees who didn't care about others or even God. They cared about the fact that they thought they were elect and therefore had the right to tell people that Christ possibly didn't die for their sins. They were wrong.
I began to see Calvin for who he was. He was no righteous man. He was drunk with power and controlled the lives of others in France. He burned Michael Servetus on the stake... He contradicted his very words in regards to executing heretics. From that thought train, I realized how Calvinism affected others.
Calvinism is actually cultish because of how it affects those who follow it. Calvinism teaches that men shouldn't be proud of their salvation but thank God for it, and that they're not elite... But how are they not elite? If God has His selected few, they are therefore elite... And it shows. A lot of Calvinists are just that... elitist and cliquish... (Not all... trust me.)
Eventually my pride... died. I didn't feel proud of anything. No, I felt shame. I felt unholy before God... How I valued Calvin and his 'associates' over the Savior of all men... I felt like dirty rags... I prayed in my head that Jesus would deliver me from the pride...
I realized that Jacobus Arminius was not the bad guy. I realized just how scapegoated he was for discovering Biblical truth. The Calvinists ate him apart metaphorically. Trust me, I used to side with the Calvinists here, but now I don't. We will see Arminius in heaven. I would like to meet the guy.
Then I learned about an Anabaptist that was burned at the stake by the Reformed Inquisition of sorts... My faith in Calvinism was dead. I couldn't reconcile Calvinism and what happened in the Reformation period. It simply was brutish to me.
Finally, it all clicked. I didn't know Christ. Calvinism didn't lead me to Christ! It led me to dogmatic nonsense... Legalism, elitism, pride, etc... But Christ? Where's Christ?! Now I understand why people say that Calvinism can't make sense of the cross! I was missing the Cross! I didn't take up my cross and follow Christ! LORD, DELIVER ME!!!!
Doctrinally, I am now a Classical Arminian. I do not subscribe to the nonsense that liberal churches put out today. They bring shame to true Arminianism.
Yet...
I feel let down. It's not from the Arminianism... I definitely feel like I know the real Jesus in Scripture now. Yet I don't know everything and I desire to. I just feel like... Why didn't I know this before...? I know God has his sovereign timing and this is an example of it...
The LORD answered my friend's prayer. She prayed that the Christ would change my life through the Holy Spirit and well... He did... He sure did... I was once a coward hiding behind man's wisdom but now I expose myself in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Pray for me diligently... I am of unclean lips and habits... I have been shown mercy by God... Amen...
