Deeply grieving this time of year

[teresa]

Hello

I'm slowly reading through some of the other posters and trying to gain some comfort and healing via their sharing their stories with everyone.

This week marks the 4th year without my husband.

Really getting deep down into my guts with the grief.

Anniversary dates are hard enough, but by reading up on this forum I'm hoping to get some help.

 

[Lulav]

Hi Spicy,

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time. It is good to remember those who have gone before us.

While we can't change the past we can celebrate it.

Do you have any memory boxes, you know like of his things that you've kept? Photo albums or scrapbooks, a favorite tie, a piece of sports equipment he was attached to? Some tickets from a play or movie you'd both seen together?

If so bring them out, and go through them and remember the joys those times brought you. Don't count it as lose because you'll never do them again but as a blessing because it was something you shared and you'll always have that memory.

If it helps, write him a letter, pour your heart out, tell him all you would tell him if he were still here. Tell him what you feel and that you couldn't express if he were.

Light a candle in remembrance.

do a good deed for someone anonymously in honor of your husband.

Be glad for this time you have been given to spend in remembrance of his life.

I'll be praying for your peace.

 

[teresa]

Hi Spicy,

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time. It is good to remember those who have gone before us.

While we can't change the past we can celebrate it.

Do you have any memory boxes, you know like of his things that you've kept? Photo albums or scrapbooks, a favorite tie, a piece of sports equipment he was attached to? Some tickets from a play or movie you'd both seen together?

If so bring them out, and go through them and remember the joys those times brought you. Don't count it as lose because you'll never do them again but as a blessing because it was something you shared and you'll always have that memory.

If it helps, write him a letter, pour your heart out, tell him all you would tell him if he were still here. Tell him what you feel and that you couldn't express if he were.

Light a candle in remembrance.

do a good deed for someone anonymously in honor of your husband.

Be glad for this time you have been given to spend in remembrance of his life.

I'll be praying for your peace.

Lulav, thank you so much!

These are great ideas. Somehow, I think, when we are in the midst of the grieving, we get lost on how to deal with it in constructive ways.

Your ideas are beautiful. Have you been through this as well?

I have a ton of tickets from years of performances we went to all collected into a special little tin box. I've never organized them and put them into a book. That would be an amazing book with so many stories to tell.

And items of his, well, I wear some precious earrings he gave me made of crystal. I wear them when I need to feel him close to me.

But I've never heard of a memory box before, and love this idea.

Has anyone else done a memory box before?

And you gave me a great idea when you mentioned to do a good deed. I'm thinking of planting trees in a national forest to help rebuild it.

I would need more ideas about doing something anonymously for a specific person. Suggestions anyone?

Write him a letter? Oh boy. I think that's just what the doctor ordered. Along with a big box of tissues.

These are all positive and healing activities that cherish and uphold life and celebrate it.

Thank you with all of my heart.

 

[Lulav]

You're are very welcome Spicy, I'm glad I could help.

About the helping someone anon, there are places you could call, starting with your church pastor to ask about any shut in, any single person or family in need and see if you can fill it.

I read of your preparation for you upcoming surgery and saw you mentioned Amazon and I think you mean Fresh. My husband recently took a tumble down the stairs right before Christmas and I was so overworked with helping him with everything I didn't have time to shop, that's when I discovered Amazon Fresh, it was a Godsend for us!

So if you have that in your area you could find out about someone in need and buy some things like if they have children, bread, milk, peanut butter, bananas, things like that, staples. When you order it just give their address for delivery. You can choose the day and then a day or two after send a card anonymously and say something like:

'I hope you enjoyed your gift from Amazon Fresh and that the choices were to your liking. I will be keeping you (and your family) in my prayers, God Bless!'

Pass it on!

That way they won't worry they got someone elses delivery.

Hope that helps!

If you have Amazon delivering to you, you might want to look for some scrap-booking items to start your memory book, it's something great you can busy yourself with while recuperating!

 

[Star Dancer]

Hi Spicy, special days are always hard for me, I tend to disappear into myself, remembering. It's not yet two years for me.
Memory boxes... well my mother in law had the most beautiful one I had ever seen, and it was so simple. She took a small plain card board box, cut of three of the top flaps, taped the bottom, and then she took all of her favorite cards from my father in law, and used the plain elmers glue and glued them to the box, and then took other cards she had saved from her children and filled in the spaces. Once that was done she painted elmers glue all over the cards, gave it a nice finish and made the box no longer look like a box. She then made a latch to be able to be tied shut, she used a small hinge and ribbon. Inside she had smaller boxes that she covered with some material off some of her favorite clothes that her husband had worn, and inside those boxes she had pictures, jewelry, special things of all kinds. It was so unique, so very special. Gave her so much comfort for the years she was alive after he died.
I haven't done anything like that, but I do have a small box that I keep the really special things in that I don't want to loose. I was given a very small memory box at my husbands funeral, and if I can figure out how to post a picture I would be happy to post it. It isn't very big but does hold all the cards etc from the funeral. Some widows that I have helped have taken T-shirts, shirts, etc and have made memory quilts.
I think some times we get so caught up with the sadness that we forget we can be creative.
Craft stores have boxes with all kinds of pretty things that you can do yourself, and like Lulav said you can work on one while recovering.
Wow this is long, hope it makes sense.
Will be praying that the surgery goes well and you have a speedy recovery.

 

[LastAcorn99]

I’m sorry for your loss, friend. I know that losing a spouse is one of the more devastating trials one experiences in life. I pray that God will see you through the difficult times and supply you with the comfort only He can provide. Love and hugs to you. Take good care of yourself, okay?

 

[teresa]

Take good care of yourself, okay?

Thank you for your kind response. It's not so hard to carry on when I come to Christian Forums and receive such Christian love and fellowship

 

[teresa]

Hi Spicy, special days are always hard for me, I tend to disappear into myself, remembering. It's not yet two years for me.
Memory boxes... well my mother in law had the most beautiful one I had ever seen, and it was so simple. She took a small plain card board box, cut of three of the top flaps, taped the bottom, and then she took all of her favorite cards from my father in law, and used the plain elmers glue and glued them to the box, and then took other cards she had saved from her children and filled in the spaces. Once that was done she painted elmers glue all over the cards, gave it a nice finish and made the box no longer look like a box. She then made a latch to be able to be tied shut, she used a small hinge and ribbon. Inside she had smaller boxes that she covered with some material off some of her favorite clothes that her husband had worn, and inside those boxes she had pictures, jewelry, special things of all kinds. It was so unique, so very special. Gave her so much comfort for the years she was alive after he died.
I haven't done anything like that, but I do have a small box that I keep the really special things in that I don't want to loose. I was given a very small memory box at my husbands funeral, and if I can figure out how to post a picture I would be happy to post it. It isn't very big but does hold all the cards etc from the funeral. Some widows that I have helped have taken T-shirts, shirts, etc and have made memory quilts.
I think some times we get so caught up with the sadness that we forget we can be creative.
Craft stores have boxes with all kinds of pretty things that you can do yourself, and like Lulav said you can work on one while recovering.
Wow this is long, hope it makes sense.
Will be praying that the surgery goes well and you have a speedy recovery.

wonderful post star dancer, thank you.

your experiences are noted and I will be looking into some of your suggestions.

 

[teresa]

You're are very welcome Spicy, I'm glad I could help.

About the helping someone anon, there are places you could call, starting with your church pastor to ask about any shut in, any single person or family in need and see if you can fill it.

I read of your preparation for you upcoming surgery and saw you mentioned Amazon and I think you mean Fresh. My husband recently took a tumble down the stairs right before Christmas and I was so overworked with helping him with everything I didn't have time to shop, that's when I discovered Amazon Fresh, it was a Godsend for us!

So if you have that in your area you could find out about someone in need and buy some things like if they have children, bread, milk, peanut butter, bananas, things like that, staples. When you order it just give their address for delivery. You can choose the day and then a day or two after send a card anonymously and say something like:

'I hope you enjoyed your gift from Amazon Fresh and that the choices were to your liking. I will be keeping you (and your family) in my prayers, God Bless!'

Pass it on!

That way they won't worry they got someone else's delivery.

Hope that helps!

If you have Amazon delivering to you, you might want to look for some scrapbooking items to start your memory book, it's something great you can busy yourself with while recuperating!

thank you very much. these are great ideas.

I do appreciate the information regarding amazon fresh. I was using amazon prime pantry and ordering dry goods from them including bulk tp and paper towels, plus laundry detergent. I was not aware there was a fresh food option. Prime Pantry does have good prices on bulk soup and I buy salt free soup there by the case, as well as some good deals on cereals, and heavier items such as cartons of milk and electrolyte replacement drinks, and ensure. Their prices on Ensure are a lot lower than in the store. Because I'm a prime member, delivery is free. It's so nice to have this service on these heavy and bulk items.

they will deliver items as a gift and anonymously too.

I love your idea of looking into a scrapbook from amazon as well.

thank you so much for your kindness.

its responses like this that make Christian Forums a great place to be a member!

 

[Lulav]

I'm glad they were helpful Spice! I too have been a Prime member for many years, saves me a lot on time, gas, and energy, but the Fresh sure came in handy when I needed 'Fresh' stuff and couldn't get out. It just recently came into my area and I'm glad I did. I've actually found things in there that aren't available using the Prime or in my local stores and I have many to choose from.

 

[teresa]

Hi Spicy, special days are always hard for me, I tend to disappear into myself, remembering. It's not yet two years for me.
Memory boxes... well my mother in law had the most beautiful one I had ever seen, and it was so simple. She took a small plain card board box, cut of three of the top flaps, taped the bottom, and then she took all of her favorite cards from my father in law, and used the plain elmers glue and glued them to the box, and then took other cards she had saved from her children and filled in the spaces. Once that was done she painted elmers glue all over the cards, gave it a nice finish and made the box no longer look like a box. She then made a latch to be able to be tied shut, she used a small hinge and ribbon. Inside she had smaller boxes that she covered with some material off some of her favorite clothes that her husband had worn, and inside those boxes she had pictures, jewelry, special things of all kinds. It was so unique, so very special. Gave her so much comfort for the years she was alive after he died.
I haven't done anything like that, but I do have a small box that I keep the really special things in that I don't want to loose. I was given a very small memory box at my husbands funeral, and if I can figure out how to post a picture I would be happy to post it. It isn't very big but does hold all the cards etc from the funeral. Some widows that I have helped have taken T-shirts, shirts, etc and have made memory quilts.
I think some times we get so caught up with the sadness that we forget we can be creative.
Craft stores have boxes with all kinds of pretty things that you can do yourself, and like Lulav said you can work on one while recovering.
Wow this is long, hope it makes sense.
Will be praying that the surgery goes well and you have a speedy recovery.

How are you doing star?

 

[teresa]

You're are very welcome Spicy, I'm glad I could help.

About the helping someone anon, there are places you could call, starting with your church pastor to ask about any shut in, any single person or family in need and see if you can fill it.

I read of your preparation for you upcoming surgery and saw you mentioned Amazon and I think you mean Fresh. My husband recently took a tumble down the stairs right before Christmas and I was so overworked with helping him with everything I didn't have time to shop, that's when I discovered Amazon Fresh, it was a Godsend for us!

So if you have that in your area you could find out about someone in need and buy some things like if they have children, bread, milk, peanut butter, bananas, things like that, staples. When you order it just give their address for delivery. You can choose the day and then a day or two after send a card anonymously and say something like:

'I hope you enjoyed your gift from Amazon Fresh and that the choices were to your liking. I will be keeping you (and your family) in my prayers, God Bless!'

Pass it on!

That way they won't worry they got someone elses delivery.

Hope that helps!

If you have Amazon delivering to you, you might want to look for some scrap-booking items to start your memory book, it's something great you can busy yourself with while recuperating!

Hi Lulav

I'm doing a little reading up and see that this doing a good deed for someone else could be fulfilling the command

"you shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18).

 

[Star Dancer]

Hi Spice, thank you. I have been very busy, having decided to get this place ready to sell, and that in and of itself is no easy task. It will eventually get done, God willing. I don't know what I will do when this place does sell, that I leave in God's hands.
And you Spice? How are you doing?

 

[teresa]

.

 

[faroukfarouk]

getting some new therapy and hopefully it will help me to cope better and deal with some tough issues

Hi; hope you got through the summer okay. John 14 and Psalm 46 are great, strengthening passages.

I have a friend who seemingly nearly lost his wife.

 

[teresa]

Not doing well

 

[blackribbon]

If you are not doing well, it maybe be time to get some medical intervention through talk therapy or medications. I know how hard it is to go in for those first appointments but truthfully, with the right clinicians, it can help a lot...even if only done for a period of time.

Ideas that have helped people...write letters to him...keep as a journal or burn and send the smoke "to him". Do something that the two of you enjoyed and just use the time to remember the good times. Keep active. Don't turn down things and become a hermit, even if that is what you really would prefer to do. Pamper yourself. Do whatever feels right for you....and it may change from year to year.

 

[teresa]

@blackribbon thank you so much

 

[Lulav]

Bad time of year again, my prayers and thoughts are with you.