Deciding whether or not to purge some hobbies I share with my wife

[AlexWhitt]

Hello everyone! This is pretty long, I apologize. You can skip to the “TL;DR” section below.

Recently I've been wrestling with a complex decision regarding some nerdy entertainment that my wife and I have both enjoyed together. I've been unsure anymore as to whether or not I should be participating in some things that have sexualized portrayals of women. As I've been systematically cutting them out of my life, it's been hurting my wife because she loves these hobbies as much as I do.

So am I throwing out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak? Or is this something that we both need to sacrifice, for God's sake and ours? The hobbies are as follows:

• Anime (Japanese cartoons, short for "animeeshyon")
  • My Criticisms: For a long time, I've been limited to the more "tame" shows that don't focus on fan-service. However even these shows contain enough sex appeal to arouse me: miniskirts are almost ubiquitous, and to my male brain the miniskirt is the single sexiest piece of clothing ever invented. There's also always at least one fan-servicey episode no matter how tame the show (they all go to the beach, hot springs, etc.), although I usually skip these.
  • Our Difficulty: Watching anime together is one of our favorite evening activities. We love the stories and the characters, we're both into Japanese language and culture, and we both love quality animation. Some shows are especially dear to us and have served as bonding mechanisms in our relationship, and we quote them all the time and laugh a lot.
  • Moral Fogginess: I sometimes make distinctions between cartoons and live action in my mental rationalizations: “They’re not real women, after all.” Add to this the (I think beneficial) mental discipline I’ve been practicing of redirecting sexual stimulus to thoughts of my wife and it gets especially confusing. If I think a character is dressed in an appealing way, and I just start fantasizing about my wife dressed up like that instead, isn’t that increasing my mental bond to her? Additionally, some shows are actually quite pure. But it’s *very* difficult to find them, and in the process of searching you end up seeing many of the images you’re trying to avoid.

• Video Games (Mainly “League of Legends”)
  • My Criticisms: Even more fan-service than my “tame” anime, the female character designs are usually super sexual.
  • Our Difficulty: League is my wife’s favorite game, and she actually got me into it originally. The way it’s set up, we actually play together cooperatively in complementary roles (I’m the “carry,” she’s the “support,” we have our own part of the map that we’re responsible for together, just the two of us, how cute is that? Just like marriage, right?)
  • Moral Fogginess: In League, the eye candy is mostly limited to splash artwork and loading screens, the sexualized character designs are actually hard to notice in-game. Can’t I just look away while it loads?

• Trading Card Games (“Magic the Gathering”)
  • My Criticisms: Just like any video game, this card game has plenty of fantasy-style ladies in skimpy garb, although it’s not too prevalent.
  • Our Difficulty: This was the first hobby we both got into together at the same time, we picked it deliberately for that purpose. It was something neither of us knew previously and we could both learn together. It’s been a ton of fun for us, and we actually take our decks with us and go out as a date sometimes (insert derisive laughter). No shame, we have fun and we love each other.
  • Moral Fogginess: I can put little stickers over the artwork of my own cards to cover up the boobiness without affecting the gameplay. But this doesn’t help when I’m playing with other people and their cards are covered in fantasy ladies.

• Conventions (Anime and otherwise)
  • My Criticisms: The shop room has plenty of questionable merchandise from those shows I avoid, and again even the “tame” stuff can get to me. Furthermore, now there are actually *real women* walking around dressed up as these characters. Some are, eh, less of a problem for my male brain than others, but some of them really look… correct, and definitely *can* be problematic.
  • Our Difficulty:We actually met each other at one of these conventions, they’re incredibly special for us. They’re the highlight of our year, even more so than Christmas or any other holiday. They’re a ton of fun for us, and we have ambitions of dressing up together as various couples from the shows we love. It’s cute and we love it!
  • Moral Fogginess: By necessity I walk around a college campus all the time, and the level of modesty is pretty low there too. I’m going to see this stuff anyway, so I’ve been developing mental habits that help me avoid the pitfalls of those stimuli (thinking about God, about my wife, etc.)

When I bring this up with my wife, her usual response is that she doesn’t understand why I can’t just “not get aroused” when I see those things. As any man reading this would understand, it’s not so simple. She’s also asked why I can’t just pray for stronger mental barriers rather than run away from these things, but we are clearly commanded to “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim 2:22, others). She does strongly approve of that mental discipline of redirecting my thoughts to her, but I question whether that’s enough of an excuse to willingly put myself in situations where I would need to use it. While she can’t relate to the way my mind works, she understands my position (the criticisms above), but it makes her really sad that we can’t do those things together anymore.

At the end of the day, I know we should "set our minds on things above, not on things of the earth." I know that there are far better uses of our time from a kingdom perspective, but our hobbies usually aren't massive time sinks, just a way to unwind in the evening.

I also know that there are far better ways to bond, at a spiritual level. And we do those things, we pray together and we "seek first the kingdom of God." (Albeit imperfectly and increasingly.) But does that equate to "nevers" and "must nots" as regards these hobbies? Does it? Is this God's pruning work in our lives, or is it just needless confusion and pain? Is my conscience pushing me to genuine purity at an acceptable cost, or is it overly scrupulous and damaging our relationship?

TL;DR: My wife and I both like nerdy games and shows and conventions, but they have scantily clad ladies in them, and I’ve been feeling that I should avoid that imagery. Cutting those things out of our lives hurts her too, as a lot of those hobbies are very special to us. What should we do?

 

[Catherineanne]

Hello everyone! This is pretty long, I apologize. You can skip to the “TL;DR” section below.

Recently I've been wrestling with a complex decision regarding some nerdy entertainment that my wife and I have both enjoyed together. I've been unsure anymore as to whether or not I should be participating in some things that have sexualized portrayals of women. As I've been systematically cutting them out of my life, it's been hurting my wife because she loves these hobbies as much as I do.

So am I throwing out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak? Or is this something that we both need to sacrifice, for God's sake and ours? The hobbies are as follows:

• Anime (Japanese cartoons, short for "animeeshyon")
  • My Criticisms: For a long time, I've been limited to the more "tame" shows that don't focus on fan-service. However even these shows contain enough sex appeal to arouse me: miniskirts are almost ubiquitous, and to my male brain the miniskirt is the single sexiest piece of clothing ever invented. There's also always at least one fan-servicey episode no matter how tame the show (they all go to the beach, hot springs, etc.), although I usually skip these.
  • Our Difficulty: Watching anime together is one of our favorite evening activities. We love the stories and the characters, we're both into Japanese language and culture, and we both love quality animation. Some shows are especially dear to us and have served as bonding mechanisms in our relationship, and we quote them all the time and laugh a lot.
  • Moral Fogginess: I sometimes make distinctions between cartoons and live action in my mental rationalizations: “They’re not real women, after all.” Add to this the (I think beneficial) mental discipline I’ve been practicing of redirecting sexual stimulus to thoughts of my wife and it gets especially confusing. If I think a character is dressed in an appealing way, and I just start fantasizing about my wife dressed up like that instead, isn’t that increasing my mental bond to her? Additionally, some shows are actually quite pure. But it’s *very* difficult to find them, and in the process of searching you end up seeing many of the images you’re trying to avoid.

• Video Games (Mainly “League of Legends”)
  • My Criticisms: Even more fan-service than my “tame” anime, the female character designs are usually super sexual.
  • Our Difficulty: League is my wife’s favorite game, and she actually got me into it originally. The way it’s set up, we actually play together cooperatively in complementary roles (I’m the “carry,” she’s the “support,” we have our own part of the map that we’re responsible for together, just the two of us, how cute is that? Just like marriage, right?)
  • Moral Fogginess: In League, the eye candy is mostly limited to splash artwork and loading screens, the sexualized character designs are actually hard to notice in-game. Can’t I just look away while it loads?

• Trading Card Games (“Magic the Gathering”)
  • My Criticisms: Just like any video game, this card game has plenty of fantasy-style ladies in skimpy garb, although it’s not too prevalent.
  • Our Difficulty: This was the first hobby we both got into together at the same time, we picked it deliberately for that purpose. It was something neither of us knew previously and we could both learn together. It’s been a ton of fun for us, and we actually take our decks with us and go out as a date sometimes (insert derisive laughter). No shame, we have fun and we love each other.
  • Moral Fogginess: I can put little stickers over the artwork of my own cards to cover up the boobiness without affecting the gameplay. But this doesn’t help when I’m playing with other people and their cards are covered in fantasy ladies.

• Conventions (Anime and otherwise)
  • My Criticisms: The shop room has plenty of [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] merchandise from those shows I avoid, and again even the “tame” stuff can get to me. Furthermore, now there are actually *real women* walking around dressed up as these characters. Some are, eh, less of a problem for my male brain than others, but some of them really look… correct, and definitely *can* be problematic.
  • Our Difficulty:We actually met each other at one of these conventions, they’re incredibly special for us. They’re the highlight of our year, even more so than Christmas or any other holiday. They’re a ton of fun for us, and we have ambitions of dressing up together as various couples from the shows we love. It’s cute and we love it!
  • Moral Fogginess: By necessity I walk around a college campus all the time, and the level of modesty is pretty low there too. I’m going to see this stuff anyway, so I’ve been developing mental habits that help me avoid the pitfalls of those stimuli (thinking about God, about my wife, etc.)

When I bring this up with my wife, her usual response is that she doesn’t understand why I can’t just “not get aroused” when I see those things. As any man reading this would understand, it’s not so simple. She’s also asked why I can’t just pray for stronger mental barriers rather than run away from these things, but we are clearly commanded to “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim 2:22, others). She does strongly approve of that mental discipline of redirecting my thoughts to her, but I question whether that’s enough of an excuse to willingly put myself in situations where I would need to use it.

While she can’t relate to the way my mind works, she understands my position (the criticisms above), but it makes her really sad that we can’t do those things together anymore. At the end of the day, "set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth." I know that there are far better uses of our time from a kingdom perspective, but our hobbies usually aren't massive time sinks, just a way to unwind in the evening.

I also know that there are far better ways to bond, at a spiritual level. And we do those things, we pray together and we "seek first the kingdom of God." (Albeit imperfectly and increasingly.) But does that equate to "nevers" and "must nots" as regards these hobbies? Does it? Is this God's pruning work in our lives, or is it just needless confusion and pain? Is my conscience pushing me to genuine purity at an acceptable cost, or is it overly scrupulous and damaging our relationship?

TL;DR: My wife and I both like nerdy games and shows and conventions, but they have scantily clad ladies in them, and I’ve been feeling that I should avoid that imagery. Cutting those things out of our lives hurts her too, as a lot of those hobbies are very special to us. What should we do?

I think this is a matter for you and your wife to decide; she sounds sensible enough, so listen to her.

I wish you well.

 

[AlexWhitt]

Catherineanne,

Thank you for your response! Unfortunately, we have not been able to come to a satisfactory decision yet, which is why I decided to try and glean some external advice. In practice right now I've stopped participating in most of these hobbies, but she's still fairly upset about it. Every time we talk about it we never seem to reach a conclusion and the issue gets put off.

 

[sunshine456]

Ask yourself and be TRUTHful in reply....IS this appropriate material that a child should watch or even a true beleiver should entertain they're minds with? Does it in context offer the following by meaning?

Matthew 5:27-28King James Version (KJV)
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

I tell you...YES! The presentation and images are in alignment with the influence of lustful coinciding's. If you look at the history of earlier western cartoons when we had a moral FCC in the US, depictions of such material was highly regulated and considered taboo to the mainstream. Nothing too low cut or revealing appeared on public tv. Cable tv on the other hand was not censored as much at least. The same could be said in reference to age appropriated purchasing power of adult material.

The material you speak of along with other forms of what people like to refer to as ART(I am an artist by the way)is inappropriate for ALL to look at and is an influence of the enemy to undermined the true believers values and non-believers alike attempting to keep us bound and possibly entangled in blindness and lust.

I would advise you to as we re told to abstain from the corruption of this world and renew our hearts and mind towards the richness of GOD's kingdom and that of walking in the spirit and following his son JESUS CHRIST.

Simply in TRUTH; it is not following JESUS when we offer ourselves to immorality and the presentation of it. Animation is not immoral, but it's core model of presentation is if it is enticing with/in the flesh nature; which adultery is clearly defined as one of it's key components. Avoid immorality like a plague and keep GOD's word in your hearts and mind, devoting yourselves to morality and GOD through his son JESUS with holiness and LOVE. Looking not on things as idols to worship or lust after, but giving yourselves to the WILL of GOD and being obedient even when you don't always discern for we shall not lean on our own understanding, but on the grace of GOD through his son JESUS.

LOVE GOD the heavenly father as he loved you and gave us his blameless and perfect son JESUS whom was offered as a living sacrifice for sins. Do not commit idolatry and refrain from the worship of idols and false god's.

"How can we worship two GOD's?"

There is only one true GOD the heavenly father; GOD of Abraham, Moses, Noah and Lot, and his son JESUS CHRIST whom shall reign forever and ever!!

Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[aiki]

I applaud you for being sensitive enough spiritually to recognize the compromises that are required in order to participate in the various things you mentioned. The decline into grave sin begins with small, seemingly insignificant concessions. It is these small but accumulating compromises that lead us inexorably away from God and into darkness. And one day, if this drift is not halted, God promises that destruction and death awaits.

Romans 6:23
23 For the wages of sin is death...

Galatians 6:7-8
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption...

Your Saviour is holy. Perfectly holy. There is no darkness in him whatsoever.

1 John 1:5-6
5 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.

And he calls us into this same purity and holiness.

1 Peter 1:15-16
15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct,
16 because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."

But this always means we must give up the World and its values, and entertainments, and distractions in one way or another, to one degree or another.

James 4:4
4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

1 John 2:15-17
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world.
17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

As you pursue the call of holiness that is upon your life as a disciple of Christ, can I urge you to find better, godlier replacements for the things you forsake? If you simply remove without replacing, you'll create a vacuum in your life that will press on you mightily to be filled. Don't just stop cold what you've been doing with your wife without a God-honoring alternative in hand. This isn't to say you should keep on with what you've been doing until you do find an alternative. No, each time you compromise with sin, whether you are merely an audience to it or an active participant in it, you pay a price:

2 Peter 2:7-8
7 and delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked
8 (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their lawless deeds)--

I realize all I've written may be "preaching to the choir" and please forgive me if I'm going over familiar territory with you. There are other readers, however, who may benefit from my response to you and it is for them as well that I write.

I also know that there are far better ways to bond, at a spiritual level. And we do those things, we pray together and we "seek first the kingdom of God." (Albeit imperfectly and increasingly.) But does that equate to "nevers" and "must nots" as regards these hobbies? Does it? Is this God's pruning work in our lives, or is it just needless confusion and pain? Is my conscience pushing me to genuine purity at an acceptable cost, or is it overly scrupulous and damaging our relationship?

Is there such a thing as an "acceptable cost" when it comes to purity and holiness? I don't see how... Can one be "overly scrupulous" about being holy as God is holy? No. I think we balk at the extent to which God calls us to go in being holy because we are so comfortable in our sin. We have come to enjoy the compromises we have made with the World. The writer of the book of Hebrews wrote of Moses:

Hebrews 11:24-26
24 By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter,
25 choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin,
26 esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt...

Will you be a man like Moses who rejected the pleasures of sin, suffering affliction in doing so, and pursue the spiritual Promised Land God holds out to you, or will you stay a slave in Egypt?

I know that many of the compromises in my life that God has and is weeding out seem harmless in and of themselves, but as I obey God's conviction and forsake them, I enter a new level of fellowship with God and understanding of His wisdom and truth. That abundant life in Christ is mine more and more as I obey my Heavenly Father and rid myself of the "little foxes that spoil the vine."

All of this pursuit of holiness is predicated upon a love for Christ and God. If making the necessary changes is understood to be an expression of love for the Saviour, it becomes a joy to do, regardless of the cost. If you attempt to obey God in forsaking sin from any other motive, He will not accept it. (1Cor. 13:1-3) God intends that following His commands should always be the natural consequence of loving Him. What is the first and great commandment?

Matthew 22:35-38
35 Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying,
36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?"
37 Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
38 This is the first and great commandment.

If this is not at the heart of your obedience to God, your obedience will become an onerous burden, and often a hypocritical, self-righteous affair. You will come to resent "leaving Egypt" and inevitably desire to return to it just as the Israelites did.

Selah.

 

[AlexWhitt]

Thank you both for your detailed responses! I think that confirms the direction we've been heading. As hard as it is, we'll both learn to live without. And you're absolutely right, aiki, it's foolish not to replace those gaps with something godly.

To clarify what I meant by an "overly scrupulous conscience," it's actually true that one's conscience can be hypersensitive. Consider the weak brother in 1 Corinthians 8-10 and Romans 14, whose conscience convicted him of eating meat sacrificed to idols, while Paul affirmed that the idol was nothing and the act of eating meat associated with it was morally neutral. Consciences are susceptible to malfunction, which is why I decided to seek counsel from other believers on this gray area.

Thank you again for your encouragement and your admonition!

 

[BFine]

Suggestion...find a new hobby.

"Our" married son and daughter in-law found
that taking a Japanese cooking class helped to
fill the gaps...they're really good at making sushi,
stir fries, soups, asian salads and deserts.

 

[Goodbook]

My new hobby is singing in the choir. Maybe something you and your wife can do together...mens voices are valued. And i dont think choirs have scantily clad choir members dancing around, specially when singing gospel.

 

[Goodbook]

As for what you should do.
Well i know a couple who were kinda into nerdy entertainment like you describe.
When the wife had her baby I think all that fell by the wayside.

And I was pleased to find she and her husband were wanting to do bible studies together at home. I think theres some board games you can buy that have bible trivia, or even a book,, where if you both reading your bibles you can make into a kind of game an test each other on what youve learned.

 

[Goodbook]

I had really been praying for her as was concerned she was really into D&d and it seemed it was a huge part of her life at the expense of her christian walk.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I know a couple of guys my age that are into all of this stuff. We're all in college, though. however, now that you are married, raising a family and loving your wife should be your first priority. anime may have brought your marriage together, but it can't sustain your marriage, Also, if you are going to be having children, you certainly can't expose them to all of this stuff, even if it doesn't affect you. I trust that my friends are not tempted by sexy anime women, but regardless they would be terrible fathers if they allowed their children to watch any anime willy-nilly, considering that most of them are for adults and mature teens anyway. Another thing is that I think a number of them would just be embarassed if someone happened to walk in on them as they were watching some dirty but plot relevant scene.

Please remember this verse: I am allowed to do anything, but not everything is good. Paul was referring to sexual immorality, but so is any hobby that becomes idolatrous.

With all of the sexy women in the things you consume, ask yourself this: Are you actually tempted by them? It's good that you're concerned, but getting aroused when you are forced to look at a beautiful woman, which you seem to run into a lot, isn't lust. But if you ever find yourself thinking, "Why can't I have HER as my wife?" Or "Why can't my wife look like THAT?" Then you have a problem.

And if you have kids, ditch some of the hobbies that you know will be bad for them, like the anime conventions. The animes, video games and magic: the gathering themselves, however, you'll want to judge on a case by case basis. You could use the anime, as in-Christian as they may be, to teach your children or just entertain them--but you don't want them treating something like it's porn.

 

[Catherineanne]

Catherineanne,

Thank you for your response! Unfortunately, we have not been able to come to a satisfactory decision yet, which is why I decided to try and glean some external advice. In practice right now I've stopped participating in most of these hobbies, but she's still fairly upset about it. Every time we talk about it we never seem to reach a conclusion and the issue gets put off.

Is it worth upsetting your wife about this?

 

[AlexWhitt]

Wow, I didn't realize I had gotten so many more responses. I want to give an update and respond to a few things. This is getting really personal, and I hesitate to talk about these matters openly, but I know there have to be people out there with similar issues so if they ever find this thread I pray that it will be useful to them.

So after talking some more and thinking over the issue, a few days ago we decided to try watching anime again. (We don't play League anymore, we're pretty resigned to that.) As previously, my upper limit for fan service was the ever-present miniskirt or shorts, or in other words, nothing more than bare legs. The thought was that seeing bare legs is an unavoidable part of life in our culture, so if that was something very common for me, maybe it wouldn't pique my interest anymore. And, if anything did pique my interest, I seem to be getting very good at redirecting my thoughts to my wife.

Well, I don't think we got quite the effect we wanted. Rather than becoming a common and uninteresting part of life, it simply served to keep my level of arousal higher more constantly. Mind you, this does not equate to lusting after cartoon women: rather, it just riles up my physical desires, which automatically drive me to my wife. I've been all over her recently, both sexually and non-sexually.

But while that seems to be a good thing, I can't shake this issue in my head; it keeps bothering me. As time goes on I feel more convicted about it. Not because of any specific effect it's having on me, though, as the results seem positive, but simply because it's... there. I think about what my pastor would think if he saw my shows or collectibles, surely that would be embarrassing. I seem to treat it as a blight on my character whenever I consider what other believers would think. It just makes me feel dirty.

I don't want that, I don't want any doubts floating in my mind when I'm trying to pray and fellowship with other believers. I don't want a shadow cast on my character, regardless of whether it's actually harmful to me or not. I don't want to be afraid to let people see my office or my DVD collection. I don't want anything to hide.

So that's where I'm at! I know it probably seems like a petty issue to get so hung up over, "just drop the hobbies already" you must be thinking. But this is a pivotal point in our lives, and will shape our relationship and our future children's lives as well. We're defining what kind of parents we're going to be, what our standards will be, what we see as acceptable and not acceptable for the rest of our lives. Please bear with us and pray for us.

 

[AlexWhitt]

Suggestion...find a new hobby.

"Our" married son and daughter in-law found
that taking a Japanese cooking class helped to
fill the gaps...they're really good at making sushi,
stir fries, soups, asian salads and deserts.

My new hobby is singing in the choir. Maybe something you and your wife can do together...mens voices are valued. And i dont think choirs have scantily clad choir members dancing around, specially when singing gospel.

Fun suggestions, but we need something to help us "unwind" in the evening, that's what the shows and games have been for. By "hobby" I don't mean a "constructive diversion," but a "laziness outlet" for the end of the day. We both have plenty of constructive hobbies and projects we work on in our free time while we still have ambition for the day. (She sews cross-stitch patterns and I write code and manage some artists for a video game project I'm working on.)

And I was pleased to find she and her husband were wanting to do bible studies together at home. I think theres some board games you can buy that have bible trivia, or even a book,, where if you both reading your bibles you can make into a kind of game an test each other on what youve learned.

This is maybe more along the right lines, reading books is pretty low-effort and we have tons of books to read. But it's just so seductively, deliciously easy to simply flop on the couch and turn something on.... the laziest form of lazy time.

 

[AlexWhitt]

I had really been praying for her as was concerned she was really into D&d and it seemed it was a huge part of her life at the expense of her christian walk.

Hahaha we're never going to give up D&D, it's a riot. Sitting around a table with a bunch of your dorky friends for a few hours a week dreaming up the craziest adventures is a ton of fun and has NO fan-service whatsoever!

Unless she's spending oodles of time or taking it way too seriously, I really wouldn't worry about it. It's basically just the Lord of the Rings in your imagination with some weirdly-shaped dice, there's a lot of misconceptions in the evangelical world about it but it's actually quite harmless in and of itself.

 

[AlexWhitt]

With all of the sexy women in the things you consume, ask yourself this: Are you actually tempted by them? It's good that you're concerned, but getting aroused when you are forced to look at a beautiful woman, which you seem to run into a lot, isn't lust. But if you ever find yourself thinking, "Why can't I have HER as my wife?" Or "Why can't my wife look like THAT?" Then you have a problem.

I actually don't have any such thoughts, and yet it still bothers me. I'm honestly extremely conflicted right now.

And if you have kids, ditch some of the hobbies that you know will be bad for them, like the anime conventions. The animes, video games and magic: the gathering themselves, however, you'll want to judge on a case by case basis. You could use the anime, as in-Christian as they may be, to teach your children or just entertain them--but you don't want them treating something like it's porn.

This is something that we're really going to be deciding here and now with this decision. We don't have kids yet but strongly intend to. I think you and I are of the same mind about using un-Christian entertainment to help teach kids discernment. My parents were pretty hands-off with my entertainment choices. I think they went a bit too far because they never really warned me about things like pornography and I ended up getting bitten by it for a time. (Of course they never condoned it, but they just didn't teach me about that stuff early enough, I think I started by age ten or something ridiculous like that. We won't make the same mistake.)

However, along with the freedom that they gave me they also gave me a very strong foundation in the things of the Lord, so as for the un-Christian worldviews of my shows and games, honestly they've never phased me or shaken me. I see fiction as fiction, I can rightly discern between truth and error, and I can enjoy media for what it's for: entertainment. I want to give my kids that same ability to discern. I think some parents are too protective, shielding their kids from any and all traces of the world, until it's time to let them go and the poor kids are not prepared to handle what they find out there. Very dangerous. I'd rather my kids see some Buddhist themes in an anime and ask "Daddy what's that?" so I can explain it to them from a Christian perspective.

Similarly, for violent themes, I think as long as either A.) the violence is just, directed against evil or B.) the wicked acts of violence against the innocent are portrayed as indeed being evil, I think that's good too. Kids need to know that evil exists and that sometimes there is no peaceful resolution. I don't want them to grow up thinking that our soldiers are doing something wrong by defending our country, and I don't want them to be so hyper-sensitive to acts of violence that they would not be able to act to save themselves or others if in an extreme situation.

But as for the level of sex-appeal to allow in their shows, that seems to be another matter, and one of which I'm still unsure. How should age play a role? Gender? Should we be shielding them or building in them their own defenses? Should mommy and daddy's viewing standards ever be different from theirs? These are all questions I wrestle with.

 

[AlexWhitt]

Is it worth upsetting your wife about this?

I wish I could say, that's one of the things I have to weigh.

What I gain from giving it up:

• A more unquestionable reputation and image
• No lingering doubts in my mind
• A quiet conscience
• Perhaps a testimony of sacrifice

What I lose from giving it up:

• A strong bonding mechanism between my wife and me
• Beloved stories and characters
• A distinguishing piece of our personalities
• Our favorite way to unwind
• Some sex drive
• Some investment in collectibles, partially recuperable

What won't change:

• My usage of free time. If I'm gonna waste too much time, I'll find a way to waste it. Time management discipline is an entirely separate issue.

When I write it out like that, the losses seem pretty shallow compared to the gains. "Set your mind on things above..."

The only *really* sticky part is giving up conventions, because my wife is *really* invested in going to them and making costumes for them. She said she'd go by herself if I wouldn't go with her. That's probably the saddest part.

 

[Goodbook]

sounds like it takes over your life, and not really in a good way.

I find its easier to read or listen to music than watch tv.

 

[Goodbook]

I don't find D&D that fun..the girl I knew who was into that kind of thing and others playing boardgames were really into it, to the detriment of doing anything else, and if you didn't join in and play, they got angry.

I'm like whatever. This happened in a book club where some of the members were gamers and decided they just wanted to play games instead of actually discuss books. I don't go to a book club to play Catan or dixit or whatever. I mean, not my idea of fun.
Also, since the girl into D&D would not hang out with ppl who weren't, we never did stuff outside of bible study, so I kind of thought she was a bit snobbish.

 

[Albion]

As Catherineanne was saying, you shouldn't punish your wife. That would be very unkind of you and uncalled for. Keep your mind out of the gutter when you see those sights you referred to and you'll be fine. It's not an impossible assignment.