I've read some of the other posts here and I'm a little afraid to open up for fear of being torn apart. So, I'll ask right up front to please be kind. 
I am having real problems in my marriage.
First off, I don't really know why I am posting. Maybe because the problems are delicate ones and it's hard to talk to anyone I know about it. I don't plan to get divorced. I would like to work stuff out, but, as I explain further, you will see why it's a one-way street.
I have been married for about 5 years now. This is my second marriage. I got "saved" during my first marriage and my ex-husband didn't like God being in my life and found a new woman and divorced me. I have two children from my first marriage. Two years after my divorce, my current husband and I were married.
We (me and my current husband) refrained from having sex before we were married because we were trying to be "good Christians" and do it the correct way. However, it wasn't until the honeymoon that I found out that my husband is impotent. The nerves are permanently damaged because of diabetes II. We have never, ever, once, had sex. I realized, at that point, why it was so easy for him to refrain while we were dating. Now, we have been married for 5 years, and I do feel that I have forgiven him for not telling me, but, it's hard because when the sex drive is up, I get frustrated and the anger comes up again. I don't take it out on him, just so you all know. I have resolved that it's my lot. But, I mention it because it's not the only thing that he forgot to tell me about before we got married. I also mention it because like I said, it's been 5 years and we still have not had sex. He does have some options that would correct the problem. Every few months he pursues these options, but, something happens (money issue, illnesses, etc.) and it gets forgotten again. So, it's not top priority on his "TO DO" list. At this point now, I don't want it "with him".
He also forgot to mention to me before we were married, that he owes so much money, that it will take three life-times to repay it all. He has two mortgages and three other personal loans. The second mortgage is $40,000. The other loans around $20,000. And, of course, the first mortgage, over $120,000. And now, he's got a bankruptcy payment of $500 per month. Basically, his bills exceed what he makes. I didn't even mention that we owe the IRS every year. We owe, but he never has the money to pay them when he files the return. I also found out that he was making payments to the IRS when we first got married. He owed them for the two years (so he says) prior to our marriage. We filed for bankruptcy last year, which is a good thing, because he is now paying off all the IRS past debt in that bankruptcy payment. I have told him that I will not sign any future IRS filings where we owe and he doesn't have the check to pay for it when he's mailing it. I told him that I will file separately.
Before we were married, I owned my own home also. We had decided before we were married to both sell our homes and buy a house together. I had just purchased my house two years prior to our marriage. So, there wasn't much equity there. But, I owned a duplex and the rent I collected from the one unit, paid the mortgage.
After we got married, I moved into his home (temporarily until we sold our homes). It didn't take long before I realized that he had all these debts, as the bill collectors started to call. When I asked him how much he owed on all these debts, I realized that there was no way we would be able to sell our homes and buy another house because his debt exceeded the value of his house. I was furious.
I suggested that he sell his home, take the loss and that we would move into my duplex. That way the 2nd unit would pay the mortgage and we could work on paying off his debt and save and start over again later down the road. He would have nothing of this.
I started to rent out my home. However, he would get mad at me when a tenant would move out and I would have to spend a lot of my time at the house to fix it up to get it ready to rent out again. So, I put my house on the market. I didn't have any offers and I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage on my own, so, after a while, the bank took my house. So, now that option is gone. He now says, in hindsight, moving into my house would have been a good idea. "Oh, gee, do you think."
The problem is that his home only has two bedrooms and I have a daughter who is now 14 years old and my son is turning 12 years old. They have to share the 2nd bedroom. I put a sheet up in the middle of the room to divide their space. But, it's getting harder as they get older, if you know what I mean.
Also, the school district that we live in is horrible. So, I am sending my kids to private Christian school, which isn't bad, but costs me a fortune. I knew that the school district here was bad, but, I never had any intentions of staying here. Little did I know......
To top it all off, I have started to sleep in that very crowded 2nd bedroom, on a cot, because, my husband smells. He isn't great at shower taking and likes to wear his clothes several times before he washes them. He throws his clothes in a pile (clean and dirty together) on the floor of the bedroom (so the smell is probably in the rug, lol) and he "passes (bad smelling) wind" when he sleeps. He's very angry at me about not sleeping with him. But, I can't stand it anymore. I have innocently (not by way of gossip) come to find out that his odor was also a problem with his first wife too. So, it's a long-standing problem that he has had and not something related to me or this marriage.
And last (BUT NOT THE LEAST BY ANY MEANS) my husband works two jobs. One is full-time and the second is almost full-time. All because of his debt problems. But, like any person who's working like a slave driver, he's miserable and mean and very difficult to live with. Basically, we just don't talk much.
The one blessing is that he's not home most of the time and when he does come home, he is only awake for 1/2 - 1 hour at the most. However, that one hour is like hell on earth. However, he does get one day off per week. I try to stay out of the house during that day, lol.
But, basically, the marriage sucks. I try to keep a good spirit, but, it's hard when he acts mean and nasty. I have told him (at least 5 times a week) that I would be just as happy, if we rented an apartment or lived in a trailer home, so that he didn't have to work as much as he does, but, he only says that that isn't the problem. He is in this situation because he can't handle money. He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't even drink. He is overweight though. I tried to take over the budget and wrote out a budgeting plan once, but, he never followed it, so I gave up. His bills overwhelm me anyway. I told him that this was not my fault and I am not going to let it get to me. I also told him that I cannot help him. I refuse to give him money when I have no control over how it gets spent. I also refuse to give him money when I have no say in whether or not we live in this house or not. Plus, I only work part-time and what I make just about covers the kids tuition payments and food.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading it.
I am having real problems in my marriage.
First off, I don't really know why I am posting. Maybe because the problems are delicate ones and it's hard to talk to anyone I know about it. I don't plan to get divorced. I would like to work stuff out, but, as I explain further, you will see why it's a one-way street.
I have been married for about 5 years now. This is my second marriage. I got "saved" during my first marriage and my ex-husband didn't like God being in my life and found a new woman and divorced me. I have two children from my first marriage. Two years after my divorce, my current husband and I were married.
We (me and my current husband) refrained from having sex before we were married because we were trying to be "good Christians" and do it the correct way. However, it wasn't until the honeymoon that I found out that my husband is impotent. The nerves are permanently damaged because of diabetes II. We have never, ever, once, had sex. I realized, at that point, why it was so easy for him to refrain while we were dating. Now, we have been married for 5 years, and I do feel that I have forgiven him for not telling me, but, it's hard because when the sex drive is up, I get frustrated and the anger comes up again. I don't take it out on him, just so you all know. I have resolved that it's my lot. But, I mention it because it's not the only thing that he forgot to tell me about before we got married. I also mention it because like I said, it's been 5 years and we still have not had sex. He does have some options that would correct the problem. Every few months he pursues these options, but, something happens (money issue, illnesses, etc.) and it gets forgotten again. So, it's not top priority on his "TO DO" list. At this point now, I don't want it "with him".
He also forgot to mention to me before we were married, that he owes so much money, that it will take three life-times to repay it all. He has two mortgages and three other personal loans. The second mortgage is $40,000. The other loans around $20,000. And, of course, the first mortgage, over $120,000. And now, he's got a bankruptcy payment of $500 per month. Basically, his bills exceed what he makes. I didn't even mention that we owe the IRS every year. We owe, but he never has the money to pay them when he files the return. I also found out that he was making payments to the IRS when we first got married. He owed them for the two years (so he says) prior to our marriage. We filed for bankruptcy last year, which is a good thing, because he is now paying off all the IRS past debt in that bankruptcy payment. I have told him that I will not sign any future IRS filings where we owe and he doesn't have the check to pay for it when he's mailing it. I told him that I will file separately.
Before we were married, I owned my own home also. We had decided before we were married to both sell our homes and buy a house together. I had just purchased my house two years prior to our marriage. So, there wasn't much equity there. But, I owned a duplex and the rent I collected from the one unit, paid the mortgage.
After we got married, I moved into his home (temporarily until we sold our homes). It didn't take long before I realized that he had all these debts, as the bill collectors started to call. When I asked him how much he owed on all these debts, I realized that there was no way we would be able to sell our homes and buy another house because his debt exceeded the value of his house. I was furious.
I suggested that he sell his home, take the loss and that we would move into my duplex. That way the 2nd unit would pay the mortgage and we could work on paying off his debt and save and start over again later down the road. He would have nothing of this.
I started to rent out my home. However, he would get mad at me when a tenant would move out and I would have to spend a lot of my time at the house to fix it up to get it ready to rent out again. So, I put my house on the market. I didn't have any offers and I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage on my own, so, after a while, the bank took my house. So, now that option is gone. He now says, in hindsight, moving into my house would have been a good idea. "Oh, gee, do you think."
The problem is that his home only has two bedrooms and I have a daughter who is now 14 years old and my son is turning 12 years old. They have to share the 2nd bedroom. I put a sheet up in the middle of the room to divide their space. But, it's getting harder as they get older, if you know what I mean.
Also, the school district that we live in is horrible. So, I am sending my kids to private Christian school, which isn't bad, but costs me a fortune. I knew that the school district here was bad, but, I never had any intentions of staying here. Little did I know......
To top it all off, I have started to sleep in that very crowded 2nd bedroom, on a cot, because, my husband smells. He isn't great at shower taking and likes to wear his clothes several times before he washes them. He throws his clothes in a pile (clean and dirty together) on the floor of the bedroom (so the smell is probably in the rug, lol) and he "passes (bad smelling) wind" when he sleeps. He's very angry at me about not sleeping with him. But, I can't stand it anymore. I have innocently (not by way of gossip) come to find out that his odor was also a problem with his first wife too. So, it's a long-standing problem that he has had and not something related to me or this marriage.
And last (BUT NOT THE LEAST BY ANY MEANS) my husband works two jobs. One is full-time and the second is almost full-time. All because of his debt problems. But, like any person who's working like a slave driver, he's miserable and mean and very difficult to live with. Basically, we just don't talk much.
The one blessing is that he's not home most of the time and when he does come home, he is only awake for 1/2 - 1 hour at the most. However, that one hour is like hell on earth. However, he does get one day off per week. I try to stay out of the house during that day, lol.
But, basically, the marriage sucks. I try to keep a good spirit, but, it's hard when he acts mean and nasty. I have told him (at least 5 times a week) that I would be just as happy, if we rented an apartment or lived in a trailer home, so that he didn't have to work as much as he does, but, he only says that that isn't the problem. He is in this situation because he can't handle money. He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't even drink. He is overweight though. I tried to take over the budget and wrote out a budgeting plan once, but, he never followed it, so I gave up. His bills overwhelm me anyway. I told him that this was not my fault and I am not going to let it get to me. I also told him that I cannot help him. I refuse to give him money when I have no control over how it gets spent. I also refuse to give him money when I have no say in whether or not we live in this house or not. Plus, I only work part-time and what I make just about covers the kids tuition payments and food.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading it.
Wow, I am so sorry that you are in that situation! 
