death becomes her.

[brand]

You are not scum.

I hope whatever Big Fish that has swallowed you will vomit you out soon!!!

5 The waters surrounded me, even to my soul;
​

The deep closed around me;
​

Weeds were wrapped around my head.
​

6 I went down to the moorings of the mountains;
​

The earth with its bars closed behind me forever;
​

Yet You have brought up my life from the pit,
​

O Lord, my God.
​

7 "When my soul fainted within me,
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I remembered the Lord;
​

And my prayer went up to You,​

​

Into Your holy temple.​

​

Jonah 2nd chapter​

 

[alaurie]

I lost my girlfriend when she "recreationally" OD'ed much like your doing right now faerie. Walking the chemical knifes edge is a sure way to end up in the morgue as you already know. People have offered you help/friendship/advice and their prayers. Talk to someone who is in a position to truely help you. Never quit the race God has laid before you because of a few temporary hurdles placed in your path today. I am always available if you need someone to talk to ... just trying to help, seriously.

fallen^sparrow

fallen sparrow,

I'm so sorry to hear about your girlfriend.


urbanfaerie,

In his defense, you didn't mention a physican until after his post. I got the same impression as he and Rosa did (OD) by your description of the effects of the meds and your progressively deteriorating syntax in subsequent posts.

15 years or so ago, a very strong godly nurse looked at me as I was suicidal, developing agrophobia and said, "you know, you don't really want help- not from God, not from your doctors, not from me, not from your medicine". It was the kindest slap in the face I've ever had. Not to say you're there- just if you are, think and pray hard about it. You can't get better and stay in the seduction and narcissism of despair.

Also, at that time a book called Disappointment with God by Philip Yancy radically changed how I see God and how I now know he sees me. Life has not been all grand in the last 15 years, but there has been more joy than sorrow, and a love relationship with God that causes the deepest feeling for any man I've ever had pale in comparison. It didn't develop right away but it grows and stronger still.

We're in this world for some reason we can't understand on this side. The closest analogy I can use is that it is a cosmic workout or boot camp. Someday our struggles will count greatly. Ask him to draw you close and put you on the path to grow and shape you in the way he wants you to be.

Ditto to all the above offers to PM- I'm here if you need me.

Much love and prayers,
Allye

"Then he breathed upon me and took away the trembling from my limbs and caused me to stand upon my feet. And after that, he said not much but that we should meet again, and I must go further up and further in. The he turned him about in a storm and flurry of gold and was gone suddenly."
"And since that day, O Kings and Ladies, I have been wandering to find him and my happiness is so great that it even weakens me like a wound."
CS Lewis The Last Battle, chpt. "Further up and Further In"

 

[urbanfaerie]

i stoped praying. god isnt there..

i 'cryed out' for help in real life last night. but it was brushed off as nothing.

i tried to get help.. i tried to wait it out. but isee it clearly now. death becomes her. soon to became her.

theres nothing left i can do to help myself. hopeless case. its inevitable. secretely i always knew that'd be my destiny.. i hoped i could find another way.. but now.. i dont even wanna live. no point.

 

[Snowy]

urbanfaeire!....don't give up..you know is Satan...puttign these thoughts in your head!..don't you dare let him win!

 

[doulos]

Dear Urbanfairie,

Life is full of trials. We must through many afflictions enter the kingdom of God. Not BECAUSE of them, but through them. Only BECAUSE the Lord Jesus took our guilt and paid in full our ransom.

My father, 78, is dying, and my 19 year old son is in hospital after a severe car accident. My Dad is trusting the Lord, resting in Him, as He died for his sins and will make all things new. My 19 year old son has suffered a fracture of his TWO ankles and TWO elbows plus an open fracture on his right wrist, and a severe concussion on his head, badly bruised and with quite a few stitches. He was delivering parcels with his van when suddenly a dumper truck stopped because of works on the highway. He will be in treatment and won't be able to walk, not even with crutches, for months. Yet, even with his frustration, he is trusting his Lord and Saviour. It is not easy for him, but he is learning that the Lord can be trusted even when things are not understood.

The book of Job tells us that God has his reasons to make us go through the valley of Baca ... he will turn tears into joy ... in His day. But we must learn to trust HIM, who being God became a man, and even He being so glorious came not to be served (which was His right as the Creator of all) but to serve and to give His life in ransom for many.

Turn away from your frustrations and despair LOOKING unto Jesus, He who is the Lord of all. Just present yourself to Him. He died for you and He rose again as the Head of a New Creation that in His time shall be manifested in resurrection and glorious transformation. Look to Him glorified and with all power on earth and in heaven, He who was, who is and who is to come, the Almighty and Friend of Sinners ...

Take comfort in His word, His compassions and just take refuge in the shadow of His wings. Satan can do nothing except to sift and test us. Trust in the Lord and you will come like gold ... gold is purified in the furnace of affliction. And this is the Lord's way for each of us. Remember Job ... Jacob ... David ... And the Lord Jesus Himself, perfect and sinless, yet accepted in grace to subject Himself to hunger and thirst, exhaustion and the betrayal of the closest of the closest ... and then was obedient to death, the death of the cross, to taste death to the full for us, in our stead.

TRUST HIM ... HE IS WORTHY OF ALL OUR LOVE. Turn from looking inside you to contemplate Him, not mistically, but pondering Him in the Gospels, in Ephesians, in the Scriptures in general, and think that He went to the dust of death for you because He loved you so, and that He lives to take care of you, if you only cast your burdens on Him, confess your failings to Him and trust those hands that bled for you ...

With love in Him,

doulos