death becomes her.

[urbanfaerie]

i'm fed up.

blank stare

i still havent gotten my nap.

still feel like hell.

still got over 1000mgs of barbituates in me..not enuff to killl, but enuff to feel like sh.it.

still feel empty.

still no cole.

i'm ready to throqw in the towel.

quit school.

i dont wanna go.

quit meds, i'd rather seize and be suicidal, then suffer side affects.

i don't think i even wanna live anymore.

everyday i'm pushed more to the edge.

hnothings getting better.

i wanna tie up a noose, pour gasoline all over my clothes.. head in noose. light a match. end of life. i want out.

i miss cole.
he'll never be back.
nothing will ever be the same.

test in a hour. i havent studied. didn't do the work, or read the chapter, or pay attention in lecture. missed 3 tests this mod.. cant make em up. flunk.

i dont care any,more/.

i want out.

i need oiut.

the only thing thst will fix this, is cole.
but thats not a possibility.

i am ready to give up.

i'd cry but theres no tears left. is this what it feels liike when ur life is truley over?

 

[Tsaxgurl317]

Wish there was something I could do to help...

 

[Godlovesusall]

Whatever you do don't give up! Hold on. I assume you are in College, so I am sure there is a Counsellor on Campus to help you out. A lot of people love you and want to help you, just don't wait till it is too late to ask for help, just do it! Get away from the computer, get on the phone with the cousellor, or go visit right away. Keep your faith going, God is there for you, it seems like He isn't, but He is! I promise! Take care, good luck with everything! God Bless. (Also ask for your Angels! They are there with you watching you and crying with you, you aren't alone!) I will pray for you.

 

[urbanfaerie]

angels?

does everybodyd hsve a angle:?

that loks like i spelled it funny.t sory if idid.

god, isnt here for me.

 

[guitarchick]

yes, everyone has an angel...as in christians. they do comfort you and cry with you. take some comfort in that fact.
i also think that your actions are very appropriate for this situation. it will get better, i know it doesn't seem like that. hold on. it may take a long long time for you to get back to "normality"...its good to cry, its only natural to feel what you're feeling. but take hold of Christ...or at least tell him why you don't want to talk to him. tell him you hate this and that you're mad at him. he knows it all anyway...and its being honest. personally, i think you need a break. skip a day at school to just do nothing. some may say its a really bad idea, but you're not goin to think at school anyway...right?

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Shawna, you're starting to scare me.

I will be praying for you. Please don't give up. Suicide is not an answer.

 

[urbanfaerie]

5 ali ve.

ndo angltho.

angl abandoned me to.



i'msoks...just..im notok.

thnks forcarirng girls, just wtedsomeone to aknwknowledge i existed.

i neeed leeps

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Shawna,

This is sounding more and more serious. I urge to get offline and get help now! You can't go on in this way- you won't last. I want you to live!!!

 

[urbanfaerie]

i ;ldlived.

most it fout roff my tummy, ehats left is in myt bloodstream.s

ddunno

di wish cole wannted me to live.
wwhy did h have to dbcome to mean to.?



mockc interview tody, and di feell likeshi,t i unno if isghoud go like thidss?
i tihignk igonna tkaske moe time offf.
odnly thing is, wjen i have time off,i tend to lose itmmore then usuall.

ohgod, nothier test itoday. ididnt studpy.
nerending


xi stidlll want to go hogome, i feel hopelels. nxo god, no angeld, just testd i wills flufnk cuz i cant studdy.

imiiss cole

 

[fallen^sparrow]

Your lucky I don't know where you live ... your clearly a danger to yourself at the moment and need both medical and emotional help. Holding the Christian Forum members emotionally hostage with veiled threats of self-injury and suicide isn't right either. I lost my girlfriend when she "recreationally" OD'ed much like your doing right now faerie. Walking the chemical knifes edge is a sure way to end up in the morgue as you already know. People have offered you help/friendship/advice and their prayers. Talk to someone who is in a position to truely help you. Never quit the race God has laid before you because of a few temporary hurdles placed in your path today. I am always available if you need someone to talk to ... just trying to help, seriously.

fallen^sparrow

 

[Dawn Marie]

 

[urbanfaerie]

dhostage my a.ss.s

this sisn't a suicide threat, or attempt. ppdl should read fore they over reaxcct.

gawd.

jsjust a vent, burnt out, stressed odut, and seizinfg my heasd off. docc allowed the up sodse age of meds, and i ssee him tommdmorew.

last nite got bad, but tooday im finee

aint it okbvious? lol

 

[BigToe]

shawna ya know i am here for ya babe.

 

[urbanfaerie]

it hurts
its hurts
it hurtds

i dont kdnow how to makeit dtopd hurting.

lie hurt.



pls make it ease ups,i cant brwthe



whyw did ddhe have to dothis to me?

WHY?>??

 

[Rosa Mystica]

whyw did ddhe have to dothis to me?

WHY?>??

Shawna, if you're being hurt by some guy, he's not worth it. I know you want to be loved- I do too. But do not hook up w/ some scum of the earth just b/c of this want- it won't fulfill you. Okay?

PM me if you want to talk. I can probably empathize w/ your pain more than you know.

 

[urbanfaerie]

im the scum

it sucs to b scum

nobody likes scum

nobody likes me.

shawna=scum

 

[cyberwing]

's
~Cyberwing

 

[nickie8705]

You say that this is not a suicide threat or attemped but that is what everyone see's, becuase that is what it is. I used to say the same thing you are saying and it turned into cutting and it took two people threaten to tell my mom, (who found out in the end anyways) before I even got a hold of a doctor and even then they had to dial the number and hand me the phone.

I am asking you to plz not let it get as fair as mine if you truly need to talk to someone I may not be the person but I know of one person who helped me and is still helping me.

PM me if you wanna talk but all so try talking with Holyroller I know that she might be able to help just tell her Nikki recomened you talk to her.I don't wanna see anyone face the fate of one of my friends who did hang himself.

So plz plz plz look for something that makes life worth living an look for some kind of help because you do need it.

I am praying for you and hope you don't do any of what you wrote in some of you post keep yourself alive and make a reason for it. God loves you...

Love
Nikki

 

[Snowy]

 

[* kittie *]

you're not scum.