Dealing with this and husband.

[Live In Stereo]

I read another post with husband not believing anything wrong with a wife and not taking her seriously. My husband is slightly like that but not to that extreme. He does act like he is trying to help, but I am confused. I read on here that my bipolar is all a diseaase, but if it is why are my counselors always putting stuff on me like why are you having these symptoms, etc. they talk like it is my choosing it just like my husband does. Why do I have paranoia when trying to pray or paralyzing fear when I want to read the Bible if the devil is not involved. why horrible anxiety strikes when I witness afterword like Satan is involved.I really need answers. I have only had bouts with manic and then depression and cycling after I have really tried to get right with God. Then I have my husband reading me verses on God's judgement like I have some idol that is causing my illness. I will admit I am struggling with unbelief right now if anything since I do not get why I am phobic towards Scripture or anything spiritual because of this stuff. It is hard to believe in God at a time when his promises cause you anxiety.

 

[NewCovenant]

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can understand the conflicting messages you are receiving. I know it's frightening and depressing and you don't know what's up or down.

First of all, fight for your faith. Christ is the lover of your soul, and he feels your pain.

Second, fight for your health. Talk to your doctor about your your treatment plan. If you are bipolar, you should be on a medication cocktail. If you are not on meds, then you are seeing the wrong doctors. Your anxiety and paranoia can be treated with the right medication. If you are still experiencing symptoms, your medication may need to be adjusted.

Back to Christ. Your faith is real and right, and your doubts and fears do not change that. God is real; He loves you and sacrificed His Son for you. I challenge you to continue reading Scripture, even though you fear it. (I'd stick with the Gospels and Epistles for the time being.) You will eventually find hope and joy in Scripture, which will drive out your fears. Pray before your read, pray after. Pray for peace, it will come.

As for Satan, I'm sure he's enjoying your fear, but he is not your master. Christ is your master. Call on the Name of the Lord every day, ask Him to drive Satan from your home and your mind.

Your husband and any others that are telling you that your symptoms are of the devil... Well, I'm sure they mean well, but perhaps they don't understand mental illness. Many good-intentioned Christian folks have delayed the progress and well-being of some mentally ill Christians by insisting that their illness is nothing but demonic, and that they needed to get right with God and drop that psychiatrist business.

I hope that I understood you and was able to ease your mind some. Either way, I am here for you and love you in the Lord. Write me if you need to.

 

[NewCovenant]

P.S. Read Philippians. A lot. It's my go-to book when I'm down!

 

[Live In Stereo]

Thank you New Covenant. thank you for your openness for me to write you.

 

[NewCovenant]

How are you doing? You've been on my mind.

 

[Aconba]

...

 

[Live In Stereo]

How are you doing? You've been on my mind.

Thanksfor thinking of me. I went to Dr. today. she started me on a new and other mood stabilizer since Topomax my last one had put me into manic of which has sent me into unstable really extreme bipolar since I had been taking it. I am hoping the Lamotrigine really helps. also got an anti depressent which I had not needed for so long. I am feeling down also because I am on a bipolar group on Face book. Since I have had this bout tht is what I have gone to on computer just places to help with these sicknesses. The group on Face book is not christian. It has been really helpful, but since I let them know I am a christian on there I am sensing antagonism. maybe I am just imagining it. It is a habit of mine of being a witness wherever I go. I actually try not to because I know I have really gotten mocked for it at times. I also never have trouble with unbelief that I am not saved no matter what. The problem with unbelief I have stems from believing the whole thing is not true and there is no God. I have witnessed to atheists and now in this deep pit I am in, some objections they have given do make sense.

 

[NewCovenant]

Now don't go listening to those atheists. They are just party-poopers. Why is it that, when you put a Christian in a roomful of heathens, the Christian comes out doubting? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Even if you don't share the Gospel and you are just being a witness, there should be enough Jesus shining through to make somebody curious.

Sweetie, don't let your bad body chemistry and a few haters get the better of you. Anything can "make sense" when you are vulnerable. Let them state their objections. Remember, 'faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.'

And when others' negativity is starting to rub off on you, walk away, go read your Bible, pray, recharge your batteries. Fill your spiritual tank. Remember you are not required to convert everyone you meet, just plant a seed.

 

[Live In Stereo]

Weeds take over the flowers. thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Chaplain David]

I read another post with husband not believing anything wrong with a wife and not taking her seriously. My husband is slightly like that but not to that extreme. He does act like he is trying to help, but I am confused. I read on here that my bipolar is all a diseaase, but if it is why are my counselors always putting stuff on me like why are you having these symptoms, etc. they talk like it is my choosing it just like my husband does. Why do I have paranoia when trying to pray or paralyzing fear when I want to read the Bible if the devil is not involved. why horrible anxiety strikes when I witness afterword like Satan is involved.I really need answers. I have only had bouts with manic and then depression and cycling after I have really tried to get right with God. Then I have my husband reading me verses on God's judgement like I have some idol that is causing my illness. I will admit I am struggling with unbelief right now if anything since I do not get why I am phobic towards Scripture or anything spiritual because of this stuff. It is hard to believe in God at a time when his promises cause you anxiety.

This is a multifaceted post and I want to address one thing first, your counselors. I am a counselor and also go to counseling. If my counselor was asking me why I was having symptoms from a disease, unless it was said to help me analyze what if anything I was doing or thinking that would make my symptoms worse or bring on an attack or problem, I would probably find a different counselor. We go to counseling for answers. There is a certain amount of self discovery that takes place in therapy but it is guided by the therapist and sometimes helped by medication. I cannot advocate anything for you other than to get the best care possible. What do you think?

 

[Live In Stereo]

sacerdote, I would agree, but I have no choice since I have to go to what my medical help will pay for. they also may be trying to get to the bottom of why I do have such extreme anxiety, but almost anything can set it off when i am having it including things i usually get comfort and love from.I am a mess and today is extremely bad. i am on new meds and need to see if they work, but at this point in time they seem to be adding to the anxiety and depression. I have only been on them 4 days so I do not know.Was only a few months ago i was stable and doing great. I do not get it at all.

 

[NewCovenant]

Praying for you, girlfriend.

 

[SinkingShip]

I read another post with husband not believing anything wrong with a wife and not taking her seriously. My husband is slightly like that but not to that extreme. He does act like he is trying to help, but I am confused. I read on here that my bipolar is all a diseaase, but if it is why are my counselors always putting stuff on me like why are you having these symptoms, etc. they talk like it is my choosing it just like my husband does. Why do I have paranoia when trying to pray or paralyzing fear when I want to read the Bible if the devil is not involved. why horrible anxiety strikes when I witness afterword like Satan is involved.I really need answers. I have only had bouts with manic and then depression and cycling after I have really tried to get right with God. Then I have my husband reading me verses on God's judgement like I have some idol that is causing my illness. I will admit I am struggling with unbelief right now if anything since I do not get why I am phobic towards Scripture or anything spiritual because of this stuff. It is hard to believe in God at a time when his promises cause you anxiety.

I've had similar experiences to yours in the past. The Christians in my life all said I was being oppressed by a demon and urged me to pray more and then chastized me for not having enough faith when I wasn't healed. A few years and a suicide attempt later and my faith was destroyed but I finally got on some medication and that has made all the difference.

I have an anxiety disorder that is comorbid with my BP and I suspect you may have one as well. Its very common and can be successfully treated with anti-anxiety meds. I'm on Luvox and Lorazepam and both have been working well to control my anxiety.

My bipolar presents with psychotic symptoms if not correctly treated (so I'll have both halucinations and delusions). My big delusion was that God himself was persecuting me and, with the help of my Christian "friends" (see above), I became very alienated from Christianity and the Bible. Is it possible that you're dealing with a similar delusion during your cycles?

Don't worry if you're struggling with unbelief - the "dark night of the soul" is common with mental illness and many of us here have struggled with doubt and unbelief in the face of what we have to deal with. God doesn't require that you have a lot of faith, just that you have a little of it. For me, my faith consists of my choosing to still believe even when so much says I should give up on my faith, and thats about the extent of it.

I believe God knows what we're going through and understands how much that can impact our faith in him - in the end, I don't believe God is disappointed that you're struggling, I believe he is overjoyed that you actually choose to struggle with this and continue to try to believe in him rather than just give up.

As for your husband and the other christians who think they know whats best; the first thing that comes to mind are Job's friends and what they said when he was being tested by God. In the end, God commanded them to seek Job's forgiveness for their treatment of him. They are the ones sinning out of arrogance and pride, not you.

Hope this helps and that you find a med combination that works for you. I'm on Lamictal as my main mood stabilizer, Abilify to help with the psychosis, and Wellbutrin to help with the depression (plus the anti-anxiety meds I mentioned above). Its a lot of hard work and can be very discouraging at times, but perservering until you find the right doctor and the right combination of meds really will pay dividends and can enable you to both survive and thrive, even with this illness.

 

[NewCovenant]

Amen, Sink, well said.

 

[Live In Stereo]

I've had similar experiences to yours in the past. The Christians in my life all said I was being oppressed by a demon and urged me to pray more and then chastized me for not having enough faith when I wasn't healed. A few years and a suicide attempt later and my faith was destroyed but I finally got on some medication and that has made all the difference.

I have an anxiety disorder that is comorbid with my BP and I suspect you may have one as well. Its very common and can be successfully treated with anti-anxiety meds. I'm on Luvox and Lorazepam and both have been working well to control my anxiety.

My bipolar presents with psychotic symptoms if not correctly treated (so I'll have both halucinations and delusions). My big delusion was that God himself was persecuting me and, with the help of my Christian "friends" (see above), I became very alienated from Christianity and the Bible. Is it possible that you're dealing with a similar delusion during your cycles?

Don't worry if you're struggling with unbelief - the "dark night of the soul" is common with mental illness and many of us here have struggled with doubt and unbelief in the face of what we have to deal with. God doesn't require that you have a lot of faith, just that you have a little of it. For me, my faith consists of my choosing to still believe even when so much says I should give up on my faith, and thats about the extent of it.

I believe God knows what we're going through and understands how much that can impact our faith in him - in the end, I don't believe God is disappointed that you're struggling, I believe he is overjoyed that you actually choose to struggle with this and continue to try to believe in him rather than just give up.

As for your husband and the other christians who think they know whats best; the first thing that comes to mind are Job's friends and what they said when he was being tested by God. In the end, God commanded them to seek Job's forgiveness for their treatment of him. They are the ones sinning out of arrogance and pride, not you.

Hope this helps and that you find a med combination that works for you. I'm on Lamictal as my main mood stabilizer, Abilify to help with the psychosis, and Wellbutrin to help with the depression (plus the anti-anxiety meds I mentioned above). Its a lot of hard work and can be very discouraging at times, but perservering until you find the right doctor and the right combination of meds really will pay dividends and can enable you to both survive and thrive, even with this illness.

Thank you sink. Very helpful. I want to say more, but took so much anti anxiety meds I am going to conk and I do not want to.will get back with you when I am able.

 

[Live In Stereo]

Praying for you, girlfriend.

Thanks so much . Means the world to me.

 

[Chaplain David]

sacerdote, I would agree, but I have no choice since I have to go to what my medical help will pay for. they also may be trying to get to the bottom of why I do have such extreme anxiety, but almost anything can set it off when i am having it including things i usually get comfort and love from.I am a mess and today is extremely bad. i am on new meds and need to see if they work, but at this point in time they seem to be adding to the anxiety and depression. I have only been on them 4 days so I do not know.Was only a few months ago i was stable and doing great. I do not get it at all.

Yes I can certainly relate. What I had to do was be persistant and vigilent pursing the medical help that was available to me and since I was overseas during one huge bout, it was quite a struggle as not much help was available. I also have experienced the necessity to try different meds until I found one or a combo that worked. I also had to give them time to work. I had several different flavors of anxiety disorder including depression and it took work, perserverence,patience, and trial and error. I was even afraid of taking the meds which put a twist on the whole thing. But the risk and fear was worth it in the long run. Today I have relatively little anxiety and am on no meds except one that I take now and then, and not often. Keep your faith in God, work with you medical help and things will get better. I am praying for you.

 

[Live In Stereo]

Thanks Sacerdote. You give me hope. I have been so much better and hardly on meds. I guess this is what is really frustrating. Just going thought he terribleness of it all over again and this time really lacking faith because of some promises I believe in I do not think he is fiu;fulfilling. I would not have cared about these promises before since I did not have knowledge of them back then.

Also Sinking ship, your testimony really does fir a lot with the struggle I am having. I was put on Lamictal a week ago. I am trying to ride it out and the side effects seem to be getting better. I was doing xanax for anxiety, but they also put me back on Klonipan. I like it better since you can just chew it9has no taste so i can do a tiny bit and see fit helps me as with the xanax you had to take a 1/2 or so of pill and drink water or liquid with it. I hate either of these drugs because I do not like being tired as they make me. I like being full of energy.If they did not have this side effect I would not care about taking them. Right now I feel groggy from just on total klonopan. Today at least I only have had to do one. lately it has been 3 of the strong ones so I could even function at all and then sleep all afternoon. This is why I can never work.
I also have an abnormal fear of Bible, Christian music, spiritual books. All things I usually love. Kind of like you mentioned. My husband starts talking Bible and gives me anxiety. When I am doing well I do not have this happen. I hate it and do not understand it at all. Effecting my kids is the worst of it. we are promised a "sound mind" which causes my lack of faith in this all.

 

[NewCovenant]

I think that there are ways to get around your fear of the Bible. Can you get someone to write verses on index cards, and you can carry them around with you to read, like affirmations? This is like baby steps, but we have to start somewhere.

 

[Chaplain David]

There is a lot of good positive support in this thread. God bless everyone and especially the OP for her honesty without which we could not share the love of Christ He so freely gives us. So often others who are not the person who shares the initial difficulty are helped as much or more. God bless.