Dealing wiith your Christian Family

[Beanieboy]

I'm no longer Christian, but have a very Christian family - sister and brother-in-law are missionaries, brother-in-law works for christian magazine, etc.

The problem is, my beliefs have changed.

Now, there seems to be a lot of questioning, like, "So, where are you going to church?" (They are always asking something like that.) And I always find myself tiptoeing around the issue.

I believe that what one believes is their person decision, but I feel peer pressure from my family and not sure how to address this.

What do you think?

Imagine that you have strict Muslim parents who insist that you pray 5 times a day, wear a punjab, etc., and you've converted to Christianity, but you knew your parents and family would either freak out if they knew better, look at you with disapproval, or constantly try to get you to leave Christianity and return to Islam.

It's kind of like that.

 

[£amb]

I'm no longer Christian, but have a very Christian family - sister and brother-in-law are missionaries, brother-in-law works for christian magazine, etc.

The problem is, my beliefs have changed.

Now, there seems to be a lot of questioning, like, "So, where are you going to church?" (They are always asking something like that.) And I always find myself tiptoeing around the issue.

I believe that what one believes is their person decision, but I feel peer pressure from my family and not sure how to address this.

What do you think?

Imagine that you have strict Muslim parents who insist that you pray 5 times a day, wear a punjab, etc., and you've converted to Christianity, but you knew your parents and family would either freak out if they knew better, look at you with disapproval, or constantly try to get you to leave Christianity and return to Islam.

It's kind of like that.

I'm only assuming that you haven't told them yet. Obviously they are catching on because the are questioning why you're not going to church. How long do you plan on hiding the truth? Your family is going to pressure you because they feel something is going on and they want to know what's going on. You also realize they probably will be upset so that shouldn't be a suprise when they start confronting you with hundreds of questions wondering what went wrong.

I don't know how you should tell them, but it needs to be mentioned to them. You have made a decision to take a different path in life than what they thought, but you should give them the respect to hear you out.

Good Luck...

 

[glo1]

That's a tough one!
It's hard for people to accept when their loved ones' values and beliefs change ...

I became a Christian 4 years ago, and my atheist husband is still coming to terms with it ...

To be honest, I think you owe your family the truth!
As Christians they will know that you have free will and that you can choose your own path. They will also know that you continue to be in God's hands and under his divine guidance!

May God's peace be with you.

glo

 

[talitha]

It will never be a settled issue with your family, if they are strong Christians. They will pray until their dying breath for you to see the truth and return to Christ. You have put up a spiritual wall between yourself and them, and the separation is painful, particularly for them, because they believe that if you continue down this path, you will go to hell. It makes me very sad even now, even though I don't know you, to read this.....

blessings in Jesus
tal

 

[Criada]

Maybe you should try talking honestly to them and telling them how you feel.
It won't ever stop them praying, because they love you!! But it might make you feel less awkward!
Have you thought about why you "tiptoe" around this? Why do you feel unable to admit that you are not a Christian? Perhaps you are less sure than you think!!

Sorry - I don't want to cause offense, but I cannot see anyone rejecting Christ without sticking my oar in! It's too important!

 

[indagroove]

I'm no longer Christian, but have a very Christian family - sister and brother-in-law are missionaries, brother-in-law works for christian magazine, etc.

The problem is, my beliefs have changed.

Now, there seems to be a lot of questioning, like, "So, where are you going to church?" (They are always asking something like that.) And I always find myself tiptoeing around the issue.

I believe that what one believes is their person decision, but I feel peer pressure from my family and not sure how to address this.

What do you think?

Imagine that you have strict Muslim parents who insist that you pray 5 times a day, wear a punjab, etc., and you've converted to Christianity, but you knew your parents and family would either freak out if they knew better, look at you with disapproval, or constantly try to get you to leave Christianity and return to Islam.

It's kind of like that.

Just tell them. You are currently having trouble in your faith, and you are waiting for God to show you the way. (Even if you are not waiting for G to show you) But it should let them know it's between you and G, not between them and you.

 

[BoxBunny]

Your situation is a very familiar one to me as I've grown up in the Georgian Bible belt. My best friend and I began moving away from the church while we were in highschool because neither one of us could stand or share in the intolerance and ferver shared by our congregations.

When each of us in our own time expressed our religious beliefs to friends and family it went over in two completely opposite ways. We both started with our parents. Now I don't know what your current spiritual beliefs are (in case you are moving towards an atheistic or agnostic perspective of the spiritual and metaphysical) for me it was that while I believed in the existance of a higher power my beliefs were no longer of a Christian Perspective. Knowing our parent's beliefs we didn't out right say "Mom. Dad. I am not a christian anymore." What we told them was that we had problems with our Church. It didn't feel right anymore and that we felt we would better come to know the divine through our own private spirtuality."

My parents accepted that arguement. It was just important to them that I didn't shut the door on their faith. I still have not returned to Christianity, however, both I and my family are very happy and at peace with that.

My best friend had a rougher time of it. It was hard on her, but she stuck to her guns and did not let them pull her back from her convictions. Once though she made an effort to go out and visit other congregations and denominations her parents seemed to mellow. She has not returned to Christianity either, but after a long struggle her family is now accepting or her rights to choose her own faith.

Hang in there. There is no way to know whether this will be a hard or easy transition. You at some point just have to decide how strong these new beliefs are in you and if they are strong enough to start living them.

Good luck.

 

[Beanieboy]

Maybe you should try talking honestly to them and telling them how you feel.
It won't ever stop them praying, because they love you!! But it might make you feel less awkward!
Have you thought about why you "tiptoe" around this? Why do you feel unable to admit that you are not a Christian? Perhaps you are less sure than you think!!

Sorry - I don't want to cause offense, but I cannot see anyone rejecting Christ without sticking my oar in! It's too important!

No offense at all. All of these responses have been really welcoming. What i didn't need was, "so why don't you just become a christian again," because being a christian because my family wants me to be is the wrong reason to begin with.

And I expect that they would pray. That's following their religion.

Why do I tiptoe around this?

I told my parents that I was gay when I was 24. I'm 43, and it's taken them 20 years to even acknowledge any boyfriend that I've ever had. In the past, they just lived in denial.

20 years is a long time.

I also know that it will be unending questions - aren't you afraid of going to hell? Why did you leave? Why have you turned your back on God?

My mom believes that God made the world in exactly 7 days. While I admit God's ability to do that, nothing in nature is just made overnight. It takes years of water flowing to carve out rivers or caves, for example.

So, trying to argue that believe in the Christian version of God is like trying to believe that there really is a Santa Claus that makes toys at the North Pole with elves, and he watches over us and punishes us for our sins (being naughty) is something that I couldn't believe even if I wanted to.

But I suppose that I should just be open and honest about it.
There is a part of me that feels like I'm 5 years old around my parents, and still see them as the stern parents they were who blew up whenever I had any free thought of my own.

 

[Beanieboy]

Your situation is a very familiar one to me as I've grown up in the Georgian Bible belt. My best friend and I began moving away from the church while we were in highschool because neither one of us could stand or share in the intolerance and ferver shared by our congregations.

When each of us in our own time expressed our religious beliefs to friends and family it went over in two completely opposite ways. We both started with our parents. Now I don't know what your current spiritual beliefs are (in case you are moving towards an atheistic or agnostic perspective of the spiritual and metaphysical) for me it was that while I believed in the existance of a higher power my beliefs were no longer of a Christian Perspective. Knowing our parent's beliefs we didn't out right say "Mom. Dad. I am not a christian anymore." What we told them was that we had problems with our Church. It didn't feel right anymore and that we felt we would better come to know the divine through our own private spirtuality."

My parents accepted that arguement. It was just important to them that I didn't shut the door on their faith. I still have not returned to Christianity, however, both I and my family are very happy and at peace with that.

My best friend had a rougher time of it. It was hard on her, but she stuck to her guns and did not let them pull her back from her convictions. Once though she made an effort to go out and visit other congregations and denominations her parents seemed to mellow. She has not returned to Christianity either, but after a long struggle her family is now accepting or her rights to choose her own faith.

Hang in there. There is no way to know whether this will be a hard or easy transition. You at some point just have to decide how strong these new beliefs are in you and if they are strong enough to start living them.

Good luck.

Wow. Deep!
Again, that's what I'm hearing - to be open and honest about it. I also don't want to imply that I am still Christian, however, ie., "yeah, I went to MCC the other day", which I have, but don't believe that Christ's death was necessary for the payment of sins, that God looks down on us and micromanages our lives.

In fact, I recently had a rather mystical experience where there was a repeating mantra - "we are not hear to judge you, but to heal you."

I am Buddhist, for people trying to better understand, and believe in a higher being, but not one that is portrayed in the Bible.

For anyone who has seen What the Bleep Do We Know, my beliefs are much closer to that (one priest says that to believe that God created us to toil, to praise and worship him, and avoid his wrath, with promise of a reward at the end of a day is not what God is about, but a blasphemy. However, most people hold this idea of God.)

But my mom watches the 700 Club, and believes Pat Robertson, if that is any indication of what I am up against.

But thanks. I agree that I have to just be open and honest. Their concern, I think, will be on a number of levels - that they believe that now, I am going to hell, that it is a poor reflection on them, that "the city" which they fear has changed me.

I will explain it as best I can, I suppose, but I remember the hour long conversation about how I didn't think the world was created in 6 literal days went.

 

[glo1]

I know a young guy from a pentecostal background, who became a Muslim.
His mother is absolutely distraught, because her faith is telling her that her son will go to hell. It is causing him much tension (he still lives at home) and consequently much guilt ...

Still, I feel you are in a slightly different situation.
You are a grown man, and you have the right to make your own choices in life.
Never mind God - he will deal with this situation in his own perfect way ... but perhaps it is time to stand up to your parents!

Peace

glo

 

[talitha]

"we are not hear to judge you, but to heal you."

Exactly what I was getting at - this could very well have been Jehovah-God speaking to you!

 

[Beanieboy]

Exactly what I was getting at - this could very well have been Jehovah-God speaking to you!

Can you expound on that?

The sense that I got during this experience was that God was represented as a judge - Final Judgement, etc. He weighed you deeds with impartiality, and would send you to heaven as soon as send you to hell, based on whether or not you accepted Jesus.

Christians on this forum has said as much, quoted the bible, etc.

However, I felt as if I had sought God, and found him, and now, feel like Moses coming down the mountain, trying to tell my family, "Um, you kind of have it wrong. God loves the world, and is there to heal us, not judge us with wrath He comes to us in love, not anger, in mercy, not impartiality. Even Jesus came to show us how to live, not to die, how to love each other and forgive, and heal the world, not destroy it."

I think it is man who wants to judge with wrath, and that God man made in his own image.

Do you mind sharing what your response means? Expand on what you are saying?

(it very well may have been Jehovah-God. I was speaking in tongues during this time, and it was a time of extreme emotional healing.)

 

[talitha]

Beanieboy, I get the sense that you are a true seeker of truth...... and when people sincerely seek for truth, they will find Him.

God wants people to have a loving relationship with Him. Yes, He is the Judge of all Mankind, and yes, your eternal destiny does depend upon whether or not you have accepted His provision for salvation. Hell is separation from Him; Heaven is eternity with Him. Everything that is good proceeds from Him. There are things that seem to be good that do not proceed from Him, but these things will all be burned up in the end.

However, I felt as if I had sought God, and found him, and now, feel like Moses coming down the mountain, trying to tell my family, "Um, you kind of have it wrong. God loves the world, and is there to heal us, not judge us with wrath He comes to us in love, not anger, in mercy, not impartiality. Even Jesus came to show us how to live, not to die, how to love each other and forgive, and heal the world, not destroy it."

That is the truth, but not the whole truth. God is not mad at you; He extends Himself to you through Jesus.

But I am not rejecting any of the Bible. I do believe in the exclusivity of the Gospel, and I do personally reject every other religion than Biblical Christianity - and I believe God does too. Eastern spirituality (ie: Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism, etc.) accepts that there could be more than one "truth" and that you can hold to both; however, Christianity does not. That's not the easiest part of Christianity to accept, but I do believe it.

blessings on your journey, may it lead you back to Christ.

tal

 

[Key]

I'm no longer Christian, but have a very Christian family - sister and brother-in-law are missionaries, brother-in-law works for christian magazine, etc.

The problem is, my beliefs have changed.

Now, there seems to be a lot of questioning, like, "So, where are you going to church?" (They are always asking something like that.) And I always find myself tiptoeing around the issue.

I believe that what one believes is their person decision, but I feel peer pressure from my family and not sure how to address this.

What do you think?

What do I think...?

I think you either should tell them that you..

A: "Do not believe in the ritual of church, and you find it does nothing for your spiritual relationship with god" (this is not a lie, because .. well... would going to church do anything for your spiritual relationship with God?)

B: Tell them that you do not believe in "God" and face what comes, even if they disown you for it (How convinced are you that you are right?)

C: Just suck up the problem, go to church once in a while for appearances and to get an idea of what to tell them about the church in case they ask (Pick a church that they do not go to) and claim that you go to that church, problem solved, maybe they will get off your back.

D: Tell them you are a Seventh Day Adventist, Mormon, or Jehovah Witness, or some other faith like that, and that they should join your church. (This also solves a problem.. in a way... mostly.. establish that if they do not evangelize to you, you won't evangelize to them)

Imagine that you have strict Muslim parents who insist that you pray 5 times a day, wear a punjab, etc., and you've converted to Christianity, but you knew your parents and family would either freak out if they knew better, look at you with disapproval, or constantly try to get you to leave Christianity and return to Islam.

It's kind of like that.[/quote]

I'd face the situation, tell them I am a Christian, and deal with what comes, if they disown me for that, or try to preach to me, or what ever they might do, then so be it.

That is life I guess.

God Bless

Key.