Dealbreakers?

[MMXII]

What would you consider a dealbreaker in your relationship? Infidelity? Breaking a trust? Denouncing Christianity? What if they've hurt you so bad that you are reeling but you've promised to "choose to love" them?

If you've survived any of these...how have you healed from it and did it strengthen your relationship?

Thanks
Jan

 

[Inperfected]

Well....

Me and my fiance have come through being hurt so bad, or more to the point, he has. I played him badly before we went out, but he continued waiting for me (Thank you god for giving him the strength to!). But this has created problems, as we have just finsihed dealing with trust problems, and that was all caused by it...

I also cheated in a previous relationship to some degree... The guy decided to continue the relationship (was on a sexual level, and was partly forced). That was a continuing tension on my side, but being trusting he dealt with it quickly in reference to me, but only last year in reference to the other party.

Now if my fiance was to denounce christianity... I'd probably have to end it. I do not want to marry a non-christian. That is something God says no about, and i won't go against that. But only before marriage, if he was to afterwards, well the bible is pretty specific on that isn't it...

 

[murple_kitty]

I think a dealbreaker is something as simple as going back on your word. It could be them forgetting to call when they knew that you needed them or it could be more serious like you found out that they like someone else.
When my boyfriend and I stared going out, I looked to see if I could find anyone else. I nearly kissed another guy (who happened to be one of my best friends). All along I was hiding this from my boyfriend. When I finally told him, he looked at me and he told me that he already knew. That he was waiting for me to tell him in my own time and explain to him the reason. When I told him, he didn't say anything and just took me in his arms hugging me. It strengthened our bond, because we knew that the other was no longer looking elsewhere. Our communication was also strengthened. Dealbreakers can sound like a very negative thing, but for me, it payed out in the greatest gift that God ever gave me.

 

[MN John]

What would you consider a dealbreaker in your relationship? Infidelity? Breaking a trust? Denouncing Christianity? What if they've hurt you so bad that you are reeling but you've promised to "choose to love" them?

If you've survived any of these...how have you healed from it and did it strengthen your relationship?

Thanks
Jan

What would you consider a dealbreaker in your relationship? Infidelity?

Only if it's without confession and repentence and renewed commitment.

Breaking a trust? Likewise.

Denouncing Christianity?
That would be a reason to end a courtship, but not necessarily a reason to end a marriage unless the unbeliever wanted out of the marriage.

What if they've hurt you so bad that you are reeling but you've promised to "choose to love" them?
Again, not a marriage, but a courtship if it's without apology, confession, repentence and a renewed commitment.

If you've survived any of these...how have you healed from it and did it strengthen your relationship?

I have survived them all. But they were all pretty simultaneous and without repentence and she did want out, so the marriage didn't survive it. So it strengthened me, but not the relationship.

Thanks
ILY

 

[Inperfected]

In my opinion a deal breaker is where you say "no" and it's something you DO NOT ALLOW at all.. And the deal breakers have a tendancy to totally change once you hit marriage.

There have been times when i've felt slight attraction to another man, but that's quite easily fixed by avioding situations which can bring me to feeling that way.. My fiance knows of these, but also is safe in the knowledge that I won't allow these feelings to be dwelt on, or expanded...

Infidelity is as i said, a dealbreaker, and if i was or he was, the relationship would promptly end, with VERY little chance of having it rebegin (as in it wouldn't go back to where we left off). But then things like forgetting to call in a hard situation, isn't a deal breaker for me... People forget, and we are two 'people' not knowing everything, and understanding the other to a perfect degree... There are less occassions like it, but we are learning...

 

[Briseis]

What would you consider a dealbreaker in your relationship? Infidelity?

Only if it's without confession and repentence and renewed commitment.

Breaking a trust? Likewise.

Denouncing Christianity?
That would be a reason to end a courtship, but not necessarily a reason to end a marriage unless the unbeliever wanted out of the marriage.

What if they've hurt you so bad that you are reeling but you've promised to "choose to love" them?
Again, not a marriage, but a courtship if it's without apology, confession, repentence and a renewed commitment.

Pretty much exactly what I was gonna say. Except in the case of repeated infidelity or breaking trust. I love my bf too much to not try to help him/us through it. If he kept doing it repeatedly and is having trouble fixing the problem I would try to help him with it, if it is the type of problem that can be fixed like that. But if not, I would end it. Confession or not, a person's trust can only be betrayed so often.

 

[Inperfected]

Boundries before Marriage by Dr James Cloud, and Townsend (or similar) cleared all of these up for me.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

What would you consider a dealbreaker in your relationship? Infidelity? Breaking a trust? Denouncing Christianity? What if they've hurt you so bad that you are reeling but you've promised to "choose to love" them?

If you've survived any of these...how have you healed from it and did it strengthen your relationship?

Thanks
Jan

This is such a hard question to answer. Ultimately, what is it that you can and can't take? Are we talking about being married or just dating? Dating, I would have to say that if they renounced Christianity I would leave. That is very important. In a marriage, it is till death due us apart. In a marriage I would not leave unless I was being abused, etc. Love is a choice.

 

[MMXII]

This is such a hard question to answer. Ultimately, what is it that you can and can't take? Are we talking about being married or just dating? Dating, I would have to say that if they renounced Christianity I would leave. That is very important. In a marriage, it is till death due us apart. In a marriage I would not leave unless I was being abused, etc. Love is a choice.

Are we talking about being married or just dating?
I was gearing this more for courtship.

 

[Arclight610]

The only deal breakers for me is unfaithfulness. If my girlfriend were to denounce Christianity I would immediatly break up with her, that would be wrong. I would try to help her out with her problems, because that is what true love is about. You don't abondon a person who needs help. If she still remained a non-christian I would continue to date her, unless she worshipped Satan or something among those lines, then I would say turn around or it's over. We dated before I was a Christian, and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be one today. That kinda blows the "No dating non-Christians" idea out of the water. Sometimes dating a non-Christian turns out good, like in my case.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

A dealbreaker for me would be if he chose not to be obedient to God anymore.

 

[Hope_0004]

Dealbreakers?

Um, let's see...

Didn't believe in and/or serve God.
Mean to his mom or other members of his family, particularly females.
Physical abuse of any kind.
Didn't like children or animals.

There are more I'm sure, but those are a few big ones.

 

[CoolMom6]

Dealbreakers?

Um, let's see...

Didn't believe in and/or serve God.
Mean to his mom or other members of his family, particularly females.
Physical abuse of any kind.
Didn't like children or animals.

There are more I'm sure, but those are a few big ones.

Sounds about right to me.

 

[MN John]

I'm surprised that liking animals is so important to some of us. It just doesn't seem to me to rank up there with holding the opposite sex in low esteem or keeping secrets and being unable or unwilling to communicate openly and honestly.

 

[CoolMom6]

I'm surprised that liking animals is so important to some of us. It just doesn't seem to me to rank up there with holding the opposite sex in low esteem or keeping secrets and being unable or unwilling to communicate openly and honestly.

From what I have heard, some of the serial killers tortured animals as young kids...shows a lack of empathy. I have been in a past relationship where my kids' pets would come up missing or killed...and then he would mistreat the dogs in front of them.

THAT is the dealbreaker. Not so much that they are not particularly fond of them...that they don't have hatred towards them.
People that love animals have a lot of love, caring, and generosity, usually, as long as they don't replace their human relationships with their pets.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

What would you consider a dealbreaker in your relationship? Infidelity?
Only if it's without repentance and a longing to be committed again.

Breaking a trust? Same as above.

Denouncing Christianity? Not at this point in my relationship: I've already said I'd marry this guy, and he'd change his mind later (I know he would)


What if they've hurt you so bad that you are reeling but you've promised to "choose to love" them? In this right now. I choose to love this man, and I'm just hurting because I empathize too much with what he's going through.


If you've survived any of these...how have you healed from it and did it strengthen your relationship? It was I who was sorta unfaithful. My ex-boyfriend was pried from me by my mother and we were still friends. My fiance lives across the country from me, so I thought I'd hang out with my ex as a friendly sort of thing but it turned out disastrous because he still has feelings for me and part of me wanted to know how it would have been if we hadn't been forcefully separated. We ended up kissing several times that night (it's weird because it was almost like he forced me to in a way), but it ended up with me almost wanting to pursue him and not let my fiance know, but the more I thought about that the more I told myself that I couldn't live that lie.
I called my fiance as soon as I got home and begged for his forgiveness. He did forgive me, fortunately, but for a while things were very strained between us.