Deal breakers...

[ido]

Hmmm....this is all very interesting to me...

I totally understand the seriousness of the wedding vow and the commitment that comes with marriage...and I think that is exactly the reason why I don't think I could stay with someone who cheated on me and who showed such disrespect to me and to those vows...

I am a HUGE believer in you resolve one relationship before you move onto another...if the issues in the marriage are to the point that I or my spouse is tempted to cheat - then either those issues need to be worked on and resolved or the marriage needs to end.

Now before anyone jumps all over me - I am NOT condoning divorce! I am NOT saying that divorce is the answer or an easy way out...

I am trying to simplify my thoughts here and not write a novel

I do not believe there is any reason to ever bring a third party into a relationship/marriage...there is nothing that your spouse/SO could ever do to justify cheating on them...and I don't believe there would ever be a good enough reason for someone to be able to justify cheating on me...

That's just my opinion...

I agree 100% with this, D. If someone would have ever told me that I would have stayed in a marriage if my spouse cheated on me, I would have had very strong opinions about it.

The blurry line for me (and I'm only speaking for myself here) was that we had children that were affected by our choices, too. If my ex would have finished the counseling with me, stopped the relationship with the other woman, and repaired our marriage - it would have been worth staying to keep our family in tact.

If we would not have had children together - then he would have found his clothes on the curb the minute I learned of his indiscretion.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I agree 100% with this, D. If someone would have ever told me that I would have stayed in a marriage if my spouse cheated on me, I would have had very strong opinions about it.

The blurry line for me (and I'm only speaking for myself here) was that we had children that were affected by our choices, too. If my ex would have finished the counseling with me, stopped the relationship with the other woman, and repaired our marriage - it would have been worth staying to keep our family in tact.

If we would not have had children together - then he would have found his clothes on the curb the minute I learned of his indiscretion.

Gotcha! I don't have children so I forget to consider that when I'm thinking about these sorts of issues...

Thanks for sharing that perspective with me...

 

[ido]

Gotcha! I don't have children so I forget to consider that when I'm thinking about these sorts of issues...

Thanks for sharing that perspective with me...

 

[Luther073082]

dluv> I agree there is no reason whatso ever for adultry in my mind.

If a person is tempted to adultry by something more then physical attraction before they fall they need to figure out what is wrong in their marriage to cause this and try to get it fixed.

And temptation by physical attraction is something everyone has to deal with. But to me there are a lot of God approved ways of dealing with it.

Think about your spouse! Both physically and emotionally.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Hmmm....this is all very interesting to me...

I totally understand the seriousness of the wedding vow and the commitment that comes with marriage...and I think that is exactly the reason why I don't think I could stay with someone who cheated on me and who showed such disrespect to me and to those vows...

I am a HUGE believer in you resolve one relationship before you move onto another...if the issues in the marriage are to the point that I or my spouse is tempted to cheat - then either those issues need to be worked on and resolved or the marriage needs to end.

Now before anyone jumps all over me - I am NOT condoning divorce! I am NOT saying that divorce is the answer or an easy way out...

I am trying to simplify my thoughts here and not write a novel

I do not believe there is any reason to ever bring a third party into a relationship/marriage...there is nothing that your spouse/SO could ever do to justify cheating on them...and I don't believe there would ever be a good enough reason for someone to be able to justify cheating on me...

That's just my opinion...

It's not just your opinion though, it's common sense. Our relationships aren't supposed to include extra curricular "activities".
It's hard enough when a spouse chooses to divorce you
(for whatever reason) but when they go outside the marriage
with someone else I don't really care how forgiving you think
you might be "when" you get married, it changes you permanently. Some spouses repent and realize their sin
but most do not. Most find ways to flaunt it and choose to leave the marriage themselves. They just needed the motivation
(to be found out).
I've been there and tried to work it out and forgive but when
your partner chooses to cheat they choose their destiny.

 

[Lady Bug]

I think a possible dealbreaker for me is the s/o's perception of what they consider adultery. If they only think it's the actual physical act, I would have a problem. I think it's so many things beyond that

 

[SonicBOOM]

I think a possible dealbreaker for me is the s/o's perception of what they consider adultery. If they only think it's the actual physical act, I would have a problem. I think it's so many things beyond that

lust is defently where it starts, it takes root and grows and grows and causes a good man to have an affair after being married for 15 years. Thats why it's good to nip that sutff in the bud before you get married

 

[ido]

lust is defently where it starts, it takes root and grows and grows and causes a good man to have an affair after being married for 15 years. Thats why it's good to nip that sutff in the bud before you get married

I could so make an inappropriate joke right now. But, I'll keep it to myself.

 

[CoachR64]

Simpson, Alba, Biel... I don't think you would get a complaint from me on any of the 3.

Honesty and faithfulness are 2 real big issues with me. I can generally work past most other things, but those 2 are key.

Another deal breaker, but this would be before we started dating, would be smoking and/or drug use, including excessive alcohol consumption. Those are a "no go" in my book.

Coach

 

[Blank123]

hmm... infidelity yeah that probably would be a deal breaker for me because i doubt i could trust him again. if we were married though i would probably try to work through it before calling it quits.

being dishonest is another deal breaker. I need to be able to trust my guy otherwise there's no point in being together. If he can't be truthful its over.

not sharing the same goals in life. If we're dating its pointless to continue because there'd be no future.

abusive. there's no way i'd put up with that.

taking me for granted. I would not tolerate feeling like i'm less important in the relationship than he is. He needs to respect and love me as much as i respect and love him.

and converting to another faith. I'd probably try to bring him back to his senses if that ever happened but if he remained rebellious to God i would have to call it quits.

 

[intricatic]

Serious deal breakers for me are as follows, in order of importance:

1. Converting to, or being a follower of: Mormonism, Jehovah's Witness, Unitarian, or any new-age movement.
2. Becoming (or being) a Postmodernist
3. Infidelity
4. Listens to rap music too much
5. Doesn't like Led Zeppelin or The Beatles

(there may be a few more, but these are just off the top of my head)

Hey, you asked.

 

[GQ Chris]

Let's see.. dealbreakers:

1.if she's emotionally unavailable
2.filled with Venom and bitterness from her past failed or abusive relationship(s)
3.arrogant and disrespectful women who have a deep resentment of Men because of (see number 2.)
4.Women who villify all Men (see number 3.)

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Serious deal breakers for me are as follows, in order of importance:

1. Converting to, or being a follower of: Mormonism, Jehovah's Witness, Unitarian, or any new-age movement.
2. Becoming (or being) a Postmodernist
3. Infidelity
4. Listens to rap music too much
5. Doesn't like Led Zeppelin or The Beatles

(there may be a few more, but these are just off the top of my head)

Hey, you asked.

I had to look it up.

Postmodernism

A general and wide-ranging term which is applied to literature, art, philosophy, architecture, fiction, and cultural and literary criticism, among others. Postmodernism is largely a reaction to the assumed certainty of scientific, or objective, efforts to explain reality. In essence, it stems from a recognition that reality is not simply mirrored in human understanding of it, but rather, is constructed as the mind tries to understand its own particular and personal reality. For this reason, postmodernism is highly skeptical of explanations which claim to be valid for all groups, cultures, traditions, or races, and instead focuses on the relative truths of each person. In the postmodern understanding, interpretation is everything; reality only comes into being through our interpretations of what the world means to us individually. Postmodernism relies on concrete experience over abstract principles, knowing always that the outcome of one's own experience will necessarily be fallible and relative, rather than certain and universal.

Postmodernism is "post" because it is denies the existence of any ultimate principles, and it lacks the optimism of there being a scientific, philosophical, or religious truth which will explain everything for everybody - a characterisitic of the so-called "modern" mind. The paradox of the postmodern position is that, in placing all principles under the scrutiny of its skepticism, it must realize that even its own principles are not beyond questioning. As the philospher Richard Tarnas states, postmodernism "cannot on its own principles ultimately justify itself any more than can the various metaphysical overviews against which the postmodern mind has defined itself."

Sounds like some people's view of Biblical interpretation.
Interesting descriptive.

 

[lunalinda]

If we're not married, the deal-breaker would be:

*"Linda, I cheated on you and I'm sorry."
*"Linda, I had sex with someone, and I'm sorry."
*"Linda, I've been lying to you since we've met, and I'm sorry"
(notice how sorry's wouldn't work)
*disrespecting me in every way
*smoking
*alcoholism
*drugs
etc.

If we ARE married, the only deal-breaker is basically unfaithfulness/adultery. Everything else, I'll have to work my way through and help him out of it. That's my oath and I don't like going back on my word.

 

[joanna1]

Not married:
-realising the person isn't the right one, for whatever reason.

Married:
-being a threat to me or my children, for my children that includes extensive emotional/educational damage, although I'd probably just move out with them rather than divorce.
-being unfaithful and unrepentant, or being unfaithful repeatedly.

To be honest though, I'm so picky there is a far greater risk of me never marrying at all than there is of my picking someone likely to cause that type of problem.

 

[Mark2010]

Interesting thoughts here.

 

[KarrieTex]

I believe for me it boils down to this...

Marriage:
Cheating
If he ever hits me, he better hope he knocked me out and the gun is up.

Most everything else you can get through.

Dating:
See above
Being lied to about intentions in layman's terms leading me on

 

[overit]

Kind of blind post but deal breakers would be abuse of any kind, porn or heavy drug addiction or a criminal history.

 

[BeefSupreme]

-If she begins actively persuing a campaign to kill me.
-If I find out that she used to be a guy.
- If she's turns out to be a cannibal.
-If she reveals herself to be an alien (unless she's that hott green chick)
-If she turns into that girl from The Ring.

 

[Lady Bug]

if the guy makes an order that I must have a full-time career and be a mother at the same time. (putting economics aside)