Deal breakers...

[dluvs2trvl]

If you're in a relationship currently or even if you're not - what would be something that your significant other could come home and say "Honey, I did....." and that would be a deal breaker...

You would end the relationship...

A poster in another thread said that infidelity would not be a deal breaker as long as the cheater was remorseful and they worked to rebuild the relationship/marriage...

I don't feel the same way - infidelity is a deal breaker for me...

So what are your deal breakers?

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Depends on what stage of our relationship we were at. Before marriage then I guess cheating on me and any form of abuse. After marriage, abuse most definitely, but cheating I would try to work through.

 

[SonicBOOM]

hardly anything would push me over the edge because marrege is a commentment through thick and thin, she has faults and part of marrege is accepting that. I hope I'd be graceful if she came home and said "honey, I had an affair" but given my rage I'm not so sure.... I think one thing that would push me over the edge is if she came home and said "honey, I hate living with someone as [put fault here] as you are". Thats my biggest pet peave, to not accept that I'm imperfect when I know you are and accept it.

 

[Princess Pea]

I agree with BF - it depends on the stage of the relationship. Infidelity, abuse, or renouncing Christianity would do me in at any stage, but in marriage I'd be obligated to try to solve those problems instead of just walking away.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I think she said a relationship, not marriage. I guess if she did something with another dude I'd forgive her and not hold a grudge, but make it clear that I don't want to go out anymore. Apostasy...I couldn't imagine..but that'd seal the deal too.

 

[mina]

I agree that marriage is something you face problems together and don't run away from.
Before marriage: abuse, drugs/alcoholism, control freak, cheating, anger problems and i'm sure lots more

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Hmmm....do you think though that if they cheated on you, that you would ever be able to trust them again?

There seems to be two ways that people trust...they hold onto their trust until someone earns it and proves that they can be trusted or there are those that trust immediately and take that trust away when someone proves they can't be trusted...

I tend to trust immediately until someone proves to me that they can't be trusted and then once that trust has been broken it's pretty much gone forever...it is very difficult for me to trust anyone again if they have betrayed me...

 

[InvisibleViolet]

I wouldn't be willing to stay with someone if they cheated or were abusive no matter how serious the relationship was.

 

[mina]

broken trust is hard to get back. In marriage i would be committed to try, but if they did something awful to me b/f marriage unless they went the extra mile to show me that i can trust them again i wouldn't. I would want to find someone that wouldn't betray me.

 

[SonicBOOM]

Hmmm....do you think though that if they cheated on you, that you would ever be able to trust them again?

There seems to be two ways that people trust...they hold onto their trust until someone earns it and proves that they can be trusted or there are those that trust immediately and take that trust away when someone proves they can't be trusted...

I tend to trust immediately until someone proves to me that they can't be trusted and then once that trust has been broken it's pretty much gone forever...it is very difficult for me to trust anyone again if they have betrayed me...

it would defently be something that would cause a rift. i honestly think I could forgive em if that ever happened but I don't think I could trust them easily. when they go out be themselves I think I'd worry and quistion alot.

 

[CoachR64]

If she came home and told me she bought a Dallas Cowboys jersey and was now a Cowboys fan, I'd have to boot her to the door.

Coach

 

[ido]

Before marriage - abusive behavior, addiction, infidelity, compulsive lying. Those are the main ones off the top of my head.

After marriage - my dealbreakers actually remain the same, but would not actually cause me to leave the marriage unless I knew I had exhausted all attempts to repair the marriage first.

It's a lifetime vow that should be taken very seriously. I withstood several years of verbal/emotional abuse as we drifted in and out of counseling. I also stayed after he cheated - then lied about ending the relationship and stopped our counseling sessions. Ultimately, I left when he threatened to escalate the abusiveness to the physical level. I knew that once I walked out the door, there would be no going back. So, when people challenge me about why my marriage ended - I don't really feel like I owe them an explanation - b/c I truly did all that I could. Don't ask for proof of what I did that's more personal than I care to share here - but rest assured that I exhausted my resources.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

If she came home and told me she bought a Dallas Cowboys jersey and was now a Cowboys fan, I'd have to boot her to the door.

Coach

Even if it was Jessica Alba?

 

[LadyOfMystery]

If it's dating, then a lot of things are dealbreakers. If he's a liar, that's a deal breaker. If he cheats, definitely a deal breaker. Steals, isn't a nice person, not Christian, not a virgin, all deal breakers for me. Dating is like a audition for marriage, so you can weed some of these things out. But if I marry someone, and they do something, it's not necessarily a dealbreaker because I've picked this guy, and we'd work through it.

 

[CoachR64]

Yes, There is no excuse for being a Cowboys fan. I think it is like the 14th commandment or something. It is a MAJOR sin.

Coach

 

[Luther073082]

I agree marriage vs. before marriage are different.

Cheating would be one thing but again where we wherein the relationship and how bad the cheating was. (Was it one moment of bad judgement or has it been going on for a while?) A lot more likely to end a non-married relationship.

Killing people, not a fan of.

Abuse, not going to take under any circumstances.

GAMBLING or heavy spending. Big one there

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Hmmm....this is all very interesting to me...

I totally understand the seriousness of the wedding vow and the commitment that comes with marriage...and I think that is exactly the reason why I don't think I could stay with someone who cheated on me and who showed such disrespect to me and to those vows...

I am a HUGE believer in you resolve one relationship before you move onto another...if the issues in the marriage are to the point that I or my spouse is tempted to cheat - then either those issues need to be worked on and resolved or the marriage needs to end.

Now before anyone jumps all over me - I am NOT condoning divorce! I am NOT saying that divorce is the answer or an easy way out...

I am trying to simplify my thoughts here and not write a novel

I do not believe there is any reason to ever bring a third party into a relationship/marriage...there is nothing that your spouse/SO could ever do to justify cheating on them...and I don't believe there would ever be a good enough reason for someone to be able to justify cheating on me...

That's just my opinion...

 

[InvisibleViolet]

I totally agree with your last post dluvs2trvl.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Even if it was Jessica Alba?

I like Alba Coach likes Biel.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I like Alba Coach likes Biel.

Oh shoot....well, I knew it was a Jessica!