Dauhter thinks she's bisexual

[anonymousme]

I need advice. I recently read a note my 12 year old wrote saying she is bisexual. I was in complete shock. She has always been super boy crazy but also tends to idolize people/girls and has always become obsessed with things easily (actors, animals, topics, etc). Slightly OCD I think. Anyway, In the note, I was relieved to see she wrote, " I will live for God. I choose boys, I will get married and have kids. I will never tell anyone." So now don't know what to do. I want to talk about it to her, but I don't want to embarrass her. I want to help these thoughts leave her but I don't know if letting her know I know will make it worse or better. I don't want her to label herself that way just because she might find girls attractive/get excited when they pay attention to her. We all do that. I've tried discussing it generically to her and she seems to understand that. Do I talk to her? I wish I never read that note and just waited for her to someday bring it up. What do I do? I love her and want her to feel comfortable talking to me.

 

[Take Heart]

I wish I never read that note and just waited for her to someday bring it up. What do I do? I love her and want her to feel comfortable talking to me

This must indeed be a shock to you..I can't imagine how you feel right now, but I think the way you're approaching all of this is great. I also think it's important to let her talk to you about it when she herself is ready. And when she does talk to you about it, definitely let her know that you still love her. In the meantime, I think what she needs is for you to continue talking with her about anything- everyday normal stuff. Keep that line of communication always open without judgement. Definitely pray about this and perhaps ask God to either provide the right opportunity to talk about it or simply wait until she's ready and to help her trust you and to have a close relationship with Him

 

[SnowyMacie]

I agree with the poster above me, I think it's highly important for you to let her talk to you when she is ready to talk to you about it.

 

[anonymousme]

This must indeed be a shock to you..I can't imagine how you feel right now, but I think the way you're approaching all of this is great. I also think it's important to let her talk to you about it when she herself is ready. And when she does talk to you about it, definitely let her know that you still love her. In the meantime, I think what she needs is for you to continue talking with her about anything- everyday normal stuff. Keep that line of communication always open without judgement. Definitely pray about this and perhaps ask God to either provide the right opportunity to talk about it or simply wait until she's ready and to help her trust you and to have a close relationship with Him

Thank you. I will definitely be praying.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I need advice. I recently read a note my 12 year old wrote saying she is bisexual. I was in complete shock. She has always been super boy crazy but also tends to idolize people/girls and has always become obsessed with things easily (actors, animals, topics, etc). Slightly OCD I think. Anyway, In the note, I was relieved to see she wrote, " I will live for God. I choose boys, I will get married and have kids. I will never tell anyone." So now don't know what to do. I want to talk about it to her, but I don't want to embarrass her. I don't want her to label herself that way just because she might find girls attractive/get excited when they pay attention to her. We all do that. I've tried discussing it generically to her and she seems to understand that. Do I talk to her? I wish I never read that note and just waited for her to someday bring it up. What do I do? I love her and want her to feel comfortable talking to me

Your daughter is at the age where she is experiencing conflicting feelings/thoughts, hormones be doing they thing etc.
Your child chose the Lord's way... but know this, your daughter's note, it wasn't an accident you discovered it, the Lord showing you something here... you have information that lets you an your husband know how to be praying for your daughter and it's also alerting you to be learning how to do spiritual warfare and using the full armor of God, both of you learn about that, so you can teach your daughter how to stand against the fiery arrows from the evil one/devil and those who be on his side.
You see, the bible shouldn't be resting on a shelf 24/7...it's our sword and shield, use it!

Create a safe zone with your child...mom and dad, nowadays our children are being oppressed by the evil one... when your child confesses something they struggle with, don't use their confession against them or "flip out" in front of them...your child struggling, so maintain your self...also, don't let it go and hope it be OK. Your child in a battle for they mind, that's what
the enemy go after he wants them to doubt/ confuse them ....if he can do that, he can derail them, so you and your husband need to be able to shift into spiritual battle mode...cause the
struggle/fight is a spiritual one...that's how the evil one did his thing in the Garden of Eden...
read about it in chapter 3 of Genesis.

Mom, let her your daughter know you are going to listen, encourage, empower, pray and love her because she your child... I also hope and pray that your husband is on the same
page with you.....an or is willing to get on the same page, so you both can listen, encourage, empower, pray and love her...teach her how to battle the real enemy....that be the devil.

To be honest with you, I've had young christians confess all sorts of things to me...I've had christian adults of all ages who confessed things like that and worse... whether they been walking with the lord two weeks or 30 years+...temptations arise.
All of us have been "there" choosing between doing what we feel and think or doing what God's Word say for us to do... do read chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians...matter of fact, chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians, it be a good one for you to do a bible study on with your daughter.

When I was much, much younger a friend of mine wanted to be a boy...even acted and dressed
that way.
We close, so we'd talked about all kinds of stuff like all the time since we were neighbors, one day she told me some personal things, very personal....that information let me know how to help her.
Years would pass an I'd be talking to her/encouraging her etc...I didn't know if she was letting it sink in or not back then... we'd grow up and she'd go off to college after finishing high school.
I guess I was around 21 or so, when out of the blue I bought a newspaper and went to the bridal section to see all who got married...and there was my friend in her wedding dress, her hair was long and nicely styled...she was a beautiful, radiant bride!
I kept that paper to remind myself the importance of being a friend to someone who be in a struggle.

 

[aiki]

need advice. I recently read a note my 12 year old wrote saying she is bisexual. I was in complete shock.

Why? Tweens often think, say and do all sorts of bizarre and foolish things. It's why they are called immature. Your job as a Christian Mom (which I presume you are) is to be focused upon Christ and in word and deed demonstrate to your daughter that she needs to do the same. I can guarantee as her heart and mind are occupied with Jesus, thoughts of bisexuality will not find any place to take root and grow. The answer to your daughter's silly preoccupation is as simply answered as that. (See: Heb. 12:1, 2; Phil. 4:8; Col. 3:1, 2)

Selah.

 

[Goodbook]

I need advice. I recently read a note my 12 year old wrote saying she is bisexual. I was in complete shock. She has always been super boy crazy but also tends to idolize people/girls and has always become obsessed with things easily (actors, animals, topics, etc). Slightly OCD I think. Anyway, In the note, I was relieved to see she wrote, " I will live for God. I choose boys, I will get married and have kids. I will never tell anyone." So now don't know what to do. I want to talk about it to her, but I don't want to embarrass her. I want to help these thoughts leave her but I don't know if letting her know I know will make it worse or better. I don't want her to label herself that way just because she might find girls attractive/get excited when they pay attention to her. We all do that. I've tried discussing it generically to her and she seems to understand that. Do I talk to her? I wish I never read that note and just waited for her to someday bring it up. What do I do? I love her and want her to feel comfortable talking to me.

Do you read the bible together?

Maybe read the book of Ruth and then ask questions about it, like what do you think of Ruth? (Mothers and daughters -in law relating to each other, virtue, marriage) It may renew her mind to get her thinking about Godly things not worldly things.

Why is your daughter obssessed with actors? Is she watching tv all the time? You as a parent are allowed to limit that you know.Theres a lot of rubbish on tv and actors arent to be idolised. If shes on that road you as a parent have got to say God loves you more than these actors on tv ever will, God, our loving Father knows every single hair on your head, these actors dont even know you exist and probably dont care about your hair.

Even if these actors have been in a shampoo commerical.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Do you read the bible together?

Maybe read the book of Ruth and then ask questions about it, like what do you think of Ruth? (Mothers and daughters -in law relating to each other, virtue, marriage) It may renew her mind to get her thinking about Godly things not worldly things.

Why is your daughter obssessed with actors? Is she watching tv all the time? You as a parent are allowed to limit that you know.Theres a lot of rubbish on tv and actors arent to be idolised. If shes on that road you as a parent have got to say God loves you more than these actors on tv ever will, God, our loving Father knows every single hair on your head, these actors dont even know you exist and probably dont care about your hair.

Even if these actors have been in a shampoo commerical.

An adolescent can be exposed to pop culture anywhere, at friends' houses, a public library, even in a school library. Public school libraries often carry teen magazines. There doesn't have to be a TV in the home for a kid to find out who the famous actors are. A trip through a grocery check-out lane would do it.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

My cousin played with dolls as a child. He was into all things girlie. An older guy saw that in him and took advantage of that by introducing him to gay sex at 14. We didn't find out until he was 15 that this was going on and my cousin felt trapped and scared and he fell into a deep depression and tried to kill himself.The thing was this :Later on in life he was sure that he was heterosexual but he felt conflicted because of what had happened to him. The thing is that he never opened up to his folks about his feelings due to fear.He's 27 now and has given his life to the Lord but has decided to live a celibate life because he feels that women would reject him because of what happened to him as a child.So definitely talk to your daughter..pray for and with her.Watch out for older people who may want to expose her to gay sex because you never know.

 

[Goodbook]

yes people have told me that things happen when they are even in kindergarten about playing dressups and then that gets into a danger zone with cross-dressing etc. But this happened with a male who was dressing in stockings and subsequently has this foot fetish and confusion about his gender.

I don't know how it is with girls but its maybe the ones she's hanging out with, esp older ones be careful to check with any school mates she hangs out with, talk to their parents first before you let her hang out with them, or invite them to your house at least can keep an eye on them.

And pray.

 

[Greg J.]

I've never been a parent, but it sounds like this is not necessarily something being a parent prepares you for. Childhood is a time when the foundation of a person's nature is solidified in stone and cannot change much after a person's late 20s (although God can do anything).

One of the most important parental activities is to let your children see your faith in God: He is in control and will work everything out for us (Romans 8:28). All we need to do is walk with him in his ways. Don't worry about the future, each day has trouble enough of its own (Matthew 6:25-34). God is in charge of all of our futures, not us, and he loves us enormously (John 15:5). We can't control our futures (James 4:13-15). We have every reason to be at peace, thank and rejoice in the Lord, trust him, and entrust ourselves to him.

Another of the most important facets of being a parent IMO is to do everything possible so that your children experience your love for them. When the storms of life come, along with unbearable pain, what they have deep in their soul is what is going to make it possible to keep going on. It is what is going to make it easier for them to learn to trust God.

I would go to your daughter immediately and tell her that you love her more than she knows, that you would do anything for her, and that whatever her sexual orientation is, it will not alter your love or acceptance of who she is for her even the tiniest bit. It will forevermore be a joy whenever you get to spend time with her.

I wouldn't let it sit until later, because it leaves a conflict internal, when the truth is such that there shouldn't be any conflict at all. She needs to trust that sticking with God means he will help her with whatever troubles she faces in life and will even deal with some of them himself so she doesn't have to. She needs to present her requests to God and persist in asking, and God will answer her prayers. She can trust that if she is fully willing to yield to God and his commands, she will remain in his will and will be doing what is right and pleasing to him. God sees her heart (attitude, motivation, intentions, desires).

Thank her for the note, because you want to share her troubles with her, because of your love for her and you have more experience trying to deal with the difficulties of life, even when you don't know what to do. It must have been difficult for her to even write the note (with talking about it to your face being even more difficult).

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Without having read the thread, here's something to remember, and I think it will comfort you:

Young people especially idolize others, such as celebrities and models. They want their fame, wealth, and good looks. If she feels self conscious about her looks, she will naturally see beautiful women and want what they have. The mind of a 12 year old is so far from mature and developed. She could easily and likely is mistaking finding women beautiful and comparing herself to them as being attracted to them and "checking them out." My own wife went through this until her late teen years when she matured more and understood that there was no sexual attraction but rather idolization and wanting to look like they look. In fact, oddly enough, my dad told me that my 12 year old sister told him that she's bisexual. It wasn't more than several weeks later that she got a "boyfriend" and told him that she doesn't think so anymore, she just thinks women are pretty. These little ones are ever-changing and immature.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

I just regret that my cousin didn't share with us until after those dreadful things happened to him.

 

[Albion]

'anonymousme,' there seems to be a trend developing in these replies, and I'm sympathetic to it. The information you've come upon has alarmed you, but your daughter -- at her age and in our society as it is at the moment -- is most likely NOT capable of knowing for sure where she stands.

Therefore, I'd recommend not doing anything too precipitous in reaction to it. Not now. You've been made aware, however, so now you can watch closely and see if there are indications that it's more than a passing notion.

 

[momofone1]

I'm dealing with this now. So many of her classmates claim to be bi and even one trans. I know it may sound trite, but is this her being inundated with media messages and her friends?

 

[aiki]

I'm dealing with this now. So many of her classmates claim to be bi and even one trans. I know it may sound trite, but is this her being inundated with media messages and her friends?

Yes. As North American culture departs more and more from God who is the "Ground of All Reality," the only direction in which it can go is into illusion, delusion and fantasy. There is no other true reality apart from God. We are seeing the delusions that are the inevitable consequence of rejecting God in the current fascination of the culture with perverted sexuality and irrational self-identities. Most susceptible to these delusions and fantasies are children who take up behaviours and identities in emulation of what seems to them to be a way to be special, to stand out and be noticed. When they should be discouraged from such insane stuff because it is insane, they are, instead, lauded and aided in adopting the insanity as normal and true. God help us! If this continues for very long unchecked, North American culture will collapse! But this is, I think, exactly what is hoped for by the intellectual and political elites who have contrived this insanity and foisted it upon the masses. With a collapsed culture, a totalitarian state ruled ultimately by the elites can be more easily imposed upon the population, presented, of course, as a governmental rescue from societal implosion. I fear greatly for the children who must exist under such an evil "Mother-state" circumstance.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm dealing with this now. So many of her classmates claim to be bi and even one trans. I know it may sound trite, but is this her being inundated with media messages and her friends?

Perhaps. Kids can be easily swayed by peer pressure, and when they lack affirmation (i.e. they believe they fall short of the archetypal masculine male, or feminine female), they can be tempted to think that they'd be a better member of the opposite gender than their own. Put all that together, and of course you'll have more kids claiming to be bi or trans. I believe most of these cases could be straightened out by better parenting and better friends. Kids of course are immature, so you can't count on those friends to know what to say. That leaves you, the parent.

 

[momofone1]

Sketcher, I think I'm doing a pretty good job as a parent, but I'm struggling. I'll get more into it tomorrow. My heart is breaking.

 

[Sketcher]

Sketcher, I think I'm doing a pretty good job as a parent, but I'm struggling. I'll get more into it tomorrow. My heart is breaking.

Good parents are good parents in part because stepping up is part of who they are and what they do as parents. Keep stepping up.

 

[Radagast]

In the note, I was relieved to see she wrote, " I will live for God. I choose boys, I will get married and have kids. I will never tell anyone"

Seems pretty positive. What more would you want?